Chit Chat

A new way to invite people without really inviting them?

edited January 2015 in Chit Chat
I saw this on Facebook last night before I went to bed and my very first thought was, "I wonder what the Knotties would think of this!"

A FB friend of mine from college made a status last night about how she and her FI have found their "dream venue" but the problem is it can't hold everyone they want to invite, so she was wondering what people thought of live streaming the wedding so those they can't formally invite to be there in person can still watch. You ladies have trained me well because my internal response was, "How are you going to properly thank and host all of those 'guests?'"

All the comments are positive, with a few people pitching in ideas for how to do it, others praising her and her FI for being so innovative and considering a solution to their problem that cuts their costs considerably. A lot of people seem really, really excited at the thought of watching these two get married from a computer screen.

I don't know what to think. I guess I want to know, is this going to be a public link that anyone can click on, or is it only going to be shared with those they wanted to invite but didn't have the space for? I'd side-eye it less if it was a public link, because if I was told, "Hey, we wanted to invite you but didn't have the space, but we still want you to be there in spirit, so here's a link to watch!" that would make me feel pretty crappy. I'd rather just not receive any note and decide for myself if I wanted to click the link come the big day.

Also, I feel a little snarky saying this, but to me if it can't hold everyone you want to invite, it's not a "dream venue." Though she did mention they have a LOT of people they want to invite, so it's possible they can't afford to host all of them no matter the venue size.

What say you all? Ever heard of this? Is this a case where the idea is rude, or where etiquette just hasn't caught up with technology? I'm sure Emily Post did not conceive of such a thing.

And to all you lurkers: If you ask the FB hive mind if something is a good idea, only people who think it is will tell you it is. Because your friends like you and don't want to be mean, especially in front of people who like the idea.
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Re: A new way to invite people without really inviting them?

  • penguin44penguin44 Kansas City member
    500 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper First Answer
    I guess I am cold-hearted, but I have no desire to watch someone's wedding that I was not invited to. It just sounds like a waste of time. Would people just be watching the ceremony? Or would they get to watch people eat dinner and party after too?
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    novella1186theartistformerlyknownasadettma32JasperandOpal
  • IrishPirate60IrishPirate60 Clare Island member
    Sixth Anniversary 250 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    I will admit to watching the live telecasts of royal weddings, but that's where I draw the line.
    novella1186mrsdee15hellohkb[Deleted User]
  • JennyColadaJennyColada Awesometown, CA member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    Yes. Because your wedding is the most important thing in my life and I'm DYING to watch it. Clearly.
    adettma32larrygagafwtx5815
  • dolewhipperdolewhipper [wh]orlando member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    Nope.

    Unless I was invited and couldn't attend because of something out of my control (military, flight costs, in the hospital), this is a good alternative. 


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  • princessleia22princessleia22 Oceanfront Property in Arizona member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer

    We thought about doing this for our destination wedding.  We weren't going to do internet-only invites, or anything like that, but less than 1/2 of our invited guests were able to attend our wedding, so we thought about live-streaming it so those that couldn't come (some who really wanted to, but couldn't get off work or whatever) were able to watch from afar. We decided against it, mainly because it just seemed like too much trouble. 

    But, I have watched video of a cousins wedding ceremony before.  They did a private destination ceremony with only parents there then posted the video on Facebook afterward.  I was interested enough to watch the video, but I'm not sure I would have bothered to get online at the exact time for a live feed.

    But, to do just internet-streaming-only invites seems wrong to me.  Like you said, you are sending an invite without properly hosting them.  I'm fine with posting video afterward and giving people the option to watch.  But, honestly, unless it was a very close friend or relative, I wouldn't bother getting on to watch the wedding online in real time. And if they were that close, I'd probably be at the wedding in person.

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  • We thought about doing this for our destination wedding.  We weren't going to do internet-only invites, or anything like that, but less than 1/2 of our invited guests were able to attend our wedding, so we thought about live-streaming it so those that couldn't come (some who really wanted to, but couldn't get off work or whatever) were able to watch from afar. We decided against it, mainly because it just seemed like too much trouble. 

    But, I have watched video of a cousins wedding ceremony before.  They did a private destination ceremony with only parents there then posted the video on Facebook afterward.  I was interested enough to watch the video, but I'm not sure I would have bothered to get online at the exact time for a live feed.

    But, to do just internet-streaming-only invites seems wrong to me.  Like you said, you are sending an invite without properly hosting them.  I'm fine with posting video afterward and giving people the option to watch.  But, honestly, unless it was a very close friend or relative, I wouldn't bother getting on to watch the wedding online in real time. And if they were that close, I'd probably be at the wedding in person.

    Right. Like, if I had a guest who I really wanted there but who couldn't come (like if my grandfather was too sick to travel, which is a possibility), and there was an easy way to live-stream, I might try to find a way to rig it, if he was interested, but more likely I'd just share the video with him after the fact.
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  • Good reasons to live stream a wedding: close friends deployed in the military (bridesmaid close), housebound relatives (illness, injury, age, etc). If my best friend or close relative was getting married and I couldn't be there because I couldn't get on a plane to get to her, stream the shit out of that wedding.
    Bad reasons: a mismatch between your guest list, your budget, and your venue. Normal people have photos and videos from a wedding, and I would LOVE to see those after the fact. But if I'm not close enough to be in the first string invite list, I'm not close enough to take time out of my precious Saturday to watch you say "i do."
    dcbride86JCbride2015larrygaga
  • pinkcow13pinkcow13 The Concrete Jungle member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited January 2015
    I only watch Royal Weddings and Kim Kardashian weddings on a screen . Anything else 
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  • emmaaaemmaaa North Carolina mod
    Moderator 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    The only way this would be okay is if there was family that couldn't come for whatever reason (overseas, poor health, etc.) and they wanted to find a way to watch.

  • beetherybeethery So sayeth the fuckin' Pope. member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    I like to watch NeNe's wedding. That's it. 

    I don't even particularly like going to weddings to begin with. If someone invited me to some thing to watch a video of their wedding because they didn't want to/couldn't logistically work out the space to invite me to the actual event, I'd decline, and during the time that I would've been there you'd find me scarfing a burrito and doing life right.

    If I invited someone who couldn't make it and they told me they were hoping to watch on skype during the ceremony, I'd try to help them figure out who they could work that out with. I am a giant bitch, but that is their own problem to deal with unless it was like... my grandparents who have no access to that stuff. I'd help them.

    Short version: I would not be interested and I can't understand the interest in that because I am a grouchy bitch and don't care lol
    --

    I'm the fuck out.

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    dolewhipperashley8918fwtx5815
  • KatieinBklnKatieinBkln (NO SLEEP TIL) Brooklyn! member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary
    Yeah, B-listing via Skype is bullshit.


    Also, I would probably voice my displeasure over the idea on FB. Only if it were a real friend (not the wankersauruses who used to go to school with me and now clog up my feed with their mediocre lives; I stay out of their shit).
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    This baby knows exactly how I feel
  • Yeah, B-listing via Skype is bullshit.


    Also, I would probably voice my displeasure over the idea on FB. Only if it were a real friend (not the wankersauruses who used to go to school with me and now clog up my feed with their mediocre lives; I stay out of their shit).
    We were close-ish freshman year, but that was almost 10 years ago, so I stayed silent. I couldn't see myself being that one person who would say, "That's not a great idea" and having it go well. If she'd asked me directly, I might give her my honest thoughts, but as it is I have had no personal contact with her in years so it doesn't really affect me either way.
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  • Noooooooooooooope. Nope nope nope. "We think you like us enough to want to watch our Very Special Day, but we don't like you enough to want you physically there." Gee thanks.

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    beetheryashley8918
  • lovegood90lovegood90 Ontario member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Wow, had to laugh at this. Your wedding is not the Oscars, get over yourselves! People will survive not being invited to your wedding.

    Formerly martha1818

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  • dcbride86dcbride86 Washington, DC member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    Wegl13 said:
    Good reasons to live stream a wedding: close friends deployed in the military (bridesmaid close), housebound relatives (illness, injury, age, etc). If my best friend or close relative was getting married and I couldn't be there because I couldn't get on a plane to get to her, stream the shit out of that wedding.
    Bad reasons: a mismatch between your guest list, your budget, and your venue. Normal people have photos and videos from a wedding, and I would LOVE to see those after the fact. But if I'm not close enough to be in the first string invite list, I'm not close enough to take time out of my precious Saturday to watch you say "i do."

    This.  If for some reason, a family member was unable to attend, we would livestream it or record it for them.  But nobody else wants to watch my wedding ceremony.
  • VulgarGirlVulgarGirl Desert Oasis member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    The only time I'm ok with live-streaming is if we're talking about doing it for someone who was physically invited to the physical wedding but cannot attend but would really like to see it. I'm thinking like elderly relatives who can't travel, an ill family member, things like that.

    And even then, I find a lot of wedding ceremonies super boring. Hell, why do you think I drank during mine? So I would probably have little to no interest in watching it even if I had wanted to attend. Just show me the pictures later.
    beetherychibiyuisassyfrass2014
  • amelishaamelisha Canadian Texas member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    edited January 2015
    This doesn't really sit right with me, but I am trying to figure out how to deal with this myself a little.

    We're having a very small DW in Vegas and included in our package is a live-stream of the ceremony on the chapel website. We were originally going to use it just for his 91-year-old grandmother who is not able to travel, but now we're wondering if we should give the link out to anyone else - his (not-invited) extended family, for example. I don't like the idea because of all the ickiness already mentioned, but if word of the live-stream for FI's grandmother gets out to the rest of the family (if his sister says something or the aunt who's helping Grandma with the technology) and they ASK for the link, is it wrong to give it to them? I really can't tell. We're not at all close to the extended family and are only having 20 guests and we really didn't need to have them there, but if they actually want to watch FI get married on the internet...ugh, I don't know.

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  • We've considered doing this. My grandfather can't travel more than a couple of hours by car and can't fly. We're getting married where we live now (a 24 hour drive/3 hour flight from my hometown). We're going to work with our venue to live stream the ceremony for my grandpa and a couple of my aunts and uncles who can't make it. I'll probably just order a small cake from the local bakery and have it sent to my grandpa's house for all of them. But the link wouldn't be public (or sent to anyone other than my grandpa and probably 3 or 4 aunts and uncles who can't make it).

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  • mikenbergermikenberger In a f'n cornfield member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    You are B-listing me, but your Skype wedding includes a fully hosted bar where I can drink and heckle you... I'm in. 

    Beyond that, image

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    KatieinBklnashley8918
  • I understand it for family members/VIPs that can't travel for health or other reasons, but not broadcasting it generally.  If it was a friend that just announced on Facebook they were going to do that, I'm pretty sure I'd be busy watching something on Netflix that day.
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  • Also... get a pretty firm guest list together before you go making venue choices. Dream venue be damned!!

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  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Why do people think their wedding is the event of the century?
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    sassyfrass2014lovegood90
  • I don't think I'm special enough that people would log in to watch me get married live. But even if I was, if I couldn't invite you to my wedding for one reason or another, you might not be important enough for me to want you watching it via the interwebz. Just weird. 

    If it's a family member that is incapable of attending because of a health reason, like other PPs, okay that might not be so weird.
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  • I will admit to watching the live telecasts of royal weddings, but that's where I draw the line.
    Same. I watched the wedding between Duchess Kate and Prince William, but I too draw the line there.


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  • larrygagalarrygaga Czechoslovakia member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Unless it's a couple very close to me I only go to weddings for the party. I'll just watch tv instead. I think this is weird and rude.
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