What Etiquette Breaches Did TK Save You From?

bethsmiles

dcbride86 said:

afaber24 said:

TK saved me from.....

--Partial cash bar. It's been partial cash bar (only beer and wine hosted) at at least 30 of the 40 or so weddings I've attended

--Matching jewelry as BM gifts

--Dollar Dance (always hated it!)

--Requiring specific shoes, hair, nails, etc. I had to tell BM's at least 5 times "whatever you want" because they have never been able to choose before.

--Honeymoon fund. Yikes!

--Asking people to help

Didn't get here in time to save me from....

The gap! Eww, but it was only an hour. Everyone hung out and caught up with family in the hotel bar. I apologized about it to several folks and everyone said they didn't mind. But of course they did!

@afaber24 - I recently sent my BMs an email asking them to wear any style shoes (flats, heels, wedges) in a neutral color or silver - but also said if they didn't own any shoe in any neutral (black, brown, nude) or silver to let me know and we would figure something out.  I immediately got several texts from BMs saying things like "YOU MEAN I GET TO WEAR COMFORTABLE SHOES?!"  I was amazed.  How many BMs dictate the shoes?

For nails, I want to ask them to just wear any light/neutral color or no polish, and I'm also offering to pay for manicures before the rehearsal.  I feel like that isn't too crazy of a request, but maybe it is?

I don't think anyone is going to notice their nail color.

lovegood90

afaber24 said:

TK saved me from.....

--Partial cash bar. It's been partial cash bar (only beer and wine hosted) at at least 30 of the 40 or so weddings I've attended

--Matching jewelry as BM gifts

--Dollar Dance (always hated it!)

--Requiring specific shoes, hair, nails, etc. I had to tell BM's at least 5 times "whatever you want" because they have never been able to choose before.

--Honeymoon fund. Yikes!

--Asking people to help

Didn't get here in time to save me from....

The gap! Eww, but it was only an hour. Everyone hung out and caught up with family in the hotel bar. I apologized about it to several folks and everyone said they didn't mind. But of course they did!

@afaber24 - I recently sent my BMs an email asking them to wear any style shoes (flats, heels, wedges) in a neutral color or silver - but also said if they didn't own any shoe in any neutral (black, brown, nude) or silver to let me know and we would figure something out.  I immediately got several texts from BMs saying things like "YOU MEAN I GET TO WEAR COMFORTABLE SHOES?!"  I was amazed.  How many BMs dictate the shoes?

For nails, I want to ask them to just wear any light/neutral color or no polish, and I'm also offering to pay for manicures before the rehearsal.  I feel like that isn't too crazy of a request, but maybe it is?

I think it's too much to dictate nails. I guarantee no one will notice their nails. Even if you're paying for it, I think it's approaching micro-managey territory.

dcbride86

lovegood90 said:

afaber24 said:

TK saved me from.....

--Partial cash bar. It's been partial cash bar (only beer and wine hosted) at at least 30 of the 40 or so weddings I've attended

--Matching jewelry as BM gifts

--Dollar Dance (always hated it!)

--Requiring specific shoes, hair, nails, etc. I had to tell BM's at least 5 times "whatever you want" because they have never been able to choose before.

--Honeymoon fund. Yikes!

--Asking people to help

Didn't get here in time to save me from....

The gap! Eww, but it was only an hour. Everyone hung out and caught up with family in the hotel bar. I apologized about it to several folks and everyone said they didn't mind. But of course they did!

@afaber24 - I recently sent my BMs an email asking them to wear any style shoes (flats, heels, wedges) in a neutral color or silver - but also said if they didn't own any shoe in any neutral (black, brown, nude) or silver to let me know and we would figure something out.  I immediately got several texts from BMs saying things like "YOU MEAN I GET TO WEAR COMFORTABLE SHOES?!"  I was amazed.  How many BMs dictate the shoes?

For nails, I want to ask them to just wear any light/neutral color or no polish, and I'm also offering to pay for manicures before the rehearsal.  I feel like that isn't too crazy of a request, but maybe it is?

I think it's too much to dictate nails. I guarantee no one will notice their nails. Even if you're paying for it, I think it's approaching micro-managey territory.

Okay, thanks!  I won't ask them to do anything for their nails.  You're right, it is micromanagey.  After going back and reading it today, I see that more.  I can't quite imagine looking back at photos and being distracted by crazy nails, and now that I think of it, I actually doubt they would wear a crazy color anyway, so the request could just be totally unnecessary and come off and annoying.  Thanks for keeping me in check

charcoalandblush

A few more:

- Matching jewelry as bridesmaids gifts (it's what I've always gotten)

- Not exactly an etiquette breach, but I didn't know that it was ok to send Thank You cards immediately for gifts you get before the wedding (not shower gifts, like wedding gifts that are delivered directly to your house). It seemed weird to me, but now that I know it's ok, I will definitely do this now and save the hassle of writing every single TY note after the wedding.

- On a similar note, sending Thank You notes ASAP after the wedding. Everyone where I'm from always says you have a year to send out wedding thank-yous. I don't remember whether it was TK or somewhere else, but I now know that waiting that long is NOT ok. Not that I necessarily would have waited a full year, but I probably would have taken my time a lot more.

Casadena

Jessie42613 said:

YOU GUYS.

Before TK, I was totally, 1000000% down with setting up a bank account where guests could give us money for the down payment on a house.  Like, in my mind this was the best. idea. ever.  And that shit was going in the invitations, on the website, all of it.

Thank God for y'all.  ReallY

SIB:  I am in a wedding next summer and they are totally doing this, and a honeyfund, and registering at 4 different stores.  I love them, but holy crap it's obnoxious.

Hysilvinialithibel

Reading these boards did change my mind from having certain alcohol available with the bar at the restaurant open if people wanted to pay for other drinks. That's what most people in person suggested, when I said no to the partial cash bar they seemed confused but accepted it. 

However, I think I actually went too far worrying about some of the etiquette stuff on here. There were a few friends who weren't on the initial guest list, but that we ended up seeing more as time went on. I wanted to invite them, but thought it could be perceived as B listing or as an afterthought since it was getting close to the final RSVP date and the wedding. Now, I wish I had just given them the choice. I feel kind of bad. Oh well. 

Vivandiere8

Things I learned from the Knot

First: was early on my fiance and I mentioned the idea of a cash bar. We were really thinking that we didn't want one anyway as it just seemed so much nicer to make it open, but reading people talk about it on here just firmed up my thinking that we definitely should make it open for sure and budget around that.

Second: Before coming on the knot I had heard people say that having a gap between ceremony and reception was normal, and almost expected. But after seeing the light on here I rearanged things so that the cocktail hour would begin the moment the guests arrived at the reception site. (it was only going to be a half hour gap but I closed it just to make sure everyone was as happy as possible)

Third: Did not put registry information with invitations. I had been told this was normal and expected as well, but after seeing people's reactions to it on here I saw how gift grabby it looked so thought better safe than sorry and left them out.

Think that might be it.

lyndausvi

Hysilvinialithibel said:

Reading these boards did change my mind from having certain alcohol available with the bar at the restaurant open if people wanted to pay for other drinks. That's what most people in person suggested, when I said no to the partial cash bar they seemed confused but accepted it. 

However, I think I actually went too far worrying about some of the etiquette stuff on here. There were a few friends who weren't on the initial guest list, but that we ended up seeing more as time went on. I wanted to invite them, but thought it could be perceived as B listing or as an afterthought since it was getting close to the final RSVP date and the wedding. Now, I wish I had just given them the choice. I feel kind of bad. Oh well. 

B-listing is when you send out invites, then send out another around AFTER you get declines.

You are always able to add guests up until invites get sent out.   Even if you sent out STD.   

Everyone who gets an STD must get an invite.  Everyone who gets an invite doesn't have to get a STD.

Hysilvinialithibel

lyndausvi said:

Hysilvinialithibel said:

Reading these boards did change my mind from having certain alcohol available with the bar at the restaurant open if people wanted to pay for other drinks. That's what most people in person suggested, when I said no to the partial cash bar they seemed confused but accepted it. 

However, I think I actually went too far worrying about some of the etiquette stuff on here. There were a few friends who weren't on the initial guest list, but that we ended up seeing more as time went on. I wanted to invite them, but thought it could be perceived as B listing or as an afterthought since it was getting close to the final RSVP date and the wedding. Now, I wish I had just given them the choice. I feel kind of bad. Oh well. 

B-listing is when you send out invites, then send out another around AFTER you get declines.

You are always able to add guests up until invites get sent out.   Even if you sent out STD.   

Everyone who gets an STD must get an invite.  Everyone who gets an invite doesn't have to get a STD.

Yes, I had already sent out invitations. I was worried they would think they were B listed, even though it had nothing to do with getting back declines. I didn't do save the dates. This was happening at the time RSVPS were close to due.