Can we skip the rehearsal dinner??

paigehayley

I know, I know, it sounds awful! But let me explain...

When my fiancé and I first got engaged my mom and step dad had offered to contribute to our wedding, while my dad and his wife were going to pay the remainder. My mom didn't exactly live up to the amount she offered. And my dad could only help with the down payment of our venue. We originally wanted to just elope, but our family wanted us to have a wedding and talked us into it. We aren't having a crazy, expensive wedding but weddings are still expensive none the less. My fiancé and I have now been stuck with footing a larger portion of the bill than we had budgeted for. His parents were able to help us out quite a bit (which we are soooooo grateful for!), but we are left paying for the florist and photographer. We've been able to make it work out financially, but it's leaving us tight. And we've had to skip out on our honeymoon..

Our rehearsal is just over an hour away from where we live, and it's late at night. We know everyone is going to be tired and have to work the next day. So timing is one dilemma. Another, is the cost. We considered just doing a small dinner at my mom's house, but my dad refuses to be in her home. And my fiancé's parent's home, is not big enough. I don't want to add the financial stress, but I don't want to be seen as the "tacky" bride. 

What do I do?!?! Can I skip it entirely? Or should I do a dessert thing at someone's house? A potluck?? I don't know...

Jen4948

No potlucks.

What you do is host something yourself within your budget for your bridal party, immediate family, and everyone's SOs. It doesn't have to be elaborate-sandwiches or pizza will do. And your father will have to get over himself if your mother is there.


Or, omit the rehearsal dinner if you don't need to have a rehearsal.

Liatris2010

paigehayley said:

I know, I know, it sounds awful! But let me explain...

When my fiancé and I first got engaged my mom and step dad had offered to contribute to our wedding, while my dad and his wife were going to pay the remainder. My mom didn't exactly live up to the amount she offered. And my dad could only help with the down payment of our venue. We originally wanted to just elope, but our family wanted us to have a wedding and talked us into it. We aren't having a crazy, expensive wedding but weddings are still expensive none the less. My fiancé and I have now been stuck with footing a larger portion of the bill than we had budgeted for. His parents were able to help us out quite a bit (which we are soooooo grateful for!), but we are left paying for the florist and photographer. We've been able to make it work out financially, but it's leaving us tight. And we've had to skip out on our honeymoon..

Our rehearsal is just over an hour away from where we live, and it's late at night. We know everyone is going to be tired and have to work the next day. So timing is one dilemma. Another, is the cost. We considered just doing a small dinner at my mom's house, but my dad refuses to be in her home. And my fiancé's parent's home, is not big enough. I don't want to add the financial stress, but I don't want to be seen as the "tacky" bride. 

What do I do?!?! Can I skip it entirely? Or should I do a dessert thing at someone's house? A potluck?? I don't know...

If you have a rehearsal, you must have a rehearsal meal immediately following. It can be pizza and soda in your basement, but it has to be appropriate for a meal at that time of day.

It sounds like the travel and expense are both too much. Skip the rehearsal entirely, and then you don't need to worry about the dinner. Easier for everyone. We didn't have a rehearsal and our ceremony went perfectly.

chibiyui

Skip the rehearsal, then there is no need for a rehearsal dinner.

AddieCake

Another vote to skip rehearsal. But if you have one, you need to do something for a rehearsal dinner. We went out for pizza. Cheap and easy. 

thespeshulestsnowflake

If everyone can walk down an aisle in a straight line, I think you are okay to just skip the rehearsal altogether. If not, a simple meal after is needed, either pizza or getting deli sandwiches from a grocery store or something like Jimmy Johns.

esstee33

Yeah, I'd just skip the rehearsal altogether. Then you don't have to host any kind of dinner, and you don't have to worry about the time / travel difficulties either. 

rcher912

I missed my friend's rehearsal and rehearsal dinner entirely because of a similar situation (and I had to work, it was mid-week, etc etc) - as PPs have said, as long as everyone remembers how to walk straight and when they're told to, no big deal. Her wedding was still lovely, and all of us who missed the rehearsal (because I wasn't the only one) did just fine.

Skip it.

ETA: When I say "skip it" I mean the rehearsal & dinner altogether.

lc07

Agree with PPs. If you have a rehearsal, you need to host those who attend plus their SOs immediately following the rehearsal as a thank you for attending the rehearsal. If you don't have a rehearsal, you can skip the rehearsal dinner.

Also, I'm confused as to why everyone will be working the next day. Is your rehearsal not the day before the wedding?

Lauderdale Pink

I really have to go with the "skip the rehearsal" votes.  I don't really know where that whole concept came from, because, in my culture, this was not done until this generation. It just seems like an added expense to me.  If your home and finance permits, why not order in some pizzas or wings and invite the bridal party and SOs for a casual get together?

tammym1001

We didn't have a rehearsal and everyone managed to get down the aisle just fine and DH and I were able to get married. It was fine. Not trying to be mean, but it already sounds like your rehearsal is really inconvenient being on a weeknight and an hour away so I would scrap it and save yourself the money on a dinner.

kristenone

If you are worried about missing the rehearsal, maybe just you and your fiance can go to the rehearsal and relay any information to the rest of the wedding party? Another option would be to have the rehearsal closer to home. Unless there is something super unique or complicated about your ceremony cite, I don't see why you can't run through it in someone's backyard and call out for pizza afterwards. You could also do it at a local park (weather permitting) and bring a picnic for afterwards or something. Also, my parents hate each other, but if my mom was gracious enough to host a rehearsal dinner at her home, and my dad refused to come or to come up with another viable option, I would tell my dad to either get over it and attend or not come. You shouldn't have to spend money you don't have just because your dad doesn't want to go to your mom's house. That's how I feel about it, anyway, and I am in a similar situation.