Involving moms S.O. in wedding announcements and wedding.

Knottie67474191

9 years ago my father passed away from cancer. Since then my mom has found herself a nice boyfriend who I consider to be a nice guy. My conundrum comes with doing my wedding announcements and the physical wedding its self. When we do the announcements in the paper etc, how do we put that my mom and her boyfriend are announcing my engagement, but also include my deceased dad. My dad was very important to me and I am trying to be considerate of my moms boyfriend and his involvement in her life. 

Secondly, my brother is giving me away. Its been decided and set in stone. How do I involve moms boyfriend with the ceremony, or just have him bring my mom down the aisle during the ceremony. My wedding is till a year a 3 months away, just trying to get as much configuring done as possible so I can not stress out as much closer to the wedding. Any suggestions or advice is greatly appreciated. Thanks. 

mlg78

I lost my dad 16 years ago (15 at the time of our wedding).  My stepdad had been around for 13 of those years. My stepdad was very much a part of the wedding with his name on the invitation as he and my mom were hosting and he and my mom walked me down the aisle.  That said, I'd feel differently if they were only dating.  If things don't work out do you really want to look back at things and see him having a role in everything?  It's one thing to include him in some pictures...but in announcements?  On invites?  I wouldn't, if that were me.  For wedding announcements in the paper you can say "daughter of Mary Smith and the late John Smith".  Your father's name should not be on the invitation.

Is your mom pushing you to have her boyfriend involved?  My mom wasn't terribly respectful of that.  Even though my dad had been gone a while I felt like I was grieving his death all over again during the wedding planning process and it was a rough time in that regard.  She kept pushing for me to do a father/daughter dance, the one thing that I wasn't willing to do with my stepdad and just moments before we entered the reception she begged a bridesmaid to talk me into doing one spur of the moment.  Coincidentally, she happened to ask the one bridesmaid whose father had also passed away so she obviously backed me up.  Sorry, I got off on a tangent.   Good luck to you!  

Lauderdale Pink

First, cheers to you for being such a considerate, inclusive person.  This must be a very difficult time for your mother, and your willingness to include her SO to such an extent has to be taking the sting out of it.  For that alone, you deserve all the best life has to offer.

The announcement is tricky because a person who is deceased cannot announce anything.  It can read "Announcing the engagement of Ms. X, daughter of Mrs. X and the Late Mr. X, to Mr. A, son of Mr. and Mrs. A"  Unfortunately, there is no room for the name of SO in the announcement.  If you feel strongly about this gentleman, you can do the spotlight dance with him, he can offer a toast, he can do a reading, he can escort your mother down the aisle, or all of the above.  As for the invitations, again, I really don't see a way to include SO's name. Not much help, sorry.

Knottie67474191

Thanks Ladies, to both of you for your thoughts of wisdom during this time period. 

Both of your thoughts have given me insight as to how I should go forward with this tough topic. I forgot to mention when I did my original post, while my brother has taken over the FOB stance, from literally being the person my Fiance went to, to ask for my hand, approval etc, my brother has also taken the stance that he will be the one doing the FOB dance with me as well as giving me away. 

I am not sure I would do a spotlight dance with him, I'm still trying to figure this whole thing out wedding wise. Maybe encourage moms S.O. to do a toast at the rehearsal dinner, not so much actual wedding. Her S.O. has been involved in my life, but mostly at a distance, He's cared for me like his own but there is a lot of physical distance between us and my mom and her S.O.  (11 hours) so we haven't had too much bonding going on. Aside from the few yearly visits or gatherings. 

Definitely some food for thought ladies, thank you.