"Wanting Kids"--is it on a spectrum?

KatieinBkln

Spinoff from another thread here. Talking about wanting kids, not wanting them, being ambivalent, etc. made me wonder some things. Personally, I have always seen myself having kids down the line. I like children a lot, and really enjoy teaching them things. Babies/toddlers are a little overwhelming to me, but I never saw this as a real barrier.

However, I just...can't relate to "baby fever." Like, at all. I always figured it would hit me once I got a little older and the biological clock started making itself known, but I'm 29 now and honestly I can't say that I have ever seen a baby and thought: "I need one of those. I need one RIGHT NOW" the way so many women describe. One time I saw a baby and I swear my ovaries/uterus kind of twinged, like "Hey. Hey. We could make one of those you know." But I didn't have any kind of corresponding emotional response, if that makes any sense.

Also, I have asked myself what would happen if I couldn't have kids, and honestly the answer is I think I'd be fine. I really like my life as it is now, and the prospect of living the childless life doesn't fill me with sorrow. Maybe a bit of regret, but I could enjoy traipsing through life with Fi and traveling whenever I wanted and like, raising dogs and goats or some shit.

Do we think I'm just a late bloomer and the baby fever will hit me like a ton of bricks within a few years, or is it just part of the Spectrum of Baby-Wanting to want kids, plan to have them, but okay with the idea of not? I hear a lot of people say that they never wanted kids but eventually came around to ambivalence, but I don't hear as many people say they're in my boat of always wanting kids but ok with maybe not, if that's how it shakes out.

Is anyone else in that boat with me?

bethsmiles

I'm the same as you. SO and I have decided we would like to have kids. But honestly, if we ended up not having kids I'd be fine with that too. I've already told SO I don't want to go through any extra measures to get pregnant if we have fertility issues and he agreed.

I've had moments where I see a baby and think "OMG, so cute, I want one!" But it lasts like 5 seconds. I think I'd be perfectly happy getting my baby fix as an aunt, if for some reason I couldn't have kids.

esstee33

I had a little bit of baby fever in my mid-20s, but never anything super overwhelming. At 32 I'm far more on the ambivalent side of the "wanting kids" question. FI and I know we would like a child, but I don't think either of us would be devastated if we didn't have one. TBH, I am horrified by the thought of actually being pregnant and I'm not super thrilled with very young babies. I helped raise my nephew and I remember all of the fun times with a tiny creature that can't control its bodily fluids. It's not something I can't handle, but something I wouldn't be sad to miss. 

We're leaning more towards adoption than having a biological child, even if we COULD conceive one. So the "will we just not have a child at all?" question is probably a no. We'd like to adopt a kid from foster care, ideally. 

I'm sorta in your boat, but I might be dragging my arm or a leg through the water. 

classicalandedgy

I'm in your boat I think.  I'm 37 and have never had a burning desire that I must have kids  In my first marriage my then husband didn't want kids and I was ok with that.  My current fiancé has a seven year old and he is amazing and I love him as much as any mother could love a child.  My fiancé and I have talked about having a biological child of our own but we just seem content with our life the way that it is.  We certainly haven't closed the door to it, if by the time I turn 40, and FI 45 and we are not feeling pressed, I think we'll close the door then.  But, for right now we're just enjoying our life and seeing how we feel. 

Maggie0829

I think you are completely normal and I will join you in that boat.

I have never wanted kids but lately, I don't know if it is because of my age or what, I have been thinking about the possibility more and more.  H and I just had a discussion about where we see ourselves in 5 years.  We want to move but aren't sure if we can swing that in the next 5 years or not.  Then I told him that if we do decide to have kids I don't want to move when they are older, taking them away from friends and such.  And he asked if we did have kids when would I want to have one.  I told him in the next 5 years (I will be 35 and really don't want to have kids any older than that).  He agreed that it made sense but he said what I was thinking..."holy shit in the next 5 years? we have been married almost 4 and that went by super quick!"

I mean if we don't have kids we will be okay with that.  I think that it is just such a huge decision in our eyes that making it is just too much for us.  I mean I still can't believe I am 30, married, own a home and have a professional job.  How the fuck did that happen?  In my mind I still feel like I am some teenager who should be living with my parents and working part time at a fast food restaurant.

princessleia22

Yeah, I think it's definitely a spectrum... but your position on the spectrum can change over time and is never really set in stone. 

I'm in the "don't want kids" camp.  I like kids a lot, I just don't think I want my own. I'm 35 years old now and this feeling hasn't changed.  DH and I have talked about possibly fostering if we ever get so inclined to do so or move further down the "want kids" scale.  And we have talked about the possibility of "what if we did get pregnant" and we would be okay with it and make great parents.  But, we have no intention of trying for kids and I don't foresee that changing. But, I definitely think there is a varied spectrum on the "wanting kids" scale. 

Blergbot

I always wanted kids, but if I ever had baby fever it was a lot milder than I expected. I'd get little twinges now and then, but never anything crazy. But when my then BF told me he probably didn't want kids, I got upset. And when he told me he wanted to marry me, but still wasn't sure about the kids, I cried all night. When we accidentally got KU I was pretty happy. But right now I pretty freaked out. Still excited to have LO, but also...wow, what am I going to do with this thing?!

cupcait927

I share your sentiment exactly. I was pretty adamant in my early twenties that I did not want a baby. At all. Ever. Then I met H. He's always wanted a family and I was finally with someone that I could see that happening with. All of a sudden I had this intense urge to have a child with him. Then poof - it went away one day. I think I experience the "baby fever" not so much because I want children but because he was the first person that it was truly a possibility with.

 

I don't know that I'll ever get that feeling again, that intense longing to have a child. I'm so happy with our life the way it is right now and I don't know if I want it to change. H has said that if for some reason we can't have kids, he would be a little sad but still be happy with our life because we could fill it with other experiences. We have both agreed that we do not want kids for at least 2-3 years so who knows what will change in that time.

SmileDamnit

I was definitely in the same boat, Until about 34, I could've taken or left having a kid of my own. I've always loved kids - was "that friend" who had a ball with everyone else's kids...but had zero burning desire to get pregnant or raise my own child. Did a complete about face when I met DH, though. He was very up front about wanting a family and I couldn't wait to get pregnant. It was weird how that desire changed. Not sure what we would've done if we weren't able to have a child...always said we'd cross that bridge when we came to it. 

levioosa

When I was a teenager I was was set on not having kids.  When I was 22 I had intense baby fever for about a year.  My whole body was like, "Baaabiiiieeeeeesssss."  And I told it no--a baby was not in the cards for that time of my life.  Since then it's kind of died off.  I still see cute babies and coo at them, but I don't feel as desperate to have one as I did that year. 

I know I want kids, just not now.  SO isn't ready to have them for a few years anyway (and neither am I).  It's also more complicated because sometimes my favorite part of seeing a kid is when they leave so I can have peace.  I think I'm just at a more selfish point in my life right now.  I don't want to give up sleep or vacations yet.  Plus I'm still in school and I really want to have a solid career going before I have a kid.  I wanted to have kids at 26 originally (LOL at my past plans), but it looks like I'll be at least 30+ before it happens.  I'm a little sad that I'm starting a family so late (for me, I'm not judging anyone who has kids later than that), but it's just the way it's working out. 

amelisha

I'm somewhere in the ambivalent spectrum too. If it were left up to me alone, I don't think I would (and at 28, I'm doubting my feelings are going to undergo a seismic shift anymore), but if FI decides that he really does want them in the next 5-7 years and we're in a good position to do so, I'll happily try for a couple, I think. I don't dislike children or anything, I just have never felt compelled to have one of my own (despite my mom running a dayhome and me working as a nanny when I was younger.) FI has a little more of the white-picket-fences in him, but I think we'd both rather have money than kids right now. That might change for him if he starts making bank in the next couple years as planned, and I'm prepared for it.

We talk about parenting sometimes, like "oh, if we have kids you are SO going to take back all those dirty looks you give parents of screaming children in the mall." And we've had a couple serious talks about what we would do as far as a house and my job. But neither of us is dead-set either way, and I too feel like the odd one out for not being firm one way or the other at this point sometimes.

ChemFanatic25

SO I have a lot of reasons for why I don't want kids. Most people thing I am a cold heartless demon when I have listed off my reasons so I won't list them here. One of the biggest reasons though is that the responsbility is a HUGE turnoff. I have a dog and I love her to pieces but sometimes I wish I was able to come and go as I please and not have to worry about a dog sitter for her or making sure I don't stay out too late because I need to let her out to the bathroom.

I'm only 24 though. That could change. There is only one kid I actually like and even when he starts crying I have to get up and walk out of the room (I was told this was rude but I can't handle babies crying. It's along the same lines of yelling and I get shivers and my head kind of shuts down and I can't handle it.) My bf is also on the fence. He has a lot of issues with his stomach and believes if he can't take care of himself, how can he take care of another kid?

I don't know though. Like I said, I'm only 24. No baby fever though. I really don't understand the baby fever.

lmcooper86

I have found my people.

I would be okay with having kids...I think. But I would also be completely fine with not having kids. FI completely agrees. I think he wants kids more than I do, but he also sees the benefits of not having children and being free to do as we please with our time and money.

Don't get me wrong, I really like kids, but I have never felt a desperate need to have a child. I love snuggling my friend's baby, I like playing with my 2 year old nephew, I think my co-worker's 6 year old is hilarious, but I am always happy that I don't have to take them home.

We might totally change our minds in the next few years and really truly want a child in the future, but we'll cross that bridge when and if we come to it. It's not something that's dominating our thinking or planning.

pinkcow13

I'm with you. I don't have maternal instincts or twinges, except for my cats. I'm 30 myself, and I feel that if we were to have kids it would be within 5 years. Which seems really fast to me. I still want to explore the option of living in another state, and I still want to go to Europe, Brazil, South Africa, and Bora Bora. The idea of waking up at the crack of dawn every single day to bath/feed/clothe an infant, and then a few years later take that child to school, all the while working my full time job and trying to rise within the corporate ladder kinda of fills me with dread. 

So, I feel that if I were to find out we couldn't have kids, I would be totally fine with that. I do think I would want kids one day, but honestly it just doesn't excite me at all. And on top of that, it terrifies me. Not just because of parenthood, but because I am a worrier, and I think of worst case scenarios. (What if I fall 8 months in? Have a late miscarriage? Develop a rare pregnancy disease? What id something happens to my kid?)  I also like our lives right now, and I don't feel like we are missing anything at all by not having had kids yet. 

Funnily enough, when I was 25 I made myself a "5 Year Plan" (I know, I know. I was melodramatic and was having a "quarter life crisis.") According to that plan I should have been married with kids by now. I'm totally cool with how things turned out compared to my silly life plan.

melbenso

I'm pretty much in the same boat.  I love kids.  I would like to have them some day.  I don't want them now.  I don't plan on having any any time soon.  But maybe someday.  And if that day arrives and I can't have kids (I'm in my mid 30s), then I'll adopt or take in foster kids.  But until then, birth control all the way.

KatieinBkln

pinkcow13 said:

I'm with you. I don't have maternal instincts or twinges, except for my cats. I'm 30 myself, and I feel that if we were to have kids it would be within 5 years. Which seems really fast to me. I still want to explore the option of living in another state, and I still want to go to Europe, Brazil, South Africa, and Bora Bora. The idea of waking up at the crack of dawn every single day to bath/feed/clothe an infant, and then a few years later take that child to school, all the while working my full time job and trying to rise within the corporate ladder kinda of fills me with dread. 

So, I feel that if I were to find out we couldn't have kids, I would be totally fine with that. I do think I would want kids one day, but honestly it just doesn't excite me at all. And on top of that, it terrifies me. Not just because of parenthood, but because I am a worrier, and I think of worst case scenarios. (What if I fall 8 months in? Have a late miscarriage? Develop a rare pregnancy disease? What id something happens to my kid?)  I also like our lives right now, and I don't feel like we are missing anything at all by not having had kids yet. 

Funnily enough, when I was 25 I made myself a "5 Year Plan" (I know, I know. I was melodramatic and was having a "quarter life crisis.") According to that plan I should have been married with kids by now. I'm totally cool with how things turned out compared to my silly life plan.

This stuff terrifies me, too. Sometimes I wonder if living in a city that is both A. ridiculously expensive to raise kids in and B. SO MUCH FUN to be an adult in is informing my thoughts on this as well. If I were living in my home state I can guarantee you we'd be already married with a house and maybe kids already. I mean, maybe not. But it's pretty easy to fall into the same "schedule" as those around you, I think. 

I do intend to actively try to have children, though. I just don't know whether I will wake up one day and be "ready" to move to the suburbs/change my current lifestyle, or whether it will be more of a "Well, it's time, whether I'm champing at the bit or not." Not to say that I will see making lifestyle changes as a burden (if you told me I had to move right now I wouldn't love it but I'd make it work, since I like adventures), but there's a difference between doing the practical thing because it fits in with your long-term plans and being THRILLED and READY to do something. 

esstee33

KatieinBkln said:

pinkcow13 said:

I'm with you. I don't have maternal instincts or twinges, except for my cats. I'm 30 myself, and I feel that if we were to have kids it would be within 5 years. Which seems really fast to me. I still want to explore the option of living in another state, and I still want to go to Europe, Brazil, South Africa, and Bora Bora. The idea of waking up at the crack of dawn every single day to bath/feed/clothe an infant, and then a few years later take that child to school, all the while working my full time job and trying to rise within the corporate ladder kinda of fills me with dread. 

So, I feel that if I were to find out we couldn't have kids, I would be totally fine with that. I do think I would want kids one day, but honestly it just doesn't excite me at all. And on top of that, it terrifies me. Not just because of parenthood, but because I am a worrier, and I think of worst case scenarios. (What if I fall 8 months in? Have a late miscarriage? Develop a rare pregnancy disease? What id something happens to my kid?)  I also like our lives right now, and I don't feel like we are missing anything at all by not having had kids yet. 

Funnily enough, when I was 25 I made myself a "5 Year Plan" (I know, I know. I was melodramatic and was having a "quarter life crisis.") According to that plan I should have been married with kids by now. I'm totally cool with how things turned out compared to my silly life plan.

This stuff terrifies me, too. Sometimes I wonder if living in a city that is both A. ridiculously expensive to raise kids in and B. SO MUCH FUN to be an adult in is informing my thoughts on this as well. If I were living in my home state I can guarantee you we'd be already married with a house and maybe kids already. I mean, maybe not. But it's pretty easy to fall into the same "schedule" as those around you, I think. 

I do intend to actively try to have children, though. I just don't know whether I will wake up one day and be "ready" to move to the suburbs/change my current lifestyle, or whether it will be more of a "Well, it's time, whether I'm champing at the bit or not." Not to say that I will see making lifestyle changes as a burden (if you told me I had to move right now I wouldn't love it but I'd make it work, since I like adventures), but there's a difference between doing the practical thing because it fits in with your long-term plans and being THRILLED and READY to do something. 

This is pretty much where I'm at. I don't think I'm going to get a sudden overwhelming urge for babies at this point, so at a certain point FI and I will probably just stop using birth control and see what happens. I'm nearly certain it's going to be a calculated "OK, it's time" rather than a "OMG I CAN'T WAIT LET'S START TTC!!!!"

kat1114

I'm so happy this thread is here because I feel like a horrible person sometimes for not having baby fever.

I've always kind of pictured myself having kids, but I'm terrified of the whole pregnancy/giving birth ordeal. And while I want kids, I've never had an absolute yearning to drop everything and go procreate. 

H wants kids like yesterday. He is 34 and I'm 27, and I think age is part of the reason. It also doesn't help that his 2 best friends have 5 kids between them. I just don't feel ready emotionally, financially, or career-wise. And I like having my freedom. I like knowing that if I wanted to drive to Vegas after work tomorrow, I could. Or if I want to stay at home and drink a bottle of wine tomorrow and sleep till noon Saturday that's also an option. 

I'm just not ready to be unselfish. 

Cookie Pusher

I did my college internship with children's services - accompanying children on their supervised parental visits, filing paperwork into their case files, and sometimes even sitting with them in courtrooms during hearings. If there was ever even a hint of desire to have children, that summer snuffed it out. I worked with so many children who just wanted to be loved, who never asked to be born into the situations and homes they were born into, many who were deemed "too old" and would likely remain in the system until they turned 18. Nope, never having kids. Not when there are already so many who need love.

I have a friend who is DESPERATE to have babies, like, last decade. She gets into unhealthy relationships with guys who do not treat her well but stays because MARRIAGE AND BABIES! All she talks about is how she has to find a man to marry and start a family with right now because that's all that matters. Nothing else seems to make her happy, and she has said on more than one occasion that her life will have been a failure if she doesn't have children. I guess I just don't understand that mentality.

pinkcow13

KatieinBkln said:

pinkcow13 said:

I'm with you. I don't have maternal instincts or twinges, except for my cats. I'm 30 myself, and I feel that if we were to have kids it would be within 5 years. Which seems really fast to me. I still want to explore the option of living in another state, and I still want to go to Europe, Brazil, South Africa, and Bora Bora. The idea of waking up at the crack of dawn every single day to bath/feed/clothe an infant, and then a few years later take that child to school, all the while working my full time job and trying to rise within the corporate ladder kinda of fills me with dread. 

So, I feel that if I were to find out we couldn't have kids, I would be totally fine with that. I do think I would want kids one day, but honestly it just doesn't excite me at all. And on top of that, it terrifies me. Not just because of parenthood, but because I am a worrier, and I think of worst case scenarios. (What if I fall 8 months in? Have a late miscarriage? Develop a rare pregnancy disease? What id something happens to my kid?)  I also like our lives right now, and I don't feel like we are missing anything at all by not having had kids yet. 

Funnily enough, when I was 25 I made myself a "5 Year Plan" (I know, I know. I was melodramatic and was having a "quarter life crisis.") According to that plan I should have been married with kids by now. I'm totally cool with how things turned out compared to my silly life plan.

This stuff terrifies me, too. Sometimes I wonder if living in a city that is both A. ridiculously expensive to raise kids in and B. SO MUCH FUN to be an adult in is informing my thoughts on this as well. If I were living in my home state I can guarantee you we'd be already married with a house and maybe kids already. I mean, maybe not. But it's pretty easy to fall into the same "schedule" as those around you, I think. 

I do intend to actively try to have children, though. I just don't know whether I will wake up one day and be "ready" to move to the suburbs/change my current lifestyle, or whether it will be more of a "Well, it's time, whether I'm champing at the bit or not." Not to say that I will see making lifestyle changes as a burden (if you told me I had to move right now I wouldn't love it but I'd make it work, since I like adventures), but there's a difference between doing the practical thing because it fits in with your long-term plans and being THRILLED and READY to do something. 

I've lived in the city my entire life, and I cannot even imagine moving to the suburbs. This city is way too expensive to raise kids in, though. I mean we are looking to move after the wedding, but to one of the boroughs. And none of my close friends (including work friends except for maybe 2) have kids.

kat1114, and this is why I got cats. I LOVE animals and pets, and when I moved out on my own, I wanted a pet. As much as I love dogs, I knew having a dog would be way too much of a responsibility for me. Cats can stay on their own, they don't need to be walked, and if I want to go to happy hour after work, I can do so without having to worry about walking the dog. Kids? That is a whole different ball game. Happy Hour will probably become non existent. As will sleeping till noon on weekdays, and having bottles of wine whenever I want. I am also way too selfish for kids right now.

emmaaa

I think being on spectrum is normal.

I'm a bit different than you, I definitely want babies. Soon. I would do it now if we were more prepared. H and I are thinking of TTC in about a year. Every time I see cute kids or babies on TV or in public, I give H the "let's make a baby" face.

ETA: If for some reason we couldn't have kids, I would have to consider being a foster parent and maybe adoption. I haven't ever thought much about it but so many foster homes (the ones we hear about anyways) seem so awful and I would want to give kids a nice place to live.

teddygirl9

I'm kind of weird about babies. I think that I would like a family one day, but I dont really want to give birth or raise kids haha.

AprilH81

We are actively TTC at the moment and we both want kids.

Personally, if I'm unable to have kids without a lot of intervention I think we would be okay (I know I would be).  At this point I'm not interested in IUI, IVF or more advanced infertility treatments or even adoption.  I bring this up because after almost 4 months off of the BCP I'm still not ovulating and the possibly of needing Clomid or Femara is high.

My sister has three kids that I love to pieces, but they do exhaust me when we watch all three of them (4, 2, 2).  I would be okay to be the best Aunt ever and hand them back to my sister when the evening is done.

I think it is a sliding scale.  Some people know they want kids from the get-go and their lives would be incomplete without children (biological or not), some people really want kids but don't want to go through medical intervention, some people are just like "if it happens it happens" and others load up on birth control.

jenna8984

When I was a child and a teenager, I always knew that I wanted kids in the future. I had the white picket fence dreams with kids and dogs and Mary frigen Poppins. And then when I got to my 20's and actually realized how much work, money, sacrifice it is- I got real freaked out. I'd start seeng parents at water parks or sports games with kids and I'd feel bad for them. I'd think wow, I'm having a blast today just doing whatever I want and they have to be all watching that kid the whole time, that's no fun.

So I kinda of squashed baby fever before I even really had it. I still would like kids, but I'm the same as many of you. I'm not DYING for it and would probably be ok if my body couldn't do it.

But then I have these crazy moments that fuck with my head. I was babysitting 6 month old niece recently, and put her in her crib for bedtime. She was still screaming after 15 minutes so I decided crying it out wasn't working. I picked her up and sat in her rocking chair and she instantly nuzzled my chest and fell asleep. I sat there rocking and my eyes teared up and I sat in the dark crying because I was like I do really want this. There is nothing in world like this feeling right now.

So I'm definitely on the "torn" spectrum because I want it and I don't want it. And honestly that makes me feel bad, and like I'm already a bad mom, because I feel like everyone with baby fever and babies would look at me and think "how can you even question it?!" You know? But I do.

southernbelle0915

I think it's definitely a spectrum. I have never had baby fever or the "omgggggg - a BABY!" attitude. Like never ever. I'm pregnant and I don't even have that feeling now. 

DH and I decided that, in the long run, we want kids. We want a family that consists of more than the two of us + our cat. And the timing is solid now. I'm still in my 20s, so spacing will work out nicely (we don't want an only child).

arrippa

I was always ambivalent about having kids.  I am at the age where I have a year or so left before I am too old to have kids. Having my choice taken away, even if I don't want kids, scares me a lot.

levioosa

arrippa said:

I was always ambivalent about having kids.  I am at the age where I have a year or so left before I am too old to have kids. Having my choice taken away, even if I don't want kids, scares me a lot.

THIS.  It's the choice that means a lot to me too.  SO's sister didn't want kids, but when she lost an ovary and irreparably scarred the other one when her appendix burst, it threw her for a huge loop.  She didn't know how to sort out her feelings, because while she didn't even want kids in the first place, it was her choice, and now her choice had been taken from her.  I'm terrified that whatever I do decide, maybe I won't even be able to have them.  I also had health issues as an infant that had the potential to affect my fertility as an adult.  I've been a little bit of an ostrich by not checking it out as an adult, but I don't want to know yet. 

plainjane0415

bethsmiles said:

I'm the same as you. SO and I have decided we would like to have kids. But honestly, if we ended up not having kids I'd be fine with that too. I've already told SO I don't want to go through any extra measures to get pregnant if we have fertility issues and he agreed.

I've had moments where I see a baby and think "OMG, so cute, I want one!" But it lasts like 5 seconds. I think I'd be perfectly happy getting my baby fix as an aunt, if for some reason I couldn't have kids.

This is me.  FI and I know that we want kids, but neither of us are in too big of a hurry or have baby fever.  If it happens, it happens, but if not then we are totally fine with our life the way it is now.  I've never experienced the baby fever, I have several people who say "Oh, that will come after you get married" and honestly I'm not sure that it will.  But we shall see.

KatWAG

pinkcow13 said:

I'm with you. I don't have maternal instincts or twinges, except for my cats. I'm 30 myself, and I feel that if we were to have kids it would be within 5 years. Which seems really fast to me. I still want to explore the option of living in another state, and I still want to go to Europe, Brazil, South Africa, and Bora Bora. The idea of waking up at the crack of dawn every single day to bath/feed/clothe an infant, and then a few years later take that child to school, all the while working my full time job and trying to rise within the corporate ladder kinda of fills me with dread. 

So, I feel that if I were to find out we couldn't have kids, I would be totally fine with that. I do think I would want kids one day, but honestly it just doesn't excite me at all. And on top of that, it terrifies me. Not just because of parenthood, but because I am a worrier, and I think of worst case scenarios. (What if I fall 8 months in? Have a late miscarriage? Develop a rare pregnancy disease? What id something happens to my kid?)  I also like our lives right now, and I don't feel like we are missing anything at all by not having had kids yet. 

Funnily enough, when I was 25 I made myself a "5 Year Plan" (I know, I know. I was melodramatic and was having a "quarter life crisis.") According to that plan I should have been married with kids by now. I'm totally cool with how things turned out compared to my silly life plan.

 

------

 

I have a baby, and I will tell you that it is damn hard. That is part of the reason why so many women dont do it (but that is a whole other topic.) But if you decdie to have a kid, I think the struggle is worth it. It has had me a stronger person.

 

And for those of you who fear the responsiblity; good, you should.

 

It doesnt go away once you give birth, and I am pretty sure the fear never goes away.

 

I am responsible for another human. I feel like that should raise my blood pressue. The fear of that responsiblity, makes me respect the magnitude of my decision to bring a baby into this world.

Lowell14

DH and I don't want kids. He has 2 kids from his previous marriage and 7 nieces we love to bits. But I don't want the 24/7 responsiblilty.

SIL also spent 5 years, thousands of dollars and many cycles of IVF because she HAD to have a baby. It nearly ruined her marriage. It has put into perspective what DH and I what as a couple

loveislouder

When I was 19 I knew I desperately wanted a child in the next 5 years. Its 5 years later and my doctor told me that I probably won't be able to have biological children.  I don't know if it hasn't hit me, or if I'm really okay with the possibility of not having a child.

I think where you land on the spectrum definitely changes throughout your life.