Ceremony/reception gap

bridetobe9995

Hi all! So we are having our reception at a Catholic Church because FI was raised catholic. Because of Saturday mass, we have to have the ceremony earlier in the day than I wanted. I'm very firm about wanting an evening reception, so that will mean about a 2 hr gap between the ceremony and reception. Is this a horrible thing to do to my guests?!

[Deleted User]

We struggled with the same issue.   We originally had our wedding planned for a Saturday afternoon with a 2:30 ceremony.    We quickly realized that no venues would accommodate an early start to a reception because they host events in the afternoon.    Every venue gave us a start time of 6pm or 7pm. 

I called my church back and asked about Friday wedding times.   The priest said they could do 5pm on a Friday.   This ended up working perfectly; the venue that fit best with our budget and smaller guest count would let us start around 7pm.  

Going with a Friday eliminated the gap altogether; our ceremony is scheduled to start a 5pm and end about 6:15pm.   Our guests will then travel about 35 minutes to the venue and will enjoy cocktail hour upon arrival.  

Gaps are generally considered impolite and it tends to kill the party feel.    I would not do a gap.  Have you considered a Friday wedding? 

rcher912

If you're stuck with a gap, please please please let your guests know of some kind of alternate hang-out space (someone's house, a bar, a hotel, something). Even on the program or something? I'm not sure there's an etiquette for this, but it would be nice to know there's somewhere to connect with others during the gap.

I've been stuck as both an in-towner (who ended up spending 2-3 awkward hours at home by myself) AND as someone who drove 2 hours to the wedding (who then got lost trying to find the hotel others were staying at, because I wasn't staying overnight). It was not super fun.

ETA: Frankly, I was looking recently at our parish's ceremony times, and I imagine there are a ton of brides in my area running into your very problem. They have the same issue, with a Sat night Mass and so the wedding times are much earlier in the day.

banana468

We encountered a similar issue and just began the reception earlier to solve the problem.

I never understand the concept of being so religious that you must be married in a church but so inhospitable that you won't host your guests the entire time.  

bridetobe9995

AMEN TO THAT. The Catholic ceremony was NOT our idea, but we were given a very, very harsh ultimatum. So now I'm jumping through hoops trying to make it work.

holyguacamole79

@bridetobe9995, this is the second time you've mentioned that you're essentially being forced to marry in the Catholic Church.  What's the dealio?  This needs to be a decision between you and your FI.  His mother is not a deciding factor.  

MesmrEwe

Personally - I prefer when there's a gap!!!  I like not being rushed from one thing to the other and events essentially running late because everyone tried to pack too many things into too short of a timespan.  I never have an issue with what to do during that time, if I'm OOT, it's a chance to check into the hotel, if I need to get a card or wrap the gift I've got a chance, if the kids need a nap it's a chance for that, otherwise I just go antiquing or something like that.  That said - I also appreciate knowing that there will be a gap and what span of time we're dealing with!!!  (I think ours was at least 3 hours but it FLEW by)

How we handled it "Reception to follow at (Site), address, Appetizers/Happy Hour at (time), with Dinner & Dance to follow at 6:15 in small print. 

banana468

MesmrEwe said:

Personally - I prefer when there's a gap!!!  I like not being rushed from one thing to the other and events essentially running late because everyone tried to pack too many things into too short of a timespan.  I never have an issue with what to do during that time, if I'm OOT, it's a chance to check into the hotel, if I need to get a card or wrap the gift I've got a chance, if the kids need a nap it's a chance for that, otherwise I just go antiquing or something like that.  That said - I also appreciate knowing that there will be a gap and what span of time we're dealing with!!!  (I think ours was at least 3 hours but it FLEW by)

How we handled it "Reception to follow at (Site), address, Appetizers/Happy Hour at (time), with Dinner & Dance to follow at 6:15 in small print. 

How rushed are you to drive from the church to the reception??   They don't start until the wedding guests arrive so I'm not understanding the rushed feeling or the desire to do something else when all dressed up.

It's a concept that escapes me.   When I'm in a dress and heels I don't want to shop, stop to nap or walk around.   I want to get to the party.

And hosts need to do their job.   Leaving your guests stranded and not hosted for 3 hours may be common but it isn't courteous. 

mellowmarshmallow

MesmrEwe said:

Personally - I prefer when there's a gap!!!  I like not being rushed from one thing to the other and events essentially running late because everyone tried to pack too many things into too short of a timespan.  I never have an issue with what to do during that time, if I'm OOT, it's a chance to check into the hotel, if I need to get a card or wrap the gift I've got a chance, if the kids need a nap it's a chance for that, otherwise I just go antiquing or something like that.  That said - I also appreciate knowing that there will be a gap and what span of time we're dealing with!!!  (I think ours was at least 3 hours but it FLEW by)

How we handled it "Reception to follow at (Site), address, Appetizers/Happy Hour at (time), with Dinner & Dance to follow at 6:15 in small print. 

Nope. DH and I had our wedding without a gap. Wedding at Catholic church at 1:30pm, reception started as soon as people arrived at the venue, about 3:00pm. Reception was over by 7pm, but people still ate, drank, and danced even in the middle of the day. Guests need no more of a gap than the time it takes to get from the ceremony to the reception.

A 3 hour gap does not fly by for people who are not in the wedding party. We went to a family wedding last month with a 3 hour gap. We spent it at a family member's house with 40+ people complaining about the gap and telling us how much they appreciated our gapless wedding. Say NO to the gap.

ETA: A lot of family, especially those with kids, only came to the family member's reception and skipped the ceremony because of the gap.

MesmrEwe

banana468 said:

MesmrEwe said:

Personally - I prefer when there's a gap!!!  I like not being rushed from one thing to the other and events essentially running late because everyone tried to pack too many things into too short of a timespan.  I never have an issue with what to do during that time, if I'm OOT, it's a chance to check into the hotel, if I need to get a card or wrap the gift I've got a chance, if the kids need a nap it's a chance for that, otherwise I just go antiquing or something like that.  That said - I also appreciate knowing that there will be a gap and what span of time we're dealing with!!!  (I think ours was at least 3 hours but it FLEW by)

How we handled it "Reception to follow at (Site), address, Appetizers/Happy Hour at (time), with Dinner & Dance to follow at 6:15 in small print. 

How rushed are you to drive from the church to the reception??   They don't start until the wedding guests arrive so I'm not understanding the rushed feeling or the desire to do something else when all dressed up.

It's a concept that escapes me.   When I'm in a dress and heels I don't want to shop, stop to nap or walk around.   I want to get to the party.

And hosts need to do their job.   Leaving your guests stranded and not hosted for 3 hours may be common but it isn't courteous. 

We have a gigantic family with lots of farmers (anyone who's not familiar with farm life, the care and keeping of the animals comes first and everyone in the family understands this part of life, and many a groom has gone to milk cows, shower, and then get to the reception)...  Typically there's about a "half hour drive" and sometimes longer between the church and the reception site because often everyone lives in small towns with their church there, but reception sites large enough to accommodate the family and hotels are usually in the next town over.  Most hotels don't allow you to check in until 3:00 but with mass usually somewhere between 10 and 2 most people coming in from out of town are coming in that morning and time is needed to perform those tasks too.  The largest gap I've ever seen for a wedding was 6 hours and no one felt like they were inconvenienced in any way because we knew this was going to be the case so we could figure out our own plans. 

IMO - obviously you only have so much flexibility in regard to the starting time of the ceremony.  Our church had a very specific start time.  Our reception site also had plenty of activities for people to do if they were "bored" before the start of the events. But some reception sites aren't accommodating to guests arriving hours before the happy hour and meal.  You have to do what works for your wedding regardless of what an etiquette book has to say because they don't know your family and guests.  Above all else, letting your guests (not just your wedding party) know the timeline is the most important part IMO whether that's a 5 minute gap or a 5-hour one. 

photokitty

I have always felt inconvenienced by a gap, except the time I was 12 and my dad had to take me and my 5 brothers and sisters to the zoo bc there was a 3 hour gap at an OOT family wedding. 6 kids in church clothes running around the zoo - while we had a blast, I'm pretty sure my parents were VERY inconvenienced.  Just say no to gaps!

chrisig8

My ceremony is at 3:30 and the cocktail begins at 6 so I have the gap too.  I hate it, but that's the only time I can do it. 

The church is about 40 minutes away from the reception and we do have a block of rooms at a nearby hotel. 

My hope is that the guests all book rooms and they can go back to the hotel and get ready for the party and jump in the shuttle to the cocktail hour.

The plus side is that you and your wedding party have all that time to take pictures so you can enjoy the cocktail hour.  I know that's what my fiancé and I are looking forward to!

photokitty

chrisig8 said:

My ceremony is at 3:30 and the cocktail begins at 6 so I have the gap too.  I hate it, but that's the only time I can do it. 

The church is about 40 minutes away from the reception and we do have a block of rooms at a nearby hotel. 

My hope is that the guests all book rooms and they can go back to the hotel and get ready for the party and jump in the shuttle to the cocktail hour.

The plus side is that you and your wedding party have all that time to take pictures so you can enjoy the cocktail hour.  I know that's what my fiancé and I are looking forward to!

There is no plus side for a gap for anyone but you - and that's selfish. You maybe looking forward tot he gap so you can enjoy happy hour, but your guests - they aren't looking forward to entertaining themselves, especially with a 40 min drive.

You have options - host appetizers and beverages at the hotel or start cocktail earlier. Wanting an evening reception does not mean it is the only time you can do it. Plenty of us have had Catholic wedding without gaps.

Butterflyz419

photokitty said:

chrisig8 said:

My ceremony is at 3:30 and the cocktail begins at 6 so I have the gap too.  I hate it, but that's the only time I can do it. 

The church is about 40 minutes away from the reception and we do have a block of rooms at a nearby hotel. 

My hope is that the guests all book rooms and they can go back to the hotel and get ready for the party and jump in the shuttle to the cocktail hour.

The plus side is that you and your wedding party have all that time to take pictures so you can enjoy the cocktail hour.  I know that's what my fiancé and I are looking forward to!

There is no plus side for a gap for anyone but you - and that's selfish. You maybe looking forward tot he gap so you can enjoy happy hour, but your guests - they aren't looking forward to entertaining themselves, especially with a 40 min drive.

You have options - host appetizers and beverages at the hotel or start cocktail earlier. Wanting an evening reception does not mean it is the only time you can do it. Plenty of us have had Catholic wedding without gaps.

Disagree. Went to a Catholic wedding a couple years ago with a gap. By the end of the long ceremony, I had realized that the shoes I had chosen to wear were not as comfortable as they felt when I put them on that afternoon. After hanging around a bit after the ceremony, since it was so hot (Austin, TX in August) we stopped at 7-11 to get something to drink. By the time we did that, went back to where we were staying, I changed my shoes, we both freshened up, and then got in the car to drive to the reception location, and arrived we had already missed the first 15 mins. of cocktail hour. Have never cared, will never care about gaps.

holyguacamole79

chrisig8 said:

My ceremony is at 3:30 and the cocktail begins at 6 so I have the gap too.  I hate it, but that's the only time I can do it. 

The church is about 40 minutes away from the reception and we do have a block of rooms at a nearby hotel. 

My hope is that the guests all book rooms and they can go back to the hotel and get ready for the party and jump in the shuttle to the cocktail hour.

The plus side is that you and your wedding party have all that time to take pictures so you can enjoy the cocktail hour.  I know that's what my fiancé and I are looking forward to!

bridetobe9995

If anyone is curious.... I did some rearranging for my big day.

The ceremony will now begin at 6pm.  It is outside of mass, so we hope to have everyone to the reception by 7pm (it's a mile away from the church) and last until midnight. 

Unfortunately this means I will have to do photos with FI and all our family before the wedding, but we will make it work.

Thanks you everyone's input!