November 2015 Weddings

The Dress is Causing Stress!

Hello Ladies!

Any Friday the 13th brides out here? I'm definitely one and I love my date! I love my dress, I love my girls. I'm just not loving the stress my FMIL (future Monster In Law) and FH's family altogether is causing. They KNOW we're on an extremely tight budget and want us to invite people even FH has not met and they don't want to contribute at al. I never expected them to contribute in any way but I expect them to respect the fact we can't afford to cater to their wishes. FMIL has been extremely cruel to me in the past and now that is spreading to my bridesmaids. FH's eldest sister is 14 and in the wedding party so FMIL wanted to go to pick out bridesmaid dresses with us. She told my girls they were fat, built like boys, unattractive, etc. I was floating around the store pulling flower girl dresses or there would have absolutely been a confrontation had I heard what she said. She also likes to make everything about her. She took my consultants (I had two because one was training) away from me while I was picking out bridesmaids dresses and made them pull her dresses for her to wear. She picked out 3 and 4 HUNDRED dollar dresses for herself but complained the $169 dress we settled on for the girls was too expensive.

On another note, I am SO excited for the big day! I just bought my dress last weekend, my venue is booked, and I'm working on photography, catering, and flowers at the moment. I think I'm set on the photographer but I need to get my guest list down a little more before I have a decent quote for catering.

I'm getting married at Castle McCulloch in NC. What about y'all?

Re: The Dress is Causing Stress!

  • Welcome! I'll be getting married in Key West, FL on the 21st.

    So sorry to hear about your FMIL troubles, but my question is, where is your FH in all this? It sounds like he needs to have a chat with her.

    And honestly, since she's not contributing, you should get into the habit of saying, "Thank you for your input, but we have it covered." Bean dip, bean dip, bean dip (change the subject). Don't let her bully you, and if your FH isn't backing you up, have a talk with him.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker

  • First of all CONGRATULATIONS! I am also a Friday the 13th bride, and I love it. One of my bridesmaids has a black cat and I was thinking about using it as a ring bearer, lol. Will never work! We are getting married in Livermore/Pleasanton, CA (wine country east of San Francisco).

    In regards to your FMIL: your FH needs to tell her to butt out. Does he know about her cruelty towards you and your bridal party? If not, then he needs to, and he needs to stand up for you against his mother. Also, he needs to tell her that unless she plans on financially contributing to your reception, then she has absolutely NO SAY in who is placed on the guest list. The only things she can have a say in are the things she is paying for, and from what it sounds like, that would be her dress and her daughter's/your bridesmaid's dress (assuming she is paying for it since she is only 14).

    Also, stop including her in everything else wedding related. Don't bring her to any of your dress shopping (unless it is for her own dress). Do not bring her to vendor meetings. Do not discuss the guest list with her. Again, if she is not contributing financially to your wedding, she has no say. If she brings anything up, bean dip. Say you and your FI have it all taken care of.

    And there is no excuse for her cruelty. It sounds like you really need to discuss this with your FI, and HE (not you) is the one who needs to tell her to back off and play nice. If he won't stand up for you now, will he ever?

    Good luck with the rest of your wedding planning! And try to enjoy!
                                     Wedding Countdown Ticker

  • FH and his parents have a really rocky relationship and he really just wants their acceptance and to feel loved by them so he does whatever will make them happy or keep them from complaining. He and I have ah a few discussions about it and he is doing better. He called his mother and called her out on her behavior at the appointment (she denied everything of course). Luckily they live in PA (where we are both originally from) and we live near my parents in NC. I think he has a hard time grasping that my parents get some input on things like DJ, photography, etc. because they offered to pay for them. We are working on it! It was just nice to let off the steam. As for the whole inviting thing, he called to make sure we hadn't missed any obligatory invitations (like grandparents, etc.) and his father took it as a "we need to make a list for you" type thing. He had two days to put it together so today he has to have it. To be perfectly honest, I don't like involving FMIL in anything not only because she has expensive taste but because she will find a way to make it about her. Luckily being several states away makes life a little easier. I thank you ladies both for your input, it makes me feel a lo better knowing that I'm honestly not being rude or mean but rather exactly what other people would do! Congratulations to you both as well!
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