I apologize in advance for the long post. It may be a bit ranty, but I feel like this is a complicated situation
I've been friends with this girl for about 8 years. We've shared a lot of crazy times and we've become very close. I was a bridesmaid in her wedding, and I had always planned on having her as a bridesmaid in mine. She's known basically since we've met that my other best friend (of more than 20 years) would always be my MoH when I got married, so that has always been a non-issue, really, and even the day I got engaged when I called her to tell her, the discussion once again led to the fact that she obviously knew that she was not going to be the MoH. In another phone conversation we had not long after that, probably just a few days into the engagement, we were discussing my early visions for the wedding - how big was it going to be, etc. - and I mentioned that I didn't know how big the wedding party was going to be, since my side of the family/friends was probably a significantly longer list than my fiance's. She suggested (of her own volition), that if we had a small wedding party she was perfectly fine being the one to sit out, because she knew that J was going to be my MoH and that I wanted my little sister to be a bridesmaid, so if we ended up only doing two people, she would be ok not being in the party and that then she could help with the behind the scenes stuff of the big day. This surprised me, but it was definitely good to know, because at the time, I didn't know if it was going to be more than two, or even more than just the MoH and best man. A week or so go by and my fiance and I pretty much determined that it would be three on each side, so my MoH, my friend G, and my sister, and then obviously his best man and two friends. G was aware of this and we've been going through the past month or so completely under the impression that she was going to be a bridesmaid. Then all of a sudden last night, she calls me and says she doesn't know how to tell me this, but it's been bothering her for a while, and that she doesn't think she wants to be a bridesmaid because it's awkward, and she feels like she was the last choice, and I don't even want her as a bridesmaid (this coming the same day as an email exchange of me expressing the fact that it's ok that she has stuff going on and can't make it to a wedding expo with me in a few weeks, and that as long as she's up there in the line with me, that's all that matters). I didn't even know what to say. I mean, she's the one that originally suggested and put herself up as the one to sit out if we were going to have a small bridal party, and now she's claiming that I had said that she'd be a bridesmaid only if we had more than two (or something like that) and she's making me out to be the bad guy, but I wasn't even the one to bring it up.
In the end, the conversation left off that I'm sorry if she ever felt that way, but I really do want her up there with me. I told her that it's really up to her and it is what it is, that she has time to think about it and let me know.
I was planning on sending formal little gifts/notes asking my bridesmaids to be bridesmaids once my finance and I set a date. Now I'm not sure what to do with her. Do I still send her one asking her and then just personalize it with a message reiterating the fact that I really
do want her there? Or do I just let it go and move on?