Wedding Etiquette Forum

Need advice about step-parent!

I need some advice please! My dad and I aren't exceptionally close. He hasn't been there a whole lot and while he ocassionally tries having a relationship with me, it isn't by any means consistent. He got divorced from my step-mom about 2 to 3 years ago after 9 years of marriage. I am close to her. She's always treated me as one of her own and I have a lot of love for her and my step-sister, who is a bridesmaid. My father also has a new girlfriend that I am not particularly fond of. At all. He doesn't want me to invite my step-mother to the wedding, for fear it will upset his new girlfriend. I say screw her, I love my step mom and would rather have her there than the new girlfriend. Now, I'm not saying the new girlfriend isn't invited. She is ofcourse, as my father's significant other. However, I don't feel that I should have to exclude the woman who has loved me and treated me like family for the past 12 years just to make this new woman comfortable. Am I being unreasonable? Should I not invite my step-mom because my father doesn't want me to?

Re: Need advice about step-parent!

  • CRNewcomb said:
    I need some advice please! My dad and I aren't exceptionally close. He hasn't been there a whole lot and while he ocassionally tries having a relationship with me, it isn't by any means consistent. He got divorced from my step-mom about 2 to 3 years ago after 9 years of marriage. I am close to her. She's always treated me as one of her own and I have a lot of love for her and my step-sister, who is a bridesmaid. My father also has a new girlfriend that I am not particularly fond of. At all. He doesn't want me to invite my step-mother to the wedding, for fear it will upset his new girlfriend. I say screw her, I love my step mom and would rather have her there than the new girlfriend. Now, I'm not saying the new girlfriend isn't invited. She is ofcourse, as my father's significant other. However, I don't feel that I should have to exclude the woman who has loved me and treated me like family for the past 12 years just to make this new woman comfortable. Am I being unreasonable? Should I not invite my step-mom because my father doesn't want me to?
    You're hosting the party? Invite the people whom you want there. Dad and GF can get over it.
    [Deleted User]MairePoppyCRNewcombfredburkle
  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    edited January 2015
    I'd invite your ex-stepmom because you are close. Since your dad's GF is invited anyway, he needs to get over it.

    Is your mom in the picture and if so, is she OK with it?
  • You most certainly aren't being unreasonable.  Your Father is the one being unreasonable.  Looks like his new GF and your Father are just going to have to deal with your Step-Mom being at your wedding. It isn't like either of them will even have to talk to her let alone be near her.

    CRNewcomb
  •   Invite the step-mom.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    charcoalandblushCRNewcomb
  • Definitely invite your step-mother. Just because they got divorced does not mean that she is no longer part of your family.
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    charcoalandblushKatWAGCRNewcombfredburkle
  • If you love your step mother and want her to be there, invite her.  Dad and new GF need to act like freaking adults for a few hours. 


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    CRNewcomb
  • Definitely invite your step-mom. She is YOUR guest, to YOUR wedding, not his.

    He and new GF will have to get over it. Same as when you have biological and step parents in the mix- everyone has to push away any negative feelings and act like grown ups.

    CRNewcomb
  • Agree with PPs. If you have an relationship with her then invite her. Your dad and his GF will get over it.
    CRNewcomb
  • Definitely invite your step-mother. Your dad and his new girlfriend are adults who can get over it.


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    CRNewcomb
  • Jen4948 said:
    I'd invite your ex-stepmom because you are close. Since your dad's GF is invited anyway, he needs to get over it. Is your mom in the picture and if so, is she OK with it?

    What does it matter if her mom is okay with it? If OP is close to her Step-mom and wants to invite her, the response would be the same if her mom was throwing a hissy fit as well - build a bridge and get over it.
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    [Deleted User]CRNewcombfredburkle

  • Jen4948 said:

    I'd invite your ex-stepmom because you are close. Since your dad's GF is invited anyway, he needs to get over it.

    Is your mom in the picture and if so, is she OK with it?


    What does it matter if her mom is okay with it? If OP is close to her Step-mom and wants to invite her, the response would be the same if her mom was throwing a hissy fit as well - build a bridge and get over it.

    FFS, it was just a casual question. Of course it doesn't fucking make a difference whether or not her mom is okay with it as to whether or not the ex-stepmom should be invited. But since there was no mention of her, presumably she's either okay with it, not in the picture, or mature enough that even though she's not okay with it she's going to let it go. I was just curious which scenario is the case.
  • Jen4948 said:
    Jen4948 said:
    I'd invite your ex-stepmom because you are close. Since your dad's GF is invited anyway, he needs to get over it. Is your mom in the picture and if so, is she OK with it?

    What does it matter if her mom is okay with it? If OP is close to her Step-mom and wants to invite her, the response would be the same if her mom was throwing a hissy fit as well - build a bridge and get over it.
    FFS, it was just a casual question. Of course it doesn't fucking make a difference whether or not her mom is okay with it as to whether or not the ex-stepmom should be invited. But since there was no mention of her, presumably she's either okay with it, not in the picture, or mature enough that even though she's not okay with it she's going to let it go. I was just curious which scenario is the case.

    Sorry if I came off as aggressive, that was not my intention. I just don't think it matters no matter the situation. For example, even if OP's mom was paying for most of the wedding, OP probably is allowed to invite a certain amount of people so her step-mom would be added to that list.

    I would hope OP's mom is okay with the situation and not adding stress but even if she isn't - eh. She'll live another day.

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  • allispain said:
    Definitely invite your step-mother. Just because they got divorced does not mean that she is no longer part of your family.
     
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  • @Jen4948 Yes, my mom will be there. She really likes my step-mom and they are friends. She has no problem with her being there. 

    Thanks everyone for your feedback. I will definitely be including my step-mother. :)
    runsonveggiesJen4948SP29fredburkle
  • CRNewcomb said:
    @Jen4948 Yes, my mom will be there. She really likes my step-mom and they are friends. She has no problem with her being there. 

    Thanks everyone for your feedback. I will definitely be including my step-mother. :)
    YAY! Great decision. :)
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