Any ideas for my brother?

Knottie73227208

I would like to include my brother in the wedding party somehow, but my fiance already has his groomsmen and best man picked out.  I asked him if he wanted to be on my side, and he seemed kind of embarrassed since that was usually just a "ladies" thing.  Any other ideas of how I can include him or maybe have any other vocabulary word for a "bridesmaid" so I can include him without him being embarrassed?

Lauderdale Pink

See if you can Youtube some wedding videos of ceremonies with "brides men" so he can see that it does not look that different.  As a matter of fact, when guests see him up at that altar, they will probably just think that your brother is standing up with you.  If the groomsmen are wearing tuxedos, he could just wear a different color tie or pocket square.

lurkergirl

I don't think it's uncommon at all to have a man of honor or bridesman. Is he afraid he'll grow a vagina if he stands on the bride's side? If he's really uncomfortable you could ask him to do a reading.

southernbelle0915

lurkergirl said:

I don't think it's uncommon at all to have a man of honor or bridesman. Is he afraid he'll grow a vagina if he stands on the bride's side? If he's really uncomfortable you could ask him to do a reading.

All of this. I don't understand why he is "embarrassed"? How old is he?

A bride with her attendants:

A groom with his attendants:

I do not think the sky fell in either situation, or that anyone was shamed for life.

novella1186

If he doesn't want to do it, don't force him. He's allowed to say no. But, I also think if you refer to him as a "Man of Honor" rather than a "male bridesmaid' or whatever else, it might not seem to weird to him. Maybe show him some photos like the ones above that southernbelle posted so he can see that it's not an uncommon thing, and it's not weird. 

If he REALLY doesn't want to do it, then as PP said, maybe he could be a reader, or give a toast, or not have a role and just relax and enjoy the party? 

lovegood90

If he doesn't want to be in your bridal party (which is really immature of him, BTW), then the only other acceptable "role" is a reader if you're having a religious ceremony.

Guest book attendant, usher, handing out programs-these types of roles are not "honours" and are not necessary.

Jen4948

lovegood90 said:

If he doesn't want to be in your bridal party (which is really immature of him, BTW), then the only other acceptable "role" is a reader if you're having a religious ceremony.

Guest book attendant, usher, handing out programs-these types of roles are not "honours" and are not necessary.

Except for "usher," which can be an honor, I agree with you.

brittanykaylachandler

My two brothers are ushers in our wedding. My fiance isn't super close to them because of distance and age difference so making them groomsmen doesn't really fit. Ushers are important to a wedding!!

mrscomposer

My brother walked my mom down the aisle, and did a reading.

Robyn5298

I had a similar situation, and asked my brothers to be ushers. They wore the same suits as the groomsmen, and were in many of the formal bridal party photos.

It worked out well for us!

artbyallie

lovegood90 said:

If he doesn't want to be in your bridal party (which is really immature of him, BTW), then the only other acceptable "role" is a reader if you're having a religious ceremony.

Guest book attendant, usher, handing out programs-these types of roles are not "honours" and are not necessary.

Readings can be done in non-religious ceremonies too. There are plenty of good options that are not from scriptures.

msuprincess04

You can always have him do a reading. Mixed gender wedding parties are normal anymore. My brother stood on my side, and DH's good female friend stood on his side. We called them Bride's or Groom's Attendants. 

jenijoyk

Why can't he just stand on the groom's side? When we planned our wedding party, we kind of treated it as "our attendants." We both loved everyone on both "sides" and we decided on who would stand up there with us together. i really wanted my brother up there. We ended up with three ladies and five dudes. The ladies stood on one side, and the guys stood on the other. My brother is obviously a lot closer to me than my husband, but he stood with the other dudes. We didn't care that there had to be four bodies physically located on each side of the ceremony.  We didn't have programs so we didn't have to call him anything specific. They were all just "the wedding party." My brother and I took photos together, just like I took photos with the bridesmaids and whoever else I felt like taking formal photo combinations with. 

We also included both our brothers by having each of them hold our rings. So when we did the ring exchange, the officiant said, "LittleBro, will you please give your sister JeniJoy DH's ring?" Then my brother walked over to me from the guys' side and gave me the ring to put on my husband's finger. Same thing with my husband and his brother It was sweet and we liked giving our brothers' an extra role in the ceremony. 

[Deleted User]

As mrscomposer said, I think it would be super sweet if he were to walk your mom/other parent/grandparent/guardian down the aisle. IMO, anyone who walks down the aisle is in a position of honor, so it would be a nice way to include him without making him embarrassed or uncomfortable. If he doesn't want to do either of those things, well...you tried. I think the best part is that you made it clear that he is important to you and you want to include him. 

Jen4948

jenijoyk said:

Why can't he just stand on the groom's side? When we planned our wedding party, we kind of treated it as "our attendants." We both loved everyone on both "sides" and we decided on who would stand up there with us together. i really wanted my brother up there. We ended up with three ladies and five dudes. The ladies stood on one side, and the guys stood on the other. My brother is obviously a lot closer to me than my husband, but he stood with the other dudes. We didn't care that there had to be four bodies physically located on each side of the ceremony.  We didn't have programs so we didn't have to call him anything specific. They were all just "the wedding party." My brother and I took photos together, just like I took photos with the bridesmaids and whoever else I felt like taking formal photo combinations with. 

We also included both our brothers by having each of them hold our rings. So when we did the ring exchange, the officiant said, "LittleBro, will you please give your sister JeniJoy DH's ring?" Then my brother walked over to me from the guys' side and gave me the ring to put on my husband's finger. Same thing with my husband and his brother It was sweet and we liked giving our brothers' an extra role in the ceremony. 

Because it's up to the groom who stands on his side, not the bride or anyone else. If he doesn't feel that close to the OP's brother, then her brother should not stand up on his side just to be "included." And asking someone just to "include" them to make a third party happy, especially if neither the principal or the attendant is really okay with it, is a surefire recipe for someone's feelings getting hurt.

There is no obligation to ask one's FI's siblings of one's own sex to stand up on one's own side.