MOH is 16, what should I do for bachelorette party?

yankeefaniniowa

My sister is my maid of honor. We are extremely close. The problem is she is 16. The rest of my wedding party (all from high school and all know my sister well) are my age, 24. We are planning on going to Minneapolis for a couple of nights but I know my other friends want to go out downtown and drink and there was also some talk of strippers. I'm not really a fan of either idea as I hate bars/clubs and being the center of attention but I'm trying to find a common ground and I definitely don't want anything to get out of control. I'm thinking we could get some hotel rooms, buy some alcohol and play games (Cards Against Humanity, etc) and from there I'm not sure. It is really important to me to include my sister but she's not even old enough to get into 18 and over places.

PrettyGirlLost

1st, you shouldn't be involved in the planning beyond people asking your input on things, such as "Do you want a stripper?".

2nd, If your MOH or someone in the wedding party offered to plan and host your bach party, that's fine.  However, no one should be planning anything until they talk with the rest of the wedding party and ask them if they want to help co-host and what their individual budgets are.

If you want to include your 16 year old sister, clubs and strippers are not an option.  So you need to communicate that to the people planning your bach party.

And if you just want to hang out and play games, why do you need to go out of town and book hotel rooms?  Wouldn't it be cheaper and more convenient just to do that sort of thing at someone's house?

jacques27

I won't repeat all the good commentary about who should be planning, etc.

I agree that honestly, if hanging out in a hotel and playing games is your ideal, don't spend the money to travel to Mpls to do that - hang out at someone's house or rent a hotel suite close to home if you don't want to worry about cleanup.  Other similar things you could do to supplement this sort of a party:

*go bowling (do you have anything like Pinstripes - which has alcohol, bowling, bocce, and a few other activities)

*have a bonfire

*hire someone to come to your house for an activity or take a class  (for example, one friend had a belly dance instructor come to the bachelor party and we all learned some basic belly dancing moves for an hour or so before we started chowing down on nachos and sangria and had a bonfire - also places like Cheers Pablo are really popular, where you can drink wine and you paint a picture - no art experience needed)

*do a home spa - buy products to pamper and do manis and pedis or go to a local spa/salon

If you're going to do Mpls, then do things that are unique to Mpls (or at least a larger city if you don't have any others that are closer).  For instance:

*Valleyfair (if you're into theme parks)

*Twins Game (if you're going during baseball season and there's a home game - Target Field is gorgeous with lots of food and alcohol choices for those that partake)

*RollerGirls roller derby (in St. Paul, but now that the Green Line train is open, you can get to downtown St. Paul easily from downtown Mpls.)

*Shopping at the Mall of America (not my cup of tea, but might be for some and it certainly has a lot of variety)

*Go to a show - Hennepin Ave has a lot of theatres with the Broadway touring companies often performing at the Orpheum - or maybe there will be a concert or comedian in town that you enjoy, too

[Deleted User]

1st, you shouldn't be involved in the planning beyond people asking your input on things, such as "Do you want a stripper?".

2nd, If your MOH or someone in the wedding party offered to plan and host your bach party, that's fine.  However, no one should be planning anything until they talk with the rest of the wedding party and ask them if they want to help co-host and what their individual budgets are.

****Box Here****

I was under the impression that OP was inadvertently being dragged into the planning by her BMs, and now needs advice on how to fix a sticky situation. From what I can guess, her other BMs offered to plan this and what she addresses is their plan.

OP - If I were you, I would consistently communicate that I am uncomfortable with the idea of clubs and strippers, etc. (For the record, I am right there with you.) If they push back, I would probably say that they are more than welcome to do that amongst themselves, but you and your sister will not be participating. Remind them that they aren't actually obligated to throw you a bachelorette party. If they are upset/don't understand why you don't want to do that, I would say 1)It is not your style/personality and 2) you do not want to exclude your sister, who you love, and would absolutely never want to put her in danger or an uncomfortable and illegal situation.

As far as alternative plans, I think your idea sounds fun. I know some commenters think it is silly to rent hotel rooms, because you could save money, but if that is the best way to split the difference between what your BMs want and what you are comfortable with, and it's monetarily possible, then go for it. I live near Atlantic City and people my age ALWAYS go there and rent hotel rooms just to drink for the hell of it. I guess its the "atmosphere." Anyway, you could totally have just as much, if not more fun, having a low-key night in with games and movies and tons and tons of snack food. As far as alcohol, obviously be careful with it around a 16-year-old, especially if you are in a public place and/or even a hotel room. 

tcnoble

I'm in a similar situation - my MOHs are my sisters... they are 16 and 19. The day we all went BM dress shopping we had lunch after and my sisters asked about a bachelorette party. We talked and I made it clear I wanted them to be able to participate... so they talked with my other BMs and we are doing a weekend trip to Disney (not a far drive for us).

YOU have to communicate what is important to you - if strippers and bars aren't it, express that in some manner to the BM who has started planning.

yankeefaniniowa

abcdevonn, you're absolutely right about the planning aspect.

As far as the Minneapolis aspect, it's my favorite place in the midwest (live in Iowa) and an easy three hour drive which is probably why they chose it. There's also a ton to do up there and money for hotels isn't an issue. I've been tossing around the idea of going to a ski park and everyone loves that idea so I think we're going to go with that at the very least. 

PS- jacques27  Target Field is amazing. The FI and I have been to several games up there. Unfortunately, it won't be baseball season. Which really is unfortunate because I'm a huge baseball fan. 

WhatawagSBNy

There are two kinds of bachelorette parties.

One is the equivalent of a men's traditional bachelor party. The friends or family including those special enough to be BP host, do the planning and often it involves a very adult night out or other special event.
Not the bride hosting, not for her to plan.

The other is the replacement for the traditional but for many outdated bridal luncheon or tea party, where the bride herself hosts the party, picking up the expenses making the choices and plans.

This event is traditionally for a few long time friends, may include some of or all of the party, and a very few family, usually of the bride's own generation. Sisters, SIL a close cousin. Usually smaller and may be quite informal. Generally not drinking focused parties though some liquor may be served. Spa days, overnight camping, borrowing a cottage or going to a public park with a beach area and playing fields. Getting dolled up for a play or concert, movie and dinner. Emphasis on time together without SO. Some brides use this as a time to give any little gifts to BP and shower holders, some don't.
Usually not large groups, and no one including Bp should have an expectation like invite one must invite all.

A person can have one of each kind.
Maybe instead of trying to force fit sister into the adult entertainment party type one you should tell people you are planning a small type 2 party for a few people and will include sister then.

[Deleted User]

WhatawagSBNy said:

There are two kinds of bachelorette parties. One is the equivalent of a men's traditional bachelor party. The friends or family including those special enough to be BP host, do the planning and often it involves a very adult night out or other special event. Not the bride hosting, not for her to plan. The other is the replacement for the traditional but for many outdated bridal luncheon or tea party, where the bride herself hosts the party, picking up the expenses making the choices and plans. This event is traditionally for a few long time friends, may include some of or all of the party, and a very few family, usually of the bride's own generation. Sisters, SIL a close cousin. Usually smaller and may be quite informal. Generally not drinking focused parties though some liquor may be served. Spa days, overnight camping, borrowing a cottage or going to a public park with a beach area and playing fields. Getting dolled up for a play or concert, movie and dinner. Emphasis on time together without SO. Some brides use this as a time to give any little gifts to BP and shower holders, some don't. Usually not large groups, and no one including Bp should have an expectation like invite one must invite all. A person can have one of each kind. Maybe instead of trying to force fit sister into the adult entertainment party type one you should tell people you are planning a small type 2 party for a few people and will include sister then.

Except for the bolded, this sounds lovely.  You can't throw a party in your own honor!  If you just decide you want to get together with the girls without it having anything to do with your wedding, fine.  But as soon as it becomes about your wedding, you can no longer play hostess.

WhatawagSBNy

Bridal luncheons or teas for attendants or a few close friends have been hosted by the bride for at least 60 years. They are not to honor the bride. They were (and in some places still are) for the purpose of the bride having some social time set aside for women close to her. So she chooses the guests and usually pays.

It is the bachelorette party where the friends treat the bride to a last night out on the town that is new.

But both kinds of parties usually get called bachelorette now. And on a national or international board, it becomes difficult, since different regions observe different customs.

Lots of times on the knot people talk as though there is only one right way to do everything. But this is a land of many subcultures, and sometimes 2 different things are both legitimate and right.

augsum15

My sister is one of my BM's and she'll soon be 16 too, I told my MOH I didn't care what we did, as long as it was fun and my sister could be involved the entire time. I'd feel much better having someone I love there, than having to abandon her at a certain time so the rest of us who are old enough to go out to bars can do so. 

At the end of the day it's for you, and who ever is planning it should make sure whatever is going on, you will be happy with. 

ohannabelle

adk19 said:

WhatawagSBNy said:

There are two kinds of bachelorette parties. One is the equivalent of a men's traditional bachelor party. The friends or family including those special enough to be BP host, do the planning and often it involves a very adult night out or other special event. Not the bride hosting, not for her to plan. The other is the replacement for the traditional but for many outdated bridal luncheon or tea party, where the bride herself hosts the party, picking up the expenses making the choices and plans. This event is traditionally for a few long time friends, may include some of or all of the party, and a very few family, usually of the bride's own generation. Sisters, SIL a close cousin. Usually smaller and may be quite informal. Generally not drinking focused parties though some liquor may be served. Spa days, overnight camping, borrowing a cottage or going to a public park with a beach area and playing fields. Getting dolled up for a play or concert, movie and dinner. Emphasis on time together without SO. Some brides use this as a time to give any little gifts to BP and shower holders, some don't. Usually not large groups, and no one including Bp should have an expectation like invite one must invite all. A person can have one of each kind. Maybe instead of trying to force fit sister into the adult entertainment party type one you should tell people you are planning a small type 2 party for a few people and will include sister then.

Except for the bolded, this sounds lovely.  You can't throw a party in your own honor!  If you just decide you want to get together with the girls without it having anything to do with your wedding, fine.  But as soon as it becomes about your wedding, you can no longer play hostess.

It's kind of the opposite thing of hosting your own party, or at least used to be. It's actually in honor of the bridesmaids, and once upon a time it was just an extra fun girly lunch where you'd give your bridesmaids their presents. My mama's family was big on this one. 

It's a sweet tradition, really.  Do people still do this? 

amarie688

Here are some ideas -

One of my friends had hers at a condo at a ski resort.  Our plan was to go out but we ended up just staying in, making dinner, playing games, etc and it was a lot of fun

Another one of my friends had hers at a Dave & Busters.  She doesn't really drink and her sister was underage at the time so that ended up being a great option for her

Another idea could be one of those paint & sip classes - some of the places by me will allow teenagers to participate, they just obviously can't drink any alcohol.

WhatawagSBNy

ohannabelle said:

adk19 said:

WhatawagSBNy said:

There are two kinds of bachelorette parties.

One is the equivalent of a men's traditional bachelor party. The friends or family including those special enough to be BP host, do the planning and often it involves a very adult night out or other special event.
Not the bride hosting, not for her to plan.

The other is the replacement for the traditional but for many outdated bridal luncheon or tea party, where the bride herself hosts the party, picking up the expenses making the choices and plans.

This event is traditionally for a few long time friends, may include some of or all of the party, and a very few family, usually of the bride's own generation. Sisters, SIL a close cousin. Usually smaller and may be quite informal. Generally not drinking focused parties though some liquor may be served. Spa days, overnight camping, borrowing a cottage or going to a public park with a beach area and playing fields. Getting dolled up for a play or concert, movie and dinner. Emphasis on time together without SO. Some brides use this as a time to give any little gifts to BP and shower holders, some don't.
Usually not large groups, and no one including Bp should have an expectation like invite one must invite all.

A person can have one of each kind.
Maybe instead of trying to force fit sister into the adult entertainment party type one you should tell people you are planning a small type 2 party for a few people and will include sister then.

Except for the bolded, this sounds lovely.  You can't throw a party in your own honor!  If you just decide you want to get together with the girls without it having anything to do with your wedding, fine.  But as soon as it becomes about your wedding, you can no longer play hostess.

It's kind of the opposite thing of hosting your own party, or at least used to be. It's actually in honor of the bridesmaids, and once upon a time it was just an extra fun girly lunch where you'd give your bridesmaids their presents. My mama's family was big on this one. 

It's a sweet tradition, really.  Do people still do this? 

*************
Around here they are more common than night on the top bar hopping, strip clubs, or spas.
When I was first out of the service and in grad school I kept up correspondence with people I served with, men and women. A good number had planned marriages at the end of their hitch, or within a year. Many men and women gave this kind of party for their friends and BP, and were happy to plan and pay for it. When you are cut off from your normal social group for two to four or more years, I think you are looking looking to reestablish important relationships, and let people know you simply value their companionship. For this reason I think more of these people chose this option that might have otherwise.

But they came from Boston and western Mass, upstate NY and Ohio, Wyoming, Colorado, Washington, UP Michigan, Oklahoma and Georgia and Pennsylvania. As well as here in NH.

So the tradition is not dead. But maybe more common in rural or country areas, and amongst people less influenced by tv and the web, which forget such nice traditions and push the model of the male bachelor party for women.

Let's face it. The wedding and hospitality industry makes a lot more money from people who rent limos, bar hop, travel and go to spas that from quieter camping trips, dinner parties, or using borrowed cottages just to play cards and swim and yak a lot.

To each their own. But I think a lot of people do not realize there is a long and still current tradition of this. And it is the bachelor parties where friends honor the bride that are new.

Also now many weddings have showers and bachelorette parties, two parties friends pay for and plan to honor the bride. And few where the bride pays, very little if she plans it that way, and the bride plans, and the bride does this to honor her friends and same generation family .

AJh1021

I was recently in a wedding where the MOH (the bride's sister) and another BM (the groom's sister) were 17. There were only 4 BM's and 2 of them were underage, so instead of a "bachelorette" party, we had more of a girls night. We hired someone to come do massages, manicures, and pedicures. we ordered pizza, had veggies & fruits to snack on, and watched a chick flick. it was a nice, relaxing evening in the middle of what can be a very stressful time. since you've said you're not into the club scene and strippers, I think this kind of party would be a good option for you. maybe you could go to a hotel or spa instead of having it in one of your homes.

flantastic

Keep in mind - even if you plan something low-key in which she could participate, she still may not want to, which is okay. My 17 year old sister could have participated in all the aspects of my bachelorette party, but she didn't feel comfortable anyway being the only one near her age when the rest of us would be 25+, so she didn't come. That's legit.

MobKaz

ohannabelle said:

adk19 said:

WhatawagSBNy said:

There are two kinds of bachelorette parties. One is the equivalent of a men's traditional bachelor party. The friends or family including those special enough to be BP host, do the planning and often it involves a very adult night out or other special event. Not the bride hosting, not for her to plan. The other is the replacement for the traditional but for many outdated bridal luncheon or tea party, where the bride herself hosts the party, picking up the expenses making the choices and plans. This event is traditionally for a few long time friends, may include some of or all of the party, and a very few family, usually of the bride's own generation. Sisters, SIL a close cousin. Usually smaller and may be quite informal. Generally not drinking focused parties though some liquor may be served. Spa days, overnight camping, borrowing a cottage or going to a public park with a beach area and playing fields. Getting dolled up for a play or concert, movie and dinner. Emphasis on time together without SO. Some brides use this as a time to give any little gifts to BP and shower holders, some don't. Usually not large groups, and no one including Bp should have an expectation like invite one must invite all. A person can have one of each kind. Maybe instead of trying to force fit sister into the adult entertainment party type one you should tell people you are planning a small type 2 party for a few people and will include sister then.

Except for the bolded, this sounds lovely.  You can't throw a party in your own honor!  If you just decide you want to get together with the girls without it having anything to do with your wedding, fine.  But as soon as it becomes about your wedding, you can no longer play hostess.

It's kind of the opposite thing of hosting your own party, or at least used to be. It's actually in honor of the bridesmaids, and once upon a time it was just an extra fun girly lunch where you'd give your bridesmaids their presents. My mama's family was big on this one. 

It's a sweet tradition, really.  Do people still do this? 

We did something along these lines with the intent that it be for the wedding party.  All the women in my DD's wedding party were long time friends.  Some went back as far as early elementary school.  We all know each other very well.  We treated all the girls, and DD's two aunts, who were reading at the ceremony, to a spa and luncheon day.  It was a great day!

aurianna

A little outside Minneapolis also has a pretty decent RenFest in the late summer / early fall if that's at all your thing. Nothing says "I'm getting married!" like flagons of beer and turkey legs.

tpwkalyn

ohannabelle said:

adk19 said:

WhatawagSBNy said:

There are two kinds of bachelorette parties. One is the equivalent of a men's traditional bachelor party. The friends or family including those special enough to be BP host, do the planning and often it involves a very adult night out or other special event. Not the bride hosting, not for her to plan. The other is the replacement for the traditional but for many outdated bridal luncheon or tea party, where the bride herself hosts the party, picking up the expenses making the choices and plans. This event is traditionally for a few long time friends, may include some of or all of the party, and a very few family, usually of the bride's own generation. Sisters, SIL a close cousin. Usually smaller and may be quite informal. Generally not drinking focused parties though some liquor may be served. Spa days, overnight camping, borrowing a cottage or going to a public park with a beach area and playing fields. Getting dolled up for a play or concert, movie and dinner. Emphasis on time together without SO. Some brides use this as a time to give any little gifts to BP and shower holders, some don't. Usually not large groups, and no one including Bp should have an expectation like invite one must invite all. A person can have one of each kind. Maybe instead of trying to force fit sister into the adult entertainment party type one you should tell people you are planning a small type 2 party for a few people and will include sister then.

Except for the bolded, this sounds lovely.  You can't throw a party in your own honor!  If you just decide you want to get together with the girls without it having anything to do with your wedding, fine.  But as soon as it becomes about your wedding, you can no longer play hostess.

It's kind of the opposite thing of hosting your own party, or at least used to be. It's actually in honor of the bridesmaids, and once upon a time it was just an extra fun girly lunch where you'd give your bridesmaids their presents. My mama's family was big on this one. 

It's a sweet tradition, really.  Do people still do this? 

I am planning on having a bridesmaid's luncheon a few months before my wedding! Take all my girls out & have brunch and go to a spa on me as a way of saying "Thank you for being in my bridal party/I love you/other mushy gushy stuff". 

[Deleted User]

• Mani/pedis
• Brush & Lush party (you go to a place or they come to you and everyone is taught how to paint the same painting & you drink wine while painting)
• Sundae bar party
• Wine in party (everyone brings favorite wine to share & bridal party provides snacks & watch chick flicks)

yankeefaniniowa

You guys are awesome, thanks for the ideas! I talked to my sister and she definitely wants to go. They planned it all out. We're gonna hit up the Mall for a scavenger hunt, hit up some MSP sights, go to the chain of lakes with some beer and probably go to a Twins game. Everything is going to be pretty chilled out which is how I wanted to be. One of my BM's doesn't drink so in the event we need an over 16 (yikes in MSP traffic) DD, we're all good there too.