So I had this dream and I wonder what the actual etiquette is

larrygaga

So FI's middle name is Charles and I always thought if I had a son I would want to name him that after his dad. I had a dream last night that FI's sister who is pregnant right now named her baby Charles after his uncle without asking FI. I was livid, because I wanted that name for my future child that is not coming anytime soon.

I think it's crazy to think you can call dibs on a name and get mad when someone who is pregnant right now uses it. I thought there was a thread where someone was mad about it.

But is it okay to be mad in my dream situation? Cause I probably would be really mad IRL, even if I am not even thinking about kids for at least 5 more years, and who even knows if I would have a boy! Do you have to ask permission from a person before naming a kid after someone? 

My sister actually named her kid's middle name Charles. She didn't know FI's middle name was Charles and when she found out she freaked out and asked if it was okay with him. Of course it was, because it's just a middle name that she picked at random. But what about a first name?

No, two cousins don't get to purposely have the same name. So charles was out for my dream self. 

Just thinking too much tonight, lol.

lurkergirl

I would be mad! (Side note does anyone else ever get mad at someone in real life for something they did in a dream? )

My sister said her dream name for her son would include a middle name that is FI's 1st name. I was alll, "Oh hell no!" Luckily she's only 14, so it's not a real concern

larrygaga

I was pissed at his sister when I woke up and realized they don't even have a sex yet, lol!!! I do usually carry the emotions of my dream out throughout the day. I will be nice on the outside but all day I will be like u bitch

sophhabobopha

Fi's family friends includes two sisters who were pregnent at the same time, and little sister stole big sister's name right out from under her. Their son's now have rhyming names. It's a PITA

sophhabobopha

lurkergirl said:

I would be mad! (Side note does anyone else ever get mad at someone in real life for something they did in a dream? ) My sister said her dream name for her son would include a middle name that is FI's 1st name. I was alll, "Oh hell no!" Luckily she's only 14, so it's not a real concern

I'm mad at Fi when he cheats on me in dreams, ha!

larrygaga

sophhabobopha said:

lurkergirl said:

I would be mad! (Side note does anyone else ever get mad at someone in real life for something they did in a dream? ) My sister said her dream name for her son would include a middle name that is FI's 1st name. I was alll, "Oh hell no!" Luckily she's only 14, so it's not a real concern

I'm mad at Fi when he cheats on me in dreams, ha!

FI straight up shot me in the face in one of my dreams and I woke up and smacked him. I feel bad about that still. 

kmmssg

I do remember the thread about cousins with a possible same name.  I had a step nephew named with a J name that is also used for girls.  I loved the name and used it for one of my DDs.  Well grandma had to throw a little hissy because now she had 2 gkids with the same name. So What?  One was a girl one was a boy and they were spelled quite differently.

DS was a huge surprise for us - as in 13 years behind his sister, J, who "was" the youngest of my brood.  We really fell in love with the name David James.  We were out with BIL and SIL who didn't have kids yet and we didn't know if we were having a boy or girl.  She said to us - just promise that if you have a boy you don't name him David James.  I have loved that name since I was little.  We hadn't told a soul about liking the name and we went home and decided that if if meant that much to her we would use something else, which we did.  We love our son's name, but BIL and SIL went on to have 2 daughters!

Dream Larry can go ahead and get mad and real life Larry will have to see what life brings her in a few years when it's time to make babies. 

ashley8918

lurkergirl said:

I would be mad! (Side note does anyone else ever get mad at someone in real life for something they did in a dream? ) My sister said her dream name for her son would include a middle name that is FI's 1st name. I was alll, "Oh hell no!" Luckily she's only 14, so it's not a real concern

I do it to H all the time! Once, I had a dream that he cheated on me with Liza Minnelli (I have no idea). I was a totally bitch to him for the entire next day. The poor guy had no idea what was happening.

theartistformerlyknownas

Eh. H has a cousin and a nephew both named James, and a cousin named Carolyn after their grandma, despite it being his mom's (her aunt's) name. I would give a boy the middle name Michael after his uncle who passed away (and my brother's middle name), despite the uncle having a son named Mike Jr. No big if names get used multiple times, especially common names.

But I totally stay mad IRL over things that happen in dreams!

JCbride2015

lurkergirl said:

I would be mad! (Side note does anyone else ever get mad at someone in real life for something they did in a dream? ) My sister said her dream name for her son would include a middle name that is FI's 1st name. I was alll, "Oh hell no!" Luckily she's only 14, so it's not a real concern

Fi for some reason has recurring dreams that I cheat on him and do other horrible things.  He'll actually be grumpy at me the next morning, as if I had something to do with it!  Sometimes I'll try to cuddle him in the middle of the night and he'll be all pissy and not want to cuddle.  Then I know he's dreaming.

larrygaga

I mean middle names being the same don't really matter, or 1 middle and 1 first,  but I wouldn't want to name a kid the same first name as someone else in the family unless they were specifically named after that person. I wouldn't be that mad if a kid was named after my kid was named.

What mostly would bother me, I think, is because the name is special to me and not just because I like it. If it was like Amanda or Kevin or Stephanie that I liked and FSIL used it, I would not care. 

Anyway, IRL she would ask and I would want to say no, but FI has a better head on his shoulders and he would probably be excited and flattered. Then I would throw an immature hissy fit that would make you guys hate me, just like in my dream. 

kmmssg

I love hypothetical questions, so there. 

lyndausvi

I have a cousin named Michael.   He has a sister (also my cousin) who married a Michael.  Both cousin's wife and his sister were pregnant at the same time. Neither knew the sex, but both said they would name a son Michael.  Both families were pissed at the other.  Both had boys, both boys are juniors.  Yes, my aunt has 2 grandsons named Michael.   

Even under that situation, for the life of me I never will understand name stealing.   Especially when 2 people have the same name and they both wants sons named after them.   

larrygaga

What I mostly want to know is if you guys think it's rude to name a baby after someone (alive) you know without asking? It's a different story if they died, of course. 

kerbohl

I have horrible dreams about my husband, and I will tell him about them so that he understands why I'm a little angry.  He jokes that his dream self is such a jerk!
My sister and I used to fight over the name "Noah", and said whoever had a boy first had claims to the name.  She has had three boys, none called Noah, and I'm not having children.  So it's irrelevant.  fortunately the fights were more in jest!

lyndausvi

No, not at all.

My grandfather was named John.  My uncle was named John.  He was married for a very long time and never had kids (they were much older my dad too).   When my brothers were born (surprised twins) my parents decided to name one of the boys John after my grandfather.   5 more years later my aunt and uncle John had a son.  Yep, they named him John. 

 My dad's side of the family had a total of 8 boys.  4 of them were formally named John.   2 of those were went by Jack though (which never made sense to me, but whatever).

theartistformerlyknownas

larrygaga said:

What I mostly want to know is if you guys think it's rude to name a baby after someone (alive) you know without asking? It's a different story if they died, of course. 

Well my H and BIL have the same first name, and H wants to name a boy baby after him. So baby will sort of be named after his uncle (and my uncle too - 3 men with the same name)

H's nephew and cousin are both 10, so they're growing up like cousins; one goes by Jimmy and one by James. Doesn't bother anyone.

larrygaga

lolo883 said:

What I mostly want to know is if you guys think it's rude to name a baby after someone (alive) you know without asking? It's a different story if they died, of course. 

Well my H and BIL have the same first name, and H wants to name a boy baby after him. So baby will sort of be named after his uncle (and my uncle too - 3 men with the same name) H's nephew and cousin are both 10, so they're growing up like cousins; one goes by Jimmy and one by James. Doesn't bother anyone.

But does that really count since your H could be only naming the baby after himself? So he doesn't even have to ask for permission. 

Like what if your BIL was Kevin and you wanted to name the baby Kevin after him. Wouldn't you ask? Wouldn't you feel weird not asking?

EDIT: Is this BIL a brother of your H? Or is it a husband of your sister?

lyndausvi

click - start at 1:01.  This is totally my mom's extended family when it comes to names, except we are Irish.  The money part is so DH's family.

theartistformerlyknownas

larrygaga said:

lolo883 said:

larrygaga said:

What I mostly want to know is if you guys think it's rude to name a baby after someone (alive) you know without asking? It's a different story if they died, of course. 

Well my H and BIL have the same first name, and H wants to name a boy baby after him. So baby will sort of be named after his uncle (and my uncle too - 3 men with the same name)

H's nephew and cousin are both 10, so they're growing up like cousins; one goes by Jimmy and one by James. Doesn't bother anyone.

But does that really count since your H could be only naming the baby after himself? So he doesn't even have to ask for permission. 

Like what if your BIL was Kevin and you wanted to name the baby Kevin after him. Wouldn't you ask? Wouldn't you feel weird not asking?

EDIT: Is this BIL a brother of your H? Or is it a husband of your sister?

It's my sister's H. We joke that the third sister has to marry someone with the same name too.

I would ask my siblings/in-laws before giving a child the same first name as their first name. I wouldn't ask about using their middle name, or using either of their names as the baby's middle name. I wouldn't ask a cousin for either name.

larrygaga

Okay, lolo, I agree with that. I think that's the right way to go about naming after people. Middle names aren't a big deal but first names are.

I would probably still ask a cousin, but I have the kind of cousins that you keep in touch with for the rest of your life. I know most families grow away from cousins when they are adults. They are like distant siblings. 

FI's two older sisters both are married to husbands that have the same name. We call them Matt 1 and Matt 2, in order of their appearance in the family. We don't actually do that all the time, just as a joke. 

lovesclimbing

lurkergirl said:

I would be mad! (Side note does anyone else ever get mad at someone in real life for something they did in a dream? )

My sister said her dream name for her son would include a middle name that is FI's 1st name. I was alll, "Oh hell no!" Luckily she's only 14, so it's not a real concern

To your second paragraph, why would you care? Especially since it's not going to be the first name?

I don't get being upset over names. I have almost the same name as a younger cousin. Think Diane and Diana. My aunt did call my mom and ask if it was ok. She didn't care and I didn't either.

I do think it would be a bit odd to name someone after someone without telling them, but really, they don't have to ask.

holyguacamole79

As a Catholic, there were 5 women named Mary at our family Thanksgivings growing up. H and I have rather generic names picked out for our hypothetical children, so it's totally possible that my sister or brother could use it. I guess it wouldn't bother me.


And I HATE it when I have a weird dream where I get mad at someone (usually H or my mom). I've often woken up still feeling those emotions.

Gustafson28

I used to get mad at dream H all the time. Even DH calls that guy a jerk. There is no way I'd marry dream spouse...maybe that's why he hasn't been around in a while

manillabar

JCbride2015 said:

lurkergirl said:

I would be mad! (Side note does anyone else ever get mad at someone in real life for something they did in a dream? ) My sister said her dream name for her son would include a middle name that is FI's 1st name. I was alll, "Oh hell no!" Luckily she's only 14, so it's not a real concern

Fi for some reason has recurring dreams that I cheat on him and do other horrible things.  He'll actually be grumpy at me the next morning, as if I had something to do with it!  Sometimes I'll try to cuddle him in the middle of the night and he'll be all pissy and not want to cuddle.  Then I know he's dreaming.

My FI does the same thing! And he talks in his sleep so he'll be grumbling and cursing in his sleep and then I'll be like "hey what's wrong?" and then he'll wake up and realize it was a dream.   Though sometimes he's still a little grumpy even after the realization lol.

theartistformerlyknownas

larrygaga said:

FI's two older sisters both are married to husbands that have the same name. We call them Matt 1 and Matt 2, in order of their appearance in the family. We don't actually do that all the time, just as a joke. 

Haha my family calls my H 3.0.

huskypuppy14

larrygaga said:

lolo883 said:

What I mostly want to know is if you guys think it's rude to name a baby after someone (alive) you know without asking? It's a different story if they died, of course. 

Well my H and BIL have the same first name, and H wants to name a boy baby after him. So baby will sort of be named after his uncle (and my uncle too - 3 men with the same name) H's nephew and cousin are both 10, so they're growing up like cousins; one goes by Jimmy and one by James. Doesn't bother anyone.

But does that really count since your H could be only naming the baby after himself? So he doesn't even have to ask for permission. 

Like what if your BIL was Kevin and you wanted to name the baby Kevin after him. Wouldn't you ask? Wouldn't you feel weird not asking?

EDIT: Is this BIL a brother of your H? Or is it a husband of your sister?

No one has to ask permission to name their child. My grandfather (who I was extremely close to) was named David; he died before I met my husband. My husband's brother is name David. What if I wanted to name my future child after my grandfather, that also happens to be my BIL's name. (I don't think I will, this is hypothetical). Names are not unique, there are thousands or millions of people with the same first name. 

Like Lynda, my family has a ton of Michaels. I have 2 BIL's name Michael (my husband's brother, and my sister's husband). My uncle, my cousin, his sister's husband, my step grandfather my husband's best friend. There are more, but you get the point. We have to use last names or qualifiers when we are talking about a Mike. 

I also have 2 cousins (that are cousins) that are 3 months apart that have very similar names, not exactly the same, but very close. 

My cousin's son is name James, my husband and I love that name, so we may name our son that if we have a boy. Now we don't really see them, so I am not too concerned about there being backlash. 

southernbelle0915

I have a unique first name...like one where people always ask me to repeat it because they haven't heard it before. And it's exactly the same as my cousin's first name. She's 15 years older than me, but my parents apparently gave no fucks. Thankfully, my aunt and uncle also gave no fucks and thought it was cool. Especially because we also have the exact same birthday.

larrygaga

This topic shows some pretty varying family dynamics!!! It's cool.

ohannabelle

God, my ex's giant family and the multiply used names over multiple generations, and their multiply named children and grandchildren.

When they speak to and of each other, they always use designators. Your John, our John, young John, wee John. Katie's Liam. Your Liam. Our Liam. Drunk Liam. Wee Kate, old Kate, young Kate, John's Kate. Rosie's John. John's Mary. Your Mary. Our Rose. Your Rosaleen. 

It never frikking ends. Weirdly, it works. 

doeydo

larrygaga said:

What I mostly want to know is if you guys think it's rude to name a baby after someone (alive) you know without asking? It's a different story if they died, of course. 

You don't ask permission on what to name your own child.  You might say "We decided to name our mini-me after you, squeee!" but that is more telling and not asking.

daria24

One of the few fights I ever had with my BF was because she was so pissed at her brother & SIL for using Andrew as their child's middle name and that was HER name. BF does not even have a date right now, let alone someone to create a child with. Nor does she have the means or plans to create a child on her own. I don't understand how a hypothetical child is more important than a real one. Why is your desire outweigh a family members? (I'm not asking anyone specifically, just in theory, what gives someone the "right" to claim a name?) And I guess because I grew up in a family with a lot of same names, especially male names, I don't get why it matters if you have two cousins with the same name. As far as asking permission to name someone after them, it may backfire my parents wanted to name me after my grandmother, who has a very unusual name. My grandmother HATES her name and begged my parents not to sentence another child to suffer with that name. Needless to say, I have a different name. ETA ugh I had paragraphs.