Ceremony and Reception

kmbay84

I am nervous to even bring this up.  Perhaps because friendship drama is also heavily on my mind and in my heart and I despise drama.  Perhaps because you knotties have been wonderful to me and I don't want to ruin that.  I was just reading about gaps between the ceremony and reception and I am wondering about mine. *ducks oranges*  Here goes:

Our ceremony is at 4:30PM and it will be about a half hour.  Our reception venue is about 10-15 minutes away and people probably won't actually get out of there until about 5:10-5:15ish, although out ceremony will be done by 5PM at the very latest.  I want to get in, get the job done, get out and have fun.  I should check on this to make sure, but I believe that people can start arriving at the reception venue about 5:15ish for cocktail hour.  I thought that was the case anyway, but reading other posts about the rudeness of gaps makes me second guess myself.  Anyway, I don't want my FI to see me before I walk down the aisle, so we are going to be doing pictures at the chapel and then find a couple of places, if we have time, to take pictures.

My grandma lives in an assisted living facility and she is the major reason why I in my heart of hearts wanted my wedding to be in my hometown.  She is an amazing, kind, inspiring woman who holds a special place in my heart. My grandma and my step-grandpa baby-sat my brothers and I when we were younger before we started school and when my parents were working.  I have a lot of vivid, wonderful memories of our times together and she has always shown nothing but love and support.  They both taught me so much, such as how to tie, but most importantly helped to instill in me compassion and acceptance. I truly hope I am like her when I am older because she is the sweetest grandma ever, but is also strong-willed, smart, and funny when you would least expect it.  I have always wanted her to see me get married ever since I was little.   However, she can't walk which is why she is in the assisted living facility and it may be too hard for her to get out of the facility.  She also doesn't want to be a burden on anyone.  Well, my plan was that we would then come to her.  Between the ceremony and reception, I would love to travel the mere 10 minutes to her assisted living facility and visit her.  I want to share that special day with her somehow and if it means coming to her, then that is what I would love to do.  My FI and I went to visit her this past weekend and she read my mind.  She asked if there would be any way that we could stop by on our way to the reception if she can't make it to the ceremony so that she can see me on my wedding day.  That brought tears to my eyes and I said that was what we had been planning all along, which brought tears to her eyes.  We are such saps!

I then figure maybe find a nice park along the way to take some quick pictures outside and then head to the reception.  We should hopefully arrive by 6PM, maybe 6:15PM at the latest and dinner would start soon after.  Does that sound reasonable?  I know gaps are rude and I am trying so hard to make my guests happy.  My grandma does mean the world to me and I would love to see her on my wedding day.  Does that seem like too long of a time period?  I feel like a lot of people take pictures between the ceremony and reception, but perhaps I am wrong?

If you have read all of that, I apologize for the length, but thank you!

esstee33

If your ceremony is over at 5, it's a 10-15 minute drive to the reception space, and cocktail hour starts at 5:15, I'm not seeing a gap. The gaps people are talking about being awful are, like, much longer periods of time. I think you're ok in this case.

Lots of couples take pictures between the ceremony and reception, too -- that's what they're doing while their guests are at cocktail hour.

I think it would be wonderful to go see your grandma during that time; I'd just be sure to have enough time for that and also pictures without cocktail hour running too long.

Viczaesar

kmbay84 said:

I am nervous to even bring this up.  Perhaps because friendship drama is also heavily on my mind and in my heart and I despise drama.  Perhaps because you knotties have been wonderful to me and I don't want to ruin that.  I was just reading about gaps between the ceremony and reception and I am wondering about mine. *ducks oranges*  Here goes:

Our ceremony is at 4:30PM and it will be about a half hour.  Our reception venue is about 10-15 minutes away and people probably won't actually get out of there until about 5:10-5:15ish, although out ceremony will be done by 5PM at the very latest.  I want to get in, get the job done, get out and have fun.  I should check on this to make sure, but I believe that people can start arriving at the reception venue about 5:15ish for cocktail hour.  I thought that was the case anyway, but reading other posts about the rudeness of gaps makes me second guess myself.  Anyway, I don't want my FI to see me before I walk down the aisle, so we are going to be doing pictures at the chapel and then find a couple of places, if we have time, to take pictures.

My grandma lives in an assisted living facility and she is the major reason why I in my heart of hearts wanted my wedding to be in my hometown.  She is an amazing, kind, inspiring woman who holds a special place in my heart. My grandma and my step-grandpa baby-sat my brothers and I when we were younger before we started school and when my parents were working.  I have a lot of vivid, wonderful memories of our times together and she has always shown nothing but love and support.  They both taught me so much, such as how to tie, but most importantly helped to instill in me compassion and acceptance. I truly hope I am like her when I am older because she is the sweetest grandma ever, but is also strong-willed, smart, and funny when you would least expect it.  I have always wanted her to see me get married ever since I was little.   However, she can't walk which is why she is in the assisted living facility and it may be too hard for her to get out of the facility.  She also doesn't want to be a burden on anyone.  Well, my plan was that we would then come to her.  Between the ceremony and reception, I would love to travel the mere 10 minutes to her assisted living facility and visit her.  I want to share that special day with her somehow and if it means coming to her, then that is what I would love to do.  My FI and I went to visit her this past weekend and she read my mind.  She asked if there would be any way that we could stop by on our way to the reception if she can't make it to the ceremony so that she can see me on my wedding day.  That brought tears to my eyes and I said that was what we had been planning all along, which brought tears to her eyes.  We are such saps!

I then figure maybe find a nice park along the way to take some quick pictures outside and then head to the reception.  We should hopefully arrive by 6PM, maybe 6:15PM at the latest and dinner would start soon after.  Does that sound reasonable?  I know gaps are rude and I am trying so hard to make my guests happy.  My grandma does mean the world to me and I would love to see her on my wedding day.  Does that seem like too long of a time period?  I feel like a lot of people take pictures between the ceremony and reception, but perhaps I am wrong?

If you have read all of that, I apologize for the length, but thank you!

If your cocktail hour starts at 5:15 and you arrive at 6:15 and the reception starts then, that's fine.  It's also really sweet that you want to visit your grandma in case she can't make the ceremony or reception.  However, I highly doubt you will be able to take pictures at the chapel, visit your grandma (with a 20 minute drive), and then find another location and take additional pictures in an hour.  It's not a realistic time frame.  You really need to pick either pictures at the chapel or pictures in a park along the way, not both.  Or focus your efforts on figuring out how to arrange for transportation of your grandma to your wedding so you don't need to do a separate visit.  If her only issue is that she can't walk, you should be able to find and pay for appropriate transportation services.

lurkergirl

I don't see a huge gap problem here (actually I think you are planning too much in too short of a time frame), but I always caution people against visiting relatives in hospitals or assisted living facilities.

Is the facility prepared to deal with a bride, groom, and their photographer? What about the other residents? Is there any way you could spend time with her by yourself before the wedding? What about skyping her in for the ceremony and calling her afterward?

I just feel like that's one of those things that sounds sweet in theory, but you have to talk to the facility because it could be a nightmare. Plusalso, I'm sure you want to limit any traveling between everything so you won't be late to your own reception.

theartistformerlyknownas

Gaps refer to unhosted spans of time between ceremony ending and cocktail hour starting. They don't fever to the bride and groom being absent for picture-taking. As long as people are hosted immediately upon arrival, and as long as you arrive within an hour or VERY shortly thereafter, you're fine. However, I worry you won't have enough time, and if you show up 2.5 hours later like my SS did, people will be furiously leaving.

Could you visit your grandma before the ceremony so you're not as rushed through pictures?

jenna8984

I agree with others. You are not having a gap because the schedule goes right from the end of the ceremony into cocktail hour which you will arrive at the end of. That is perfectly normal and fine. But I don't think you'll have time to do all of that in between in one hour. Seriously, that hour goes by SO fast. We took all our of pictures in the hour before the ceremony and it felt really rushed and quick and I didn't even get as many pictures as I'd hoped. I got maybe 6 of us as a couple, 2 of the whole wedding party, 1 of just girls, 1 of just guys, and 1 of each family/ parents set. I really wish I had more and that was all in one location without driving. (obviously there were tons of candids later in the night but these were the only different posed pictures we got).

I think it would be really hard to just say hi and run out of the assisted living home. You'd end up getting stuck talking to her and talking to others who saw you in the hall and your hour would easily be eaten up. I think it would be really nice if you went to see her that morning before you were dressed or even on your way to the ceremony.

lovegood90

There's technically not a gap because cocktail hour would be from 5:15-6:15. However are you really going to have time to do all your pictures and see your grandma and travel in an hour? I think you need to decide what's more important- seeing your grandma or not having your husband see you before getting married. I really think you should do a first look and family pictures before the ceremony. I feel like that's the best compromise to ensure you see your grandma and properly host your guests by ensuring you will arrive at your reception no later than 6:15.

larrygaga

Yes, I think you are just fine!!! You will make your grandma's week if you visit her! awe. 

STARMOON44

That's a really sweet plan! But I don't think you'll have time for pictures at the park too. Just do pics at the chapel, visit grandma, give her your boquet, and go to the reception.

ShesSoCold

I agree with PPs that there doesn't seem to be any issues with your plan, other than trying to squeeze way too much into one hour. 

I think the best way to do this is visit with your grandma before the ceremony or have a first look and take pictures before. I know that's not what you wanted to do, but you need to decide what's more important to you - not having him see you until the ceremony or having time to visit your grandma. 

larrygaga

Yeah, if you grandma doesn't really know your FI, you could go alone to see her. What she cares about is you, probably. Then take him to see her later. I would go once dressed in the morning before all the crazy happens.

kmbay84

Thanks for all of your thoughts ladies!  My grandma does know my FI and loves him dearly as well.  Definitely things to think about!  Thank you for clearing up the gap thing for me too.  I was so confused by what people meant by a gap.  For some reason I thought that included the cocktail hour, so that shows how much I know!  Silly me! Now I understand though. 
Yeah, that would be a good idea to visit her beforehand.  That is a tough call because I have always wanted my FI not to see me before walking down the aisle, but then I obviously want my grandma to see me in my wedding dress.  She seemed excited about seeing me in my wedding dress.  I was going to change at the chapel so that I wouldn't get the dress dirty before the ceremony.  Her assisted living facility is actually on the way to the reception venue from the chapel.

That is a good point about the assisted living facility's capacity to handle us.  That might be too much for them.  Perhaps I will give them a call and see if that is even a possibility and go from there.  If they so no, well then my decision is made for me.  I don't want to screw things up there.  I was thinking it might be possible to run inside, take a few pictures with her, and then head out again, but good point on the possibility of that too.  That might be harder than I think.  Good call.

Although a park with flowers would be nice, I honestly don't care about getting such pictures.  The people are more important to me.  There is a park literally right across from her assisted living facility that we possibly could stop at if we have time.  They don't have flowers, but they have trees and that could look pretty too.  Besides, I am sure pictures will be taken throughout the night at the reception anyway.

Also, we need to get this cemented for sure, so please don't throw oranges at me, but there is a small part of me that thinks that cocktail hour might start at 5:30PM instead of 5:15PM.  We need to triple check that for sure.  I was thinking of either doing a receiving line after the ceremony or exiting people row by row and saying hello/thank you that way, which is what my brother and sister-in-law did.  Would it be too terrible if it is at 5:30PM instead of 5:15PM?  I could see it taking awhile for people to get out of there if we do some type of exiting hello type thing.  I definitely feel like any later than that would be pushing it as I am sure people will be hungry by 6:30ish. 

The wedding is coming way too fast!  So weird!

Thank you for all of your input!

Teddy917

If the only reason that she's in assisted living is that it's hard for her to walk, couldn't you arrange transportation for her?

theartistformerlyknownas

A 15 minute "gap" is fine.