Should my parents contribute?

badbnagdway

I will say this -- I preferred dress shopping alone. The first time I tried on dresses two of my friends were there and I just had a lot more trouble forming my own opinion. Trying on things by myself and then showing the ones I liked to people after in pictures was much better for me. 

Not everyone is into weddings. Maybe there is a facet of the wedding that could get your parents more interested. My mom does not care about dresses (she didn't have any interest in going dress shopping or to fittings with either of her daughters) but she loves flowers. She wants to know all about the flowers. Maybe there is some component that would interest them. 

Jells2dot0

2ndtimejenn said:

I am recently engaged and trying to plan our wedding.  This is my second wedding but my first wedding I eloped.  Now that I have found the man I was supposed to be with all along, we are going to have a proper wedding.  I have gone dress shopping, started looking at locations, and trying to figure out the little details.  Yet during all of this something is missing, my parents.  They have shown zero interest in helping to plan anything.  They haven't stated if they are going to contribute monetarily at all or even given an opinion when I showed them pictures of dresses I like.  I have taken my mother with me dress shopping and she just sits there in silence or makes remarks about other women trying on dresses.  Isn't the things I am wanting, part of their roles as my parents?

First, to the bolded. I eloped and feel 100% I had a "proper" wedding. I'm married, so it had to be proper.

Secondly, when I got engaged to my first husband, we wanted a private destination wedding (not an elopement, because people knew about it, but no guests.) My parents whined and cried about not having a big wedding. So, I told them if they were willing to pay, yet let me have planning control, I'd be willing to change my mind. Well, they paid. I had a six figure traditional wedding and a divorce 2 years later. So, I recommend doing what you as a couple really want to do.

MandyMost

2ndtimejenn said:

I have talked to my parents about it.  For us it isn't about what we can afford (money isn't an issue), it is rather, what we want to spend.  I think all of us get an idea of what we want our wedding to look like and our budgets reflect that.  To take the guest list from 50 people to 250 people is just going to take away from what I pictured as my perfect day.  I think one of the reasons my parents have been standoffish is because they want this huge wedding for all of their friends/family to experience what our original 50 would have.  I think their expectation for us to spend 6 figures on a wedding is ridiculous. 

I only have a couple friends and sadly they live all over the US.  While it is great to have them to reach by phone, I think part of the enjoyment would to have someone in person.  I try not to be a Debbie downer but going dress shopping alone, is ZERO fun, especially when stores are full of support systems for other brides. 

Thanks for all your comments and advice.  I think this is just going to end up being a my way or the highway scenario and who knows, maybe doing this alone will make my day that much better.

First, start planning some trips around the country to see your friends. And ask them if they'll come visit you, too. My close friends are also spread around the country and we don't see each other that often, but when someone needs me, I'm there and vice versa. Dress shopping was really the only group activity with the planning, I thought...do some dress shopping in another city (even if you end up buying it in your own city) with your friends!

Second, sit your parents down and have a talk. Tell them you only want a small wedding, or tell them you only plan to spend X amount and by your calculations you can host exactly 50 people for that. Decide ahead of time if you want to LET them contribute or not if they offer, because it means giving up control. Also, even if they're excited, a lot of people have no idea what modern day wedding planning entails. They have no idea how into it you are right now, and that they're even supposed to be thinking about your wedding this far out. If you want their help/opinion/company on something, you have to invite them. 

mrsdee15

PPs have covered the monetary contribution/inviting your parents' guests part.  As far as your parents' involvement, I'm so sorry that you feel like they are uninterested.  That can really hurt.  I thought my mom was really uninterested as well at first, and it sucked.  I had a talk with her, and what she told me was that she wasn't uninterested, she was just trying to let us find what we were interested in for the wedding without pressuring us into anything we didn't like.  Now she is involved.  Ditto having a conversation with your parents, there may be another explanation you don't expect.

[Deleted User]

mrsdee15 said:

PPs have covered the monetary contribution/inviting your parents' guests part.  As far as your parents' involvement, I'm so sorry that you feel like they are uninterested.  That can really hurt.  I thought my mom was really uninterested as well at first, and it sucked.  I had a talk with her, and what she told me was that she wasn't uninterested, she was just trying to let us find what we were interested in for the wedding without pressuring us into anything we didn't like.  Now she is involved.  Ditto having a conversation with your parents, there may be another explanation you don't expect.

Yep, my sister was pissed at me for not being interested in her wedding.  Once she talked to me about it, she realized where my interests were regarding her event and ended up asking me to officiate.  I got to help her write her wedding ceremony and got to talk in front of people, two things I like infinitely more than shopping.