I just didn't get it

novella1186

Just remembered something last night that I think is funny, so I'm sharing. 

The BM who's planning my bach party texted me last night and said "Sorry for asking such a personal question, but what's your bra size?" I didn't mind the question, because I know it's pretty much the norm to gift lingerie at bachelorette parties. It reminded me of this: 

I didn't USED to know that people gave gifts at bachelorette parties, and I didn't used to know that the typical gift was lingerie. 

I was a BM in my BM's wedding over 5 years ago (so I was like 23, and seriously knew nothing about weddings. At all). I had been to 2 weddings before in my life, and both were when I was a little kid and relatives got married. So... yeah. I was about as naive as they come. 

I go to her bach party and there's a big group of us. We check into the hotel and the MOH decides it's gift time. So the bride is opening gift after gift, and each one is either really pretty/sexy lingerie, or a really beautiful bra and panties set. Then she gets to my gift. I got her a book. Seriously. 

I felt kind of dumb at the time cuz it seemed like I had missed the memo somewhere and didn't give the right gift. I feel way more dumb now, knowing a bit more about weddings and stuff, and looking back at it. I'm sure all the other girls in the room saw her open that book and were just like "um......" but were too nice to just laugh at me. So now I'm laughing at myself lol. Honestly, it kind of seems hilarious to me. 

Please tell me someone else has made some really naive mistakes! We can laugh at ourselves together :P 

ETA: also just learned that this isn't a thing! Ha! Just said this in a post but it's worth repeating here, from now on I'm only believing something if it's said on TK. Now I don't feel bad for thinking it was so weird that they were all giving gifts. Actually now I'm wondering why they did it... haha 

theartistformerlyknownas

Hahaha! Don't feel bad about it. In my circle bach parties aren't necessarily gift-giving parties - maybe half of the attendees give gifts. At mine, nobody gave lingerie; I got a few VS gift cards, and one friend gave me soap! Oh one exception... my sisters gave me a 3-pack of giant Walmart granny panties and said "forget lingerie; married ladies wear these!" Haha

ashley8918

But bachelorette parties aren't gift giving occasions?

emmaaa

I have never treated a Bachelorette party as a gifting event. My SIL's, my BFF, and mine, were not gift giving and no lingerie was received. 

novella1186

ashley8918 said:

But bachelorette parties aren't gift giving occasions?

That's what I thought!!! I thought it was just supposed to be a fun girl's night out. I almost didn't get her anything at all, but my mom suggested that I give her "just a small something" so I got her a book. I was so shocked to see that every girl had gotten her a really nice gift. 

thisismynickname2

I still maintain that bachelorette parties are not gift giving occasions by default. It just so happens that when you're really close to the bride, you tend to want to get something.  For me, I've gotten something little and fun if I'm not footing a substantial amount of the bill. When I have to shell out for b-parties, my presence (and subsidization of the event) is the bride's present, thankyouverymuch. 

ashley8918

My man of honor tried to pull this shit at my b-party and I told him not to dare telling people to bring gifts.

novella1186

lolo883 said:

Hahaha! Don't feel bad about it. In my circle bach parties aren't necessarily gift-giving parties - maybe half of the attendees give gifts. At mine, nobody gave lingerie; I got a few VS gift cards, and one friend gave me soap! Oh one exception... my sisters gave me a 3-pack of giant Walmart granny panties and said "forget lingerie; married ladies wear these!" Haha

I just choked on my tea. That is hilarious! Maybe it's yet another one of those "know your crowd" things. Cuz the particular crowd that I was with all seemed to be on the same page. Maybe the MOH gave them a heads up but not me? Who knows. 

ohmrs2014

I was unaware of gift giving at bach parties.  I didn't receive gifts, nor did I expect any.  My bach party was my bridal party and I at a spa getting massages for the day.  Just a nice relaxing day with the girls.

novella1186

Ok I guess I'm still learning lol. I thought it was weird to give gifts at bach parties and I had no idea it was a thing. These girls made me think it was a thing, and my sister also said something to my mom about it (back before the drama mess) so then I was like "Oh it's a thing?" 

It's not a thing! lol 

That actually makes me feel better cuz FSIL is coming to my bach party and the thought of her buying me lingerie was making me feel kind of weird... like "here's something slutty for you to wear when you have sex with my brother. Enjoy!" I quite honestly prefer no gifts. 

theartistformerlyknownas

novella1186 said:

Ok I guess I'm still learning lol. I thought it was weird to give gifts at bach parties and I had no idea it was a thing. These girls made me think it was a thing, and my sister also said something to my mom about it (back before the drama mess) so then I was like "Oh it's a thing?" 

It's not a thing! lol 

That actually makes me feel better cuz FSIL is coming to my bach party and the thought of her buying me lingerie was making me feel kind of weird... like "here's something slutty for you to wear when you have sex with my brother. Enjoy!" I quite honestly prefer no gifts. 

You should make sure your BM isn't putting your bra size on the actual invitations. That would definitely make it look like you're expecting not just any gift, but lingerie.

arrippa

I once bought a friend a book for her bach party. She seemed to like it.

Edit. The cover isn't showing up- it was The Art of Sensual Massage. My kind of art.

flyingfoxes

For my ex-best friend's bridal shower, the girls were giving her lingerie and shit.  I wasn't having any of it.  I got her a pizza stone.  Guess which thing she used the most? 

luckya23

I've only been to my sister's bach party - dinner and then a few drinks across the street, so nothing crazy.

Nobody brought a gift, and there were probably 8-10 girls there.

I would HATE for anyone to buy me lingerie!  I'm not having a bachelorette party anyway, though.

novella1186

lolo883 said:

novella1186 said:

Ok I guess I'm still learning lol. I thought it was weird to give gifts at bach parties and I had no idea it was a thing. These girls made me think it was a thing, and my sister also said something to my mom about it (back before the drama mess) so then I was like "Oh it's a thing?" 

It's not a thing! lol 

That actually makes me feel better cuz FSIL is coming to my bach party and the thought of her buying me lingerie was making me feel kind of weird... like "here's something slutty for you to wear when you have sex with my brother. Enjoy!" I quite honestly prefer no gifts. 

You should make sure your BM isn't putting your bra size on the actual invitations. That would definitely make it look like you're expecting not just any gift, but lingerie.

SIB

Holy crap yeah. That would just be embarrassing :S 

wandajune6

I've only been to 4 or 5 bachelorettes over the years, not including my own. For the most part, they were not gift-giving events. In fact, I don't remember seeing more than one or two people giving gifts.

It caught me by surprise when I got gifts at my own. Maye from 3 people? No lingerie but Victoria's Secret gift cards, Philosophy body products, and a gift card for Sephora. Pretty amazing but completely unexpected.

jenna8984

I have never been to one where lingerie (or any gifts) were given. I think it's weird. And sizing is so fucking weird at places like Victoria's.... some of their styles I'm a 32A and some of their styles I'm a 36C. (every other store I'm a 34B) It's bizarre, so I never shop there.

JennyColada

Lingerie would be a shitty gift for me. It would just be a waste. Even a VS gift card would probably go to waste as I rarely buy new bras, and I CERTAINLY don't need any of the "sexy" non-functional stuff.

Or only been to one BP and we just went to a male revue. I actually had to specifically tell the dancer to please not touch me. The whole situation felt kind of disrespectful (these sweaty STRANGERS just came up and would be touching my arms. I don't care if you work there, please do not grab at me).

Or I'm just a sour sport.

I didn't have a BP because our only wedding guests were our parents and NO to that.

novella1186

JennyColada said:

Lingerie would be a shitty gift for me. It would just be a waste. Even a VS gift card would probably go to waste as I rarely buy new bras, and I CERTAINLY don't need any of the "sexy" non-functional stuff. Or only been to one BP and we just went to a male revue. I actually had to specifically tell the dancer to please not touch me. The whole situation felt kind of disrespectful (these sweaty STRANGERS just came up and would be touching my arms. I don't care if you work there, please do not grab at me). Or I'm just a sour sport. I didn't have a BP because our only wedding guests were our parents and NO to that.

Ditto the bolded. I have maybe 2 or 3 nice sets of lingerie that I've gotten over the past couple years and I never wear them. I don't wear fancy bras cuz you can always see the lace or texture or whatever through my shirt so I wear really plain boring bras. I know most of that stuff is only meant to be worn "for show" and not actually under clothes as functional stuff, but that makes it even more pointless to me. 

I can't believe I was so convinced that this was such a normal thing! From now on I'm only believing stuff if it's said on TK :P 

amelisha

I WISH I was having a bachelorette and people were buying me lingerie. My bras are like $120 each so I could totally use some free ones.

Seriously, though, I don't think I've ever been to a stagette where people gave gifts. It's not really done in my circle. I have been to lingerie bridal showers though, which are inevitably awkward because how many lacy black VS babydolls can you open in a row and still look impressed....especially in front of your great-aunts or whatever. I think the whole thing is kind of embarrassingly antiquated as well, like "well, you guys have been living together for years/have both been divorced/have three kids/have dated like fifty people this year, but teehee, here's something 'naughty' for when you get deflowered on your wedding night, try not to faint at the thought or anything!" 

princessofgenovia

For my BFF's bach party me and the other BMs did go in on a few silly gifts for her. But it was just us at the party, and it was just one thing for her to open. We bought her a bottle of her favorite wine for after the wedding, some flavored lube, a playboy, penis mints, and a VS gift card. All things we knew she'd like or find funny.

But aside from that, I've never given a gift at a bach party. That was more about giving some silly things to a good friend. 

lovegood90

Haha, that's a funny story though! Definitely don't feel bad.

I would personally feel really uncomfortable getting lingerie from people, especially in that setting opening it in front of everyone. Also, my bra size is kind of in between sizes depending on the style, and I'm really picky when it comes to bras/undergarments in general, so I'd feel bad about people spending money on something that I didn't really like.

huskypuppy14

I have never bought lingerie for anyone but myself. I did get some tasteful items (sexy robe and nightgown) from my bridesmaids, but that's it.

Most of the B-parties I've been to, we've given some sort of gift. One time we all went in on a large gift, another time I bought some stuff from Bath and Bodyworks, and another time I got the bride engraved wine glasses. A gift should never be expected. 

novella1186

This was the only bach party I'd ever been to, so I had nothing to compare it to. The girls just made it seem so standard like "at a bach party you give lingerie. That's what you do. Duh." 

And then my mom asked me something about lingerie and my sister said, "no, that's what the bach party is for!" 

I seriously just assumed at that point that it was a known thing that people do. 

thisismynickname2

Similar to @novella1186, I made sure my b-party didn't have any lingerie component because my sister would be there!  Holy awkward....

Incidentally, after my "official" party, three of my closest friends gave me cute-sexy panties in private about a week before my wedding. LOL. 

princessofgenovia

Oh I did go to a lingerie bridal shower once. The invitation came with the bride's sizes on it, I bought her a couple cute nightgowns I found on sale and a pair of slippers. I felt weird picking out a bra for someone else and she told me later on she had to return several bras because they just didn't fit right.

She also told me it wasn't her plan, her MIL and mom came up with it. She was scared of what she'd open. For me, it wouldn't bother me, but she's much more conservative.

novella1186

thisismynickname said:

Similar to @novella1186, I made sure my b-party didn't have any lingerie component because my sister would be there!  Holy awkward....

Incidentally, after my "official" party, three of my closest friends gave me cute-sexy panties in private about a week before my wedding. LOL. 

My mom asked me the other day if she could get me lingerie as my shower gift. NO! First, my mom buying me lingerie is a little weird to me. Second, my grandma and FI's mom will be there. No. No no no no no. She thought it was weird that I didn't want to open lingerie in front of FI's mom. She thought I was making a big deal out of nothing. 

I really hope she listens to me and does not get it for me. 

novella1186

princessofgenovia said:

Oh I did go to a lingerie bridal shower once. The invitation came with the bride's sizes on it, I bought her a couple cute nightgowns I found on sale and a pair of slippers. I felt weird picking out a bra for someone else and she told me later on she had to return several bras because they just didn't fit right.

She also told me it wasn't her plan, her MIL and mom came up with it. She was scared of what she'd open. For me, it wouldn't bother me, but she's much more conservative.

I would just be annoyed to get nothing but bras and underwear. If it's sexy I'm maybe gonna wear it once, if that. If it's not sexy, I already own plenty of that stuff. Huge waste, to me. I'd much rather get a blender or something lol. 

princessofgenovia

novella1186 said:

princessofgenovia said:

Oh I did go to a lingerie bridal shower once. The invitation came with the bride's sizes on it, I bought her a couple cute nightgowns I found on sale and a pair of slippers. I felt weird picking out a bra for someone else and she told me later on she had to return several bras because they just didn't fit right.

She also told me it wasn't her plan, her MIL and mom came up with it. She was scared of what she'd open. For me, it wouldn't bother me, but she's much more conservative.

I would just be annoyed to get nothing but bras and underwear. If it's sexy I'm maybe gonna wear it once, if that. If it's not sexy, I already own plenty of that stuff. Huge waste, to me. I'd much rather get a blender or something lol. 

I have a thing for underwear. I seriously love having tons of it (I only 32 pairs at last count...but I need to go through and weed some out), and hell my bras are pricey if someone else wants to take on that cost...go for it! But I'm also pretty sure they'd pick out the wrong thing. Except my mom. She always manages to pick good underwear for me. I dunno how.

The sexy stuff is useless to me though. I own a few things I wear occassionally but really, my sexy wear is boyshorts and tank top. Rawr.

I think her mom and MIL were going with the idea that they'd lived together for 4 years and pretty much had everything household related. But I'm with you, I always need a new blender. Margaritas yo.

ohannabelle

princessofgenovia said:

Oh I did go to a lingerie bridal shower once. The invitation came with the bride's sizes on it, I bought her a couple cute nightgowns I found on sale and a pair of slippers. I felt weird picking out a bra for someone else and she told me later on she had to return several bras because they just didn't fit right.

She also told me it wasn't her plan, her MIL and mom came up with it. She was scared of what she'd open. For me, it wouldn't bother me, but she's much more conservative.

This is why I think lingerie showers aren't a good idea. We all know that all boobs aren't a universal fit to all bras. So even if you're a 34 C, one 34 C is too small, or the cups are too far apart, or it's cut funny and gives you overboob, or rides up in the back. It takes me hours to find a good fit that I'm happy with.

So we're really wasting our friends shopping time by having lingerie showers. 

(I would rather get a book.)

APDSS22

novella1186 said:

Ok I guess I'm still learning lol. I thought it was weird to give gifts at bach parties and I had no idea it was a thing. These girls made me think it was a thing, and my sister also said something to my mom about it (back before the drama mess) so then I was like "Oh it's a thing?" 

It's not a thing! lol 

That actually makes me feel better cuz FSIL is coming to my bach party and the thought of her buying me lingerie was making me feel kind of weird... like "here's something slutty for you to wear when you have sex with my brother. Enjoy!" I quite honestly prefer no gifts. 

My SIL had a lingerie shower as part of her bachelorette weekend.  Sadly *snort* I had to work that weekend so I couldn't buy sexy things for her to open from me in front of my MIL.  I'm a little creeped out by the fact that she included her lingerie sizes on the invitations so I know what size underwear she wears actually.