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Etiquette

Stealing her thunder?

Hey guys: i just need some perspective here! Please feel free to lend any advice you have!
My boyfriend and I have been going out for about 3 years now. His sister and her partner have been going out the same amount of time. She just got engaged in November. I am beyond excited for them! And i can not wait for their day to come! Since they have gotten engaged, my boyfriend and I have begun to have deeper conversations about engaged and have actually decided to get engaged within the next few months. I was really excited for him to tell me that- UNTIL i found out that my soon to be sister in law as well as my mother in law think that, that (getting engaged and/or married) would be stealing his sister's thunder.
But let me make one thing known- she has set her wedding for July 2016!!! That means i would have to wait over a year and a half to get engaged? Or if we decided to get engaged, to plan a wedding?!? I just dont think thats fair!
Just cause she wants to wait that long- does that mean I should? My only sister is leaving the country in the fall of 2016 and i want her to be there with me for the planning and the wedding.
Would i really be stealing her thunder if we got engaged or married (at least 6 months) before her? Please let me know your thoughts! I dont want to be irrational here. But i also dont want to be rude or put my life on hold just for her ...
Thank you!

Re: Stealing her thunder?

  • Blue_BirdBlue_Bird Bawlmer member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer
    It would be beyond ridiculous to put your life on hold in order for someone to have a year of attention. Be rational. Get married, and ignore any immature and unreasonable comments from the peanut gallery.
    [Deleted User]
  • No. She gets one day...as do you.
    You can also take as long as you need to plan your wedding...

    A good friend got engaged in December 2012 and planned her wedding for June 2014.
    I got engaged February 2013 and married November 2013. Everyone has their own planning time line.



  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its

    Your FSIL and FMIL are being ridiculous. FSIL gets one day (or weekend) for her wedding. She shouldn't expect you or anyone else to put their lives on hold for the duration of her wedding planning.

                       
  • Stealing her thunder would be getting married on the same day. Maybe the same weekend. A full week is pushing it, but I'll accept that. If there's a lot of guests from outside the area, I could maybe agree if you plan for a wedding a month before hers, people may not be ok making a second trip. But that's really extreme and probably overly demanding, but I could live with it personally.

    But, no. Just no. You do not need to put your life on hold for 18 months, then another 12 to plan your wedding. What's next, who buys a house first, has a kid first, gets a perfect fitting job first?
    MGPshort+sassy[Deleted User]
  • my sister has been engaged for 3 years with no sign of a wedding happening. I got engaged on Christmas day and we are planning to get married in September 2015....she hasn't hid her annoyance well :(
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    I answered you on CC.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • No, they are both being ridiculous.

    One of my BMs and I got engaged the exact same day. We got married 1 month apart. Guess what? No thunder was stolen. We were both very happy for each other.
    image
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    my sister has been engaged for 3 years with no sign of a wedding happening. I got engaged on Christmas day and we are planning to get married in September 2015....she hasn't hid her annoyance well :(
    How old is your sister?  Her attitude is beyond ridiculous!
  • No couple has a monopoly on their entire wedding year or engagement time. If you want to get engaged and start planning a wedding before July 2016, then that's what you should do. There is nothing rude about it. 
    image
    aleighbaker
  • Live your life on your timeline, not someone else's.
    image
    beetherymikenberger
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Hey guys: i just need some perspective here! Please feel free to lend any advice you have! My boyfriend and I have been going out for about 3 years now. His sister and her partner have been going out the same amount of time. She just got engaged in November. I am beyond excited for them! And i can not wait for their day to come! Since they have gotten engaged, my boyfriend and I have begun to have deeper conversations about engaged and have actually decided to get engaged within the next few months. I was really excited for him to tell me that- UNTIL i found out that my soon to be sister in law as well as my mother in law think that, that (getting engaged and/or married) would be stealing his sister's thunder. But let me make one thing known- she has set her wedding for July 2016!!! That means i would have to wait over a year and a half to get engaged? Or if we decided to get engaged, to plan a wedding?!? I just dont think thats fair! Just cause she wants to wait that long- does that mean I should? My only sister is leaving the country in the fall of 2016 and i want her to be there with me for the planning and the wedding. Would i really be stealing her thunder if we got engaged or married (at least 6 months) before her? Please let me know your thoughts! I dont want to be irrational here. But i also dont want to be rude or put my life on hold just for her ... Thank you!

    I answered your post on chit chat.
  • Nope. No stealing of thunder.

    When choosing your date, I think it would be wise to consider anyone who would be travelling to both and family commitments- as if the two weddings are close together people may chose one over the other.

    But July 2016 is a LOOOOONG time away. You could be married in 2015 if you so choose ;)
  • MobKaz said:
    my sister has been engaged for 3 years with no sign of a wedding happening. I got engaged on Christmas day and we are planning to get married in September 2015....she hasn't hid her annoyance well :(
    How old is your sister?  Her attitude is beyond ridiculous!

     

    My sister is 27.  There have been a few snide remarks like "have you won the lotto". Umm no we are going away and having a small wedding.  She would have had a large wedding at home so her budget for one day would be the same amount for our whole 2 weeks away!!

  • TayanaCTayanaC member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2014

    How about we all suspend our engagements so she can be the only bride in the entire world.

    Are people truly that narcissistic? As long as someone doesn't get engaged at my reception, I don't see how someone else's happiness negatively impacts mine. You absolutely should not postpone your life for her ego. If you do, it will set a bad precedent and she will think nothing of asking you to postpone other important things so she can be the only one in the spotlight. Next thing you know, your water might break at her child's kindergarten graduation so you can't get pregnant until all of her milestones are done.  

    As a matter of fact, because she had the audacity to ask that of you, you should step things up a bit, by not only getting engaged but making sure you get married before her.

  • You know what would be really bad, if you picked the same weekend in July 2015 as her weekend in July 2016 ;)

    (No, no, I wouldn't actually do that, then YOUR anniversary is a reminder of her). But I'm all for you getting married first, since she has some claim on no weddings until hers 1.5 years away. 
  • plainjane0415plainjane0415 The hills of Tennessee member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    TayanaC said:

    How about we all suspend our engagements so she can be the only bride in the entire world.

    Are people truly that narcissistic? As long as someone doesn't get engaged at my reception, I don't see how someone else's happiness negatively impacts mine. You absolutely should not postpone your life for her ego. If you do, it will set a bad precedent and she will think nothing of asking you to postpone other important things so she can be the only one in the spotlight. Next thing you know, your water might break at her child's kindergarten graduation so you can't get pregnant until all of her milestones are done.  

    As a matter of fact, because she had the audacity to ask that of you, you should step things up a bit, by not only getting engaged but making sure you get married before her.

    Why does the bolded matter?  How will someone getting engaged at your reception negatively affect your happiness on that day?
    image
    weddingmuse
  • I agree with PP, no stealing of thunder. Although, similarly, last year my younger sister got engaged in November and I in December. She is planning for Oct of 2015 and we are planning May 2016...my mother and sister, along with the rest of my family, has acted as if my engagement has never happened because "sister got engaged first so it's HER time" I should never even mention a hint of wedding details unless it is regarding my sister's BIG DAY!!!! BS. My FMIL is thrilled and has been helping us with our planning, she even took me to look at dresses and to some bridal shows. Go ahead with your planning and enjoy getting engaged, visiting venues, dress shopping etc with your FI and friends, they will regret it when they were not able to take part in as many events for you two because they were too busy hogging all the attention *at least trying to* :smile:
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