Things I have learned on TK

nhultberg461

1. Make sure to swallow your coffee before reading some of the responses, you'll spit your coffee out and possibly short circuit your computer/phone/tablet.

2. Apparently if you have an issue with future sister in law, do not try to not invite one of her kids, even if the others do not live in the same house, that's breaking up the family circle.

3. I need to stop talking to future sister in law about wedding plans

4. If it's your second wedding, regardless if you eloped or not, do not wait for a hand out from parents to help pay for wedding or reception.

I'm sure that there is more, but I've already spit out half my coffee this morning. And probably snorted some of it out of my nose too.

theartistformerlyknownas

1. Big text is truth.

That's all you need to know.

simcal18

nhultberg461 said:

1. Make sure to swallow your coffee before reading some of the responses, you'll spit your coffee out and possibly short circuit your computer/phone/tablet.

2. Apparently if you have an issue with future sister in law, do not try to not invite one of her kids, even if the others do not live in the same house, that's breaking up the family circle.

3. I need to stop talking to future sister in law about wedding plans

4. If it's your second wedding, regardless if you eloped or not, do not wait for a hand out from parents to help pay for wedding or reception.

I'm sure that there is more, but I've already spit out half my coffee this morning. And probably snorted some of it out of my nose too.

FIFY

velvethelicopters

I will say if you want a smaller wedding, but parents are demanding a huge full on big ass deal - rule on pay = say.

lyndausvi

Good or bad, ALL actions have consequences.

I've learned people do not understand that concept. Like at all.  Even if the actions are considered good, it still can have negative consequences.

For example, hating your FSIL so much that you set your child age limit to exclude one child in the family.   Now the action might be positive in the short time. Showing FSIL who is boss, one less guest to pay for are positive short term consequences of the choice.    At the same time the action can have long term consequences. An 8 year remembering he was the only one excluded, thus ruining a possible future relationship.  Prolonging the feud with the FSIL might be another.

Bottom line is people can make any choice they want.   But that doesn't not mean the rest of the world will agree or there are no consequences from those actions.    It's better to hear the possibly negative fall out here then in IR.

I've also learned people are way to sensitive and/or expect us to blow glitter and rainbows up their ass.   Yeah, no. Just because someone disagrees, asks for clarification, or tells similar stories how your actions might have negative consequences does not mean they are rude.     Lot of us have been there, done that.  We often speak from experiences.

VulgarGirl

lolo883 said:

1. Big text is truth. That's all you need to know.

I am awesome.

nhultberg461

It's not that I hate my future sister in law, she did something's over the summer while my fiancé was in the hospital that I have tried to let go, but am having a hard time with it. Which is something that I realize that I need to get over.

Is oldest sister and his mother have been nothing but thankful and great full to me over the last 7 months of everything, but his middle sister has been very standoffish.

I've tried to make amends on my end, but have received silence on her end.

I'm learning, that I have to be the bigger person through all this process and get off my high horse at the same time.

lyndausvi

nhultberg461 said:

It's not that I hate my future sister in law, she did something's over the summer while my fiancé was in the hospital that I have tried to let go, but am having a hard time with it. Which is something that I realize that I need to get over.

Is oldest sister and his mother have been nothing but thankful and great full to me over the last 7 months of everything, but his middle sister has been very standoffish.

I've tried to make amends on my end, but have received silence on her end.

I'm learning, that I have to be the bigger person through all this process and get off my high horse at the same time.

There already is a thread started, so I don't want to move it over here, but think about this.     There is an 8 year child here. One who might remember.   He is the nephew of your husband and the one sister you do like.  He is the grandson of your MIL who you also like. He is the brother of ones you are inviting.

Removing the mom out of the equation, is it really worth excluding this one child?    The answer might be yes.  It's your choice.   There is no rule that says you have to invite them, but that doesn't mean it's necessarily the right thing to do either.

nhultberg461

I know it's the not the right thing to do. And at this point, I'm setting aside an additional seat for him, but not for other members of my family with small children. I'm going to keep it at immediate family and their children. There has been so soul searching on my part for this, as he is honestly the innocent victim in all of it.

Yeah I know the thread quite well.

emmaaa

nhultberg461 said:

I know it's the not the right thing to do. And at this point, I'm setting aside an additional seat for him, but not for other members of my family with small children. I'm going to keep it at immediate family and their children. There has been so soul searching on my part for this, as he is honestly the innocent victim in all of it.

Yeah I know the thread quite well.

Then why bring it back over here to re-hash it?

nhultberg461

It was part of my what I have learned.

theartistformerlyknownas

velvethelicopters said:

I will say if you want a smaller wedding, but parents are demanding a huge full on big ass deal - rule on pay = say.

I don't understand what you mean by this. If your parents want to pay for a huge wedding and you want a small one, you just decline their offers to pay and host the small wedding you can afford on your own. You can't say "just pay for this small wedding instead." Pay still = say.

emmaaa

nhultberg461 said:

It was part of my what I have learned.

You should also learn to quote or @ reply to a specific person so they know the direction of the thread.

I'm glad you learned that but it still seems like you were trying to justify your actions.

lurkergirl

I am so confused.

KatieinBkln

lurkergirl said:

I am so confused.

THOSE DOGS ARE THE SAME COLOR/TEXTURE AS THEIR BED, OMG!

Sorry, cuteness makes me ALL CAPS.

Knottie90628927

I have learned not share or ask for opinions/suggestions on ceremony ideas.....there are a lot of negative nancy's on this board who instead of being helpful tend to attack the bride for her ideas. 

emmaaa

Knottie90628927 said:

I have learned not share or ask for opinions/suggestions on ceremony ideas.....there are a lot of negative nancy's on this board who instead of being helpful tend to attack the bride for her ideas. 

VulgarGirl

lurkergirl said:

I am so confused.

Look at the cute doggies!!! Doggies that match their bed!!!!

Doggies are cute!!!!!

lurkergirl

Knottie90628927 said:

I have learned not share or ask for opinions/suggestions on ceremony ideas.....there are a lot of negative nancy's on this board who instead of being helpful tend to attack the bride for her ideas. 

Negative Nancy says the person whose first post is to insult a whole board.  If you hate it, then why post?

southernbelle0915

Knottie90628927 said:

I have learned not share or ask for opinions/suggestions on ceremony ideas.....there are a lot of negative nancy's on this board who instead of being helpful tend to attack the bride for her ideas. 

If by "attack" you mean provide advice and perspective that may not line up with yours (OMG SHOCKER NOT EVERYONE HAS THE SAME OPINION!!!!!!!!), then sure.

And JFC, are we really going to have this type of thread on a Friday? Come on...

lyndausvi

emmaaa said:

nhultberg461 said:

I know it's the not the right thing to do. And at this point, I'm setting aside an additional seat for him, but not for other members of my family with small children. I'm going to keep it at immediate family and their children. There has been so soul searching on my part for this, as he is honestly the innocent victim in all of it.

Yeah I know the thread quite well.

Then why bring it back over here to re-hash it?

well to be fair, I might have helped re-hash the topic.

I'm glad you are doing some soul searching.

In my social circle, kids, first cousins and nieces/nephews of the couple are often invited when other kids are not.     At least in my circle it's understood those people would more than likely would get invite on their own if they were not minors (i.e. the kid's older siblings are of age and you plan on giving them an invite).  Where other kids would not.     If I invited all my first cousins' kids the number would be in the 50's.  No lie, they like to procreate.  We all know a line needs to be drawn so it's all good. 

This is not a universal rule, nor does that keep some people from getting upset their little Johnny is not invited, but it works pretty well in my social group. 

Maggie0829

I have learned that I hate the word 'attack' and how it is used wrong so damn often.

VulgarGirl

Knottie90628927 said:

I have learned not share or ask for opinions/suggestions on ceremony ideas.....there are a lot of negative nancy's on this board who instead of being helpful tend to attack the bride for her ideas. 

theartistformerlyknownas

Knottie90628927 said:

I have learned not share or ask for opinions/suggestions on ceremony ideas.....there are a lot of negative nancy's on this board who instead of being helpful tend to attack the bride for her ideas. 

southernbelle0915

Maggie0829 said:

I have learned that I hate the word 'attack' and how it is used wrong so damn often.

This. I also hate the words bully, belittle, berate, etc. etc. etc. that are used as synonyms for not agreeing with someone. 

emmaaa

lyndausvi said:

emmaaa said:

nhultberg461 said:

I know it's the not the right thing to do. And at this point, I'm setting aside an additional seat for him, but not for other members of my family with small children. I'm going to keep it at immediate family and their children. There has been so soul searching on my part for this, as he is honestly the innocent victim in all of it.

Yeah I know the thread quite well.

Then why bring it back over here to re-hash it?

well to be fair, I might have helped re-hash the topic.

I'm glad you are doing some soul searching.

In my social circle, kids, first cousins and nieces/nephews of the couple are often invited when other kids are not.     At least in my circle it's understood those people would more than likely would get invite on their own if they were not minors (i.e. the kid's older siblings are of age and you plan on giving them an invite).  Where other kids would not.     If I invited all my first cousins' kids the number would be in the 50's.  No lie, they like to procreate.  We all know a line needs to be drawn so it's all good. 

This is not a universal rule, nor does that keep some people from getting upset their little Johnny is not invited, but it works pretty well in my social group. 

Fair.

VulgarGirl

Maggie0829 said:

I have learned that I hate the word 'attack' and how it is used wrong so damn often.

I feel like you're attacking me by attacking the word attack. This is an attack.

theartistformerlyknownas

MagicInk said:

Maggie0829 said:

I have learned that I hate the word 'attack' and how it is used wrong so damn often.

I feel like you're attacking me by attacking the word attack. This is an attack.

Stop attacking Maggie with your accusations of an attack.

VulgarGirl

lolo883 said:

MagicInk said:

Maggie0829 said:

I have learned that I hate the word 'attack' and how it is used wrong so damn often.

I feel like you're attacking me by attacking the word attack. This is an attack.

Stop attacking Maggie with your accusations of an attack.

This was not the gif I was looking for but it's an attacking potato so it wins.

maeday2

Knottie90628927 said:

I have learned not share or ask for opinions/suggestions on ceremony ideas.....there are a lot of negative nancy's on this board who instead of being helpful tend to attack the bride for her ideas. 

But you haven't learned that this is an unfair and broad generalization? Or that it wouldn't go over well? 

It's Friday y'all. I want puppies and rainbows. 

emmaaa

MagicInk said:

lolo883 said:

MagicInk said:

Maggie0829 said:

I have learned that I hate the word 'attack' and how it is used wrong so damn often.

I feel like you're attacking me by attacking the word attack. This is an attack.

Stop attacking Maggie with your accusations of an attack.

This was not the gif I was looking for but it's an attacking potato so it wins.

Now I feel attacked because picture scares the shit out of me.