never mind

Knottie33233823

It doesn't matter

mrsconn23

Knottie33233823 said:

My fiance has not told his children about our future plans. He has two boys that are 13 & 15. He has brought up the fact that he has a Friend he has been spending time with who has 2 girls. They want nothing to do with us. So he has not really approached the subject again. Every time he does he calls me his friend. I told him he needs to tell them the truth and I'm his fiance now he says they are smart and they know what he means. We are getting his house ready for my girls and myself to move into, we are planning to be married December of this year. I know he is not embarrassed of me because he tells everyone about our upcoming wedding and we have even started the planning/purchasing process, I just don't know why he won't tell them about us, he says even if they want nothing to do with us or if they hate him for it he will still marry me but I don't think that is fair to them or him and I don't want him to have 2 lives one with them and one with us, I want us to be one family and I want to meet them. And now all of a sudden he was to push the date of us moving in and the wedding back due to he doesn't think we have time to get house ready to move in and then have the wedding, all we need to do for the house is put in a new hot water heater and he wants to paint the walls. Someone tell me I am not being set up for heart break, I love this man so much and I know he loves me but I just don't get why he won't tell you them. Please help

If you've started planning, I'd drop it all right now.  He (and by extension, you) have so many issues to work out prior to starting married life together. 

How long has he been divorced?  What is his relationship like with his ex?  How did you guys meet?  How long have you been together? 

There's no way for US to tell you why he won't tell his kids about you and why he's now decided to start pushing things back.  But I'd take a guess that he's just not ready.  Maybe pre-marital counseling will help.  But at this point, you need to get talking to one another about your future. And yes, his kids are old enough to probably have figured out that you're more than just a friend. 

Good luck. If I were in your shoes, I could not in good conscience get married with what you currently have going on. I hope it works out.  But don't settle for a guy who wants to offer you half a life.  

Knottie33233823

He has been divorced for 4 years, his relationship with his ex is still Rocky, we met when I became a patient of his 3 years ago, we started dating 2 years ago. I will not be able to marry him if he does not tell his kids and introduce me to them soon. I have already canceled apts for dress shopping and have not brought up the wedding at all. I guess I am just making a fool out of myself. Thank you for your response.

PMeg819

Knottie33233823 said:

He has been divorced for 4 years, his relationship with his ex is still Rocky, we met when I became a patient of his 3 years ago, we started dating 2 years ago. I will not be able to marry him if he does not tell his kids and introduce me to them soon. I have already canceled apts for dress shopping and have not brought up the wedding at all. I guess I am just making a fool out of myself. Thank you for your response.

Whoa, whoa whoa. You were his patient? Depending on what he does, that could be a serious issue. For some medical professionals, dating a patient can mean a loss of license. I'd be very cautious about this.

Second, he calls you a friend to his children. When does he plan to tell them? The day before the wedding? After you move in? You need to get some family counseling going. He cannot tip toe around this with his kids. At their ages, they are more than aware of what an adult relationship is and what it means to them. Enough that they are already unhappy with what information they have been given. If he drops a bomb that his "friend" is actually his fiance and there is a wedding planned they are going to flip and it's not going to be pretty.

6fsn

Run, run far and fast.  His KIDS don't know you are in a 2 year relationship and you were a patient?  He doesn't sound like someone I could trust.

mrsconn23

I hope this is/was MUD.  

mrsconn23

Also, 'patient' could be dental patient.  Just sayin'.  I don't find that as...squicky.  But since OP doesn't seem to want to discuss it further, we will probably never know. 

6fsn

I mean I dated my chiropractor and all.  So dentist alone wouldn't be a huge thing, but there are also 4 kids involved.

NOLABridesmaid

Yeah, my eye doctor is hot, just saying. I could see changing doctors for him, yo.

*Barbie*

this sounds like the plot of a bad Lifetime movie. 

Heffalump

Sounds like he's not ready to remarry yet.  I'd move on.

short+sassy

I see the OP is probably not coming back, but that is complete crazy pants he has apparently proposed, yet hasn't even introduced her to his kids.

Has she even been to his house?  I'd be having suspicions she hasn't been introduced to his children because he is already married or has another serious FI/GF and the cat would be out of the bag.