Bridesmaid Dilemma or Not?

Knottie34559892

My best friend who I have chosen to be a bridesmaid in my wedding in April has decided to let me know she can't afford my 100 dollar bridesmaid dress.

It's a little unnerving to me that she waited till the last minute (because they have to order before the end of January) to tell me.

I don't know if I should give in and buy her dress for her or to tell her that I understand but I can't help and she will have to be removed from the party.

I don't want to do either. I'm tight on money myself and I want her apart of my wedding since she is my best friend.

Is there another solution?

mikenberger

Knottie34559892 said:

My best friend who I have chosen to be a bridesmaid in my wedding in April has decided to let me know she can't afford my 100 dollar bridesmaid dress.

It's a little unnerving to me that she waited till the last minute (because they have to order before the end of January) to tell me.

I don't know if I should give in and buy her dress for her or to tell her that I understand but I can't help and she will have to be removed from the party.

I don't want to do either. I'm tight on money myself and I want her apart of my wedding since she is my best friend.

Is there another solution?

Let her buy whatever dress fits your color scheme.

Did you ask her what her budget was prior to picking out your dresses?

theartistformerlyknownas

Yup, the solution is to be a friend and not a bridezilla.

Bridesmaids don't have to match. Let her wear whatever she wants. Friendships are more important than matching brideslave pictures. If my "best friend" ever kicked me out of her wedding for not being able to afford the dress, that would be the end of our friendship.

Knottie34559892

I'm not being a bridezilla.

One, I didn't ask for your rude opinion on me being a bridezilla. You don't know me.

Second, I had told all my bridesmaids that I wanted them all to wear the same dress. When we picked out the dress, I asked all them if the price was okay and they all agreed. She could have told me then that she thought it was a little pricey.

I posted this to get more solutions. Not to have your rude comments.

slothiegal

Knottie34559892 said:

I'm not being a bridezilla.

One, I didn't ask for your rude opinion on me being a bridezilla. You don't know me.

Second, I had told all my bridesmaids that I wanted them all to wear the same dress. When we picked out the dress, I asked all them if the price was okay and they all agreed. She could have told me then that she thought it was a little pricey.

I posted this to get more solutions. Not to have your rude comments.

Jesus christ, calm down.

Kicking her out WOULD be a bridezilla move.  And a friendship ending one.  That's what lolo was getting at.

You can:

A) let her wear a different dress/outfit that she has/can afford

B ) buy her dress for her

C) kick her out (don't do this)

Those are your options.

ETA get out of here sunglasses guy, you don't belong in my list.  

mikenberger

Knottie34559892 said:

I'm not being a bridezilla.

One, I didn't ask for your rude opinion on me being a bridezilla. You don't know me.

Second, I had told all my bridesmaids that I wanted them all to wear the same dress. When we picked out the dress, I asked all them if the price was okay and they all agreed. She could have told me then that she thought it was a little pricey.

I posted this to get more solutions. Not to have your rude comments.

Simmer. Honestly. Nobody attacked you, don't start.

If you want them all to wear the same dress, looks like unfortunately youre in a bad space unless you can find it online somewhere (not recommended. Chances are it'll be a shitty knock off.)

And asking them all at the same time isn't asking them of their budget. Each girl should've been asked individually what their dress budget was privately. But hey, that ship has long since sailed

Looks like your options have been outlined above by the other PPs. Good luck!

NYCMercedes

Knottie34559892 said:

I'm not being a bridezilla.

One, I didn't ask for your rude opinion on me being a bridezilla. You don't know me.

Second, I had told all my bridesmaids that I wanted them all to wear the same dress. When we picked out the dress, I asked all them if the price was okay and they all agreed. She could have told me then that she thought it was a little pricey.

I posted this to get more solutions. Not to have your rude comments.

Chill. Nobody called you a bridezilla. She said the solution is not to be a bridezilla. Your options are above. I'd just tell her to the best she can and let her wear a dress that coordinates.

climbingsingle

Holy jeez. You need to chill the fuck out.

Buy the dress for her. Let her choose a different, cheaper dress. Or she has no dress and is not in the wedding. Those seem to be your options.

Butterflyz419

I have another option for you OP. 

Have her pay as much of the dress as possible for her and you cover the rest. It still makes her responsible for shouldering her responsibility of being in the wedding party as she should as far as she feels she is able, it saves you a portion of covering the dress, gives you the matching dresses and maintains your friendship. If she won't accept that, then she has made the decision not to be your BM.

mlg78

What designer is the dress from?

holyguacamole79

If one of my BMs told me that she'd be wearing jeans and a t shirt for our wedding, it really wouldn't matter to me as long as she was ther by my side.

levioosa

You should have asked her for her budget first and privately, but it sounds like you just picked a dress and then told her how much it would be.  She probably felt pressured into saying the price was okay.  But since that ship has sailed you should be a good friend and either let her buy another dress in the same color scheme or subsidize the rest of the cost.  Kicking her out would be a friendship ending move.  Don't be that bride.  

Also, no one attacked you.  Take a deep breath and make a margarita.  This is not a big deal.  If you make it a big deal the rest of your wedding planning is going to be incredibly stressful. 

pegasuskat

I would check ebay, we had to get one there for DD for a wedding that she was in.  The dress was discontinued and not available in her size, we ended up getting it for less than half what the other girls paid, and the dresses were identical.  Don't buy from a fake company from China, look for one that is coming from the US and names the actual designer.

[Deleted User]

Knottie34559892 said:

Second, I had told all my bridesmaids that I wanted them all to wear the same dress. When we picked out the dress, I asked all them if the price was okay and they all agreed. She could have told me then that she thought it was a little pricey.

Did you ask each of your bridesmaids privately if they could afford the dress? If you went as a group to look at dresses and asked the group, "hey, does this work for your budget?" then she may have agreed because she could have been embarrassed or awkward to speak up or she to wanted to keep her budget private from the group.

The PPs have given you solutions to your issue.

kmmssg

Doing this:  "Let her buy whatever dress fits your color scheme" makes you a good friend and nothing like a bridezilla.

Sticking to this:  "I had told all my bridesmaids that I wanted them all to wear the same dress" means you are putting a dress and a photo op over a friend and DOES make you a bridezilla.

Your choice.

If you guys went and picked out a dress and THEN you said "is this price ok with everyone?" then you made this mess yourself.  No one will speak up in front of others and say it is too expensive, especially when others are saying it is fine.  You should have asked your girls privately what their budgets were and looked for dresses in the lowest budget.

When your mom is dying, your husband or kid is in the hospital, you need a dog or house sitter, or you just need a good night out with girlfriends will the dress be more important or will she?  All of my friends are far more important than any dress out there.

Butterflyz419

Everyone advocating the whole "just let her buy whatever dress" thing forgets that this is actually pretty inconsiderate to the other BMs. Perhaps the dress picked out wasn't my absolute favorite dress in the world, and I'd have picked something slightly different. Or maybe even if it was technically affordable, who wouldn't rather only pay $50 for a dress than $100? I'd be pretty pissed if another BM was given permission to just get whatever cheap dress after I had spent my money on doing the ONE THING that the bride has EVERY RIGHT to require of me when I said yes to being a BM. Barring unforeseen tragedy or calamity in the life of that BM, I would see this as very unfair and inconsiderate. That's one reason why I prefer the idea of the the bride only paying for part of the dress she's already requiring the other girls to get. The other girls wouldn't need to know that the bride helped out the one girl and saves the possibility of resentment. Personally I think this is the best scenario for everyone.

levioosa

Butterflyz419 said:

Everyone advocating the whole "just let her buy whatever dress" thing forgets that this is actually pretty inconsiderate to the other BMs. Perhaps the dress picked out wasn't my absolute favorite dress in the world, and I'd have picked something slightly different. Or maybe even if it was technically affordable, who wouldn't rather only pay $50 for a dress than $100? I'd be pretty pissed if another BM was given permission to just get whatever cheap dress after I had spent my money on doing the ONE THING that the bride has EVERY RIGHT to require of me when I said yes to being a BM. Barring unforeseen tragedy or calamity in the life of that BM, I would see this as very unfair and inconsiderate. That's one reason why I prefer the idea of the the bride only paying for part of the dress she's already requiring the other girls to get. The other girls wouldn't need to know that the bride helped out the one girl and saves the possibility of resentment. Personally I think this is the best scenario for everyone.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why you ASK FOR A BUDGET PRIVATELY, FIRST. 

Butterflyz419

levioosa said:

Butterflyz419 said:

Everyone advocating the whole "just let her buy whatever dress" thing forgets that this is actually pretty inconsiderate to the other BMs. Perhaps the dress picked out wasn't my absolute favorite dress in the world, and I'd have picked something slightly different. Or maybe even if it was technically affordable, who wouldn't rather only pay $50 for a dress than $100? I'd be pretty pissed if another BM was given permission to just get whatever cheap dress after I had spent my money on doing the ONE THING that the bride has EVERY RIGHT to require of me when I said yes to being a BM. Barring unforeseen tragedy or calamity in the life of that BM, I would see this as very unfair and inconsiderate. That's one reason why I prefer the idea of the the bride only paying for part of the dress she's already requiring the other girls to get. The other girls wouldn't need to know that the bride helped out the one girl and saves the possibility of resentment. Personally I think this is the best scenario for everyone.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why you ASK FOR A BUDGET PRIVATELY, FIRST. 

And I hope you'll let the OP use your magic time machine.

Yes, asking for a budget is not only considerate, it can save you and your BMs stress down the line. Whether it's a matter of mandatory etiquette, well, Emily Post wouldn't agree. But regardless, frankly, if your budget as a BM is under $100 for the dress, I think YOU ought to be the first to speak up, immediately, because that's such an outrageously low number given the reality of what BM dresses cost, you ought to be upfront with that from the very beginning, because that's also considerate. Just as it would be absurd for you to agree to be a BM and not living locally, call 2 months before the wedding whining about the cost of airfare. Things cost what they cost and being a BM does require you to a.) show up and b.) (in the vast majority of cases) wear a specific dress. If either of those things are going to be a problem because you have tight restrictions, you need to tell the bride when she asks you to be a BM, not wait for her to check in with you on it.

Maggie0829

Butterflyz419 said:

levioosa said:

Butterflyz419 said:

Everyone advocating the whole "just let her buy whatever dress" thing forgets that this is actually pretty inconsiderate to the other BMs. Perhaps the dress picked out wasn't my absolute favorite dress in the world, and I'd have picked something slightly different. Or maybe even if it was technically affordable, who wouldn't rather only pay $50 for a dress than $100? I'd be pretty pissed if another BM was given permission to just get whatever cheap dress after I had spent my money on doing the ONE THING that the bride has EVERY RIGHT to require of me when I said yes to being a BM. Barring unforeseen tragedy or calamity in the life of that BM, I would see this as very unfair and inconsiderate. That's one reason why I prefer the idea of the the bride only paying for part of the dress she's already requiring the other girls to get. The other girls wouldn't need to know that the bride helped out the one girl and saves the possibility of resentment. Personally I think this is the best scenario for everyone.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why you ASK FOR A BUDGET PRIVATELY, FIRST. 

And I hope you'll let the OP use your magic time machine.

Yes, asking for a budget is not only considerate, it can save you and your BMs stress down the line. Whether it's a matter of mandatory etiquette, well, Emily Post wouldn't agree. But regardless, frankly, if your budget as a BM is under $100 for the dress, I think YOU ought to be the first to speak up, immediately, because that's such an outrageously low number given the reality of what BM dresses cost, you ought to be upfront with that from the very beginning, because that's also considerate. Just as it would be absurd for you to agree to be a BM and not living locally, call 2 months before the wedding whining about the cost of airfare. Things cost what they cost and being a BM does require you to a.) show up and b.) (in the vast majority of cases) wear a specific dress. If either of those things are going to be a problem because you have tight restrictions, you need to tell the bride when she asks you to be a BM, not wait for her to check in with you on it.

No.  If you have to fly to the wedding then that is a pretty upfront thing that will determine if you say yes to being a BM.  You pretty much know off the bat if you can afford to travel.  But a BM dress?  No, a person should not have to say "oh I can't afford a dress more then $100."  Just because typical BM dresses cost that much doesn't mean that you can't find more affordable options that are not titled BM dresses.  As a bride your friendships with the people in your bridal party should be set before your dress vision.  If one person cannot afford the dress picked because YOU didn't find out their budget before and then put them in an uncomfortable position of either agreeing with everyone else in the room or embarrassing themselves by saying that they can't afford it, then it is up to YOU to help pay for the dress or tell your friend to find another dress in the chosen color.  You don't kick them out because YOU made a mistake.  Kicking them out means that YOU care more about your wedding vision then your friends.  It is only one day and one dress, and if you are willing to fuck up a good friendship for that then you weren't that great of friends to begin with.

flantastic

Butterflyz419 said:

levioosa said:

Butterflyz419 said:

Everyone advocating the whole "just let her buy whatever dress" thing forgets that this is actually pretty inconsiderate to the other BMs. Perhaps the dress picked out wasn't my absolute favorite dress in the world, and I'd have picked something slightly different. Or maybe even if it was technically affordable, who wouldn't rather only pay $50 for a dress than $100? I'd be pretty pissed if another BM was given permission to just get whatever cheap dress after I had spent my money on doing the ONE THING that the bride has EVERY RIGHT to require of me when I said yes to being a BM. Barring unforeseen tragedy or calamity in the life of that BM, I would see this as very unfair and inconsiderate. That's one reason why I prefer the idea of the the bride only paying for part of the dress she's already requiring the other girls to get. The other girls wouldn't need to know that the bride helped out the one girl and saves the possibility of resentment. Personally I think this is the best scenario for everyone.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why you ASK FOR A BUDGET PRIVATELY, FIRST. 

And I hope you'll let the OP use your magic time machine.

Yes, asking for a budget is not only considerate, it can save you and your BMs stress down the line. Whether it's a matter of mandatory etiquette, well, Emily Post wouldn't agree. But regardless, frankly, if your budget as a BM is under $100 for the dress, I think YOU ought to be the first to speak up, immediately, because that's such an outrageously low number given the reality of what BM dresses cost, you ought to be upfront with that from the very beginning, because that's also considerate. Just as it would be absurd for you to agree to be a BM and not living locally, call 2 months before the wedding whining about the cost of airfare. Things cost what they cost and being a BM does require you to a.) show up and b.) (in the vast majority of cases) wear a specific dress. If either of those things are going to be a problem because you have tight restrictions, you need to tell the bride when she asks you to be a BM, not wait for her to check in with you on it.

This would also require your time machine, so if you're advocating that we only talk about what options are currently available to OP, a) you're not doing this yourself and b) her options have been given.

It is incumbent on the bride to get budgets privately, and not on the BM to be proactive and say what her budget is. These two did neither. As a result, her BM was faced with the choice of making the embarrassing proclamation in front of everyone that she couldn't afford the chosen dress, or staying silent and bringing it up later. She chose the latter.

Now that's happened, the bride can alter the dress requirement, pay for the dress in full, or help the BM pay for the dress if she's willing. But if the outcome is unfair to the other BMs, that's on the OP, not the BM.

Butterflyz419

If I had a diet restriction or a food allergy and someone offers to bring me a meal, it would be ON ME to tell them my restriction immediately. If I have strict modesty requirements for what I will wear in public, it is ON ME to communicate that. If I'm on a very tight budget it would be ON ME to tell the other person.

"No, a person should not have to say "oh I can't afford a dress more then $100."

 This is completely illogical. They're going to have to say it when the bride asks for the budget later so why NOT say it from the beginning, before the bride can have even established a vision to be upset? Then the bride can know from the beginning what she's working with and decide whether she rather find cheaper BM dress alternatives, let everyone choose their own, cover part of the cost of a higher priced dress, etc. Being considerate WORKS BOTH WAYS. It's not just a matter of brides being considerate and good friends of their BMs but the BMs ought to be good friends to the bride too. And I know for me, as someone who has been a BM three times, that means deeply wanting my friends to have the day of their dreams and their vision and I would never want my friend to be forced to sacrifice the vision of their day.

MairePoppy

ditto @scribe95 I'd also find out what the bm can afford to pay and make up the difference or pay for the dress entirely to keep her friend in the wedding party. The assistance should be kept confidential. Knottie #s  should have asked privately about budgets, but  she can't go back and do it over again.

I understand knottie #s that your budget is tight, so I hope you can find something to cut back on - less expensive flowers, the bms could carry something other than bouquets  or nothing at all or cut the favors (the guests won't miss them). There's a budget wedding board if you want ideas.

Please consider choosing a new screen name so we won't have to call you knottie#s. We will be able to get to you and you will get to know us and we'll all live happily ever after.

flantastic

Butterflyz419 said:

If I had a diet restriction or a food allergy and someone offers to bring me a meal, it would be ON ME to tell them my restriction immediately. If I have strict modesty requirements for what I will wear in public, it is ON ME to communicate that. If I'm on a very tight budget it would be ON ME to tell the other person.

"No, a person should not have to say "oh I can't afford a dress more then $100."

 This is completely illogical. They're going to have to say it when the bride asks for the budget later so why NOT say it from the beginning, before the bride can have even established a vision to be upset? Then the bride can know from the beginning what she's working with and decide whether she rather find cheaper BM dress alternatives, let everyone choose their own, cover part of the cost of a higher priced dress, etc. Being considerate WORKS BOTH WAYS. It's not just a matter of brides being considerate and good friends of their BMs but the BMs ought to be good friends to the bride too. And I know for me, as someone who has been a BM three times, that means deeply wanting my friends to have the day of their dreams and their vision and I would never want my friend to be forced to sacrifice the vision of their day.

Visions are overrated.

I'm sure the "good friend to the bride" aspect of this is probably why the BM didn't speak up until now - she was put on the spot with the initial "let's go shopping!" and dress selection, and did everything in her power until now to make the dress happen financially. I bet that she expects the outcome to be that since she doesn't have a dress, that she won't be in the wedding party.

As a good friend to the BM, the bride now has the option of making it clear that even though she fucked up priority-wise in the beginning (creating a vision before ascertaining practicality), that the BM being there for her is more important than the damn vision.

ETA: Your first two examples of similar situations are not usually embarrassing to bring up. Also, we don't know if maybe the BM's financial situation changed from the initial WP commitment, because OP never asked. The outcome would be the same as I outlined above if both are trying to be good friends to one another.

Butterflyz419

flantastic said:

Butterflyz419 said:

If I had a diet restriction or a food allergy and someone offers to bring me a meal, it would be ON ME to tell them my restriction immediately. If I have strict modesty requirements for what I will wear in public, it is ON ME to communicate that. If I'm on a very tight budget it would be ON ME to tell the other person.

"No, a person should not have to say "oh I can't afford a dress more then $100."

 This is completely illogical. They're going to have to say it when the bride asks for the budget later so why NOT say it from the beginning, before the bride can have even established a vision to be upset? Then the bride can know from the beginning what she's working with and decide whether she rather find cheaper BM dress alternatives, let everyone choose their own, cover part of the cost of a higher priced dress, etc. Being considerate WORKS BOTH WAYS. It's not just a matter of brides being considerate and good friends of their BMs but the BMs ought to be good friends to the bride too. And I know for me, as someone who has been a BM three times, that means deeply wanting my friends to have the day of their dreams and their vision and I would never want my friend to be forced to sacrifice the vision of their day.

Visions are overrated.

I'm sure the "good friend to the bride" aspect of this is probably why the BM didn't speak up until now - she was put on the spot with the initial "let's go shopping!" and dress selection, and did everything in her power until now to make the dress happen financially. I bet that she expects the outcome to be that since she doesn't have a dress, that she won't be in the wedding party.

As a good friend to the BM, the bride now has the option of making it clear that even though she fucked up priority-wise in the beginning (creating a vision before ascertaining practicality), that the BM being there for her is more important than the damn vision.

ETA: Your first two examples of similar situations are not usually embarrassing to bring up. Also, we don't know if maybe the BM's financial situation changed from the initial WP commitment, because OP never asked. The outcome would be the same as I outlined above if both are trying to be good friends to one another.

If it's embarrassing to say, then it's embarrassing to ask. I know asking my BMs that question felt very awkward to me and I agonized over how to word it. You just don't talk about money with other people, even friends. If you're going to give the BM a break for not wanting to share that information, because it was awkward/uncomfortable, then the bride equally deserves one for not feeling comfortable to ask that question, especially when she chose a dress so much at the low end for cost of BM dresses.

I was the first one to post the solution of covering only the portion of the dress that the BM can't manage because I do believe that is the only good solution in this situation since no one can go back in time and do it differently. The BM obviously must have been prepared for some cost of a dress, so there's no reason for the bride to pay for the whole thing. My point in my other comments was just I think it's unfair to lay all of the emphasis and responsibility on the bride for being a good friend and communicating while wedding planning and none on bridesmaids.

flantastic

Butterflyz419 said:

flantastic said:

Butterflyz419 said:

If I had a diet restriction or a food allergy and someone offers to bring me a meal, it would be ON ME to tell them my restriction immediately. If I have strict modesty requirements for what I will wear in public, it is ON ME to communicate that. If I'm on a very tight budget it would be ON ME to tell the other person.

"No, a person should not have to say "oh I can't afford a dress more then $100."

 This is completely illogical. They're going to have to say it when the bride asks for the budget later so why NOT say it from the beginning, before the bride can have even established a vision to be upset? Then the bride can know from the beginning what she's working with and decide whether she rather find cheaper BM dress alternatives, let everyone choose their own, cover part of the cost of a higher priced dress, etc. Being considerate WORKS BOTH WAYS. It's not just a matter of brides being considerate and good friends of their BMs but the BMs ought to be good friends to the bride too. And I know for me, as someone who has been a BM three times, that means deeply wanting my friends to have the day of their dreams and their vision and I would never want my friend to be forced to sacrifice the vision of their day.

Visions are overrated.

I'm sure the "good friend to the bride" aspect of this is probably why the BM didn't speak up until now - she was put on the spot with the initial "let's go shopping!" and dress selection, and did everything in her power until now to make the dress happen financially. I bet that she expects the outcome to be that since she doesn't have a dress, that she won't be in the wedding party.

As a good friend to the BM, the bride now has the option of making it clear that even though she fucked up priority-wise in the beginning (creating a vision before ascertaining practicality), that the BM being there for her is more important than the damn vision.

ETA: Your first two examples of similar situations are not usually embarrassing to bring up. Also, we don't know if maybe the BM's financial situation changed from the initial WP commitment, because OP never asked. The outcome would be the same as I outlined above if both are trying to be good friends to one another.

If it's embarrassing to say, then it's embarrassing to ask. I know asking my BMs that question felt very awkward to me and I agonized over how to word it. You just don't talk about money with other people, even friends. If you're going to give the BM a break for not wanting to share that information, because it was awkward/uncomfortable, then the bride equally deserves one for not feeling comfortable to ask that question, especially when she chose a dress so much at the low end for cost of BM dresses.

I was the first one to post the solution of covering only the portion of the dress that the BM can't manage because I do believe that is the only good solution in this situation since no one can go back in time and do it differently. The BM obviously must have been prepared for some cost of a dress, so there's no reason for the bride to pay for the whole thing. My point in my other comments was just I think it's unfair to lay all of the emphasis and responsibility on the bride for being a good friend and communicating while wedding planning and none on bridesmaids.

I disagree that it would be embarrassing to ask, because the question doesn't have to imply you're asking for the upper limits of what they can possibly afford without going into CC debt, just what they feel is prudent to spend based on their own priorities. So, "Hey, before we start looking, how much would you want to spend on a dress?" is easy and adequate. It you do find it awkward, well, you signed yourself up for that conversation if you decide you're going to pick a dress for someone and ask them to buy it.

People can have bridal parties without creating a dress requirement. The friends just walk in and stand with them. Done. However, if matching dresses is your priority as a bride, you need to ask the questions to make that priority a reality.

MairePoppy

@Butterflyz419 - The op isn't asking if it's ok to kick her bm out of the wedding party. Neither is she obsessing over her 'wedding vision.' She is looking for solutions other than kicking her out or paying for the dress because she's on a tight budget.

Butterflyz419

MairePoppy said:

@Butterflyz419 - The op isn't asking if it's ok to kick her bm out of the wedding party. Neither is she obsessing over her 'wedding vision.' She is looking for solutions other than kicking her out or paying for the dress because she's on a tight budget.

Um...I know...not sure why you're addressing this to me.

MairePoppy

Butterflyz419 said:

If I had a diet restriction or a food allergy and someone offers to bring me a meal, it would be ON ME to tell them my restriction immediately. If I have strict modesty requirements for what I will wear in public, it is ON ME to communicate that. If I'm on a very tight budget it would be ON ME to tell the other person.

"No, a person should not have to say "oh I can't afford a dress more then $100."

 This is completely illogical. They're going to have to say it when the bride asks for the budget later so why NOT say it from the beginning, before the bride can have even established a vision to be upset? Then the bride can know from the beginning what she's working with and decide whether she rather find cheaper BM dress alternatives, let everyone choose their own, cover part of the cost of a higher priced dress, etc. Being considerate WORKS BOTH WAYS. It's not just a matter of brides being considerate and good friends of their BMs but the BMs ought to be good friends to the bride too. And I know for me, as someone who has been a BM three times, that means deeply wanting my friends to have the day of their dreams and their vision and I would never want my friend to be forced to sacrifice the vision of their day.

Butterflyz419

Yes, I know @MairePoppy, I was addressing the comments made by Maggie0829. 

Read above that please. I was the first poster to give the OP a solution that wasn't paying for the whole dress, kicking her out, or saying get whatever you want that has now been repeated by you and scribe.

ETA: quote

Butterflyz419 said:

I have another option for you OP. 

Have her pay as much of the dress as possible for her and you cover the rest. It still makes her responsible for shouldering her responsibility of being in the wedding party as she should as far as she feels she is able, it saves you a portion of covering the dress, gives you the matching dresses and maintains your friendship. If she won't accept that, then she has made the decision not to be your BM.

Maggie0829

So @Butterflyz419 if I couldn't afford a $100 or more dress then that means that I am not deeply wanting to help my friend meet her wedding vision?

plainjane0415

I'll repeat what's already been said because I feel it's important.

ASK YOUR MAID'S BUDGETS BEFORE CHOOSING A DRESS.