Wedding Etiquette Forum

Choosing Maid of Honor

I have been MOH for two friends already and I can't decide who to choose to be my MOH. Of all my friends who would be in the wedding party, I'm closest to a girl who I wasn't MOH for. I'm closer to one of the MOHs than the other. I feel obligated to ask the two MOHs to be mine, even though I'm not closest to them. Is there some kind of etiquette when it comes to choosing MOHs? 

Re: Choosing Maid of Honor

  • You should choose who you are closet to. You could always not have one at all if you are worried. They all do the same thing anyway.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • I agree, it's not tit for tat...and relationships change all the time.  Perhaps at the time of their wedding you were their closest friend.  That doesn't mean you don't have even closer friendships.  Who is your closest friend who is the most supportive person to you in your life and in your relationship?  That's who should be standing beside you on your wedding day.
  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited January 2015
    I have been MOH for two friends already and I can't decide who to choose to be my MOH. Of all my friends who would be in the wedding party, I'm closest to a girl who I wasn't MOH for. I'm closer to one of the MOHs than the other. I feel obligated to ask the two MOHs to be mine, even though I'm not closest to them. Is there some kind of etiquette when it comes to choosing MOHs? 
    Really just consider with whom you are closest, not whether you were MOH for them.  One of my BMs did not ask me to be in her wedding, but I still asked her to be in mine.  It doesn't have to be tit for tat, and if your friends get huffy they aren't MOH, they are the ones being immature, not you.
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  • Choose the friend you are closest to. It doesn't matter if you were someone's MOH already. Just like wedding invitations, wedding party titles aren't tit for tat.

    Example - one of my MOHs is getting married this year and I am her MOH. Her SIL is a bridesmaid in her wedding, even though the SIL had my BFF as her MOH years ago.

    Alternatively, I had two MOHs and H had two BM. We had two friends/siblings each and couldn't bear to pick between them and they all had the same title. Worked for us!
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  • My sister is not even inviting a girl to her wedding and she was this girl's maid of honor.
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  • As others have said, you don't need to have a MOH. IMO, wedding traditions exist for us to use the ones that are useful/meaningful to us and ignore the ones that aren't. If picking a MOH is stressful to you, I would just skip it. I'm not even having a bridal party for that reason. And unlike not having a bridal party at all, people won't even notice if a wedding didn't have an official MOH. 
  • If you want a MOH, then you have to choose who you want, you you are closest to.  I was MOH for a good friend, and she's not even in my wedding party. That doesn't mean I don't value her  friendship, it just means I picked who I felt I was closest to in my life.
  • Agreeing w/ PP - choose who you are closest to.

    Another option (didn't read posts above so apologize if this has been mentioned) is NOT having a MOH. I am not planning on one at this point. (We are planning a 2016 wedding and haven't even started looking at venues yet. Let alone talk to potential bridal party. . . .) 

    BUT - of the girls I "know" will stand up with me - I can't pick one of them that I care about more than the other. My relationships with them are all different, and are all extremely important to me. So I am just not having a MOH. 
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  • This is a great topic. I was the moh for my best friend. We aren't that close anymore. I've asked another friend to be my moh. Any advice on how to break the news to my best friend who I believe is likely thinking she is going to be my moh. Thanks.
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  • This is a great topic. I was the moh for my best friend. We aren't that close anymore. I've asked another friend to be my moh. Any advice on how to break the news to my best friend who I believe is likely thinking she is going to be my moh. Thanks.
    Is she going to be a BM or not in the wedding at all?

    If she's going to be a BM: "Friend, I would be honored if you'd be a bridesmaid for my wedding on X Date-- would you like to?"

    If she's not going to be a BM: say nothing.

    Don't draw her attention to the fact that you chose another MOH, just don't mention it.  You'll probably hurt her feelings more by bringing it up.
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    slothiegalwrigleyville[Deleted User]runsonveggies
  • edited June 2015
  • My Fiance and I ran into similar issues. I have two sisters and couldnt choose between them and my best friend. He was in the same boat. So we are doing 3 best men and 3 maids of honor. No hurt feelings, and you get to have everyone you want :)

  • You can skip it and just tell them, you all mean so much to me and I couldn't pick out just one, so I'm not going to have any MOH.
  • MissDebbie923MissDebbie923 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited January 2015
    I just went through something similar.  I was in a relationship a few years back, I was in the beginning of planning a wedding and had asked my best friend (friend A) to be my MOH.  She was thrilled to be by my side on my special day.  That relationship (fortunately) didn't work out so no wedding.  Fast forward to now, I'm not as close with my friend as I had been in years past, and became closer friends with someone else(friend B ).  I've since asked friend B to be my MOH and friend A to be a bridesmaid.  Friend A accepted my proposal to be a bridesmaid, however, a few days later asked me why she was "just a bridesmaid instead of MOH."
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