thanking bad guests for gift?

iabcca

overall, i loved the way everything turned out at my wedding. most of all, i am happy with the groom!i now have the tricky situation of writing a thank you for a gift i received from a friend who really annoyed me at the wedding (and not just by having a little too much, which i kinda expected). the gift was sent just before the wedding and we received it when we returned home. the "friend" organized a dinner for about 15 of my friends and SOs from college the night before my wedding. we have not all been together for 10 years but have remained in touch even though we are spread around the world. only problem--she figured i would be "busy" and didn't tell me. for a variety of reasons (mostly family strife, which made the planning almost unbearable), i wasn't. i found out by accident, when i tried to tell people where we would be in case anyone wanted to hang out (we didn't have the $ to do anything formal, but we said we would be at the hotel bar if anyone wanted to join).  apparently, they all had plans. i guess someone realized it at the restaurant after they had sat down and started talking and called my phone to see if we wanted to rush over. i was fuming. and to top it off, they went to one of my favorite cuisines--i am a long-time vegetarian, so them all going to a place that bills itself veggie-friendly was a bit of the last straw. it is the type of place i would have dragged them all to 10 years ago. now i have to thank the organizer for pillow-cases and am having a bit of trouble with the wording.i think brevity might be in order, but i don't want to be rude.

SwedishChick2011

Even though she was rude, you should still write her a nice thank-you note.  Just write it like you would write any other TY note, stick it in the mail, and forget about it.  That's what I'd do.

golf*bride

I agree with the pp.... graciously write a thank you note as you would for any other gift.  To be honest, I don't agree that she did anything offensive by assuming that you were busy the night before your wedding.  She probably assumed that you would be busy with the rehearsal and dinner.  I guess she could have extended an invite to you anyways, but I wouldn't let it bother you so much.

BelhurstBride

I agree with golf. I think you're taking it a little too personal. Just try to cool off for a couple weeks and write the thank you then.

dianenjnj

i agree with the poster that said many people would think you'd be busy at the rehearsal and with family. they DID realize later and called you...why didn't you join the party when they called? if the reason is money...then you wouldn't have gone anyway, right. i think you're wasting energy by being upset about this. pillow cases for a wedding???? i think i'd be more upset about that! in any case, a simple thank you is fine.

iabcca

i think i am mostly upset because we were both hardly speaking to our parents at the time--and my friends were pretty aware. his parents are rather distant--unless they need $. my mom referred to the wedding as "my wedding" and changed things behind my back, swearing the wedding planner and my sister to secrecy. all while complaining how much work she had to do for the event.   the last year was awful. my friends knew how upset i was about all of this--and a bridesmaid was in on their party, so they knew there was no rehearsal. i may be overreacting, but i really needed some support that night. not friends who would throw their own college reunion and not include me on the dinner evite. if you are doing that, is it too hard to add one more email address and let me decide if i can come? as for the pillow case comment--the other organizer didn't even get me a wedding gift, and she came with guest.

[Deleted User]

I would send the TY. I would think the bride would be busy the night before her wedding as well. I think it was an oversight.

BelhurstBride

Sounds like you need to call your friends and talk to them about this. Regardless of whether or not you were having a RD it's still normal for the bride and groom to be busy the night before their wedding and I still don't see where they went wrong. Just because you're upset with your mother doesn't mean you should hold this against your friends. Call them up and talk to them. My college friends also used my wedding a chance to get together and go out. I found out from seeing pictures. I don't blame them at all and had they invited me I would have felt obligated to find the time to go. Instead, I look forward to the next wedding so that I can spend some quality time with them. So in closing, I still think you're overreacting.

julie22685

I had a friend who came to the wedding very drunk, made out with her girlfriend during my ceremony and did not give a gift. I did not send a thank you card. If she ever calls to apologize I will accept but for now I have chosen to end all contact with her. This girl doesn't sound that horrible. I would send a thank you even if it is a crummy gift.

shetmo

I disagree with the posts and agree with you. Whether or not you are busy, you should be invited to a party your friends through before your wedding. If they thought you were too busy, they should ask what they can do to help!