Wedding Etiquette Forum

send the invites and RSVP date

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Re: send the invites and RSVP date

  • xx802xx said:
    Your right, I'm usually too busy of a person to waste tons of time on forums snarking but since we are on the website "theknot" it would make sense that you all like this site...otherwise the forums are all just rude comments to people seeking help
    Or, you know, we are people who actually give a shit about proper etiquette (which means treating your friends and family well, not like interchangeable display pieces), and we care about it so much that we're here on our own free time to try to help people not alienate their friends and family, with no financial stake in the game.



  • Viczaesar said:
    xx802xx said:
    It was under a different ID that I don't have anymore since I wanted to change my username as to not give away name privacy's.
    Bullshit.  There's not a single regular here who would tell you that B-listing is okay. 
    Guys, it was obviously on the one day last summer summer where every single one of the regs didn't log in and poor etiquette advice was handed out like condoms on a freshman dorm floor.  Don't you remember the Great Blizzard of June 2014 when every single SS got the answers she wanted??!
    This is the same person who wouldn't let her FI have 6 groomsmen, so 2 had to be ushers.
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  • I guar-an-damn-tee you nobody on this forum, outside of special snowflakes, told you it was OK to B-list people. Nobody.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • I made a mistake originally passing over this thread because I thought it would be boring. 

    Oh yeah,  B-listing is rude, any way you slice it.  I also promise that none of us told you it was okay. 


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  • It's not about if your guests would be offended or not, it is about properly hosting your guests. I wouldn't be offended if I were B listed, but I would never B list anyone because I either want them there or not. If I really want someone at the wedding I will find the money to properly host them. And yes, I do have minimums for my venue. If only 20 people show up you better believe that we are going to have a kick ass party with the most expensive food and top shelf alcohol.
  • WhatawagSBNyWhatawagSBNy member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Answer Name Dropper
    edited January 2015
    xx802xx said:


    cmperry17 said:

    So my wedding date is October 10, 2015. (holiday weekend, and everyone coming out of state to a tourist area).  I send out the invitations August 15 (8 weeks), with a RSVP date of  September 26, 2015 ( 2 weeks before). Is this correct?



    Do you mean that family and friends will all be traveling a distance where overnight may be necessary and to a highly touristy area? If the distance is just a couple hours and your not sending a second round of invites out you should be fine. If your talking about traveling somewhere where the holiday weekend might/will have a large event taking place (festival, concert, city event), longer travel time, flight might be necessary for the majority of your guests or you plan on sending out 2 rounds of invites then you may want to consider giving a few extra weeks of time so that guests can plan accordingly...especially if they were invited as a round 2 guest. Plus, with a holiday weekend and a touristy area, if the city you have chosen has an event going on that holiday weekend and you have not supplied enough hotel room blocks for expected traveling guests, it would suck for a guest to try and hunt down another near by hotel with space if the hotel filled up a few weeks in advance due to a non wedding city event taking place.

    With these variables, you can determine where you are and your invite dates.

    *******************************
    In reality, for most people, the time of receiving the invitation is not the time to first hear about the details for a destination wedding, or one where travelers are near colleges on graduation day, or any special event.

    The people on your list are your friends or your parents.

    Whether you send save the dates or not, get on the phone or write a letter and personally explain that it is your intention to invite them to the wedding. Give dates. Say that they of course need not commit themselves now , but if they think it is possible they will come, you would be happy to send a note or email explaining everything. Say that you would hate it if anyone who wanted to attend could not find lodgings in the short time between the invitations and the wedding.

    These are your friends and family. These details are not secret. And you may find you get a lot of feedback.
    This was my Mom's advice, when we were planning our wedding out of town for everyone , with only five months between engagement and wedding.

    Over half the people told us straight out, we are coming, Columbus Day weekend works. Or they will be in Europe or in a wedding, or even, we are getting married that day too. Sorry, no .

    We still sent invitations. But none of the people with a definite yes or no changed.

    The people who said, We will have to see, and get time off work, but send info ---
    all without exception called or wrote to us or emailed us, returning the courtesy.
    The night before the wedding invitations were mailed, only four people did not yet know if they could come, and they called to tell us that.

    Planning was so much easier knowing who and how many. Feedback on number needing child care prompted us to set something up.

    Treat your invitees as the friends and family you care about. Talk to them.
    Save yourself some headaches.

    Edit to add: We did not ask people to let us know Yes or No. They all said they appreciated the advance knowledge, and they contacted us.
  • I was wondering about that.  I have 2 hotels with blocked rooms,just incase.  we have family/friends coming from Florida, NC, SC, CO, RI,CT,VT, NH, NY, NJ and there are some who live on the Cape and then people that live "over the Bridge".  I did send the STD out as if it was a destination wedding,which i guess you could call it one.  I just didn't know if I should sent the invites out a little bit early than normal.  Perhaps like the end of July and  push the RSVP date back awhile. Or maybe the beginning of July as it is the beginning of summer time. 
    thank you for everyone's advice.
  • cmperry17 said:
    I was wondering about that.  I have 2 hotels with blocked rooms,just incase.  we have family/friends coming from Florida, NC, SC, CO, RI,CT,VT, NH, NY, NJ and there are some who live on the Cape and then people that live "over the Bridge".  I did send the STD out as if it was a destination wedding,which i guess you could call it one.  I just didn't know if I should sent the invites out a little bit early than normal.  Perhaps like the end of July and  push the RSVP date back awhile. Or maybe the beginning of July as it is the beginning of summer time. 
    thank you for everyone's advice.
    You know now not to send your invitations in July, right?  I can't tell.



  • cmperry17 said:
    So my wedding date is October 10, 2015. (holiday weekend, and everyone coming out of state to a tourist area).  I send out the invitations August 15 (8 weeks), with a RSVP date of  September 26, 2015 ( 2 weeks before). Is this correct?

    Do you mean that family and friends will all be traveling a distance where overnight may be necessary and to a highly touristy area? If the distance is just a couple hours and your not sending a second round of invites out you should be fine. If your talking about traveling somewhere where the holiday weekend might/will have a large event taking place (festival, concert, city event), longer travel time, flight might be necessary for the majority of your guests or you plan on sending out 2 rounds of invites then you may want to consider giving a few extra weeks of time so that guests can plan accordingly...especially if they were invited as a round 2 guest. Plus, with a holiday weekend and a touristy area, if the city you have chosen has an event going on that holiday weekend and you have not supplied enough hotel room blocks for expected traveling guests, it would suck for a guest to try and hunt down another near by hotel with space if the hotel filled up a few weeks in advance due to a non wedding city event taking place.

    With these variables, you can determine where you are and your invite dates.

    ******************************* In reality, for most people, the time of receiving the invitation is not the time to first hear about the details for a destination wedding, or one where travelers are near colleges on graduation day, or any special event. The people on your list are your friends or your parents. Whether you send save the dates or not, get on the phone or write a letter and personally explain that it is your intention to invite them to the wedding. Give dates. Say that they of course need not commit themselves now , but if they think it is possible they will come, you would be happy to send a note or email explaining everything. Say that you would hate it if anyone who wanted to attend could not find lodgings in the short time between the invitations and the wedding. These are your friends and family. These details are not secret. And you may find you get a lot of feedback. This was my Mom's advice, when we were planning our wedding out of town for everyone , with only five months between engagement and wedding. Over half the people told us straight out, we are coming, Columbus Day weekend works. Or they will be in Europe or in a wedding, or even, we are getting married that day too. Sorry, no . We still sent invitations. But none of the people with a definite yes or no changed. The people who said, We will have to see, and get time off work, but send info --- all without exception called or wrote to us or emailed us, returning the courtesy. The night before the wedding invitations were mailed, only four people did not yet know if they could come, and they called to tell us that. Planning was so much easier knowing who and how many. Feedback on number needing child care prompted us to set something up. Treat your invitees as the friends and family you care about. Talk to them. Save yourself some headaches. Edit to add: We did not ask people to let us know Yes or No. They all said they appreciated the advance knowledge, and they contacted us.
    Fuck, dude!  Stop talking about "Round 2 Guests" like it's an okay thing to do!  This is the Etiquette Board!  We do NOT B-list our friends!
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