Average cost for a bridesmaid to be in the wedding.

[Deleted User]

There are so many factors that go into what a BM could potentially spend

• Obviously the dress, how much depends on the budget they give you and what the final cost of the dress is (is it at budget or below budget or did the bridge cover any portion of it)
• Shoes - even if Bride doesn't require a specific show, the BM may not have a shoe she feels goes with the dress & opts to buy a pair of shoes
• Hair & makeup - a BM may opt to have this done even when not asked to do it by the Bride because she feel more comfortable having someone else do it for her that day
• Travel - does she need to travel at all for the wedding & overnight stay
• Bridal shower - if they choose to throw one, the size of the guest list can affect how much it will cost to throw a shower
• Bachlorette party - again if they choose to throw one, what the activities are will determine the cost. Like if it's an all day thing starting at the spa going to dinner & then dancing compared to a girls night in w/movies
• Wedding gift
• Shower gift (if there is one)
• Baby sitter for the wedding shower, bachlorette party & the wedding if they are a single mother. The day of the wedding they will need a sitter for the whole day, where compared to if she is a guest, she can probably get away with a sitter for just the evening.

The cost of the above can vary depending on location also

jenna8984

Also laughing out loud at the Boston comment. That's where I live and my girl's each spent $100. Their dress was on sale at NY&Co for $55. They wore shoes they aready owned, they did their own hair and makeup. I did not have a shower. For the bachelorette they took me to the ocean for the day and a lovely dinner in Newport where they split my $30 meal plus plus paid for their own. THAT'S IT. They are allowed to throw you whatever party they chose and YOU do not get to decide that you want it to be 2 days out of town, even if YOU think it's "cheap".

bb2016

So instead of asking for money to host a party, how do you all feel about the bride sending all the BMs a list a food items that they can bring to her Bridal Shower? A list that came from the person hosting the shower (Bride's FMIL)

Is that acceptable or normal?

dcbride86

bb2016 said:

So instead of asking for money to host a party, how do you all feel about the bride sending all the BMs a list a food items that they can bring to her Bridal Shower? A list that came from the person hosting the shower (Bride's FMIL)

Is that acceptable or normal?

...I literally don't know if you're joking.  Your suggestion is just an alternate way to demand they partially host (without getting any credit for doing so)

lyndausvi

bb2016 said:

So instead of asking for money to host a party, how do you all feel about the bride sending all the BMs a list a food items that they can bring to her Bridal Shower? A list that came from the person hosting the shower (Bride's FMIL)

Is that acceptable or normal?

No.  

If  FMIL wants co-hosts, then they should ALL be apart of the actually planning.   Not just financial backers (monetary or otherwise)

rcher912

I tend to end up spending about $500 when I'm in a BP.

That said, I want to ask you ladies - 

Spending this much (while mostly in the budget, still makes things tight), I definitely do skimp on the gifts. A lot. I've gotten both brides something, but not nearly close to what I wanted to get them or would have otherwise gotten them had I not just dropped $500 to be in the wedding. In both weddings, I did shower gifts but no wedding gift. By the time the wedding rolled around I was just tapped and exhausted - physically, emotionally, and financially.

Am I the worst?

Viczaesar

bb2016 said:

So instead of asking for money to host a party, how do you all feel about the bride sending all the BMs a list a food items that they can bring to her Bridal Shower? A list that came from the person hosting the shower (Bride's FMIL)

Is that acceptable or normal?

No.  First, the bride should not be involved in arrangements for a shower in her honor at all.  Second, if FMIL does not want to host (and pay) on her own she needs to ASK each bridesmaid individually if the WANT to co-host.  If they say yes she then ASKS them each, individually, what their budget is or if they prefer to help out physically (e.g. set up, clean up) rather than financially.  If nobody VOLUNTEERS to co-host then FMIL has to decide whether she can afford to host it on her own or if she will have to not offer to host a shower or cancel it if she already offered to host.

fwtx5815

bb2016 said:

So instead of asking for money to host a party, how do you all feel about the bride sending all the BMs a list a food items that they can bring to her Bridal Shower? A list that came from the person hosting the shower (Bride's FMIL)

Is that acceptable or normal?

No, this is not okay. It doesn't make a difference if the BMs are being asked to write a check or buy items to bring to the shower - that's still pressuring them to co-host and that's not how it works. Showers are GIFTS that the hostess/co-hostesses offer. And the bride especially, of all people, should not be approaching her bridesmaids about it. So tacky!

Edited to fix spelling

novella1186

rcher912 said:

I tend to end up spending about $500 when I'm in a BP.

That said, I want to ask you ladies - 

Spending this much (while mostly in the budget, still makes things tight), I definitely do skimp on the gifts. A lot. I've gotten both brides something, but not nearly close to what I wanted to get them or would have otherwise gotten them had I not just dropped $500 to be in the wedding. In both weddings, I did shower gifts but no wedding gift. By the time the wedding rolled around I was just tapped and exhausted - physically, emotionally, and financially.

Am I the worst?

Nope! You are definitely NOT the worst. You're not required to give the bride any gift at all, even if you can afford it. I don't expect gifts from my WP just because most of them are grad students or just finished school or just bought a house or otherwise in a situation where they don't have a bunch of excess spending money. And even if they did, again, I wouldn't expect it, because no one is ever required to give a gift. 

It would be silly of you to buy the brides big elaborate gifts that you couldn't even afford. You sound very sensible and thoughtful to me. You're fine! 

rcher912

Thank you. I've heard the "gifts aren't mandatory" thing before, but I was never sure if that was just people being...polite, and you were really supposed to do it anyway.

dcbride86

rcher912 said:

Thank you. I've heard the "gifts aren't mandatory" thing before, but I was never sure if that was just people being...polite, and you were really supposed to do it anyway.

This is why I really wish there was a way to tell my BMs not to give me gifts without it sounding weird.  I know I can't, so I won't, but I really don't want them to feel obligated to spend money on me when most of them already have to pay to fly in for my wedding

bb2016

dcbride86 said:

bb2016 said:

So instead of asking for money to host a party, how do you all feel about the bride sending all the BMs a list a food items that they can bring to her Bridal Shower? A list that came from the person hosting the shower (Bride's FMIL)

Is that acceptable or normal?

...I literally don't know if you're joking.  Your suggestion is just an alternate way to demand they partially host (without getting any credit for doing so)

This happened to me in the last wedding I was in. I don't have much of any experience in being in weddings, but immediately felt like this was a rude or tacky move. If only I had found this site before I would have known my feelings were right and the FMIL shouldn't be expecting this of us.

bb2016

Viczaesar said:

bb2016 said:

So instead of asking for money to host a party, how do you all feel about the bride sending all the BMs a list a food items that they can bring to her Bridal Shower? A list that came from the person hosting the shower (Bride's FMIL)

Is that acceptable or normal?

No.  First, the bride should not be involved in arrangements for a shower in her honor at all.  Second, if FMIL does not want to host (and pay) on her own she needs to ASK each bridesmaid individually if the WANT to co-host.  If they say yes she then ASKS them each, individually, what their budget is or if they prefer to help out physically (e.g. set up, clean up) rather than financially.  If nobody VOLUNTEERS to co-host then FMIL has to decide whether she can afford to host it on her own or if she will have to not offer to host a shower or cancel it if she already offered to host.

The food list came from the bride via group text message with a "who can bring what?" at the end of it. I think whatever wasn't selected the bride said she would get herself. The ridiculous part is that we didn't eat half of the food that was there so it was really unnecessary to demand everyone to bring food. Most of the BMs brought stuff, except me and one or two others, which then made me feel like I was wrong for not participating.

caitlinmca

My wedding is in April, and so far my bridesmaids have just ordered their bridesmaids gowns, and should arrive in March. After the cost of rush shipping, adding extra length to the dress for one BM, tax the dresses came out to around $200-220 depending on which bridesmaid it was. I told them I don't care what shoes they wear, I haven't had pre-wedding parties. Two of 3 bridesmaids are local to the ceremony/reception area (within 8 minutes and 30 minutes) and my sister is the only one that is having to travel from Colorado.

mrscomposer

Depends on the wedding, depends on personal circumstances, depends on each individual.

My bridesmaids only paid for their travel expenses and their shoes.  I bought their dresses, arranged for their accommodations, and paid for hair and makeup if they wanted it professionally done.  We were long distance, so they didn't do a shower.  The only other thing they bought was alcohol and funny underwear for the night before (drinking game - I guessed who picked out the underwear and drank if I was wrong).  One bridesmaid paid for her flights, one got them on points, and one drove.

For my sister's wedding, though, different kettle of fish.  I bought my dress and my shoes, paid for the shower, and paid for half of the bachelorette.  I also took a twenty hour round trip drive every three weeks for five months to go home and help her/attend events.  Out of all her bridesmaids, though, I was one of the ones with the most disposable income - and it was my baby sister, so I made sure she got everything she wanted or even thought she might want.

annathy03

I broke down the (estimated) cost of being a BM in my wedding earlier, but for more examples I've had a variety of experience as a BM.

College friend:

Flight to wedding $400 (just mine, not Hs)

BM dress $0 (my one DB dress, but Bride insisted on buying them)

Shoes $25ish (she asked us to wear silver and I wanted to buy new ones)

Flight to shower $0- the MOH arranged the shower for a weekend I'd already be in town for another wedding.

Shower gift $50ish

Wedding gift $150ish

I did not attend the bachelorette party b/c of flight costs and vacation time constraints.  We were able to stay at the ILs house so no other travel costs

Total: $625, but really only the $25 shoes and possibly the shower gift (since MOH wouldn't have scheduled around me if I wasn't a BM) were something I wouldn't have bought as a guest.

Another friend:

Dress: $25 (bride asked for black and knee length, I found a long dress at Plato's closet and had it hemmed)

Shower gift: $50ish

Shower co-hosting: $20ish

Bachelorette: $125ish

Wedding gift: $200

Hotel: $0 (used points, would have been over $400)

Travel: $50ish in gas

Total: $475ish, additional cost beyond coming as a guest was only $45, the dress and shower co-hosting.

Sister's wedding:

Dress: $0, I was the only attendant and she asked me to wear a specific dress I already owned

Misc: $15, I picked up a few things sister and BIL needed last minute and refused reimbursement.

Gift: $250

Total: $265 (for now), my sister was married at a small chapel with about 12 guests and while they'd been engaged for some time the event was a bit spur of the moment so I wasn't able to give her a bachelorette or shower.  I plan to send a nice 1st anniversary gift which is why the "for now".  $0 additional cost for being the BP, those numbers wouldn't have changed if she'd decided not to have anyone stand up.

Basically the biggest cost has been committing so early to go- I'd likely travel for the first two as a guest anyways, but as a BM I'd essentially committed to it regardless of flight or hotel cost once they picked their date/location.