Crappy decision

novella1186

One of my BMs started planning a bachelorette party for me, and I was really excited. Only two people RSVPd yes, 3 can't make it at all, and 2 are still undecided. So then I felt kind of bad because of course I want to see everyone (we all live in different cities so I hardly ever get to see any of these ladies) but realistically I knew not everyone would be able to make it since we also all have different schedules and everyone is busy. And I was still super excited to see the two who said yes and the BM who's planning. Even with just the 4 of us, I knew it would be fun. 

Come to find out, the planner never bothered to check on dates with anyone. She checked with me, and then went ahead and planned everything without talking to anyone else. My best friend lives several states away and could make it the following weekend because she'll be on break from grad school. She can't make it the weekend that's planned because of exams. So she called the planner to talk to her about it. The planner asked the other girls if she could push it back a weekend so best friend would be able to fly in. 

Out of the 3 who can't make it at all, 2 still definitely wouldn't be able to make it. Out of the 2 who RSVPd yes, 1 would then not be able to make it (FI's sister). 

So planner told me that it was up to me. I can keep the weekend we originally planned and best friend definitely can't come. Or I can push it back a weekend so best friend can potentially fly here, which she seems to really want to do, but then FI's sister definitely can't come. His sister and I have gotten really close, I was excited for her to come and she said she was excited about it too, so how can I choose to cut her out now? But best friend wants to fly all the way out here, which really surprises me because I know she's busy and doesn't have a ton of extra money and is going to have to fly here again for the wedding in a few months. How am I supposed to say, "No, we're not changing the date, don't fly here"? 

I'm supposed to decide today what I want to do, and I have no idea what to do. Honestly the whole situation is making me feel really bad. 

redwoodoriginal

Can you try and pick a different date- as in, not either of those two? I'm not sure what the timeframe is, but maybe picking a third more neutral weekend could work? That way you aren't picking one over the other?

classicalandedgy

Can your BF come the weekend she is free and perhaps just the two of you do something really special together?  I imagine she wants to see you and celebrate, if it were me and I were planning on flying out, I'd be ok with us doing our own thing.

novella1186

redwoodoriginal said:

Can you try and pick a different date- as in, not either of those two? I'm not sure what the timeframe is, but maybe picking a third more neutral weekend could work? That way you aren't picking one over the other?

That was my initial thought too, but apparently bf only has this ONE weekend to fly out and then she starts classes again or something. So if I pick anything besides the one weekend, she can't come. 

larrygaga

If it's truley between those two weekends I say stick with the original plan.

novella1186

classicalandedgy said:

Can your BF come the weekend she is free and perhaps just the two of you do something really special together?  I imagine she wants to see you and celebrate, if it were me and I were planning on flying out, I'd be ok with us doing our own thing.

That's a good idea. I think she would feel bad missing out on the actual party because she wants to be there for stuff. I've told her from the beginning that I don't expect her to make it to all the parties and whatnot because of the distance, and it 100% does not bother me. Obviously I would love for her to be here, but it's not like I expect her to hop on a plane for every little thing, and it would be completely insane for me to be mad at her or upset with her for not being here. But I still think she feels a little bad about it. 

Maybe I can just plan a fun girls not out or something and see if she wants to just come for that.... 

theartistformerlyknownas

Have a 3-week long bender bachelorette. It's like an open house; you're drunk in sequins the whole time and people filter in and out as they're able. 

;-)

novella1186

lolo883 said:

Have a 3-week long bender bachelorette. It's like an open house; you're drunk in sequins the whole time and people filter in and out as they're able. 

;-)

You're a fucking genius! 

thisismynickname2

That does suck, I'm sorry. You'll still have fun with just the four of you and you'll be able to see your best friend another time!

Sometimes this crap is just unavoidable. My husband's bachelor party was just him and his best man, but they still had a grand ole time.  

emmaaa

larrygaga said:

If it's truley between those two weekends I say stick with the original plan.

Ditto. If you change the date to accommodate your BFF, your FSIL may feel purposely excluded.

novella1186

emmaaa said:

larrygaga said:

If it's truley between those two weekends I say stick with the original plan.

Ditto. If you change the date to accommodate your BFF, your FSIL may feel purposely excluded.

That's exactly what I'm worried about. It really doesn't seem fair to her. 

emmaaa

novella1186 said:

emmaaa said:

larrygaga said:

If it's truley between those two weekends I say stick with the original plan.

Ditto. If you change the date to accommodate your BFF, your FSIL may feel purposely excluded.

That's exactly what I'm worried about. It really doesn't seem fair to her. 

I liked a PP's suggestion to have your BFF fly in still on the weekend she could come and y'all hang out and spend one-on-one time together.

kaitlynmichelle

I'd keep the original date. Otherwise FSIL could feel very excluded and hurt that you switched the date knowing she then couldn't go. Have your BFF still come (if she wants to do this) and do something fun for just the two of you.