Friend angry over not being bridesmaid?

Knottie07560568

I got engaged recently, and I decided the first thing to do was to decide our wedding party. This was very easy to do for me and my fiance, but I still sat with my wedding planner for over two hours choosing my eight bridesmaids very carefully. I easily chose my MOH, because even though I've only known her two years, we have such a bond. We nearly died together, and we just have this awesome connection, so I couldn't imagine anyone else doing it. Then I chose my best friends from the schools I went to in high school, and my friend that I have recently gotten very close to (our fiance's are in the same band). I had a very bad childhood, and throughout high school I lived with a number of friends. Many of those friends are included in my bridal party. But, I wanted to include people that I'm just very good friends with, or have been friends with for a very long time. I was happy with my wedding party, but I have one friend that I did not make a bridesmaid that I lived with that is very upset that I didn't involve her. She made a few jokes about not being a bridesmaid, but I didn't know she was really very upset until I went out with her and her mother, and her mother started screaming at me, calling me ungrateful, rude, and selfish. She wrote a post on facebook calling me out for having a lot of headlice when I left my parents and moved in and has been making posts about how much I whined over my parents, claiming I only want sympathy, and calling me a bad friend. Although this girl has been a good friend, we just are not that close. We argue, she hates everything about my wedding that I've told her, and she is busy with school so I thought it wouldn't work to make her one. I just feel like I have friends that feel entitled to be a part of my big day, just because they helped me out. Don't get me wrong, I am forever grateful for what they did, but there is no way I can include every single friend that I've lived with. It just isn't possible. She's angry, and keeps saying she doesn't care about my wedding now, and that I will never be in her wedding now (I don't really care). I'm just wondering if this is common thing, to lose friends over a slot in the wedding party. And, is it bad of me to not ask people that helped me? I'm sorry for how long this is. 

flantastic

Knottie07560568 said:

I got engaged recently, and I decided the first thing to do was to decide our wedding party. This was very easy to do for me and my fiance, but I still sat with my wedding planner for over two hours choosing my eight bridesmaids very carefully. I easily chose my MOH, because even though I've only known her two years, we have such a bond. We nearly died together, and we just have this awesome connection, so I couldn't imagine anyone else doing it. Then I chose my best friends from the schools I went to in high school, and my friend that I have recently gotten very close to (our fiance's are in the same band). I had a very bad childhood, and throughout high school I lived with a number of friends. Many of those friends are included in my bridal party. But, I wanted to include people that I'm just very good friends with, or have been friends with for a very long time. I was happy with my wedding party, but I have one friend that I did not make a bridesmaid that I lived with that is very upset that I didn't involve her. She made a few jokes about not being a bridesmaid, but I didn't know she was really very upset until I went out with her and her mother, and her mother started screaming at me, calling me ungrateful, rude, and selfish. She wrote a post on facebook calling me out for having a lot of headlice when I left my parents and moved in and has been making posts about how much I whined over my parents, claiming I only want sympathy, and calling me a bad friend. Although this girl has been a good friend, we just are not that close. We argue, she hates everything about my wedding that I've told her, and she is busy with school so I thought it wouldn't work to make her one. I just feel like I have friends that feel entitled to be a part of my big day, just because they helped me out. Don't get me wrong, I am forever grateful for what they did, but there is no way I can include every single friend that I've lived with. It just isn't possible. She's angry, and keeps saying she doesn't care about my wedding now, and that I will never be in her wedding now (I don't really care). I'm just wondering if this is common thing, to lose friends over a slot in the wedding party. And, is it bad of me to not ask people that helped me? I'm sorry for how long this is. 

A ) You don't have "slots" to fill. Your bridesmaids should be your closest friends, however many people that is.

B ) That said, it doesn't sound like you excluded her because of numbers - you excluded her because she's not that close to you.

C ) No one should feel entitled to be in a wedding party. I can understand being a little hurt if she thought you were closer than you are, but she shouldn't have brought it up and if the friendship is ended, that's on her.

Maggie0829

Knottie07560568 said:

I got engaged recently, and I decided the first thing to do was to decide our wedding party. This was very easy to do for me and my fiance, but I still sat with my wedding planner for over two hours choosing my eight bridesmaids very carefully. I easily chose my MOH, because even though I've only known her two years, we have such a bond. We nearly died together, and we just have this awesome connection, so I couldn't imagine anyone else doing it. Then I chose my best friends from the schools I went to in high school, and my friend that I have recently gotten very close to (our fiance's are in the same band). I had a very bad childhood, and throughout high school I lived with a number of friends. Many of those friends are included in my bridal party. But, I wanted to include people that I'm just very good friends with, or have been friends with for a very long time. I was happy with my wedding party, but I have one friend that I did not make a bridesmaid that I lived with that is very upset that I didn't involve her. She made a few jokes about not being a bridesmaid, but I didn't know she was really very upset until I went out with her and her mother, and her mother started screaming at me, calling me ungrateful, rude, and selfish. She wrote a post on facebook calling me out for having a lot of headlice when I left my parents and moved in and has been making posts about how much I whined over my parents, claiming I only want sympathy, and calling me a bad friend. Although this girl has been a good friend, we just are not that close. We argue, she hates everything about my wedding that I've told her, and she is busy with school so I thought it wouldn't work to make her one. I just feel like I have friends that feel entitled to be a part of my big day, just because they helped me out. Don't get me wrong, I am forever grateful for what they did, but there is no way I can include every single friend that I've lived with. It just isn't possible. She's angry, and keeps saying she doesn't care about my wedding now, and that I will never be in her wedding now (I don't really care). I'm just wondering if this is common thing, to lose friends over a slot in the wedding party. And, is it bad of me to not ask people that helped me? I'm sorry for how long this is. 

Seriously?  Why the hell did you need your wedding planners help to pick your BMs?

As for your friend.  You certainly did not have to pick her.  She is acting like an immature brat. Hopefully she will get over it.  For now I suggest not talking to her about your wedding and giving her some space because if she is just going to be ugly to you then why would you want to be around her?

Knottie07560568

We aren't that close at all anymore, you're right. Another problem I have with her ( and this may be a stupid reason to someone else, but it bothers me) is that she's young, and she likes dating men over 20 years older than her, and the last one she was with threatened to hurt me right in front of her, and she didn't say anything, and now she blames me for their breakup. She likes to try to get me involved in her relationship decisions, and it always gets me in a bad situation. I just don't want that extra stress. 

Knottie07560568

About the wedding planner helping me, she isn't an official wedding planner, she's like my sister and she knows all of my friends. She just happens to do other weddings on the side, so it just worked out for me since I didn't have to hire one. She helped me decide the amount of bridesmaids, and she kept me from trying to include people just to be nice. 

lovegood90

Knottie07560568 said:

About the wedding planner helping me, she isn't an official wedding planner, she's like my sister and she knows all of my friends. She just happens to do other weddings on the side, so it just worked out for me since I didn't have to hire one. She helped me decide the amount of bridesmaids, and she kept me from trying to include people just to be nice. 

Sorry, but if she's doing tasks that paid people are doing you need to pay her.

Knottie07560568

Umm, she does get paid. I never said she didn't. I just said I didn't need to take time to go hire one, because I already knew what she can do. 

thespeshulestsnowflake

Knottie07560568 said:

We aren't that close at all anymore, you're right. Another problem I have with her ( and this may be a stupid reason to someone else, but it bothers me) is that she's young, and she likes dating men over 20 years older than her, and the last one she was with threatened to hurt me right in front of her, and she didn't say anything, and now she blames me for their breakup. She likes to try to get me involved in her relationship decisions, and it always gets me in a bad situation. I just don't want that extra stress. 

The bolded sounds very judgey to me.

lovegood90

Knottie07560568 said:

Umm, she does get paid. I never said she didn't. I just said I didn't need to take time to go hire one, because I already knew what she can do. 

Oh, woops my bad!

Knottie07560568

I wasn't meaning it to sound that way, but I can see how you think that. I was talking about the things the older guy did, like threaten to hurt me, and he even lied about having STD's. She's young, and she's told me that she likes having an older man around to take care of her because she's eighteen and is going to college and doesn't have time for a full time job. What I was meaning was that I had a problem with her not defending me or getting angry when her boyfriend acted like that. I should have worded it differently. 

Knottie07560568

You're okay, I didn't think to mention it!

levioosa

While your friend is acting immature, just know that sides do not have to be even.  You should pick those who are closest to you. Their only duties are to show up, on time, sober, in good spirits, and in the dress.  They don't have to help you with any crafts or plan any parties (although if they offer, that's great!).

Stop talking about the wedding with your friend.  No one is entitled to be a BM/MOH. Hopefully she will get over it soon and move on.  If not, it makes it easier to see where your friendship stands. 

MairePoppy

I'm sorry that the woman who helped you out as a kid has turned into such a mean spirited bitch. 

Knottie07560568

She's always been like that. I've just never been on her bad side before! It will be alright, I don't need the negativity they cause.

[Deleted User]

A good friend might be bummed but would understand that you has reasons for picking who you did in for your bridal party & should still be happy for you & be honored to be guest. Heck, I would be like, ok, bummed but hopefully I'll still be invited to the shower, bachlorette party & the wedding. Then I get to enjoy everything as a guest & not have to do anything.

And when I mean do anything posters please don't jump on me. I know a BM only responsibility is to get a dress & show up & be in photos. It's a BM option if they want to throw the bride a shower and/or bachlorette party.

I personally wouldn't send this person a save the date because if she and her mother continue to behave in this manner. This way if things continue to get worse you can reconsider if you even want her/them as guests or people in your life.

plainjane0415

Knottie07560568 said:

I wasn't meaning it to sound that way, but I can see how you think that. I was talking about the things the older guy did, like threaten to hurt me, and he even lied about having STD's. She's young, and she's told me that she likes having an older man around to take care of her because she's eighteen and is going to college and doesn't have time for a full time job. What I was meaning was that I had a problem with her not defending me or getting angry when her boyfriend acted like that. I should have worded it differently. 

This made me laugh.  Your friend sounds like a real peach.  And like she's going to get very far in life.

Knottie07560568

If they continue to made snide comments over the internet, they'll be lucky if I ever speak to them again, let alone invite them to my wedding. 

MairePoppy

Knottie07560568 said:

If they continue to made snide comments over the internet, they'll be lucky if I ever speak to them again, let alone invite them to my wedding. 

Their comments reflect poorly on them, not you. They are showing everyone what kind of people they are.

Knottie07560568

I just hope she realizes that she doesn't need a man to take care of her. I like my fiance being there to help when I need it (and vice versa), but if I can, I take care of things myself. She relies way too much on other people, which is why she never told me how upset she was. She complained and cried to her mother about it until her mom decided to scream at me. 

Knottie07560568

oh, her mom has made 3 statuses since it happened, openly bashing me. I haven't said anything (except on here) because I know it isn't worth it. 

plainjane0415

Knottie07560568 said:

I just hope she realizes that she doesn't need a man to take care of her. I like my fiance being there to help when I need it (and vice versa), but if I can, I take care of things myself. She relies way too much on other people, which is why she never told me how upset she was. She complained and cried to her mother about it until her mom decided to scream at me. 

Yea your friend has a lot of growing up to do.  If she continues to talk smack, you're better off without her.

Knottie07560568

Very true. Thank you all! I feel much better about everything today.

MairePoppy

Knottie07560568 said:

oh, her mom has made 3 statuses since it happened, openly bashing me. I haven't said anything (except on here) because I know it isn't worth it. 

Why don't you unfriend her so you don't have to see all that garbage?

Knottie07560568

I did, I unfriended both of them the day it happened, but one of my bridesmaids is friends with them, and is telling me what they say.