Chit Chat

FMIL Wedding

Ok here's a bit of background- my FMIL,  has been engaged for about 2 years to her FI (they dated for 4 years before getting engaged). Her fiancé is a widow whose wife passed about 12 years ago.  FMIL Fi has two sons both in their 30's and they both have a significant other and children. We were all asked to come to their home tonight and they decided to have a surprise wedding. The ceremony was short and sweet and afterward we all went into the kitchen to toast the newly weds. While we were getting ready to toast one of my now FFIL's son's wife decided to announce that she thought the whole wedding was completely inappropriate and disrespectful to FFIL's first wife's memory. FMIL was clearly upset but said she was sorry that she felt that way and FFIL's other son went on to give a wonderful toast. It broke my heart to see what was suppose to be such a happy day turned into something so sad. I feel awful for my FMIL. 

Re: FMIL Wedding

  • lc07lc07 Sunny Southern California member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Ok here's a bit of background- my FMIL,  has been engaged for about 2 years to her FI (they dated for 4 years before getting engaged). Her fiancé is a widow whose wife passed about 12 years ago.  FMIL Fi has two sons both in their 30's and they both have a significant other and children. We were all asked to come to their home tonight and they decided to have a surprise wedding. The ceremony was short and sweet and afterward we all went into the kitchen to toast the newly weds. While we were getting ready to toast one of my now FFIL's son's wife decided to announce that she thought the whole wedding was completely inappropriate and disrespectful to FFIL's first wife's memory. FMIL was clearly upset but said she was sorry that she felt that way and FFIL's other son went on to give a wonderful toast. It broke my heart to see what was suppose to be such a happy day turned into something so sad. I feel awful for my FMIL. 

    Wow. I am not a fan of surprise weddings for lots of reasons and clearly one more reason to add to the list is that you don't know how people feel about your marriage and should give them the opportunity to decline.

    With that said, I can't imagine feeling that strongly about someone who is not my actual father re-marrying that I would share those feelings abruptly and publicly at someone's wedding reception to their face. That's awful.

    princessbuttercup09Inkdancer
  • It just seemed so crazy to me. If you didn't approve and didn't want to be apart of it then why not excuse yourself and voice your concerns at a different more appropriate time?  Thanks for  the understanding! I just had to vent a little!!
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    What a bitch. While it stings now for your FMIL, the justice will be in that FSIL just lost a lot of points with FIL and and may have just caused a lot of difficult times for herself ahead.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    princessbuttercup09
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    What an asshole! She couldn't just keep her feelings to herself? Jesus.

    doeydoprincessbuttercup09
  • That DIL needs to know when to shut her mouth. If her husband is worth his salt as a son, he told his wife in no uncertain terms that she owes her FIL and SMIL a huge apology. And your future SFIL needs to make a phone call to his son about the offensive outburst.

    kmmssgMairePoppyprincessbuttercup09LakeR2014
  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 Boston Suburbs member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Who does that? Like bethsmiles said above, the first wife died 12 years ago. It's not like the wife died a year ago or something. (Even if that were the case, you still don't make a  comment like that to the newleyweds' faces).

    If she said it just to the OP and her FI, it would be different. But I can't believe she said it to her FIL and SMIL's face. Ugh.
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    princessbuttercup09
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited December 2014
    My late mother was nasty about her own mother's remarriage after widowhood.  Grandma eloped and rewrote her will.  Their marriage lasted 28 years.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • bride2b71614bride2b71614 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2014
    Wooow...Thats messed up. DIL stepped over the line here, and was completely inappropriate. Its not even her mother who passed away. Yes, I understand that you can be close to in-laws, but reaaaaally? Twelve years is a long time, the couple was engaged for two years, and she had more than enough time to get used to the idea of her FSMIL being her FSMIL. What I don't understand is why the DIL decided to say anything when OPs FMIL makes the SFFIL (gosh too many abbreviations) happy. She should really apologize, and I sincerely hope that OP's FMIL didn't take her bitter words to heart. 


    princessbuttercup09
  •  Thanks for all the understanding. I really appreciate it. FSIL did not even have the chance to know FFIL's previous wife. I think what really hurt my FMIL's feelings was that she really made an effort to respect his first wife's memory. For example- FSIL's daughter turns one this month and FMIL suggested that they gift her grandmother's earrings so she would always have something that belonged to her. I hope one day that FSIL will apologize to FFIL and FMIL.
  • sophhabobophasophhabobopha The Midwestern tundra member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    What a miserable bitch. Best of thoughts to your FMIL!

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    princessbuttercup09
  • The update makes it even more unacceptable :(
    princessbuttercup09LakeR2014
  • That is just rude. im sorry but honestly if it wasnt my father getting married i wouldnt care. my grandma who is my dads step mom has been seeing someone since my grandpa passed away and my dad could care less because she isnt his mom and she can do whatever she wants. everyone needs happiness even if they dont want to move on.

    she was out of line and i hope she eventually apologizes for what she said.
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    princessbuttercup09
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