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Etiquette

Dislike of future in-laws

Not sure this is the correct forum for my question/issue, but thought I'd give it a try.  My son will be getting married in a year.  While I adore my FDIL, I really don't like her mother.  I find her controlling, rude, disrespectful.  She is very aware that I cannot afford to contribute much to the wedding (I am divorced and on a limited income), but continually makes comments about my lack of financial participation that I find condescending and out-of-line.  She is also very competitive and has made remarks as to where our shower will be held (at my niece's home), to where we have chosen the rehearsal dinner to be (thinks it is not fancy enough).  I also know that she bad-mouths me to my son - she is so domineering that no one ever stands up to her.  I have dealt with her by just smiling and not engaging in any arguments.  The issue is that my son and FDIL want our families to be close and I, truthfully, have little desire to do so.  My goal is to just get through the wedding and move forward from there.  I would never speak poorly of this woman to my son, FDIL, and am resentful about her behavior toward me, and involving my son in the process.  My intention is to behave like a lady and not stoop down to her level.  Any thoughts, suggestions, comments would be appreciated!!!
SP29haleyk620

Re: Dislike of future in-laws

  • - she is so domineering that no one ever stands up to her.


    How does your FDIL get along with her mother? Does her mother treat your son badly? I feel that you should be able to talk to your FDIL and your son about the way this woman makes you feel and the things she says/does. Your FDIL should be the one to talk with her mother primarily, but since these remarks have been made in front of your son as well, maybe they could go at it as a couple. My mom is a very domineering and petty woman, but she likes to sit back and let others take care of things then say "look at that ...I'M her mother." My family and my future in-laws will never be close because of the way my mother (family in general) treats people. If your FDIL and son cannot talk to her and make her see that what she says and does is hurtful and rude and that they won't stand for it, maybe standing up for yourself and telling her off will be the jolt she needs. Sometimes those types of people need someone to put them in their place in order to respect that person. It's petty, but some people just are.
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    That really sucks that she treats you so poorly. I'm sorry. Just kill her with kindness, and keep showing that you're the bigger person. 

    Knottie24408202
  • omg again? 

    Ditto PPs on advice.
    *********************************************************************************

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    AddieCakeslothiegal
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited December 2014
    I read your post history and see you've complained an awful lot about your in-laws here. Nothing is going to change, so stop worrying about it.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • mikenbergermikenberger In a f'n cornfield member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    In reading your post history and this, you're seeming like an overbearing mother. Your in-laws are who they are. You can continue on your course or don't. It's that simple.

    image
  • novella1186novella1186 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    edited December 2014
    Not engaging and staying on the high road are pretty much the only (and best) things you can do. Things might settle down after the wedding, at which point it might be easier for you to tolerate her. I know my family has gone insane due to my wedding and all kinds of crazy drama has blown up as a direct result. Weddings just make people insane I guess. 

    Keep being nice to her, ignore her rude comments, and limit your time with her. Your son and DIL can't force you guys to be close. It's either going to happen or it's not, and it sounds like in your case it's just not gonna happen. That's ok. 
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    short+sassy
  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2014
    THIS, AGAIN?????
    image
    3 years of the same whiney story... :unamused:

    ETA - so we can read this for the next 3 years for reference
    Not sure this is the correct forum for my question/issue, but thought I'd give it a try.  My son will be getting married in a year.  While I adore my FDIL, I really don't like her mother.  I find her controlling, rude, disrespectful.  She is very aware that I cannot afford to contribute much to the wedding (I am divorced and on a limited income), but continually makes comments about my lack of financial participation that I find condescending and out-of-line.  She is also very competitive and has made remarks as to where our shower will be held (at my niece's home), to where we have chosen the rehearsal dinner to be (thinks it is not fancy enough).  I also know that she bad-mouths me to my son - she is so domineering that no one ever stands up to her.  I have dealt with her by just smiling and not engaging in any arguments.  The issue is that my son and FDIL want our families to be close and I, truthfully, have little desire to do so.  My goal is to just get through the wedding and move forward from there.  I would never speak poorly of this woman to my son, FDIL, and am resentful about her behavior toward me, and involving my son in the process.  My intention is to behave like a lady and not stoop down to her level.  Any thoughts, suggestions, comments would be appreciated!!!

    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

    slothiegal
  • lovegood90lovegood90 Ontario member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Yeah, this sounds awfully familiar.....

    Formerly martha1818

    image


  • OP, I just read through your thread history and also realized you've posted about this issue a lot, which leads me to believe that it's a recurring/constant source of stress and unhappiness in your life. I would recommend seeing a counselor or therapist to work through your negative feelings. (I'm seeing a therapist right now to work through my own family issues and it helps A LOT just to have that unbiased third party to talk to about whatever I need to say, and get their objective advice on the matter). 

    There's no point in going through life feeling bad all the time. If this keeps upsetting you, you should take action to help yourself feel better. Just a suggestion, but I personally didn't want to go through life feeling like crap for no reason which was why I went to therapy. 
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    danamw
  • Just don't engage the petty digs.   She's probably rather insecure and needs to use the digs to get to people.

    However keep in mind that the wedding isn't the end of your dealings with her.   It's going to be just the beginning.   There will be holidays, birthdays and possibly grandchildren that will be shared with the woman.   You need to continue to take the high road and know that while she's alive, she'll be in your life.

    Remember, you can't change other people but you can change how you react. 
    short+sassyKnottie24408202
  • No reason to stalk my other posts.  I am assuming you must have better things to do with your time.  It's easy to judge people when you are not walking in their shoes.  Please, no comments, unless they are constructive.  They are unnecessary and rude.  Would appreciate it -
  • mikenbergermikenberger In a f'n cornfield member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer

    No reason to stalk my other posts.  I am assuming you must have better things to do with your time.  It's easy to judge people when you are not walking in their shoes.  Please, no comments, unless they are constructive.  They are unnecessary and rude.  Would appreciate it -

    You are wearing the same shoes for the last three years. Time for some new shoes.

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    butterscotchjbeans
  • Again, no need for the snarky reply.  I suggest you take a good look in the mirror before criticizing others.  It truly is unnecessary and immature.  I am again requesting that you not respond to any of my posts, unless you have something useful to say.  
  • Oh I didn't realize you were our new overlord who gets to control who posts what.




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