Open Bar

mikenberger

ashley8918 said:

You guys, I feel like we need an official NO CASH BARS EVER gif. Too bad I don't know how to make them.

Like Joan Crawford with a bottle of booze screaming "NO CASH BARS, EVER!!" 

KatieinBkln

Maggie0829 said:

KatieinBkln said:

Maggie0829 said:

No cash bar.

Whatever you host, host it all night.  So no full open bar during cocktail hour and then having it backed down to beer and wine only during the rest of the reception.

@maggie0829 what are your thoughts on having a "signature cocktail" only available at the cocktail hour but beer and wine only afterward? I'm curious because I've run into it before and never really given it a second thought, but now I'm realizing this might be an insane blind spot. I guess I didn't consider the signature cocktail a problem because it's not like the full bar is just sitting there, unused, for the remainder of the reception, like it would be in your example above, but now I'm wondering what the common wisdom is.

I think if you have a sig cocktail it should be available all night.  What if it is super tasty and people want to keep drinking it?  Or for people who don't like to mix alcohol, so they start with the cocktail and then after an hour no more drink for them?

For me all drinks that you are hosting should be served all night.  To not do so is like dangling a piece of chocolate cake in front of me and allowing me one bite but not the whole slice.

This makes perfect sense, thanks. 

I'm tacking down caterers at the moment so this is timely and appreciated!

ohannabelle

Agreed with previous posters. It isn't a matter of preference or opinion. It's a cut and dry no exceptions rule of etiquette - you don't charge guests money. 

There's just no way to make it graceful or acceptable. If someone asked me the polite way to deliberately belch in someone's ear, or how to chew with their mouth open, same principle. There's no polite way to violate a basic rule of good manners. 

So your options are paying for the full bar, paying for limited bar (wine/beer/soda/signature cocktails/ whatever combination) or paying for non-alcoholic refreshments. But the menu needs to be consistent throughout the evening, and not funded in any way by your guests. 

lurkergirl

mikenberger said:

ashley8918 said:

You guys, I feel like we need an official NO CASH BARS EVER gif. Too bad I don't know how to make them.

Like Joan Crawford with a bottle of booze screaming "NO CASH BARS, EVER!!" 

Ummmmm......

thisismynickname2

lyndausvi said:

Can I just say I just do not understand the concept of the bar being an after-thought.   Like when you pick out a venue wasn't the bar taken into consideration? (this is for people who want a bar, there is nothing wrong with dry weddings)    

To us the bar was just as important as the food, DJ and dress.  It was never an after-thought or something on an add-on like colored table cloths.  In my world the perfect venue would not include not being able to afford the bar.

*disclaimer - bar can mean beer/wine to full premium and everything in between.   A cash bar should never be part of the equation.

I completely and utterly agree with this. If you can't afford to host what you want at your dream venue, it is not your dream venue. 

It's like when I was shopping for condos. I saw one listed at the absolute top of my budget, only to learn that I "had" to buy a parking space for an additional $30k. Then why the eff didn't they list the condo for the total price? Waste of my time. 

Same applies to wedding planning. If you can't afford the bar (meaning soda +), you can't afford the venue. 

ashley8918

mikenberger said:

ashley8918 said:

You guys, I feel like we need an official NO CASH BARS EVER gif. Too bad I don't know how to make them.

Like Joan Crawford with a bottle of booze screaming "NO CASH BARS, EVER!!" 

PERFECT!

LadyMillil

flantastic said:

Knottie01034311 said:

My Fiance and I are paying for the majority of our wedding ourselves, so we've been doing a pretty good job at keeping our selections in check in terms of budget.  One question mark that remains (we're getting married in August so we have time to figure it out) is what to do about the bar at the reception - cash bar all night, open bar all night (or some variation of), open bar for cocktail hour only, etc.  We don't have an exact headcount yet but we sent Save The Dates out to a total of 142 people.  At that rate, our wedding planner told us an open bar for the night would run an average of $22/person, or right around $3K (ouch!).  I've heard countless opinions on cash bars, the majority of which say that it's a total bummer for guests to have to buy their own drinks after traveling (for those that aren't local), paying for a hotel, buying us a gift, etc.  That said, a good majority of our wedding guests are drinkers, hence our apprehension of picking up the tab for an open bar right before our honeymoon.  We can slice and dice an open bar any way we want (put a cap, only for a few hours, only offer one type of wine, beer, etc.) we just can't bring any outside alcohol in.  I realize this is a question of personal preference and budget, but I'm curious to know what you've seen done and/or heard that works well.  I'd love to be able to offer something for free all night, but the thought of picking up a $3-5K bill right before our honeymoon is terrible, lol.  Thanks in advance for any advice you can provide!

If you're doing an open bar, with a price per person, the bolded shouldn't matter in the slightest. You'll be paying the same amount for those people* whether they drink a little, drink a lot, or not at all.

If what you mean by "open bar" is having all the kinds of alcohol imaginable, it's perfectly fine not to do that and just host beer and wine. But the guests can't be expected to pay for anything that's available. That's really rude, not just a bummer.

ETA *Venues usually won't let you opt out of the price per person for "non-drinkers" because they have no guarantee that those people won't actually go up to the bar.

I definitely had to pay for non-drinkers in my per person alcohol charge, but I didn't have to pay above the dinner-only price for anybody underage and pregnant women. 

tcnoble

LadyMillil said:

flantastic said:

Knottie01034311 said:

My Fiance and I are paying for the majority of our wedding ourselves, so we've been doing a pretty good job at keeping our selections in check in terms of budget.  One question mark that remains (we're getting married in August so we have time to figure it out) is what to do about the bar at the reception - cash bar all night, open bar all night (or some variation of), open bar for cocktail hour only, etc.  We don't have an exact headcount yet but we sent Save The Dates out to a total of 142 people.  At that rate, our wedding planner told us an open bar for the night would run an average of $22/person, or right around $3K (ouch!).  I've heard countless opinions on cash bars, the majority of which say that it's a total bummer for guests to have to buy their own drinks after traveling (for those that aren't local), paying for a hotel, buying us a gift, etc.  That said, a good majority of our wedding guests are drinkers, hence our apprehension of picking up the tab for an open bar right before our honeymoon.  We can slice and dice an open bar any way we want (put a cap, only for a few hours, only offer one type of wine, beer, etc.) we just can't bring any outside alcohol in.  I realize this is a question of personal preference and budget, but I'm curious to know what you've seen done and/or heard that works well.  I'd love to be able to offer something for free all night, but the thought of picking up a $3-5K bill right before our honeymoon is terrible, lol.  Thanks in advance for any advice you can provide!

If you're doing an open bar, with a price per person, the bolded shouldn't matter in the slightest. You'll be paying the same amount for those people* whether they drink a little, drink a lot, or not at all.

If what you mean by "open bar" is having all the kinds of alcohol imaginable, it's perfectly fine not to do that and just host beer and wine. But the guests can't be expected to pay for anything that's available. That's really rude, not just a bummer.

ETA *Venues usually won't let you opt out of the price per person for "non-drinkers" because they have no guarantee that those people won't actually go up to the bar.

I definitely had to pay for non-drinkers in my per person alcohol charge, but I didn't have to pay above the dinner-only price for anybody underage and pregnant women. 

We have a "soda bar" option at our venue - $8.95 for anyone under 21. Now, our venue isn't actually counting and checking IDs to see just how many people are over 21. We have a handful (maybe 5-10) adults that we know beyond the shadow of a doubt will NOT be drinking alcohol - so we plan to include them at the $8.95 price. With a guest count of 150-200, we figure saying there are 10 people at the soda price isn't that outrageous - not like we are saying oh okay HALF our guests won't drink. 

Our venue hasn't said we couldn't do this, so we figure it's easier to say "oops! sorry!" than to ask for that permission. 

lyndausvi

tcnoble said:

LadyMillil said:

flantastic said:

Knottie01034311 said:

My Fiance and I are paying for the majority of our wedding ourselves, so we've been doing a pretty good job at keeping our selections in check in terms of budget.  One question mark that remains (we're getting married in August so we have time to figure it out) is what to do about the bar at the reception - cash bar all night, open bar all night (or some variation of), open bar for cocktail hour only, etc.  We don't have an exact headcount yet but we sent Save The Dates out to a total of 142 people.  At that rate, our wedding planner told us an open bar for the night would run an average of $22/person, or right around $3K (ouch!).  I've heard countless opinions on cash bars, the majority of which say that it's a total bummer for guests to have to buy their own drinks after traveling (for those that aren't local), paying for a hotel, buying us a gift, etc.  That said, a good majority of our wedding guests are drinkers, hence our apprehension of picking up the tab for an open bar right before our honeymoon.  We can slice and dice an open bar any way we want (put a cap, only for a few hours, only offer one type of wine, beer, etc.) we just can't bring any outside alcohol in.  I realize this is a question of personal preference and budget, but I'm curious to know what you've seen done and/or heard that works well.  I'd love to be able to offer something for free all night, but the thought of picking up a $3-5K bill right before our honeymoon is terrible, lol.  Thanks in advance for any advice you can provide!

If you're doing an open bar, with a price per person, the bolded shouldn't matter in the slightest. You'll be paying the same amount for those people* whether they drink a little, drink a lot, or not at all.

If what you mean by "open bar" is having all the kinds of alcohol imaginable, it's perfectly fine not to do that and just host beer and wine. But the guests can't be expected to pay for anything that's available. That's really rude, not just a bummer.

ETA *Venues usually won't let you opt out of the price per person for "non-drinkers" because they have no guarantee that those people won't actually go up to the bar.

I definitely had to pay for non-drinkers in my per person alcohol charge, but I didn't have to pay above the dinner-only price for anybody underage and pregnant women. 

We have a "soda bar" option at our venue - $8.95 for anyone under 21. Now, our venue isn't actually counting and checking IDs to see just how many people are over 21. We have a handful (maybe 5-10) adults that we know beyond the shadow of a doubt will NOT be drinking alcohol - so we plan to include them at the $8.95 price. With a guest count of 150-200, we figure saying there are 10 people at the soda price isn't that outrageous - not like we are saying oh okay HALF our guests won't drink. 

Our venue hasn't said we couldn't do this, so we figure it's easier to say "oops! sorry!" than to ask for that permission. 

Your venue admitted they do not do a headcount?

How strange? I've never worked at a place that didn't do a head count.    Mostly because people try and be sneaky and lower their numbers hoping we wouldn't notice and don't have to pay.

drunkenwitch

lurkergirl said:

NO CASH BARS EVERRRRR!!!!!!!



Literally anything else that provides free drinks is good.

Words can not express how much I love you for using a Joan Crawford GIF