Opinion Time: How much porn is too much

artbyallie

ashley8918 said:

holyguacamole79 said:

ashley8918 said:

Sugargirl1019 said:

For us, just regarding pornographic images/video. I don't read erotica, but the few romance novels I've read always have little steamy sex passages (can't really avoid when you're reading along and then all of a sudden the author throws in a sex scene between this husband/wife). But I also don't read romance novels for sexual gratification, either. I don't really prefer romance novels, so I only read them if it's a free Friday book on the nook.... I like kings queens and dragons and knights!

This is the same for us.  I've never been one for erotica / romance.  When I read, I enjoy non-fiction or a murder mystery.  H likes to read science fiction.  

H knows himself and knows what tempts him.  For him, female nudity in TV / movies is a temptation for him and he either looks away or closes his eyes during those scenes.  

Wait... What? He has to close his eyes if boobies are on the tv, like... Like he's a small child?

He chooses to, he doesn't have to.  I don't think it's something that everyone needs to do by any means, nor do I tell him to.  He certainly has no problem looking at mine!   

And you don't find this just a little bit ridiculous? A grown ass man closing his eyes during naked lady scenes?

I'm interested to know what the bolded means, also. Tempts him to what?

This is what I'm wondering. Tempts him to run out and commit a rape? Because that's the only answer I can think of that would actually be a problem. Tempts him to masturbate and or get it on with his wife, meh, so what?

I like naked lady scenes, though, so maybe I just don't get it.

On the original topic, I agree with others that 'too much' is when it interferes with the relationship in some way. Although, H and I aren't even into typical porn, at least as I assume is being referred to here. We both read smutty fanfic (and write it, ) and enjoy looking at racy pictures, but generally don't go for video. Unless you count the alllllmost porn scenes in HBO/Starz series. Those are fun. And somehow classier than getting the camera up in someone's genitalia.

holyguacamole79

ashley8918 said:

holyguacamole79 said:

ashley8918 said:

holyguacamole79 said:

Sugargirl1019 said:

For us, just regarding pornographic images/video. I don't read erotica, but the few romance novels I've read always have little steamy sex passages (can't really avoid when you're reading along and then all of a sudden the author throws in a sex scene between this husband/wife). But I also don't read romance novels for sexual gratification, either. I don't really prefer romance novels, so I only read them if it's a free Friday book on the nook.... I like kings queens and dragons and knights!

This is the same for us.  I've never been one for erotica / romance.  When I read, I enjoy non-fiction or a murder mystery.  H likes to read science fiction.  

H knows himself and knows what tempts him.  For him, female nudity in TV / movies is a temptation for him and he either looks away or closes his eyes during those scenes.  

Wait... What? He has to close his eyes if boobies are on the tv, like... Like he's a small child?

He chooses to, he doesn't have to.  I don't think it's something that everyone needs to do by any means, nor do I tell him to.  He certainly has no problem looking at mine!   


And you don't find this just a little bit ridiculous? A grown ass man closing his eyes during naked lady scenes?

I'm interested to know what the bolded means, also. Tempts him to what?

----------'
I find many things ridiculous. The last thing I find ridiculous is my husband recognizing what tempts him to sin and avoids it. I find it honorable.

Out of respect for him, I'd rather not go into that on the boards. If anyone is genuinely curious, PM me.

ashley8918

holyguacamole79 said:

holyguacamole79 said:

ashley8918 said:

Sugargirl1019 said:

For us, just regarding pornographic images/video. I don't read erotica, but the few romance novels I've read always have little steamy sex passages (can't really avoid when you're reading along and then all of a sudden the author throws in a sex scene between this husband/wife). But I also don't read romance novels for sexual gratification, either. I don't really prefer romance novels, so I only read them if it's a free Friday book on the nook.... I like kings queens and dragons and knights!

This is the same for us.  I've never been one for erotica / romance.  When I read, I enjoy non-fiction or a murder mystery.  H likes to read science fiction.  

H knows himself and knows what tempts him.  For him, female nudity in TV / movies is a temptation for him and he either looks away or closes his eyes during those scenes.  

Wait... What? He has to close his eyes if boobies are on the tv, like... Like he's a small child?

He chooses to, he doesn't have to.  I don't think it's something that everyone needs to do by any means, nor do I tell him to.  He certainly has no problem looking at mine!   

And you don't find this just a little bit ridiculous? A grown ass man closing his eyes during naked lady scenes?

I'm interested to know what the bolded means, also. Tempts him to what?

----------' I find many things ridiculous. The last thing I find ridiculous is my husband recognizing what tempts him to sin and avoids it. I find it honorable. Out of respect for him, I'd rather not go into that on the boards. If anyone is genuinely curious, PM me.

I.... Nope. I can't.

Seeing an FCC approved-for-television sex scene/nude scene "tempts him to sin" (in some unknown way)? 

holyguacamole79

To each his own, @ashley8918. If you have a respectful curiosity, you're welcome to ask privately. Or you can mock me for respecting my husband and our faith beliefs. Your call.

ETA: and this is mostly in movies, not television. There aren't too many boobies on SportsCenter.

sophhabobopha

holyguacamole79 said:

holyguacamole79 said:

ashley8918 said:

Sugargirl1019 said:

For us, just regarding pornographic images/video. I don't read erotica, but the few romance novels I've read always have little steamy sex passages (can't really avoid when you're reading along and then all of a sudden the author throws in a sex scene between this husband/wife). But I also don't read romance novels for sexual gratification, either. I don't really prefer romance novels, so I only read them if it's a free Friday book on the nook.... I like kings queens and dragons and knights!

This is the same for us.  I've never been one for erotica / romance.  When I read, I enjoy non-fiction or a murder mystery.  H likes to read science fiction.  

H knows himself and knows what tempts him.  For him, female nudity in TV / movies is a temptation for him and he either looks away or closes his eyes during those scenes.  

Wait... What? He has to close his eyes if boobies are on the tv, like... Like he's a small child?

He chooses to, he doesn't have to.  I don't think it's something that everyone needs to do by any means, nor do I tell him to.  He certainly has no problem looking at mine!   

And you don't find this just a little bit ridiculous? A grown ass man closing his eyes during naked lady scenes?

I'm interested to know what the bolded means, also. Tempts him to what?

----------' I find many things ridiculous. The last thing I find ridiculous is my husband recognizing what tempts him to sin and avoids it. I find it honorable. Out of respect for him, I'd rather not go into that on the boards. If anyone is genuinely curious, PM me.

Okay but. Tempts him to do what exactly?

larrygaga

ashley8918 said:

larrygaga said:

melbenso said:

larrygaga said:

Would you be just as upset if he was staying up late to watch tv or read?

That wouldn't make me happy either.  But the porn makes it more troubling, in large part because he wasn't telling me about it.  Makes me wonder why he feels he had to be so secretive. 

Do you expect him to just

"Oh hey I'm going to go watch porn now"

I mean it really is kind of a private thing. It's really embarrassing for most of the population. He might not tell you because he doesn't think you want to know or would be hurt by it. 

I think that good sex lives and good solo time are not mutually exclusive. There are a million reasons people watch porn and masturbate and they don't all have something to do with their partner. 

Honestly, and I'm sure I'll be shot right down for this, but I don't think his porn watching is really any of your business. It only becomes your business when it's interfering with your relationship or your daily lives. Which it does sound like it is. Otherwise, he is allowed to not tell you ever time he goes to whack it. And he is probably needed it more, like you said, because your sex lives haven't been great.

You say you aren't bothered by the porn, but if you truly weren't bothered then you wouldn't have made this thread asking everyone else's opinion. You took a good step with seeing a professional to talk about it with, and maybe you should find time to work on your relationship with him and a professional as well!

As a therapist myself, I always try to see both sides of the equation. This is a tactic your counselors will use and also is why I wrote everything I just did. I just wanted to explain why I flip flopped so much. 

1000% agree. Just like it isn't my husband's business to know, say, every time I take a shit, I don't expect to be informed every time he gets a boner. The only reason I even know that my husband watches porn on a semi-regular occasion is because I've seen it in the history when I was looking for something. Do you know what I did when I saw it? Chuckled at the ridiculous titles and went on my merry way. Oh, and also because his ex-girlfriend broke up with him over it, even though it was in no way affecting their relation-shit. She was a psycho though; don't be like her.

Do you know what else I don't get? The whole "I would be so hurt if he watched porn when I was home/in the other room/sleeping etc". Why? I mean if he only watches porn, and doesn't have sex with you, fine. That's a problem. But otherwise, I don't see why this was a big deal. If H woke me up every time he was in the mood, I would fucking cut him.

I lol'd super hard at this because I knew you were going to say it. 

ashley8918

holyguacamole79 said:

To each his own, @ashley8918. If you have a respectful curiosity, you're welcome to ask privately. Or you can mock me for respecting my husband and our faith beliefs. Your call. ETA: and this is mostly in movies, not television. There aren't too many boobies on SportsCenter.

Oh, fucking please.

ashley8918

larrygaga said:

ashley8918 said:

larrygaga said:

melbenso said:

larrygaga said:

Would you be just as upset if he was staying up late to watch tv or read?

That wouldn't make me happy either.  But the porn makes it more troubling, in large part because he wasn't telling me about it.  Makes me wonder why he feels he had to be so secretive. 

Do you expect him to just

"Oh hey I'm going to go watch porn now"

I mean it really is kind of a private thing. It's really embarrassing for most of the population. He might not tell you because he doesn't think you want to know or would be hurt by it. 

I think that good sex lives and good solo time are not mutually exclusive. There are a million reasons people watch porn and masturbate and they don't all have something to do with their partner. 

Honestly, and I'm sure I'll be shot right down for this, but I don't think his porn watching is really any of your business. It only becomes your business when it's interfering with your relationship or your daily lives. Which it does sound like it is. Otherwise, he is allowed to not tell you ever time he goes to whack it. And he is probably needed it more, like you said, because your sex lives haven't been great.

You say you aren't bothered by the porn, but if you truly weren't bothered then you wouldn't have made this thread asking everyone else's opinion. You took a good step with seeing a professional to talk about it with, and maybe you should find time to work on your relationship with him and a professional as well!

As a therapist myself, I always try to see both sides of the equation. This is a tactic your counselors will use and also is why I wrote everything I just did. I just wanted to explain why I flip flopped so much. 

1000% agree. Just like it isn't my husband's business to know, say, every time I take a shit, I don't expect to be informed every time he gets a boner. The only reason I even know that my husband watches porn on a semi-regular occasion is because I've seen it in the history when I was looking for something. Do you know what I did when I saw it? Chuckled at the ridiculous titles and went on my merry way. Oh, and also because his ex-girlfriend broke up with him over it, even though it was in no way affecting their relation-shit. She was a psycho though; don't be like her.

Do you know what else I don't get? The whole "I would be so hurt if he watched porn when I was home/in the other room/sleeping etc". Why? I mean if he only watches porn, and doesn't have sex with you, fine. That's a problem. But otherwise, I don't see why this was a big deal. If H woke me up every time he was in the mood, I would fucking cut him.

I lol'd super hard at this because I knew you were going to say it. 

H is reading over my shoulder and says "This is not a laughing matter... SHE.WILL.DO.IT."

esstee33

holyguacamole79 said:

To each his own, @ashley8918. If you have a respectful curiosity, you're welcome to ask privately. Or you can mock me for respecting my husband and our faith beliefs. Your call. ETA: and this is mostly in movies, not television. There aren't too many boobies on SportsCenter.

Have you seen NFL cheerleaders? Good lord, they tempt ME to sin.  

sophhabobopha

ashley8918 said:

larrygaga said:

ashley8918 said:

larrygaga said:

melbenso said:

larrygaga said:

Would you be just as upset if he was staying up late to watch tv or read?

That wouldn't make me happy either.  But the porn makes it more troubling, in large part because he wasn't telling me about it.  Makes me wonder why he feels he had to be so secretive. 

Do you expect him to just

"Oh hey I'm going to go watch porn now"

I mean it really is kind of a private thing. It's really embarrassing for most of the population. He might not tell you because he doesn't think you want to know or would be hurt by it. 

I think that good sex lives and good solo time are not mutually exclusive. There are a million reasons people watch porn and masturbate and they don't all have something to do with their partner. 

Honestly, and I'm sure I'll be shot right down for this, but I don't think his porn watching is really any of your business. It only becomes your business when it's interfering with your relationship or your daily lives. Which it does sound like it is. Otherwise, he is allowed to not tell you ever time he goes to whack it. And he is probably needed it more, like you said, because your sex lives haven't been great.

You say you aren't bothered by the porn, but if you truly weren't bothered then you wouldn't have made this thread asking everyone else's opinion. You took a good step with seeing a professional to talk about it with, and maybe you should find time to work on your relationship with him and a professional as well!

As a therapist myself, I always try to see both sides of the equation. This is a tactic your counselors will use and also is why I wrote everything I just did. I just wanted to explain why I flip flopped so much. 

1000% agree. Just like it isn't my husband's business to know, say, every time I take a shit, I don't expect to be informed every time he gets a boner. The only reason I even know that my husband watches porn on a semi-regular occasion is because I've seen it in the history when I was looking for something. Do you know what I did when I saw it? Chuckled at the ridiculous titles and went on my merry way. Oh, and also because his ex-girlfriend broke up with him over it, even though it was in no way affecting their relation-shit. She was a psycho though; don't be like her.

Do you know what else I don't get? The whole "I would be so hurt if he watched porn when I was home/in the other room/sleeping etc". Why? I mean if he only watches porn, and doesn't have sex with you, fine. That's a problem. But otherwise, I don't see why this was a big deal. If H woke me up every time he was in the mood, I would fucking cut him.

I lol'd super hard at this because I knew you were going to say it. 

H is reading over my shoulder and says "This is not a laughing matter... SHE.WILL.DO.IT."

I've killed men for less.

larrygaga

ashley8918 said:

holyguacamole79 said:

To each his own, @ashley8918. If you have a respectful curiosity, you're welcome to ask privately. Or you can mock me for respecting my husband and our faith beliefs. Your call. ETA: and this is mostly in movies, not television. There aren't too many boobies on SportsCenter.

Oh, fucking please.

sophhabobopha

larrygaga said:

ashley8918 said:

holyguacamole79 said:

To each his own, @ashley8918. If you have a respectful curiosity, you're welcome to ask privately. Or you can mock me for respecting my husband and our faith beliefs. Your call. ETA: and this is mostly in movies, not television. There aren't too many boobies on SportsCenter.

Oh, fucking please.

ashley8918

sophhabobopha said:

ashley8918 said:

H is reading over my shoulder and says "This is not a laughing matter... SHE.WILL.DO.IT."

I've killed men for less.

wrigleyville

esstee33 said:

holyguacamole79 said:

To each his own, @ashley8918. If you have a respectful curiosity, you're welcome to ask privately. Or you can mock me for respecting my husband and our faith beliefs. Your call. ETA: and this is mostly in movies, not television. There aren't too many boobies on SportsCenter.

Have you seen NFL cheerleaders? Good lord, they tempt ME to sin.  

You totally beat me to it. I LOVE the Buccaneer cheerleader outfits.

steph861

Personally, I would be bothered if H looked at porn every day, but knowing it might be a response to a change in our sex life makes it a little more understandable. In that case, I would probably let it slide, assuming it stopped when our sex life returned to normal.

ETA I mean assuming it stops being so frequent. I don't care if he still looks at porn. I guess the frequency doesn't really matter, I'd just rather not know about it. I don't tell him when I watch, and honestly I would find that conversation uncomfortable. It's like shitting - we all do it, but that doesn't mean I want to talk about it with people.

If the amount of porn he looks at is negatively affecting your ability to cope with your depression (e.g., damaging your self esteem or he's looking at porn when you need him to be there for you) then I think that's something that needs to be addressed.

beethery

holyguacamole79 I find many things ridiculous. The last thing I find ridiculous is my husband recognizing what tempts him to sin and avoids it. I find it honorable. Out of respect for him, I'd rather not go into that on the boards. If anyone is genuinely curious, PM me.

FI sees boobs/etc on tv or movies or whatever, gets excited about it, and wants to nail me. I'm not sure why you and your husband wouldn't make the connection there but, whatever.

I've never seen something of that nature and had the thought, "I want to go seek some strange today!" or, "I'm going to go find that specific person and attempt to nail them! Wish me luck!" 

I either rub one out if I'm by myself (FI works night shift a lot and if the mood strikes... you get the idea), or I go tackle FI.

VulgarGirl

I spend 75% of day being tempted to sin. The other 25% is spent actually committing those sins. I get lazy and some of those sins involve things that are against the law.

Also I like masturbating. I like fucking my wife too. But I like to masturbate so I do that too. I don't really tell wifey when I do. I don't hide it either we don't exactly have a large home she can find me pretty easily. But I don't clear it with her. And vice versa.

We still screw each other pretty often (daily-ish) so it's all good.

larrygaga

MagicInk said:

I spend 75% of day being tempted to sin. The other 25% is spent actually committing those sins. I get lazy and some of those sins involve things that are against the law. Also I like masturbating. I like fucking my wife too. But I like to masturbate so I do that too. I don't really tell wifey when I do. I don't hide it either we don't exactly have a large home she can find me pretty easily. But I don't clear it with her. And vice versa. We still screw each other pretty often (daily-ish) so it's all good.

This is exactly how it should be. Except sex whenever you want it doesn't have to be daily of course. 

And here is my sex therapist degree so I would know. 

hellosweetie1015

Y'all, I just want to ask this - the ones of you who masturbate when your SO is in the house - how? I can't do anything if there's anyone in the house. Even when I had an entire wing of an apartment to myself and roommates that couldn't possibly hear anything coming from my room due to headphones/gaming noise/TV/the sound of their own awesomeness. 

Teach me your WAYS.

beethery

hellosweetie1015 said:

Y'all, I just want to ask this - the ones of you who masturbate when your SO is in the house - how? I can't do anything if there's anyone in the house. Even when I had an entire wing of an apartment to myself and roommates that couldn't possibly hear anything coming from my room due to headphones/gaming noise/TV/the sound of their own awesomeness. 

Teach me your WAYS.

Like I mentioned before, FI works night shift sets. There are some nights afterward where he doesn't come to bed with me. I guess he does it then? Or when I'm at work?

I got one in one morning while he was getting the wood stove running. Or in the shower. Removable shower head = BFF.

levioosa

I know that for my ex, he didn't want to look at other women because he felt that it did not honor his partner by looking at other women lustfully (which essentially yes, is a sin in Christianity). To him, reserving sex and intimacy for your partner only was a very personal and important thing. It was similar (although not quite equal) to a level of cheating by looking at someone else in that way. He felt very strongly about the subject.

I get that not everyone has the same view, and that's okay, just trying to respectfully discuss the reasons behind it. (It's not just "Ahhh! Boobies! What do I do?! How do I function!?!?")

ashley8918

hellosweetie1015 said:

Y'all, I just want to ask this - the ones of you who masturbate when your SO is in the house - how? I can't do anything if there's anyone in the house. Even when I had an entire wing of an apartment to myself and roommates that couldn't possibly hear anything coming from my room due to headphones/gaming noise/TV/the sound of their own awesomeness. 

Teach me your WAYS.

But really my secret is, as discussed in another thread, I have no shame. He would probably never hear me, but if he did... what could possibly happen? He could join me? Okay. He could leave me to my business? Okay. He could come in and... I don't know, laugh at me? I'll cut him (IM KIDDING, really).

huskypuppy14

hellosweetie1015 said:

Y'all, I just want to ask this - the ones of you who masturbate when your SO is in the house - how? I can't do anything if there's anyone in the house. Even when I had an entire wing of an apartment to myself and roommates that couldn't possibly hear anything coming from my room due to headphones/gaming noise/TV/the sound of their own awesomeness. 

Teach me your WAYS.

With roommates it was harder, because awkward. But I still did it. 

But with my husband in the house, who cares. If he comes in and wants to help me out, great. 

ashley8918

levioosa said:

I know that for my ex, he didn't want to look at other women because he felt that it did not honor his partner by looking at other women lustfully (which essentially yes, is a sin in Christianity). To him, reserving sex and intimacy for your partner only was a very personal and important thing. It was similar (although not quite equal) to a level of cheating by looking at someone else in that way. He felt very strongly about the subject. I get that not everyone has the same view, and that's okay, just trying to respectfully discuss the reasons behind it. (It's not just "Ahhh! Boobies! What do I do?! How do I function!?!?")

I mean, I get the idea behind the belief, sort of (even if I do think it's silly). But the bolded doesn't really make sense to me. I mean, I don't lust after every naked dude (or woman) that I see. Conversely, If I saw Mila Kunis on the street, covered from the neck down, I would lust my ladyballs off. Sooo... by this logic, I should avoid glancing at any human other than my spouse/SO ever, lest I accidentally look at them lustfully?

holyguacamole79

esstee33 said:

holyguacamole79 said:

To each his own, @ashley8918. If you have a respectful curiosity, you're welcome to ask privately. Or you can mock me for respecting my husband and our faith beliefs. Your call.

ETA: and this is mostly in movies, not television. There aren't too many boobies on SportsCenter.

Have you seen NFL cheerleaders? Good lord, they tempt ME to sin.  

Sure. And so does he. That is not an issue.

levioosa

ashley8918 said:

levioosa said:

I know that for my ex, he didn't want to look at other women because he felt that it did not honor his partner by looking at other women lustfully (which essentially yes, is a sin in Christianity). To him, reserving sex and intimacy for your partner only was a very personal and important thing. It was similar (although not quite equal) to a level of cheating by looking at someone else in that way. He felt very strongly about the subject.

I get that not everyone has the same view, and that's okay, just trying to respectfully discuss the reasons behind it. (It's not just "Ahhh! Boobies! What do I do?! How do I function!?!?")

I mean, I get the idea behind the belief, sort of (even if I do think it's silly). But the bolded doesn't really make sense to me. I mean, I don't lust after every naked dude (or woman) that I see. Conversely, If I saw Mila Kunis on the street, covered from the neck down, I would lust my ladyballs off. Sooo... by this logic, I should avoid glancing at any human other than my spouse/SO ever, lest I accidentally look at them lustfully?




Ugh, TK! Boxes aren't that hard-------------------------------------

"Lustfully" means that you are looking at another person with sexual intent (whether you act on it or not) male or female. It's more about not allowing yourself to have those thoughts. Of course we all interact with with attractive individuals. "Normal" Christianity( aka not super fundamentalist) doesn't hold that you can never look at or interact with the opposite sex, or even acknowledge that they are attractive, but it does ask that you be careful in seeing the person first, not just their sex appeal. Sex is reserved for the spouse because it is a sacred commitment.

Hope that helped explain it a bit. I know that outside of a Christian perspective it can be a little confusing/seemingly pointless. But there's a very logical reason behind it all beyond "boobies and penises are no touchy places!" (Which is probably how most non-Christians see it most of the time) It's actually kind of the opposite of sexism, although I know many people don't agree. If course you get the patriarchal asshats who blame women for making men lust, but that's not the way it's supposed to be. Both men and women have a responsibility to refrain from looking at others lustfully, and in treating each other with respect.

ashley8918

levioosa said:

ashley8918 said:

levioosa said:

I know that for my ex, he didn't want to look at other women because he felt that it did not honor his partner by looking at other women lustfully (which essentially yes, is a sin in Christianity). To him, reserving sex and intimacy for your partner only was a very personal and important thing. It was similar (although not quite equal) to a level of cheating by looking at someone else in that way. He felt very strongly about the subject.

I get that not everyone has the same view, and that's okay, just trying to respectfully discuss the reasons behind it. (It's not just "Ahhh! Boobies! What do I do?! How do I function!?!?")

I mean, I get the idea behind the belief, sort of (even if I do think it's silly). But the bolded doesn't really make sense to me. I mean, I don't lust after every naked dude (or woman) that I see. Conversely, If I saw Mila Kunis on the street, covered from the neck down, I would lust my ladyballs off. Sooo... by this logic, I should avoid glancing at any human other than my spouse/SO ever, lest I accidentally look at them lustfully?

Ugh, TK! Boxes aren't that hard-------------------------------------

"Lustfully" means that you are looking at another person with sexual intent (whether you act on it or not) male or female. It's more about not allowing yourself to have those thoughts. Of course we all interact with with attractive individuals. "Normal" Christianity( aka not super fundamentalist) doesn't hold that you can never look at or interact with the opposite sex, or even acknowledge that they are attractive, but it does ask that you be careful in seeing the person first, not just their sex appeal. Sex is reserved for the spouse because it is a sacred commitment.

Hope that helped explain it a bit. I know that outside of a Christian perspective it can be a little confusing/seemingly pointless. But there's a very logical reason behind it all beyond "boobies and penises are no touchy places!" (Which is probably how most non-Christians see it most of the time) It's actually kind of the opposite of sexism, although I know many people don't agree. If course you get the patriarchal asshats who blame women for making men lust, but that's not the way it's supposed to be. Both men and women have a responsibility to refrain from looking at others lustfully, and in treating each other with respect.

----------Pre-emptive box strike----------
Yeah, I know what the word means. Thanks. That doesn't change the scenario. I don't look at every naked person "with sexual intent", nor I would think, do most people. But Mila Kunis, fully clothed? "Sexual intent" shooting out of every orifice. Thus, closing your eyes like a child when a naked person comes on tv cannot stop one from being "tempted" to be a dirty, lusty, sinful sinner. It's flawed logic.

huskypuppy14

levioosa said:

levioosa said:

I know that for my ex, he didn't want to look at other women because he felt that it did not honor his partner by looking at other women lustfully (which essentially yes, is a sin in Christianity). To him, reserving sex and intimacy for your partner only was a very personal and important thing. It was similar (although not quite equal) to a level of cheating by looking at someone else in that way. He felt very strongly about the subject. I get that not everyone has the same view, and that's okay, just trying to respectfully discuss the reasons behind it. (It's not just "Ahhh! Boobies! What do I do?! How do I function!?!?")

I mean, I get the idea behind the belief, sort of (even if I do think it's silly). But the bolded doesn't really make sense to me. I mean, I don't lust after every naked dude (or woman) that I see. Conversely, If I saw Mila Kunis on the street, covered from the neck down, I would lust my ladyballs off. Sooo... by this logic, I should avoid glancing at any human other than my spouse/SO ever, lest I accidentally look at them lustfully?

Ugh, TK! Boxes aren't that hard------------------------------------- "Lustfully" means that you are looking at another person with sexual intent (whether you act on it or not) male or female. It's more about not allowing yourself to have those thoughts. Of course we all interact with with attractive individuals. "Normal" Christianity( aka not super fundamentalist) doesn't hold that you can never look at or interact with the opposite sex, or even acknowledge that they are attractive, but it does ask that you be careful in seeing the person first, not just their sex appeal. Sex is reserved for the spouse because it is a sacred commitment. Hope that helped explain it a bit. I know that outside of a Christian perspective it can be a little confusing/seemingly pointless. But there's a very logical reason behind it all beyond "boobies and penises are no touchy places!" (Which is probably how most non-Christians see it most of the time) It's actually kind of the opposite of sexism, although I know many people don't agree. If course you get the patriarchal asshats who blame women for making men lust, but that's not the way it's supposed to be. Both men and women have a responsibility to refrain from looking at others lustfully, and in treating each other with respect.

No, I don't think this is what most non-Christians think.

velvethelicopters

DF isn't a huge fan of photo/video pornography. He's very tactile, so unless I'm with him, it's not that "fun" per him.

Reading well written erotica (as in NOT Twilight/50 Shades) is nice, helps us sort out what we like or want to try I guess. More me as it's a mental thing for me to enjoy sex.

Any habit that impacts daily life in a negative fashion (causes work disruption, choosing habit over family and friends, is illegal) is an addiction that warrants consideration of needing therapy to my standards. Sharing a bottle of wine with your partner is ok, drinking a fifth of vodka and twenty four pack of beer nightly until you pass out is not ok. Same with porn to me.

levioosa

ashley8918 said:

levioosa said:

ashley8918 said:

levioosa said:

I know that for my ex, he didn't want to look at other women because he felt that it did not honor his partner by looking at other women lustfully (which essentially yes, is a sin in Christianity). To him, reserving sex and intimacy for your partner only was a very personal and important thing. It was similar (although not quite equal) to a level of cheating by looking at someone else in that way. He felt very strongly about the subject.

I get that not everyone has the same view, and that's okay, just trying to respectfully discuss the reasons behind it. (It's not just "Ahhh! Boobies! What do I do?! How do I function!?!?")

I mean, I get the idea behind the belief, sort of (even if I do think it's silly). But the bolded doesn't really make sense to me. I mean, I don't lust after every naked dude (or woman) that I see. Conversely, If I saw Mila Kunis on the street, covered from the neck down, I would lust my ladyballs off. Sooo... by this logic, I should avoid glancing at any human other than my spouse/SO ever, lest I accidentally look at them lustfully?

Ugh, TK! Boxes aren't that hard-------------------------------------

"Lustfully" means that you are looking at another person with sexual intent (whether you act on it or not) male or female. It's more about not allowing yourself to have those thoughts. Of course we all interact with with attractive individuals. "Normal" Christianity( aka not super fundamentalist) doesn't hold that you can never look at or interact with the opposite sex, or even acknowledge that they are attractive, but it does ask that you be careful in seeing the person first, not just their sex appeal. Sex is reserved for the spouse because it is a sacred commitment.

Hope that helped explain it a bit. I know that outside of a Christian perspective it can be a little confusing/seemingly pointless. But there's a very logical reason behind it all beyond "boobies and penises are no touchy places!" (Which is probably how most non-Christians see it most of the time) It's actually kind of the opposite of sexism, although I know many people don't agree. If course you get the patriarchal asshats who blame women for making men lust, but that's not the way it's supposed to be. Both men and women have a responsibility to refrain from looking at others lustfully, and in treating each other with respect.

----------Pre-emptive box strike----------
Yeah, I know what the word means. Thanks. That doesn't change the scenario. I don't look at every naked person "with sexual intent", nor I would think, do most people. But Mila Kunis, fully clothed? "Sexual intent" shooting out of every orifice. Thus, closing your eyes like a child when a naked person comes on tv cannot stop one from being "tempted" to be a dirty, lusty, sinful sinner. It's flawed logic.


Boxes!
I wasn't (ah! Sorry! Wasn't! Stupid autocorrect) trying to be condescending, just to respectfully explain a point of view that obviously differs from your own. And it's not flawed logic, but I also see where you are coming from and why it might not make sense. Fwiw I can look at someone attractive and naked without thinking "I totally want to bang them!" For my ex, it was black and white. There was no looking. I thought it was a bit immature at times, but I understand why he did it.