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I have a question...

No, fingers, not a questino. I don't even know what that is.

So, I'm "revenge-writing" at the moment, basically just trying to work my way through all the stuff my dad did so I can close off that part of my life now. Right now I'm pretty much just thinking of everything that made an impact, good, bad, or middling, and there's one thing that keeps popping up. It drove me nuts as a kid, and I want to include it for that reason (so I will for the purposes of catharsis and everything), but I'm wondering if (if/when I publish) it will make sense to anyone else.

Any time we went anywhere as a family, my dad always drove. It was a non-negotiable. The only time I ever saw my mom drive my dad anywhere was after he got "sick" at the beach (almost certainly a combo of too much beer and too much sun), she drove us all home. Most of our trips were "scheduled" (for lack of a better word) - church, hockey lessons, visiting the old bat grandmother, groceries etc. but every so often he would want us all to just "go for a drive". I may be weird but I like to know where I'm going before I get in the car (and preferably before I put my shoes on, but that's a whole other story).

Every time I asked "where are we going?", he would reply "there and back again, to see how far it is". It drove me NUTS. Most of the time it was actually down the street to get some bread, or cigarettes for my mom, or whatever. Once in a while it was out to the plantations, or our cousins' places at one of the other beaches. Once he even drove us all out to some godforsaken conference center, 2+ hours from home, so he could go to a "meeting" (read timeshare pitch), and there was nowhere for us to wait, so we spent 2 hours waiting in the car, and then another 2+ hours home again. If he'd told any of us what the plan was, none of us would have gone.

Anyway, so TL;DR did/do any of your relatives/friends/acquaintances ever say "there and back again, to see how far it is"?
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Re: I have a question...

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    We did a lot of long distance driving as a child, but I always knew where we were going, and was given an ETA.

    I'm sorry you went through this.  I only have one similar experience.  It was grade ten camp, and we were hiking in the... well, what Australians call mountains.  We'd been out all day, and we were tired, bored, sore, etc.  We kept asking the camp leader how much longer it would be, and he kept saying, "just around the corner."  A supposed ten our hike turned in to a fourteen hour hike, and the continual "just around the corner" response is something that still haunts me.

    I feel terrible that you had a whole childhood full of this.  Please know that we are here to listen to you and to support you if we can, even if we haven't had the same experiences.

    I hope that putting these things out in open has helped you move on.  xx
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    We did a lot of long distance driving as a child, but I always knew where we were going, and was given an ETA.

    I'm sorry you went through this.  I only have one similar experience.  It was grade ten camp, and we were hiking in the... well, what Australians call mountains.  We'd been out all day, and we were tired, bored, sore, etc.  We kept asking the camp leader how much longer it would be, and he kept saying, "just around the corner."  A supposed ten our hike turned in to a fourteen hour hike, and the continual "just around the corner" response is something that still haunts me.

    I feel terrible that you had a whole childhood full of this.  Please know that we are here to listen to you and to support you if we can, even if we haven't had the same experiences.

    I hope that putting these things out in open has helped you move on.  xx
    Why do people think that saying something is closer than it is will make things better? I'm so sorry about your "just around the corner" experience. That's shitty.

    And thanks for the support. I've already done a fair amount of bitching about my dad (or our relationship anyway) here, and TK has always been super supportive (and also let me know when I was being a twaffle).

    I do feel a lot better just for writing it all down. Like it's there now, I don't have to carry it in here.

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    I don't think I've ever heard that phrase but in the context, I understand what it means.

    And my dad used to do the same thing. It was super frustrating. He'd get in the mood to go hike in the woods for hours on hot days and make us all go with him. Ugh.
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    I've never heard that phrased like that. We also did a lot of long distance driving when I was younger, but we always knew what our final destination was. 

    I'm sorry that you experienced that. 
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    No I've never really heard of that. I'm sorry you went through those strange things.

    My dad was the opposite actually. He drove 100 miles round trip for work each day so nights and weekends he basically refused to drive/passanger anywhere. We would skip family Christmas parties and stuff because he didn't want to drive "all over hell" aka 40 minutes to my grandparent's house.

                                                                     

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    Sounds like a very Tolkien-esque phrase. I've had car trips like that, but like, in college, when we were all young and looking to explore. Never on a car ride with my family. Well, once my dad was visiting me and we mutually decided to just get on a highway and explore Maine together for a couple of days, but we were both adults and agreed together we wanted to do it. I can't imagine being a little kid and going through that, let alone multiple times. I was definitely the kind of kid who liked an ETA. Every ten minutes.
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    My mom never did that, but my grandmother did. She'd "go for a drive" when she was mad and scare the living hell out of all of us going too fast on the hairpin turns in the mountains. I imagine this is why my mom never did anything like that.
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    I'm sorry your childhood was like that.  I've never heard it phrased like that before.  I used to go for rambling long distance drives in high school when I just needed to get away and think, but those were usually alone, unless my BFF was available to hang out, and we always knew we'd be back home at a certain time. The situation was also totally different because no one was captive to someone else's whims.  I just like driving (before gas went from $1.30 to $5.75). 


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    Fi and I do this fairly frequently. A few weeks ago out drive home from dinner took 3 and a half hours even though the restaurant was only 45 minutes from home. We did find some cool hiking trails and realized the campsite I went to as a kid is actually really close to our house. Somehow we also went from the forest to the beach. We didn't bring FSS with us though because he would not have found it nearly as awesome as we did and would probably have gotten car sick.
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    Never heard anyone say this, but I almost experienced a trip like this.  In college, I went with a boyfriend to visit his dad in Sun City, AZ.  We decided to drive to Lake Havasu to see the London Bridge. 

    It was hot as hell that day (record setting temps in Lake Havasu), a four hour drive, and we were crammed in a car with a back seat, but not a comfortable one.

    His dad wanted to drive 4 hours, go across the bridge, turn around and drive 4 hours back home.  WTF?  NO!  Get me out of this car.  I made them stop and we spent about an hour there before going home.  Awful.
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    Writerly advice: I think in context it would make sense.

    I honestly cannot imagine dealing with that. My mom did that one time, when she was really, really upset. She just drove. She only did it the one time, and she apologized profusely afterward. But it was really frightening for me, because I was old enough to realize that something wasn't right.
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    I've heard the phrase before.     

    My parents were and still are "let's go for a ride" people.  We would all pile in the car and just drive.  No real destination.  Just drive.  We would end up in eating at some random place in a small town.  Go to museums, hikes, shopped, just random stuff.   Dad would sometimes say "east or west" or "which way kids, north or south" and he would go in that direction.


    My dad always drives too.  But it's not limited to not letting my mom drive.  I guess it's a control thing for him.   Even when he is out with his male friends he is the driver.     

    That said, I'm not a fan of my mom's driving.  She's never been in a accident or anything.  I can't put my finger on it, but I'm just not comfortable with her driving. I've been known to take the keys from her.   After I got my license if we did long trips dad would let me drive before my mom.  






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