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Progress!

So I've been going to therapy every week for a while. Yesterday was the first time I went that I didn't feel like I NEEDED to go. I wanted to go, but I wasn't like "Holy shit I'm gonna lose my mind I can't wait to get to therapy!" We talked some more about coping strategies on how to deal with my sister when she gets crazy, and how to not engage, etc. but there was nothing I needed to vent about or figure out. I've been reading a really great book about dealing with people who have BPD (recommended by my therapist) so I feel like I have so much more understanding and insight into the way my sister behaves and why she does and says all that awful shit. (And no, she hasn't been diagnosed with the disorder, but she absolutely has a lot of the traits, so either way, just understanding those traits, the motivation behind them, why the occur, etc has been extremely helpful to me). 

I've been successfully keeping BSC sister out of my life and it's been great. I haven't had much contact with my dad (which is kind of normal because we live in different cities and we're not the type to chat on the phone) and even my mom has chilled out. I'm meeting up with her next weekend for shopping and lunch, which has always been our thing that we do, and I feel pretty well equipped to bean dip her and keep my boundaries if she feels the need to talk about the drama with my sister. 

My therapist commented that I seemed a lot tougher, more sure of myself, and much happier (because I had mentioned some of the things you guys have helped me realize, such as that just because my sister is related to me doesn't mean I have to take her abuse, and she can go ahead and be mad that she's not invited to my bachelorette party but that's not my problem because it's a direct result of her own actions, etc). The therapist seemed really impressed with my progress. In my head I was like "But don't pat yourself on the back too much because a lot of this is thanks to TK." Ha. 

So anyway, we both felt like I can cut down on how frequently I go there. Obviously if something blows up I can call and make another appointment, and I can go back whenever I just feel like I'm stressed or need to talk things out again, but no need to go every single week (for now). After my session yesterday I went to a spa and got a facial. By the time I got home I felt fucking awesome. Today, still feeling awesome. No family drama for me to vent about, for once! 

What good things are happening in your lives? We commiserate together a lot. Let's celebrate together! 
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Re: Progress!

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    That's awesome! 

    I remember getting to that point, as well. The first session I didn't turn into a blubbering mess was such a huge victory. Recognizing that you have no control over others actions and only how you react is such a freeing feeling, especially when you actually put it to use. 

    FI and I had been going back and forth about videography for the wedding. FMIL called me this week to tell me she and FFIL want to gift that to us. Score! 
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    maeday2 said:
    That's awesome! 

    I remember getting to that point, as well. The first session I didn't turn into a blubbering mess was such a huge victory. Recognizing that you have no control over others actions and only how you react is such a freeing feeling, especially when you actually put it to use. 

    FI and I had been going back and forth about videography for the wedding. FMIL called me this week to tell me she and FFIL want to gift that to us. Score! 
    That is so awesome! Woohoo! 
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    I spent a few years in therapy and I think it rocks. Good for you for making such great progress. PROUD!!

    The day I was the happiest was when I realized I just didn't need to go anymore. Things in life were just.....right. Granted, it took 3.5 years, but my therapist basically said I should call her when I needed it. Stability is awesome.
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    AHHHHHHHHHHHH-MAZING!

    When I was finally able to get off my depression meds, that was such a freeing feeling. Congrats to you for getting to your point of not needing therapy it as much.

    I'm sending my invites out today-eep!


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    AHHHHHHHHHHHH-MAZING!

    When I was finally able to get off my depression meds, that was such a freeing feeling. Congrats to you for getting to your point of not needing therapy it as much.

    I'm sending my invites out today-eep!
    Thanks! And that is so exciting!!! 
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    GOOD ON YA!!!!!

    Brava!!!!

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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    Good on TK. I feel like I should pay you guys for all the counseling :P 

    PrettyGirlLost. I don't remember if I've mentioned this before but I went back and read through all my posts about my sister and all the advice I got to try and get my head straight. I had started posting about her back when I was a newbie and didn't know you guys/recognize names. Your name came up every single time, and you gave me really great insightful advice and support every single time. You're really fucking awesome. Thanks so much! 

    Huge thank-yous to all you wonderful knotties! <3 

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    And finally:

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    Yay that's great! I remember feeling that sense of relief with mine. I'm still trying but I'm much more open to the idea of failing sometimes. I use to put so much internal pressure on myself! I still do sometimes but not as much as before.

    I'm excited to get back to work! I love my job and I've been kinda bored/ready to go back to school. We have our first science day of the semester next Thursday! Yay!

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    Yay that's great! I remember feeling that sense of relief with mine. I'm still trying but I'm much more open to the idea of failing sometimes. I use to put so much internal pressure on myself! I still do sometimes but not as much as before.

    I'm excited to get back to work! I love my job and I've been kinda bored/ready to go back to school. We have our first science day of the semester next Thursday! Yay!

    oooh what is science day? I wanna go! 
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    This is great news! Congrats on your progress (being newer I wasn't aware of your family issues but kuddos to the ladies that helped!). Just enjoy seeing people do well in their lives so I wanted to say WOO HOO FOR YOU!

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    Yay that's great! I remember feeling that sense of relief with mine. I'm still trying but I'm much more open to the idea of failing sometimes. I use to put so much internal pressure on myself! I still do sometimes but not as much as before.

    I'm excited to get back to work! I love my job and I've been kinda bored/ready to go back to school. We have our first science day of the semester next Thursday! Yay!

    oooh what is science day? I wanna go! 
    Its basically when local schools come visit our museum and other sciencey things that our university offers. We have a chemistry magic show, physics show, anthropology forensics show, a planteruim, and a lot more stuff! I love seeing people excited to learn and I love the flow/busyness of the day.   
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    Yay that's great! I remember feeling that sense of relief with mine. I'm still trying but I'm much more open to the idea of failing sometimes. I use to put so much internal pressure on myself! I still do sometimes but not as much as before.

    I'm excited to get back to work! I love my job and I've been kinda bored/ready to go back to school. We have our first science day of the semester next Thursday! Yay!

    oooh what is science day? I wanna go! 
    Its basically when local schools come visit our museum and other sciencey things that our university offers. We have a chemistry magic show, physics show, anthropology forensics show, a planteruim, and a lot more stuff! I love seeing people excited to learn and I love the flow/busyness of the day.   
    On my way. 
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    This is great news! Congrats on your progress (being newer I wasn't aware of your family issues but kuddos to the ladies that helped!). Just enjoy seeing people do well in their lives so I wanted to say WOO HOO FOR YOU!
    Thank you! That's really nice of you :) 
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    Good on TK. I feel like I should pay you guys for all the counseling :P 

    PrettyGirlLost. I don't remember if I've mentioned this before but I went back and read through all my posts about my sister and all the advice I got to try and get my head straight. I had started posting about her back when I was a newbie and didn't know you guys/recognize names. Your name came up every single time, and you gave me really great insightful advice and support every single time. You're really fucking awesome. Thanks so much! 

    Huge thank-yous to all you wonderful knotties! <3 

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    And finally:

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    I was considering a career switch and becoming a counselor a while back. . . I'm m still kinda thinking about it.

    Just keep moving forward!!!

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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    Good on TK. I feel like I should pay you guys for all the counseling :P 

    PrettyGirlLost. I don't remember if I've mentioned this before but I went back and read through all my posts about my sister and all the advice I got to try and get my head straight. I had started posting about her back when I was a newbie and didn't know you guys/recognize names. Your name came up every single time, and you gave me really great insightful advice and support every single time. You're really fucking awesome. Thanks so much! 

    Huge thank-yous to all you wonderful knotties! <3 

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    And finally:

    image

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    I was considering a career switch and becoming a counselor a while back. . . I'm m still kinda thinking about it.

    Just keep moving forward!!!
    I think you would make a very amazing counselor!!! 
    image
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    Yay that's great! I remember feeling that sense of relief with mine. I'm still trying but I'm much more open to the idea of failing sometimes. I use to put so much internal pressure on myself! I still do sometimes but not as much as before.

    I'm excited to get back to work! I love my job and I've been kinda bored/ready to go back to school. We have our first science day of the semester next Thursday! Yay!

    oooh what is science day? I wanna go! 
    Its basically when local schools come visit our museum and other sciencey things that our university offers. We have a chemistry magic show, physics show, anthropology forensics show, a planteruim, and a lot more stuff! I love seeing people excited to learn and I love the flow/busyness of the day.   
    On my way. 
    I'll get your name tag ready for you! That's when you know you have power.
    image
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    Good on TK. I feel like I should pay you guys for all the counseling :P 

    PrettyGirlLost. I don't remember if I've mentioned this before but I went back and read through all my posts about my sister and all the advice I got to try and get my head straight. I had started posting about her back when I was a newbie and didn't know you guys/recognize names. Your name came up every single time, and you gave me really great insightful advice and support every single time. You're really fucking awesome. Thanks so much! 

    Huge thank-yous to all you wonderful knotties! <3 

    image

    image

    image

    And finally:

    image

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    I was considering a career switch and becoming a counselor a while back. . . I'm m still kinda thinking about it.

    Just keep moving forward!!!
    I think you would make a very amazing counselor!!! 
    Aw, lol!

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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    larrygagalarrygaga member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited January 2015
    Good job!!! I'm so glad for you! I was getting kinda worried. Remember, just because she has a mental illness doesn't mean you have to put up with her. Be respectful of her and that's all you need to be for her at this point. 


    I am really weirded out that your therapist goes ahead and diagnoses someone she's never met, and actually therapists don't diagnose. Then she goes and counsels you based on that. It's highly inappropriate and I believe is also against HIPPA. It's never something I would actually dream of doing in my practice, so I never bothered to check if it's specifically against the rules. Therapy is not about other people. It's always about the person speaking with the therapist and how they interact in their environment. It's not about how your sister interacts in her environment. It should only be about you and how you interact with your sister. I still think you need a different therapist. If she's doing that who knows what else she is doing. That thought scares me. You should be able to trust that your therapist is competent. 

    If the book helps you, great! She should not have ever suggested it. If you found it on your own and told her about it, she should encourage you to read it if you think it helps you. That's when telling you to read the book is appropriate. 
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    Great news! So glad you're feeling better!


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    This baby knows exactly how I feel
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    So, so glad to hear this!!  I was brand new when I saw your posts and wanted to chime in, but didn't want to randomly be all over threads suddenly.  My aunt is a horrible person and she put my family through the ringer.  We didn't even have that much contact with her (relative to your contact with your sister), so I can't imagine how awful you must have felt.  I remember getting to that point in therapy, it's a great feeling.  Well done on all of your progress!  Also really happy that you've been able to keep your sister out of things, she sounded like a toxic person (to say the least).

    We're finally moving a little on planning, we have a second tasting the 14th, have a videographer we just need to sign the contract for, and are sending out save-the-dates this weekend.  It's just kind of nice not to feel so stuck.
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    mrsdee15 said:
    So, so glad to hear this!!  I was brand new when I saw your posts and wanted to chime in, but didn't want to randomly be all over threads suddenly.  My aunt is a horrible person and she put my family through the ringer.  We didn't even have that much contact with her (relative to your contact with your sister), so I can't imagine how awful you must have felt.  I remember getting to that point in therapy, it's a great feeling.  Well done on all of your progress!  Also really happy that you've been able to keep your sister out of things, she sounded like a toxic person (to say the least).

    We're finally moving a little on planning, we have a second tasting the 14th, have a videographer we just need to sign the contract for, and are sending out save-the-dates this weekend.  It's just kind of nice not to feel so stuck.
    That's awesome! Congrats on getting stuff done! 
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    Yay that's awesome!!

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    Yay that's so great! :D

    Formerly martha1818

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    Congrats! That's awesome news!
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    Thanks, ladies!
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    larrygaga said:
    Good job!!! I'm so glad for you! I was getting kinda worried. Remember, just because she has a mental illness doesn't mean you have to put up with her. Be respectful of her and that's all you need to be for her at this point. 


    I am really weirded out that your therapist goes ahead and diagnoses someone she's never met, and actually therapists don't diagnose. Then she goes and counsels you based on that. It's highly inappropriate and I believe is also against HIPPA. It's never something I would actually dream of doing in my practice, so I never bothered to check if it's specifically against the rules. Therapy is not about other people. It's always about the person speaking with the therapist and how they interact in their environment. It's not about how your sister interacts in her environment. It should only be about you and how you interact with your sister. I still think you need a different therapist. If she's doing that who knows what else she is doing. That thought scares me. You should be able to trust that your therapist is competent. 

    If the book helps you, great! She should not have ever suggested it. If you found it on your own and told her about it, she should encourage you to read it if you think it helps you. That's when telling you to read the book is appropriate. 
    Disclaimer: I do not work in the mental health field. BUT, I agree that this is incredibly inappropriate if not an actual violation of any sort. It worries me too.
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    larrygaga said:
    Good job!!! I'm so glad for you! I was getting kinda worried. Remember, just because she has a mental illness doesn't mean you have to put up with her. Be respectful of her and that's all you need to be for her at this point. 


    I am really weirded out that your therapist goes ahead and diagnoses someone she's never met, and actually therapists don't diagnose. Then she goes and counsels you based on that. It's highly inappropriate and I believe is also against HIPPA. It's never something I would actually dream of doing in my practice, so I never bothered to check if it's specifically against the rules. Therapy is not about other people. It's always about the person speaking with the therapist and how they interact in their environment. It's not about how your sister interacts in her environment. It should only be about you and how you interact with your sister. I still think you need a different therapist. If she's doing that who knows what else she is doing. That thought scares me. You should be able to trust that your therapist is competent. 

    If the book helps you, great! She should not have ever suggested it. If you found it on your own and told her about it, she should encourage you to read it if you think it helps you. That's when telling you to read the book is appropriate. 
    Disclaimer: I do not work in the mental health field. BUT, I agree that this is incredibly inappropriate if not an actual violation of any sort. It worries me too.
    Yeah I feel like this particular therapist may have over-stepped her boundaries a bit, but I'm actually glad she did (sorry if that's an awful thing to say) because I really needed to gain a better understanding of my sister's behavior for my own sake. If I need to go back to therapy on a regular basis, I've already decided to go to someone else. But to me, the important thing is I've gotten past some tough shit and I feel a lot better, and a lot wiser (again, I have to thank you guys for much of that!) so at least I can move forward from here.
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    larrygagalarrygaga member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited January 2015
    Yep! Glad you feel better and are moving on!

    I will comment one last time on this therapist, then I will drop it. You can't really gain a true understanding of her behavior if she's not actually bipolar, which you don't know because you didn't have a doctor look at her. There are lots of things that could cause her to act that way. I could also probably pick a bipolar out of a crowd, but I would never say for sure because I am not licensed to do so, and I would certainly never ever ever ever tell anyone else. 


    I'm not trying to pick at you, I just want you to have someone who knows what they are doing work with you! I am so, so glad that it ended up helping you. 
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    larrygaga said:
    Yep! Glad you feel better and are moving on!

    I will comment one last time on this therapist, then I will drop it. You can't really gain a true understanding of her behavior if she's not actually bipolar, which you don't know because you didn't have a doctor look at her. There are lots of things that could cause her to act that way. I could also probably pick a bipolar out of a crowd, but I would never say for sure because I am not licensed to do so, and I would certainly never ever ever ever tell anyone else. 


    I'm not trying to pick at you, I just want you to have someone who knows what they are doing work with you! I am so, so glad that it ended up helping you. 
    Thank you! I totally get what you're saying. I'm taking the BPD thing with a grain of salt, but it's more her hallmark behaviors that I'm trying to gain an understanding of regardless of a diagnosis, ya know? But you're right. This is even something I had said to my therapist, that I can't "depend" on her being BPD because until a doctor diagnoses her, I really can't say that. A lot of the book I'm reading is about how to not engage, how to cope with someone who has sudden extreme emotional outbursts, etc. which is all classic sister. So that's the stuff I'm really paying attention to. I really appreciate you taking the time to point those issues out, though, because I think it's important to have in mind that my therapist or I can't just decide some other person has a particular disorder.
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    Good!!! I am happy to hear all of that!!! 
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