WTF wedding vows.

ohannabelle

Okay. Somebody on another thread mentioned some suggested wedding vows. And because I have an enquiring mind, I googled them, which led me to the shitshow that is called weddingvowshare.com

http://www.weddingvowshare.com

Here, you may select from various categories, including but not limited to: Cheesy, Corny, Charlie Brown, Movie vows, pirate vows, game of thrones, Romantic, Short, whatever, you get it. 

So I just had to see how awful something called "Prince Charming wedding vows" might be.

This is what it said:

"When I was little, I dreamt about my prince charming and how he would sweep me off my feet and how handsome he would be, so you can only imagine the shock when I got the picture of the old sagging man’s face in my email-, I thought, “Wow, really?” and then I couldn’t help but laugh, because at least Prince Charming had a sense of humor.
Today, 3 years later, I look at you and I see my best friend-your energy and your passion inspire me in ways I never thought possible. I always knew you were the one, because you can look into my eyes and see my soul and I no longer fear being myself- I can just be me when I am with you. You are everything that’s good, pure and true. You make me a better person every day.
God has blessed me with you in so many ways that I never thought possible. Because of you, I laugh, I smile, I dare to dream again and I believe in love again.
I never imagined that I would find someone that I could love that would love me back unconditionally.
You are my soul mate. You give me purpose when I feel I have none. Without you my soul would be empty, my heart broken, my being incomplete; I thank god every day that he brought you into my life.
Today, I marry the old sagging man, my prince charming- today I marry my best friend.
I love you with all that I am and ever will be."

What? What what what? What the hell did I just read? Why wasn't this in the saggy old man category?  

larrygaga

I'm confused.

After some thinking, I have concluded that either she just instilled thou wickest burn, or he literally sent her a funny picture of a saggy old man instead of a picture of himself. 

wrigleyville

Whaaaaat the helllllll...?

allispain

I can't imagine insulting DH like that in my vows to him. Wow. Just wow.

cupcait927

Well that's just awful. I would never stand up in front of my family and friends and call H a saggy old man or anything even remotely insulting. It just makes it uncomfortable for everyone in attendance and embarrassing for your SO.

levioosa

I just don't understand how you could say something that insulting about any person you love. The Prince Charming vow to me says "age gap," but not one that's going to last more than a few years.  The poster seems really immature.  Calling out your FI as a "saggy old man" and then comparing him to Prince Charming (unrealistic and childish)?  Nope. 

NowIAmSyp

Barf.

Although, I AM intrigued by what could possibly be in the Game of Thrones category...  I may have to meander on over there to check out the craziness first hand

climbingsingle

ohannabelle

soontobesyp said:

Barf.

Although, I AM intrigued by what could possibly be in the Game of Thrones category...  I may have to meander on over there to check out the craziness first hand

Disappointing. I had to look. 

"In the sight of the Seven, I hereby see you these two souls, binding them as one for eternity. Look upon one another and say the words.”

Father. Smith. Warrior. Mother. Maiden. Crone. Stranger. I am his/hers, and s/he is mine, from this day, till the end of my days."

Because weddings usually are so romantic in Game Of Thrones, and work out so well. 

Seriously. This will look great on video ten years down the road, when the couple has moved on to a new favorite TV series. 

ohannabelle

Warning- do not look at rhyming wedding vows. You may see something like this:

"I, _____, take you ______, to be my lawfully wedded wife.

To be together in happiness and strife,

To have and to hold,

Even if your cooking grows mold.

I love you in richness and in debt,

And cherish all moments since we have met.

I promise to love you until the end of my days,

As long as you stay out of my baseball plays.

I pledge to be faithful

Even when we’re old and dull."

There are many many candidates for the Worst Poem Ever Written, but this- this is a serious contender. I am astounded by the amazing badness. 

KatieinBkln

Oh my god. Oh my god, that poem. 

I think maybe people sometimes think they can't express the depth of their feelings in an eloquent way, or maybe even they are uncomfortable with expressing profound feelings out loud in the first place, which, okay. I get it, not everyone is a writer, and not everyone wants to get really real in front of a crowd. 

But...there are SO MANY options for such people. My god, we live in a world that has produced Shakespeare and Neruda! There is NO REASON for shit poems like the above. I am enraged.

ohannabelle

KatieinBkln said:

Oh my god. Oh my god, that poem. 

I think maybe people sometimes think they can't express the depth of their feelings in an eloquent way, or maybe even they are uncomfortable with expressing profound feelings out loud in the first place, which, okay. I get it, not everyone is a writer, and not everyone wants to get really real in front of a crowd. 

But...there are SO MANY options for such people. My god, we live in a world that has produced Shakespeare and Neruda! There is NO REASON for shit poems like the above. I am enraged.

Quoted for great truth. 

misshart00

Were there even any vowś in that?

vulpiepop

The Dr. Seuss one made me cringe...

"Celebrant: With that, I ask you right now,
Will you answer me right now,
These questions, as your wedding vow?

Bride and Groom: Yes, I will answer you right now,
Your questions as my solemn vow,
Bride: Provided our guests don’t have a cow.

Celebrant: Will you love him if he’s rich?
Will you love her in a ditch?
From today until the end of time,
Even if his words don’t rhyme?

Groom: I will love her if she’s rich
Bride: And I will love him in a ditch
Groom: And I will even love her when she’s being a b…eautiful princess.

Celebrant: Will you love him for richer, for poorer,
Will you love her for quiet or snorer,
From today until the cows come home,
And never stop writing goofy poems?

Bride: I will love him if he’s poor.
Groom: I will love her if she snores.
Bride: And I will love him when he’s a bore.

Celebrant: Will you love with all your heart?
Will you love till death do you part?
Will you have and forever hold,
Each others’ hearts ‘till the stars grow cold?

Bride and Groom: I will love her/him forever a thousand fold,
‘Till death do us part and our blood grow cold,
Groom: Or until our brains grow mold.

Celebrant: Will you love through good and bad?
Will you love in times happy and sad?

Bride and Groom: I will love her/him through good and bad,
And in times happy and sad.
Bride: Cause he’s the best friend I ever had.

Celebrant: Will you take him as your mate?
Will you have her as your date?
From this day on and ever more,
No matter what your life may have in store?

Bride and groom: I will have her/him as my mate,
Starting on this our wedding date.
Bride: May as well, as it’s our fate.

Celebrant: If you’ll be wed through and through,
Please answer with the words:

Bride and Groom: I do!"

allispain

These poems are killing me.

Also, please keep posting them, because this is fantastic.

porkchops926

Wow. Star Wars.

My Queen, may the Force be with us as we travel through the galaxy of life. I pledge to never turn to the Dark Side but stand forever in the illumination of our love. I vow to fight the Evil Emperor and I invite you take your place at my side as we rule the galaxy. Take my hand and stand with me for light and justice throughout our lives.

[Deleted User]

lmbo wow old sagging man? hey, maybe he DID send her a pic of an older guy...or maybe, just maybe, he was her sugar daddy

ohannabelle

vulpiepop said:

The Dr. Seuss one made me cringe...

"Celebrant: With that, I ask you right now,
Will you answer me right now,
These questions, as your wedding vow?

Bride and Groom: Yes, I will answer you right now,
Your questions as my solemn vow,
Bride: Provided our guests don’t have a cow.

Celebrant: Will you love him if he’s rich?
Will you love her in a ditch?
From today until the end of time,
Even if his words don’t rhyme?

Groom: I will love her if she’s rich
Bride: And I will love him in a ditch
Groom: And I will even love her when she’s being a b…eautiful princess.

Celebrant: Will you love him for richer, for poorer,
Will you love her for quiet or snorer,
From today until the cows come home,
And never stop writing goofy poems?

Bride: I will love him if he’s poor.
Groom: I will love her if she snores.
Bride: And I will love him when he’s a bore.

Celebrant: Will you love with all your heart?
Will you love till death do you part?
Will you have and forever hold,
Each others’ hearts ‘till the stars grow cold?

Bride and Groom: I will love her/him forever a thousand fold,
‘Till death do us part and our blood grow cold,
Groom: Or until our brains grow mold.

Celebrant: Will you love through good and bad?
Will you love in times happy and sad?

Bride and Groom: I will love her/him through good and bad,
And in times happy and sad.
Bride: Cause he’s the best friend I ever had.

Celebrant: Will you take him as your mate?
Will you have her as your date?
From this day on and ever more,
No matter what your life may have in store?

Bride and groom: I will have her/him as my mate,
Starting on this our wedding date.
Bride: May as well, as it’s our fate.

Celebrant: If you’ll be wed through and through,
Please answer with the words:

Bride and Groom: I do!"

Holy shit. Don't get me wrong, I love Dr.Seuss, but this is not Dr.Seuss.  No. No. No.

I know it isn't technically bad etiquette to have really terrible badly written absurd vows. But can't it be?

Is there a loophole? Like, it's bad manners to make your guests cringe with embarrassment? Or frozen smiles. It hurts to fake smile. I think that's fair. It would certainly make me sickish. It must be bad etiquette, to sicken people.

(I want to see the wedding pictures from the ceremony this one was featured at. Maybe the flower girl looked like CindyLou Who. Or maybe she and the ring bearer were Thing One and Thing Two. I must know.)

sophhabobopha

porkchops926 said:

Wow. Star Wars.

My Queen, may the Force be with us as we travel through the galaxy of life. I pledge to never turn to the Dark Side but stand forever in the illumination of our love. I vow to fight the Evil Emperor and I invite you take your place at my side as we rule the galaxy. Take my hand and stand with me for light and justice throughout our lives.

lovesclimbing

ohannabelle said:

Okay. Somebody on another thread mentioned some suggested wedding vows. And because I have an enquiring mind, I googled them, which led me to the shitshow that is called weddingvowshare.com

http://www.weddingvowshare.com

Here, you may select from various categories, including but not limited to: Cheesy, Corny, Charlie Brown, Movie vows, pirate vows, game of thrones, Romantic, Short, whatever, you get it. 

So I just had to see how awful something called "Prince Charming wedding vows" might be.

This is what it said:

"When I was little, I dreamt about my prince charming and how he would sweep me off my feet and how handsome he would be, so you can only imagine the shock when I got the picture of the old sagging man’s face in my email-, I thought, “Wow, really?” and then I couldn’t help but laugh, because at least Prince Charming had a sense of humor.
Today, 3 years later, I look at you and I see my best friend-your energy and your passion inspire me in ways I never thought possible. I always knew you were the one, because you can look into my eyes and see my soul and I no longer fear being myself- I can just be me when I am with you. You are everything that’s good, pure and true. You make me a better person every day.
God has blessed me with you in so many ways that I never thought possible. Because of you, I laugh, I smile, I dare to dream again and I believe in love again.
I never imagined that I would find someone that I could love that would love me back unconditionally.
You are my soul mate. You give me purpose when I feel I have none. Without you my soul would be empty, my heart broken, my being incomplete; I thank god every day that he brought you into my life.
Today, I marry the old sagging man, my prince charming- today I marry my best friend.
I love you with all that I am and ever will be."

What? What what what? What the hell did I just read? Why wasn't this in the saggy old man category?  

-------

": a solemn promise or assertion; specifically : one by which a person is bound to an act, service, or condition" - Merriam-Webster


Yea, that's not a vow. And it's terribly insulting an not funny.

allispain

ohannabelle said:

vulpiepop said:

The Dr. Seuss one made me cringe...

"Celebrant: With that, I ask you right now,
Will you answer me right now,
These questions, as your wedding vow?

Bride and Groom: Yes, I will answer you right now,
Your questions as my solemn vow,
Bride: Provided our guests don’t have a cow.

Celebrant: Will you love him if he’s rich?
Will you love her in a ditch?
From today until the end of time,
Even if his words don’t rhyme?

Groom: I will love her if she’s rich
Bride: And I will love him in a ditch
Groom: And I will even love her when she’s being a b…eautiful princess.

Celebrant: Will you love him for richer, for poorer,
Will you love her for quiet or snorer,
From today until the cows come home,
And never stop writing goofy poems?

Bride: I will love him if he’s poor.
Groom: I will love her if she snores.
Bride: And I will love him when he’s a bore.

Celebrant: Will you love with all your heart?
Will you love till death do you part?
Will you have and forever hold,
Each others’ hearts ‘till the stars grow cold?

Bride and Groom: I will love her/him forever a thousand fold,
‘Till death do us part and our blood grow cold,
Groom: Or until our brains grow mold.

Celebrant: Will you love through good and bad?
Will you love in times happy and sad?

Bride and Groom: I will love her/him through good and bad,
And in times happy and sad.
Bride: Cause he’s the best friend I ever had.

Celebrant: Will you take him as your mate?
Will you have her as your date?
From this day on and ever more,
No matter what your life may have in store?

Bride and groom: I will have her/him as my mate,
Starting on this our wedding date.
Bride: May as well, as it’s our fate.

Celebrant: If you’ll be wed through and through,
Please answer with the words:

Bride and Groom: I do!"

Holy shit. Don't get me wrong, I love Dr.Seuss, but this is not Dr.Seuss.  No. No. No.

I know it isn't technically bad etiquette to have really terrible badly written absurd vows. But can't it be?

Is there a loophole? Like, it's bad manners to make your guests cringe with embarrassment? Or frozen smiles. It hurts to fake smile. I think that's fair. It would certainly make me sickish. It must be bad etiquette, to sicken people.

(I want to see the wedding pictures from the ceremony this one was featured at. Maybe the flower girl looked like CindyLou Who. Or maybe she and the ring bearer were Thing One and Thing Two. I must know.)

I love this idea. Please let this be true - and let there be pictures somewhere on the internet of it.

LadyMillil

ohannabelle said:

soontobesyp said:

Barf.

Although, I AM intrigued by what could possibly be in the Game of Thrones category...  I may have to meander on over there to check out the craziness first hand

Disappointing. I had to look. 

"In the sight of the Seven, I hereby see you these two souls, binding them as one for eternity. Look upon one another and say the words.”

Father. Smith. Warrior. Mother. Maiden. Crone. Stranger. I am his/hers, and s/he is mine, from this day, till the end of my days."

Because weddings usually are so romantic in Game Of Thrones, and work out so well. 

Seriously. This will look great on video ten years down the road, when the couple has moved on to a new favorite TV series. 

Confession - DH did have "I am yours and you are mine from this day until the end of our days" put on our invites. He made it his mission to sneak as much secret nerdiness (and sneaky kitty pictures) into our wedding. Very few people got that the quote was from Game of Thrones. And we did normal wedding vows.

ashley8918

allispain said:

ohannabelle said:

vulpiepop said:

The Dr. Seuss one made me cringe...

"Celebrant: With that, I ask you right now,
Will you answer me right now,
These questions, as your wedding vow?

Bride and Groom: Yes, I will answer you right now,
Your questions as my solemn vow,
Bride: Provided our guests don’t have a cow.

Celebrant: Will you love him if he’s rich?
Will you love her in a ditch?
From today until the end of time,
Even if his words don’t rhyme?

Groom: I will love her if she’s rich
Bride: And I will love him in a ditch
Groom: And I will even love her when she’s being a b…eautiful princess.

Celebrant: Will you love him for richer, for poorer,
Will you love her for quiet or snorer,
From today until the cows come home,
And never stop writing goofy poems?

Bride: I will love him if he’s poor.
Groom: I will love her if she snores.
Bride: And I will love him when he’s a bore.

Celebrant: Will you love with all your heart?
Will you love till death do you part?
Will you have and forever hold,
Each others’ hearts ‘till the stars grow cold?

Bride and Groom: I will love her/him forever a thousand fold,
‘Till death do us part and our blood grow cold,
Groom: Or until our brains grow mold.

Celebrant: Will you love through good and bad?
Will you love in times happy and sad?

Bride and Groom: I will love her/him through good and bad,
And in times happy and sad.
Bride: Cause he’s the best friend I ever had.

Celebrant: Will you take him as your mate?
Will you have her as your date?
From this day on and ever more,
No matter what your life may have in store?

Bride and groom: I will have her/him as my mate,
Starting on this our wedding date.
Bride: May as well, as it’s our fate.

Celebrant: If you’ll be wed through and through,
Please answer with the words:

Bride and Groom: I do!"

Holy shit. Don't get me wrong, I love Dr.Seuss, but this is not Dr.Seuss.  No. No. No.

I know it isn't technically bad etiquette to have really terrible badly written absurd vows. But can't it be?

Is there a loophole? Like, it's bad manners to make your guests cringe with embarrassment? Or frozen smiles. It hurts to fake smile. I think that's fair. It would certainly make me sickish. It must be bad etiquette, to sicken people.

(I want to see the wedding pictures from the ceremony this one was featured at. Maybe the flower girl looked like CindyLou Who. Or maybe she and the ring bearer were Thing One and Thing Two. I must know.)

I love this idea. Please let this be true - and let there be pictures somewhere on the internet of it.

I mean, this was on pinterest with the caption "dream wedding"...

ashley8918

NO.

Groom: I, (Groom), choose you, (Bride), to be my wife. Before our friends and family gathered here I promise to love and cherish you throughout the good times and bad times. I promise to try to remember to put down the toilet seat, and to replace the toilet roll when it finishes. I promise to remember this day with love and roses. I will love you always.

Bride: I, (Bride), choose you, (Groom), to be my husband. Before our friends and family, I promise to love and cherish you through every obstacle that may come into our path. I promise to learn how to change a tire, and how to refill the screen wash when it runs out. I will comfort you when your team loses and drink beer with you when they win. I will love you always.

sophhabobopha

ashley8918 said:

NO.

Groom: I, (Groom), choose you, (Bride), to be my wife. Before our friends and family gathered here I promise to love and cherish you throughout the good times and bad times. I promise to try to remember to put down the toilet seat, and to replace the toilet roll when it finishes. I promise to remember this day with love and roses. I will love you always.

Bride: I, (Bride), choose you, (Groom), to be my husband. Before our friends and family, I promise to love and cherish you through every obstacle that may come into our path. I promise to learn how to change a tire, and how to refill the screen wash when it runs out. I will comfort you when your team loses and drink beer with you when they win. I will love you always.

hellohkb

Good god these are all so awful I can't figure out which is the worst one.

alexandducky412

porkchops926 said:

Wow. Star Wars.

My Queen, may the Force be with us as we travel through the galaxy of life. I pledge to never turn to the Dark Side but stand forever in the illumination of our love. I vow to fight the Evil Emperor and I invite you take your place at my side as we rule the galaxy. Take my hand and stand with me for light and justice throughout our lives.

I literally just told my FI that he couldn't bring up Jedis during our wedding vows and this came up and I just

princessgracekelly

"Bride: I (name), take you (name), to be my lawfully wedded husband. I promise to love you just as much as my American Express card, and I promise to buy you something every once and awhile. I won’t go overboard with my purchases unless it’s something we can share together. I love you husband!"

"Bride: I promise to love you as much as I love my credit card and not hold your poor fashion sense against you. I will only show you my new clothes during commercial breaks and promise to keep you in the latest Cubs fashions. From this day forward, I will make sure your lucky shirt is washed for every game day and will always have plenty of potato chips on hand. I will love you for richer or poorer, as long as our credit limit stays high."

This is two out of many where the bride references her love of credit cards/shopping. No wonder this country went through a recession.