People I don't know well at My Bridal Shower

[Deleted User]

Hi everyone, 

I'm getting married in a few months and my mother and stepmother-in-law are co-hosting my shower together.    My mom is the one buying and sending the invitations.  I was over her house the other day and was peeking at my stepmother-in-laws guest list.   I was shocked to see a ton of people I don't know well at all.   There are a few friends of my stepmother and father-in-law, and distance relatives (like second cousins).   I had to really stop and think about who some of these people were.   

I'm uncomforable accepting gifts from people I have not seen in ages/don't have a close relationship with.   Should I say something to my stepmother-in-law?  I don't want to seem rude or ungrateful, but I can't recall the last time I saw some of these people.   My FI is from a great big Italian family and I know that it's common to invite all the relatives so people's feeling don't get hurt.  But,  I just feel funny about it because I don't want it to seem like a gift grab.  

Do I say something or just pretend like I didn't see the list?  

lovegood90

Are these people invited to the wedding? Only people invited to the wedding should be invited to pre-wedding parties, or else yes it definitely looks like a gift grab. It's also just rude.

If it were me I would speak to your mom/future SMIL about cutting the list to only invited wedding guests (assuming these people aren't invited).

ETA: Sorry, I totally missed the part where you said they were invited to the wedding! If you're still uncomfortable I'd still say something. I was under the impression that showers were only for your nearest and dearest, or else it can seem like a gift grab.

[Deleted User]

All these people are invited to the wedding (my in-laws paid for extra guests).  They are friends of my in-laws.  One is the FFIL's best friend's wife.  The other is my stepmother's best friend.   I've met them once/twice before ( I had to stop and think about who they even were at first), but not enough to feel comfortable accepting gifts from them. 

There are some cousins on there that I've met before (but I can't say I'm close to), but I haven't seen in year because FI and I moved out of state.   I'm OK with the cousins coming to the wedding, because FI knows them well.   But, I don't feel comfortable with them being at the shower; I don't know them well at all. 

AddieCake

I would say something.

LtPowers

This is why it's a bad idea for family to throw showers.

mrscomposer

On the flip side - the girls in our church group threw a shower for me, and it was the community/church ladies who were invited, as well as J's side of the family (all of these people were invited to the wedding).  They were there with the perspective that they were showering BOTH of us, and were happy to be able to meet me.  I took the opportunity to meet a bunch of women that I'd only heard about at that point, and was able to remember a lot of their names (and all of their faces) at the wedding.  It was nice to have had that touchstone with them.

I parked myself at the end of the food line and greeted everyone as they went past me.

flantastic

mrscomposer said:

On the flip side - the girls in our church group threw a shower for me, and it was the community/church ladies who were invited, as well as J's side of the family (all of these people were invited to the wedding).  They were there with the perspective that they were showering BOTH of us, and were happy to be able to meet me.  I took the opportunity to meet a bunch of women that I'd only heard about at that point, and was able to remember a lot of their names (and all of their faces) at the wedding.  It was nice to have had that touchstone with them.

I parked myself at the end of the food line and greeted everyone as they went past me.

There were a bunch of ladies (like family friends) who I had literally never met in my life at my shower, thrown by FMIL. I hated it, but then again I'm an introvert. Theoretically they knew H, but I'm pretty sure he wasn't close with all of them, and since I really wasn't planning on hanging out with them in the future, and the person they knew (H) wasn't "allowed" to be present/the center of attention with me, it made zero sense to me.

Say something if you'll be uncomfortable. Hopefully your mother and stepmother, being your own family, will care about your preferences once they know what they are.

STARMOON44

I wouldn't say anything. They're invited to the wedding, if they don't want to come to the shower they will RSVP no. In general I think staying out of the shower planning as much as possible is a good plan.

xx802xx

If they are invited to the wedding as well, then I wouldn't say anything. If they bring a gift to the wedding you would have to accept that gift anyways. If they were not invited to the wedding....then you should definitely mention something.

My future mother and father in law also want to have several people NEITHER my fiancé or myself have met before (father's golf pals and mothers lunch party friends). Since they have offered to pay for those guest we do not know...we've agreed. It's is important to them that these people be invited and it won't burden us financially to have them as well. It will be very weird to accept a gift if they come to a bridal shower and even more awkward to approach and thank a stranger for coming to our wedding/ giving a wedding gift...but it pleases my fiancés parents, isn't a financial burden and is important to them.

JCbride2015

Another vote for don't say anything as long as they are invited to the wedding.  FMIL is the same way with her friends-- they go to everything for each other's kids, whether or not they know the kids well.  They are always happy to celebrate and they love to show off to each other I mean, shower each other's kids with gifts.  It's not a hill I would die on.

[Deleted User]

Thanks for the suggestions. I've decided to let the issue go since these people are important to my future stepmother-in-law.    It doesn't seem like any etiquette rules are being broken, so I'm OK with it.  I