Would you have given a gift for this wedding?

Jessie42613

So a while ago I posted a thread about this NYE wedding I was invited to (click me!) and now that the shitshow has come and gone, I'm wondering what all of you would have done.

To recap: NYE PPD, starts at 7pm, at a restaurant owned by the couple's family so the space was free, but no meal.  No passed apps, just a buffet of REALLY light snacks (chips & dips, mini mac & cheese).  Cash bar - not even hosted non-alcoholic drinks ($3 for soda?! Hey eff that).  About 30 chairs for 85 guests.  Oh, and a photo booth.  Because nothing makes me feel better about a cash bar than knowing they were happy to drop money on a stupid photo booth.

Dress code and registry information on invitations.

It was the most obvious gift-grab I've ever seen.

We brought a card with $50 in it, but ended up having really mixed feelings and didn't give it to them.  I still plan on sending the card, but I just can't bring myself to give them the $50.  My husband just got unexpectedly laid off, and that $50 is precious to us.. I know how pathetic that sounds, but money is so, so tight, and I genuinely feel like this whole party was just so people would give them gifts.  Additionally, the couple's family made a ton of money off their guests by having everything for sale at the bar.

So tell me... WWYD?

KatieinBkln

I would have done exactly what you did.

Minus actually going to the wedding, that is.

But seriously, I wouldn't have given a gift. I would've taken the $50 and used it to get shitfaced at the cash bar and then take inappropriate photos in the booth and left them all over the restaurant where people could see them. 

southernbelle0915

Gifts should never be expected by the B&G but I would personally never attend a wedding empty handed. If you can't afford to give them a gift, then send a nice card. But don't make it about revenge for their shitty wedding.

Jessie42613

southernbelle0915 said:

Gifts should never be expected by the B&G but I would personally never attend a wedding empty handed. If you can't afford to give them a gift, then send a nice card. But don't make it about revenge for their shitty wedding.

Fair enough.. that's sorta why I'm feeling out the crowd.

Maggie0829

southernbelle0915 said:

Gifts should never be expected by the B&G but I would personally never attend a wedding empty handed. If you can't afford to give them a gift, then send a nice card. But don't make it about revenge for their shitty wedding.

This.  Sounds like you don't want to give them a gift because you were offended by their crappy wedding.  If you don't want to give a gift or can't afford to give a gift then fine.  But to not give one just because you feel like sending them a huge middle finger is kind of petty.

And sorry, but if I brought a card with a gift inside of it already knowing that the wedding was going to be poorly hosted then that says that I was prepared to give them a gift regardless.  The fact that you sat on the card because you were unhappy about their hosting abilities and then took it home and are now still wondering what to do, tells me that you feel guilty for taking home the gift.

Since you have now fallen on hard times just send the card and be done with it.

climbingsingle

Knowing that your husband has lost his job, I wouldn't send them the card. But if I had been attending the wedding, I probably would have given them a $25 gift card. 

tammym1001

I would never attend a wedding and not give a gift so that wouldn't be an option for me no matter how the wedding was hosted. I try not to be a spiteful person and that's what withholding your gift would be.

thisismynickname2

I wouldn't withhold the $50 just to be spiteful, no.

 But if money truly is tight and your man truly was just laid off, I feel like that changes the game. I'm sorry to hear about that. Send the card and write truly nice and sentimental and lovely things in the card.  

Maybe hang on to the gift card for now and if things turn around quickly for you both, send it then. 

It doesn't sound like you're particularly close to the couple either (I could be wrong, haven't referenced the past thread to check).  If you were really close I'd have a different opinion, and that would be to just give them the $50 as planned. 

Jessie42613

I'm thinking you girls are probably right and I should send it to them.

But I still like @KatieinBkln 's answer best lol

photokitty

I'd given them a card for of well wishes (no cash) and maybe something out of my gift closet. I would not give them money, putting registry info on the invite would have been enough to upset me - add in the PPD on a holiday with a cash bar and I would have declined the invite.

maeday2

I think what irks me most about this is the family truly profited from the wedding reception since they own the restaurant. 

I get that it was poorly hosted and understand why you retracted your gift, especially with your husband losing his job. I would still give them a gift, but maybe scale it back. 

ohannabelle

I feel absolutely 100% not frikking bad for a second about not giving a gift for a PPD. It wasn't a wedding. Worse, you paid for your own drinks.

I'd give a card, empty. There's the gift. Funded your bar for you.

Liatris2010

I would feel differently if they didn't make a profit off of their guests by selling them drinks. But they did. No gift, yes card.

jacques27

Well, I wouldn't have attended to begin with based on the previous post.

But I'm with ohannabelle - I don't give gifts for PPDs.  I would have shown up with a card and called it a day.

lovegood90

I wouldn't have attended in the first place, personally. But I'd just give the card- it's not a real wedding, you're hard-pressed financially, and you've already given their family a ton of money at the cash bar I'm sure

NYCMercedes

Agree with PP: yes to the card (because you went) and no to the gift. It's as if they said, let's all meet at X's place and hang out for NYE. There was no hosting, just a gathering.

MairePoppy

I wouldn't have attended that PPD in the first place. I wouldn't send them the gift or feel guilty about it and would assume the profit that was made from the cash bar was being gifted to the couple.  

huskypuppy14

No no no! This is absurd. NYE wedding (ahem, sorry PPD) at a restaurant owned by the family. No food and a cash bar. Hell no. Do not give a gift for this. They barely deserve a card. Yuck. 

I don't have a GIF good enough to express my feelings on this. 

Jessie42613

I appreciate everyone's replies!

Sorta had to go.  Casual friends of H's, and he really wanted to make an appearance, PPD or not.  We bailed after about 3 hours, and went to a different bar where the drinks were half the cost and we got free 2015 light up tiaras.  NYE was not a complete loss after all.