Please help pick apart my wedding!

southernbelle0915

Personally, I'd start the ceremony at 5:00 (you're going to have to call people and tell them a new time anyway). Then try to move the dinner to 6:30 - that's an hour gap (assuming a 30 min ceremony). And since you're hosting it, its no different than cocktail hour at any other wedding.

Heater would be great but I think timing is your more pressing issue.

I would get a shuttle. An 8 minute walk is like 1/2 a mile. Not great in heels and uneven NOLA sidewalks. This could even be a few Uber cars since you have such a small crowd.

TY notes are just for gifts and should be sent ASAP after the wedding. No more than 3-4 weeks. To send one without a gift can be seen as grabby and/or snarky.

flantastic

jacques27 said:

There is nothing wrong with calling, too.  But you should still send a thank you note.  I will say though, that I'm of the mindframe that since you're doing a destination wedding, that you should send thank you notes for attending in addition to sending any for any gifts you may happen to receive.  Chances are these people are spending at least $500-1000 to spend several days with you at your behest - I would consider that a gift in and of itself worthy of a formal thank you.

Lying about start time is rude no matter what way you cut it, but seems especially unnecessary when you have a small captive audience who are there already for the express purpose of your wedding.  It's not like you're worried about Aunt Janie forgetting that Little Billy's soccer practice usually runs late or you have people driving from all over hitting road construction.  They are already there.

And people are commenting on Mardi Gras because it means 1) you are asking them to spend even more money to attend your wedding than if you had picked it for another time, and 2) depending on your crowd, hanging out with boob-flashing college kids who can't hold their liquor may not be everyone's idea of a good time.  It all depends on the crowd and how well organized you are to minimize that sort of thing and maximize the general party atmosphere.

The reception is still the formal thank you. She should see them at the reception and thank them for coming, which shouldn't be too difficult with her guest list. A separate note afterwards could look like a passive-aggressive way of pointing out that they didn't add a gift on top of all the money they spent to be there. So no.

kipper88

Knottie43527889 said:

Hi everyone, I'm new on here but a bit late to the game, my wedding is in only 2 weeks and I've been reading the "worst wedding you've ever been to" thread all weekend freaking out that I may be making some of those mistakes. Please let me know if you think any of these are etiquette breaches or might offend people. I really just want everyone to have a good time, we dragged our 25 guests to New Orleans during Mardi Gras (SUPER expensive flights and hotels) so we really want to make sure the wedding is awesome and nobody regrets it.

Our ceremony is in the courtyard of our bed and breakfast, and our reception is at a restaurant that is an 8 minute walk from there.
Some of the things I have read about that concern me:

- People complaining about ceremonies starting late - we put 4:00 pm on the invitation but plan to start the vows a 4:30, I was told that there will always be people showing up late if we started straight at 4:00. Would this upset people and will people be showing up even before 4:00? My fiance and I will be out there greeting our guests before the ceremony begins, so nobody will be standing around bored hopefully. This would absolutely upset me.  If the invitation says 4, I would get there at 3:45.  Your invitation should be your actual start time.  If I'm forced to wait 45 minutes, I'll be pissed.

- People complaining about gaps - Our ceremony will probably end at 4:45 but our dinner doesn't start until 7:00, so over 2 hours in between, is this too long of a gap? We figured this would be just like a cocktail hour, we have appetizers and drinks available and we will be out there with guests as well, probably even taking pictures with all of them.  Way too long of a gap.  1 hour max.

- Should we arrange some kind of transportation for everyone to get to the restaurant after? It's 8 minutes of walking (according to Google) but to be honest i wouldnt want to do that myself in my big heels and especially if it will be cold out which it might. Plus maybe some of them will be unprepared and have no idea how to get there? Yes, you should provide transportation.

- Should I look into getting space heaters for the ceremony? It's outdoors and I read that the temperature can be as low as 10 degrees C during that time of year  Yes, absolutely. 

- I am worried we do not have enough entertainment for guests, our reception is just a sit down dinner and open bar. There will be a live jazz band at the restaurant but I dont think people really dance to jazz music, do they (i am not a dancer myself)? I dont think there will be any speeches or toasts, or games. So i am worried people will be bored and leave right after the meal. We are thinking of bringing board games (and giant jenga!) for guests to play after the meal, or maybe finding a club nearby to go to for an afterparty? How upset will people get at the lack of dancing? Yes, people dance to jazz music. 

- We are skipping a lot of the smaller details like flowers, centerpieces, decor, etc.. is this bad etiquette? We did hire a decorator but got a cheapie package so we have no idea what she will actually bring.  It is not bad etiquette.  Nothing says you need those things, and no one will remember those things.  They'll remember the food and the fun they had (or didn't have.)

- Thank you notes - I was planning on skipping this entirely as our 25 guests are all close family and friends who we talk to regularly. Can't we just thank them over the phone or in person? Or is this a faux pas  HUGE faux pas.  They are taking time out of their lives and money out of their pockets for your big day.  The least you can do is write a formal thank you.

Thank you for reading!!

PrettyGirlLost

Knottie43527889 said:

Hi everyone, I'm new on here but a bit late to the game, my wedding is in only 2 weeks and I've been reading the "worst wedding you've ever been to" thread all weekend freaking out that I may be making some of those mistakes. Please let me know if you think any of these are etiquette breaches or might offend people. I really just want everyone to have a good time, we dragged our 25 guests to New Orleans during Mardi Gras (SUPER expensive flights and hotels) so we really want to make sure the wedding is awesome and nobody regrets it.

Our ceremony is in the courtyard of our bed and breakfast, and our reception is at a restaurant that is an 8 minute walk from there.
Some of the things I have read about that concern me:

- People complaining about ceremonies starting late - we put 4:00 pm on the invitation but plan to start the vows a 4:30, I was told that there will always be people showing up late if we started straight at 4:00. Would this upset people and will people be showing up even before 4:00? My fiance and I will be out there greeting our guests before the ceremony begins, so nobody will be standing around bored hopefully.  Do not do this, this is extremely rude!!  If my invitation says 4:00pm, then I expect the ceremony to start at 4:00pm, so I will be at the venue and in my seats 30mins to 15mins early.  Are you going to be standing around greeting guests for an hour before your ceremony?  And a greeting is brief- "Hi!  Thanks for coming!  You look grate, blah blah, ttyl."  You greeting me is not going to keep me from being bored for an hour while I'm waiting for your ceremony to start. .. and wondering why you are greeting people when you should be walking down the aisle.

If people show up late, tough titties for them.  You start on time, regardless of any stragglers.  It's your guests' responsibility to get their ass to your venue on time, and it's your responsibility to start on time.

- People complaining about gaps - Our ceremony will probably end at 4:45 but our dinner doesn't start until 7:00, so over 2 hours in between, is this too long of a gap? We figured this would be just like a cocktail hour, we have appetizers and drinks available and we will be out there with guests as well, probably even taking pictures with all of them.   Yikes, 2 hours?!  Waaaay too long.  Do you have enough food and drinks to entertain all of your guests for 2 hours?  And as a guest, if I had been eating and drinking sufficiently for 2 hours I wouldn't need to then go have dinner.  Again, you mingling with your guests and taking pics with them is not really entertainment or a reason to have a 2 hour gap.  Either move your ceremony time back and limit cocktail hour to an actual hour, or move your dinner reservation time up.

- Should we arrange some kind of transportation for everyone to get to the restaurant after? It's 8 minutes of walking (according to Google) but to be honest i wouldnt want to do that myself in my big heels and especially if it will be cold out which it might. Plus maybe some of them will be unprepared and have no idea how to get there?  That would be ideal, but not necessary.  Guests are typically responsible for their own transportation.  When I go to OOT weddings and no transportation is provided between venues, I make arrangements to carpool with people or we rent a vehicle or take a cab.  See below

- Should I look into getting space heaters for the ceremony? It's outdoors and I read that the temperature can be as low as 10 degrees C during that time of year  Probably not necessary, but would likely be very appreciated.  Adults should be able to look up the temps for where they are traveling to and dress accordingly.

- I am worried we do not have enough entertainment for guests, our reception is just a sit down dinner and open bar. There will be a live jazz band at the restaurant but I dont think people really dance to jazz music, do they (i am not a dancer myself)? I dont think there will be any speeches or toasts, or games. So i am worried people will be bored and leave right after the meal. We are thinking of bringing board games (and giant jenga!) for guests to play after the meal, or maybe finding a club nearby to go to for an afterparty? How upset will people get at the lack of dancing?  I am not a fan of jazz music and so I likely would not dance to it.  I probably wouldn't be very inclined to play games at a wedding, either.  If there was no dancing, I'd likely just chat with people and then leave after dinner as I would assume that was he natural end time for the reception.  If you were going to have an after party at a club, I would probably be up for that.  But that isn't necessary.

- We are skipping a lot of the smaller details like flowers, centerpieces, decor, etc.. is this bad etiquette? We did hire a decorator but got a cheapie package so we have no idea what she will actually bring. Not rude at all.

- Thank you notes - I was planning on skipping this entirely as our 25 guests are all close family and friends who we talk to regularly. Can't we just thank them over the phone or in person? Or is this a faux pas No no no.  Please personally write and send each one a thank you note. 

Thank you for reading!!

ETA:  I had somehow missed that your wedding was during Mardi Gras!  Yeah, I change my mind on the transportation between venues- please provide it.  No way in hell I would be walking through the madness that is Mardi Gras and no way in hell I'd want to drive through it either.

Knottie43527889 said:

Hi all, thank you so much for your replies, I appreciate all the input, even if some of it is harsh!

I think I will just call everyone and let them know we made a mistake on the invite and the ceremony starts at 4:30, and I will also see if we can push the dinner back to 6:30. This should cut an hour from the gap, I think that will be good.

I just want to clarify, we plan to be there the entire time, from greeting our guests as they walk into the ceremony site, to the very end of the evening. We won't be disappearing for pictures or going off anywhere. We plan to use the gap after the vows as our cocktail hour where we can drink with our guests, introduce them to one another, and take lots of photos with all of them. We even have a backdrop set up where our photographer will take portraits of the guests. So they won't just be sitting around waiting.   Waiting to have my picture taken is still waiting.  And honestly, with only 25 people coming, there's only so much I would be able to talk to the same people about during a 2 hour cocktail hour and then all through dinner.  Since you aren't taking bridal party pictures, you don't need a cocktail hour really, so I'd just skip it and head right to the dinner after the reception.  You can get photos with your guests there.

We will definitely look into providing transportation, although if the traffic will be terrible then it might make sense to walk. I I'll speak to the BnB and see what they say about traffic/crowds during that day of the year in the area, and I think it would help if i can at least warn all the guests to bring comfortable shoes and warm clothing.  Mardi Gras does not appeal to me at all-  waaaaay too many poeple, too many drunks, and too much crime all in one area.  There's no way in hell I would want to walk through it, I don't care what area of the city it is, in order to go to dinner after your ceremony.  I don't care if the walk is 5mins or 20mins, and I don't care if I'm in sneakers or not.  I'm not walking through those crowds.  Provide transportation for everyone, regardless of the traffic.  If traffic is bad- which is likely- skip the cocktail hour after your ceremony and head right to dinner.

Do you honestly want to walk through Mardi Gras in your wedding gown?  Do you think you'll be able to navigate through those rowdy crowds without getting groped and harassed?  These crowds are known for raunchy behavior to get beads. . . a bride in a white dress will be a bulls eye for unwanted attention, I would think.

Our wedding is not in the French Quarter, it is in mid-city. I am surprised at some of the responses about it being Mardi Gras like it's a bad thing, I suspect the majority of our guests are coming precisely because it IS Mardi Gras and they want to party all weekend. I've had lots of compliments form people saying "this is the coolest wedding idea ever, way better than a boring banquet hall wedding". I do expect people will have a fun weekend just because of all the festivities.

Alright if people really feel that strongly about thank you notes then I guess they're a go!

Also I will rent space heaters, can't hurt. I did read the highs during this time are 20 degrees C, but it's not a risk I want to take.

PrettyGirlLost

Knottie43527889 said:

Yes we definitely have plenty of seats for everyone, and several tables as well. We also have a bartender, server, a harpist, and a day of coordinator who could always run out for something if we needed it, so I think the guests will be comfortable. We do have a plan B (indoor location for the ceremony) but it is obviously not as beautiful as the courtyard which is why we would rather do the courtyard.

I didn't realize people thought the weather in February in New Orleans is so cold!! I just checked the weather today and it was 17 C there at 6 pm at night, and it's still 2.5 weeks out. Is that too cold for an outdoor ceremony? Personally I'm quite comfortable in that weather, but maybe that's just me. We'll all be flying from -5 degree weather to 17 degree weather, so i'm sure we'll feel like we're in Mexico. Definitely will grab a few space heaters though.

Ok so new timeline goes like this:
4:30 - Guests arrive and ceremony begins when everyone is seated
5:00 - Drinks, food, introductions, and socializing
6:15 - Everyone heads over to the dinner location
6:30 - Dinner begins

Is this better?

The reception is 0.2 miles away from the ceremony, which is only actually 3 blocks. There are also no parades running in the area that day, the parades are all in the french quarter or uptown, so there is no way that walk would take more than a few minutes. It's all side streets anyway, not major intersections.

50 degrees is not cold- not to me.  It's 30 or less for me right now.

I'd be fine wearing a coat, but I always love me a space heater :-)

BTW, Where are you from that you keep using Celsius measurements? 

PrettyGirlLost

lolo883 said:

Your new timeline sounds good to me. Get your thank you notes out as soon as you get home.

This :-)

lovegood90

PrettyGirlLost said:

Knottie43527889 said:

Yes we definitely have plenty of seats for everyone, and several tables as well. We also have a bartender, server, a harpist, and a day of coordinator who could always run out for something if we needed it, so I think the guests will be comfortable. We do have a plan B (indoor location for the ceremony) but it is obviously not as beautiful as the courtyard which is why we would rather do the courtyard.

I didn't realize people thought the weather in February in New Orleans is so cold!! I just checked the weather today and it was 17 C there at 6 pm at night, and it's still 2.5 weeks out. Is that too cold for an outdoor ceremony? Personally I'm quite comfortable in that weather, but maybe that's just me. We'll all be flying from -5 degree weather to 17 degree weather, so i'm sure we'll feel like we're in Mexico. Definitely will grab a few space heaters though.

Ok so new timeline goes like this:
4:30 - Guests arrive and ceremony begins when everyone is seated
5:00 - Drinks, food, introductions, and socializing
6:15 - Everyone heads over to the dinner location
6:30 - Dinner begins

Is this better?

The reception is 0.2 miles away from the ceremony, which is only actually 3 blocks. There are also no parades running in the area that day, the parades are all in the french quarter or uptown, so there is no way that walk would take more than a few minutes. It's all side streets anyway, not major intersections.

50 degrees is not cold- not to me.  It's 30 or less for me right now.

I'd be fine wearing a coat, but I always love me a space heater :-)

BTW, Where are you from that you keep using Celsius measurements? 

She might be Canadian bc we use Celsius

short+sassy

Hey OP,

The other PPs have great advice and it looks like you are taking it.

I live in NOLA, Mid City specifically, and wanted to give you a "cyber high five" for not having your wedding in the FQ during Mardi Gras (MG).  I'm local and wouldn't go to a wedding under those circumstances, lol.  I hope you and your guests enjoy NOLA and definitely check out Mardi Gras and the parades on the other days you all are in town.

I also think the walk sounds a bit long.  Especially since it will probably be cold and windy.  Even cabs could be a low cost option.  Some of the bigger van ones can hold 6-8 people and will run about $15-$20 each way (total) for such a short distance.  Though, if you want to hire cabs, make reservations with them a day or two ahead of time...because, needless to say, they are scarce to come by MG time.

I personally find early-mid Feb. very cold, but then I've always lived in the very Southern half of the U.S.  Last year, it was below freezing for three days straight in the last week of January, though that was unusually cold.  I realize that is a big, sarcastic "boo hoo" from those of you in colder climates , but we aren't used to that and people lost their minds, lol.

OP, if you would like to PM me with any questions you have about NOLA, please do.  I'd be happy to make recommendations.  Give you tips and tricks on enjoying MG, etc.

PrettyGirlLost

lovegood90 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

Knottie43527889 said:

Yes we definitely have plenty of seats for everyone, and several tables as well. We also have a bartender, server, a harpist, and a day of coordinator who could always run out for something if we needed it, so I think the guests will be comfortable. We do have a plan B (indoor location for the ceremony) but it is obviously not as beautiful as the courtyard which is why we would rather do the courtyard.

I didn't realize people thought the weather in February in New Orleans is so cold!! I just checked the weather today and it was 17 C there at 6 pm at night, and it's still 2.5 weeks out. Is that too cold for an outdoor ceremony? Personally I'm quite comfortable in that weather, but maybe that's just me. We'll all be flying from -5 degree weather to 17 degree weather, so i'm sure we'll feel like we're in Mexico. Definitely will grab a few space heaters though.

Ok so new timeline goes like this:
4:30 - Guests arrive and ceremony begins when everyone is seated
5:00 - Drinks, food, introductions, and socializing
6:15 - Everyone heads over to the dinner location
6:30 - Dinner begins

Is this better?

The reception is 0.2 miles away from the ceremony, which is only actually 3 blocks. There are also no parades running in the area that day, the parades are all in the french quarter or uptown, so there is no way that walk would take more than a few minutes. It's all side streets anyway, not major intersections.

50 degrees is not cold- not to me.  It's 30 or less for me right now.

I'd be fine wearing a coat, but I always love me a space heater :-)

BTW, Where are you from that you keep using Celsius measurements? 

She might be Canadian bc we use Celsius

I was thinking so, but I didn't want to assume.

charcoalandblush

AddieCake said:

huskypuppy14 said:

Something about this post makes me think MUD. I was thinking about it as I was reading, and then when I got to the no thank you notes, I was like, yup definitely MUD.

Even the title insinuates she wants drama.

I agree. I mean this many faux pas in one post? 

Glad I'm not the only one who had this reaction.