Asking your Bridesmaids -Destination wedding

Knottie41185633

Hey y'all. I'm getting married in Nov 2015 at at Sandal's resort in Jamaica. YES IM SUPER EXICTED We are inviting a lot of people to the wedding in Jamaica as well as a reception party back home at a later date. I have decided on who I would like to be my MOH and my BMs. My dilemia is if its ok to ask all of them before they commit to Jamaica. I already have my MOH and 2 other BMs who booked their trips, so I am comfortable asking them. I'm not sure however about asking the girls who have not. I don't want to pressure anyone into feeling like they have to go when they might not be able to due to money, time, etc. I also don't want the girls to feel left out that I didn't ask or they not realize I wanted to ask. I want them to realize that it's important to me that they be there but at the same time not pressuring them into it. Please help!

antibride2013

Knottie41185633 said:

Hey y'all. I'm getting married in Nov 2015 at at Sandal's resort in Jamaica. YES IM SUPER EXICTED We are inviting a lot of people to the wedding in Jamaica as well as a reception party back home at a later date. I have decided on who I would like to be my MOH and my BMs. My dilemia is if its ok to ask all of them before they commit to Jamaica. I already have my MOH and 2 other BMs who booked their trips, so I am comfortable asking them. I'm not sure however about asking the girls who have not. I don't want to pressure anyone into feeling like they have to go when they might not be able to due to money, time, etc. I also don't want the girls to feel left out that I didn't ask or they not realize I wanted to ask. I want them to realize that it's important to me that they be there but at the same time not pressuring them into it. Please help!

If you want them to be a BM just ask them.  They can decide if they are able to make the trip.  And why the reception at home?  If your inviting people to the wedding and they can't make it, don't waste your money on something at a later date.  That's silly!  Congrats!

Maggie0829

If you want them to be BMs then ask them.  Let them decide if going to Jamaica is possible.  Just make sure you don't do any over the top "proposal" for the people who you want to be in your bridal party.  This could definitely cause people to feel pressured into going even if they really can't afford it or want to.

Have you told any of your friends your wedding plans?  I am guessing you did since 2 people have already booked their trips.  Did you ever think that these people haven't booked their trips because they are just waiting to see if they are even invited?  I certainly wouldn't be booking anything unless I knew that I was officially invited.

southernbelle0915

I get where you're coming from - it sounds like you don't want to ask them unless they're committed so that they don't feel like they HAVE to make the trip. Makes sense. 

You don't have to wait if you don't want to. But if you want to give them some time and not feel pressured, there's no issue with waiting. 

Congrats! I went to a wedding in Jamaica recently and it was GORGEOUS!

flutteringinfl

I'm having a DW and I get the struggle a little. Here's what I did: By the time I picked my bridesmaid's, I had made it clear to each of them that they were invited and had let them know the date and location so they could at least start thinking about it. Some had said they would definitely be coming, others had said they weren't sure if they'd be able to make it. My conversations with them when I asked them to be bridesmaids were very low-key. If they had expressed fears about being able to make it, I would have reassured them, but they each said they'd love to be a bridesmaid.

One girl emailed me recently to let me know that looking at her finances and PTO balance, it's looking likely that she won't be able to come. I told her of course that was very sad to hear, but I understand, and of course her invitation as both a guest and a BM still stands. I would advise you to do the same. Plans change all the time; be willing to be flexible for either possibility.

But honestly, if my experience is any indication (and it might not be; you know your social dynamics better than I do) you might be looking at a non-issue, as long as you don't make it seem like they should feel obligated.