Bridal Shower

Knottie49535846

I am new to this so pls bear with me... my 2 questions are: Who typically throws the bridal shower? & Who is invited?

My fiancé and I are planning our wedding for this April. All actual wedding planning has fallen on our shoulders as his family is out of state and I lost my mom a year and a half ago. At times it has been a struggle (both planning and grieving) and thus I have made it a personal goal to try to really take in the full experience of being a bride, for both myself and my mom.

So... that being said, here is my issue:

No one has offered to throw a bridal shower. My maid of honor told me it is my aunts (on my mom's side) responsibility and all the research I've done points me to my bridal . At first I was ok with skipping it all together, but as time goes on I feel like I am missing out on a big bridal experience. I'm not about the gifts nor being the center of attention, just would like to look back with no regrets. The guilt of asking my aunts or even my maid of honor to thow me a shower would haunt me, but I'd really like one. Sigh...

Any sort of advice would be greatly appreciated!!
Thank you

mikenberger

Knottie49535846 said:

I am new to this so pls bear with me... my 2 questions are: Who typically throws the bridal shower? & Who is invited?

My fiancé and I are planning our wedding for this April. All actual wedding planning has fallen on our shoulders as his family is out of state and I lost my mom a year and a half ago. At times it has been a struggle (both planning and grieving) and thus I have made it a personal goal to try to really take in the full experience of being a bride, for both myself and my mom.

So... that being said, here is my issue:

No one has offered to throw a bridal shower. My maid of honor told me it is my aunts (on my mom's side) responsibility and all the research I've done points me to my bridal . At first I was ok with skipping it all together, but as time goes on I feel like I am missing out on a big bridal experience. I'm not about the gifts nor being the center of attention, just would like to look back with no regrets. The guilt of asking my aunts or even my maid of honor to thow me a shower would haunt me, but I'd really like one. Sigh...

Any sort of advice would be greatly appreciated!!
Thank you

It is poor etiquette to throw your own shower. And you don't ask for a shower, it is offered to you by someone. It doesn't need to be any particular person (some people side-eye the MOH throwing one as well).

Sorry nobody has offered you a shower. That's a bummer especially if you want one. But tons of brides get through their wedding just fine without one!

slothiegal

Knottie49535846 said:

I am new to this so pls bear with me... my 2 questions are: Who typically throws the bridal shower? & Who is invited? My fiancé and I are planning our wedding for this April. All actual wedding planning has fallen on our shoulders as his family is out of state and I lost my mom a year and a half ago. At times it has been a struggle (both planning and grieving) and thus I have made it a personal goal to try to really take in the full experience of being a bride, for both myself and my mom. So... that being said, here is my issue: No one has offered to throw a bridal shower. My maid of honor told me it is my aunts (on my mom's side) responsibility and all the research I've done points me to my bridal . At first I was ok with skipping it all together, but as time goes on I feel like I am missing out on a big bridal experience. I'm not about the gifts nor being the center of attention, just would like to look back with no regrets. The guilt of asking my aunts or even my maid of honor to thow me a shower would haunt me, but I'd really like one. Sigh... Any sort of advice would be greatly appreciated!! Thank you

Anyone can throw you a bridal shower; no one is designated to be saddled with that responsibility.  You should not be asking anyone to throw you one or plan to throw it yourself.

Truthfully, even if you do not have one, I don't think you'll look back with regret about it.  I wasn't able to have a bachelorette party.  I was really, really bummed about it for awhile (I'm actually embarrassed when I look back on how much I let it bug me), but you know what?  Now that I'm married and all that is behind me, it's so painfully clear to me how much it didn't matter.  I can honestly say I don't regret not having one and don't feel like I missed on any "bridal experience".  

Cookie Pusher

As PPs have said, it's no one's responsibility to throw you any pre-wedding parties, nor should you ask for one as it's rude to ask anyone to throw you a party. I didn't have an engagement party, bridal shower, or bachelorette party. DH and I planned our entire wedding ourselves (the only help we received was from our vendors). 

At no point have I ever felt like I missed out on anything or have any regrets about not having any parties thrown in my honor. My focus was planning an amazing, etiquette-approved reception to thank our families, friends, and coworkers for all the support they'd given us in the years leading up to our wedding. As long as DH and I ended up married at the end of our ceremony, nothing else mattered. Would pre-wedding parties have been fun? Probably. Did not having them make my experience as a bride "less"? No, not in the least.

JCbride2015

mikenberger said:

I am new to this so pls bear with me... my 2 questions are: Who typically throws the bridal shower? & Who is invited? My fiancé and I are planning our wedding for this April. All actual wedding planning has fallen on our shoulders as his family is out of state and I lost my mom a year and a half ago. At times it has been a struggle (both planning and grieving) and thus I have made it a personal goal to try to really take in the full experience of being a bride, for both myself and my mom. So... that being said, here is my issue: No one has offered to throw a bridal shower. My maid of honor told me it is my aunts (on my mom's side) responsibility and all the research I've done points me to my bridal . At first I was ok with skipping it all together, but as time goes on I feel like I am missing out on a big bridal experience. I'm not about the gifts nor being the center of attention, just would like to look back with no regrets. The guilt of asking my aunts or even my maid of honor to thow me a shower would haunt me, but I'd really like one. Sigh... Any sort of advice would be greatly appreciated!! Thank you

It is poor etiquette to throw your own shower. And you don't ask for a shower, it is offered to you by someone. It doesn't need to be any particular person (some people side-eye the MOH throwing one as well). Sorry nobody has offered you a shower. That's a bummer especially if you want one. But tons of brides get through their wedding just fine without one!

Who would possibly side-eye the MOH throwing a shower???

AddieCake

Nobody side eyes the MOH throwing one. They side eye the MOB or MOG doing it. OP, you are not missing out on any great experience by not having a shower. It's kind of a bummer since you want one, but no big deal in the grand scheme of things.

LondonLisa

Where I am from we don't tend to have bridal showers. We are just as married as the rest of you. I can guarantee you no one has ever thought post wedding: "I found the man of my dreams, I am building a life with, and the father of my children, but what I really regret is not having 15 women cooing over me unwrapping a cake pan and spatula. THEN my life would have been complete."

flantastic

LondonLisa said:

Where I am from we don't tend to have bridal showers. We are just as married as the rest of you. I can guarantee you no one has ever thought post wedding: "I found the man of my dreams, I am building a life with, and the father of my children, but what I really regret is not having 15 women cooing over me unwrapping a cake pan and spatula. THEN my life would have been complete."

I hate showers. They seems like they're awkward for most people, mostly because they primarily consist of the above bolded. Or silly games, which I also dislike. You would not be missing out on anything of value. It's actually one "bridal experience" I wish I had had the guts to decline. 

NYCMercedes

I'm sorry for your loss, OP.

mikenberger

JCbride2015 said:

mikenberger said:

I am new to this so pls bear with me... my 2 questions are: Who typically throws the bridal shower? & Who is invited?

My fiancé and I are planning our wedding for this April. All actual wedding planning has fallen on our shoulders as his family is out of state and I lost my mom a year and a half ago. At times it has been a struggle (both planning and grieving) and thus I have made it a personal goal to try to really take in the full experience of being a bride, for both myself and my mom.

So... that being said, here is my issue:

No one has offered to throw a bridal shower. My maid of honor told me it is my aunts (on my mom's side) responsibility and all the research I've done points me to my bridal . At first I was ok with skipping it all together, but as time goes on I feel like I am missing out on a big bridal experience. I'm not about the gifts nor being the center of attention, just would like to look back with no regrets. The guilt of asking my aunts or even my maid of honor to thow me a shower would haunt me, but I'd really like one. Sigh...

Any sort of advice would be greatly appreciated!!
Thank you

It is poor etiquette to throw your own shower. And you don't ask for a shower, it is offered to you by someone. It doesn't need to be any particular person (some people side-eye the MOH throwing one as well).

Sorry nobody has offered you a shower. That's a bummer especially if you want one. But tons of brides get through their wedding just fine without one!

Who would possibly side-eye the MOH throwing a shower???
---boxes----

Fucking Christ, calm down. I thought our resident etiquette guru said that once. Maybe its the MOB or MOG. Whatever. Either way, it doesn't matter. Its the same response. People have to offer and you can't ask or throw your own.

indianaalum

I am sorry for the loss of your mother. I think the reason this hits home, isn't REALLY about the shower, but the loss of your mom. I am sorry people don't seem to get that

Despite what "etiquettte" says, many many people have their moms/sisters host their showers so I think you not having a shower is more a reminder that your mom isn't here (and probably would have helped plan one which is why is seems so hard.) You are right, it isn't fair to lose your mom before your wedding day and I am so sorry for that.

 

huskypuppy14

mikenberger said:

mikenberger said:

I am new to this so pls bear with me... my 2 questions are: Who typically throws the bridal shower? & Who is invited? My fiancé and I are planning our wedding for this April. All actual wedding planning has fallen on our shoulders as his family is out of state and I lost my mom a year and a half ago. At times it has been a struggle (both planning and grieving) and thus I have made it a personal goal to try to really take in the full experience of being a bride, for both myself and my mom. So... that being said, here is my issue: No one has offered to throw a bridal shower. My maid of honor told me it is my aunts (on my mom's side) responsibility and all the research I've done points me to my bridal . At first I was ok with skipping it all together, but as time goes on I feel like I am missing out on a big bridal experience. I'm not about the gifts nor being the center of attention, just would like to look back with no regrets. The guilt of asking my aunts or even my maid of honor to thow me a shower would haunt me, but I'd really like one. Sigh... Any sort of advice would be greatly appreciated!! Thank you

It is poor etiquette to throw your own shower. And you don't ask for a shower, it is offered to you by someone. It doesn't need to be any particular person (some people side-eye the MOH throwing one as well). Sorry nobody has offered you a shower. That's a bummer especially if you want one. But tons of brides get through their wedding just fine without one!

Who would possibly side-eye the MOH throwing a shower???

---boxes---- Fucking Christ, calm down. I thought our resident etiquette guru said that once. Maybe its the MOB or MOG. Whatever. Either way, it doesn't matter. Its the same response. People have to offer and you can't ask or throw your own.

Seems like you are the one that needs to calm down. JC was just saying no one side eyes the MOH. You didn't say "I think" you said it with authority. She was just correcting you.  We try to give correct information here.

ETA: Calm not come!

Viczaesar

We have a (single) resident etiquette guru?  Who is it?