Symbolic ceremony due to marriage requirements n mexico

redoryx

curiouskg said:

And a wedding night is supposed to be the first time a man and a woman consummate their relationship.  Did you tell all of your guests that you did the deed prior to your wedding?  

Says who?

Besides, the mere act of sleeping with someone has no legal implications. Getting married does.

plainjane0415

redoryx said:

curiouskg said:

And a wedding night is supposed to be the first time a man and a woman consummate their relationship.  Did you tell all of your guests that you did the deed prior to your wedding?  

Says who?

Besides, the mere act of sleeping with someone has no legal implications. Getting married does.

AND THIS.

Liatris2010

curiouskg said:

And a wedding night is supposed to be the first time a man and a woman consummate their relationship.  Did you tell all of your guests that you did the deed prior to your wedding?  

No, but I also didn't invite them to witness round 2 and tell them it was our first time.

mikenberger

What's this "symbolic wedding" shit?? Isn't it symbolic to get married? The first time?

LondonLisa

If I bought a plane ticket, took holiday leave, booked an expensive resort to see you get married, and then found out it was this "symbolic ceremony" malarkey and you had actually already been married for days- I would end my friendship with you. Well, actually, you ended your friendship with me by lying to me and making me spend thousands of ££ on this fake wedding. Married/ not married is a binary state. If you legally have a husband, you are married. Lying to your friends and family is the lowest of the low!

onefootinthebayou

curiouskg said:

And a wedding night is supposed to be the first time a man and a woman consummate their relationship.  Did you tell all of your guests that you did the deed prior to your wedding?  

Wait, what?

Is that the legal definition of marriage?

Picture this scenario:

Bride & groom get married (or sign papers, as y'all like to refer to it) at JOP on a Friday.

Groom gets carried away on their flight to their "DW" (aka, PPD), has a few too many Miller Lights on the plane, and joins the mile high club with a flight attendant on a Saturday.

Sunday, this couple has their "symbolic ceremony" in wherever-the-hell island in front of friends & family they have lied to or lied to by omission about not being married.

Monday, bride (really, "wife" since Friday) discovers lascivious texts on husband's phone from frisky flight attendant relaying how she can't stop thinking about how he made her soar above the clouds (or some other terrible airplane pun) on Saturday. Wife decides to file for divorce (not annulment as by YOUR logic, they have boned on Sunday night, taking annulment off the table in some religions.)

I ask you, I CHALLENGE you to tell me when they will have been considered married by attorneys, judges, juries, court of law, God, etc. Friday or Sunday? And tell me that that date is as immaterial in the court proceedings as it is in this fantasy world where you (general you) brush these details under the rug, do not disclose them to your nearest and dearest to suit YOUR agenda?!

The only agenda MOST people have on here is to advise people on proper etiquette as well as how not to make complete asses of themselves and ruin relationships with friends loved ones in the process. What you will not get here is encouragement for bad behavior. Lying is bad behavior no matter how you try to cloak it in made up rules and bizzare definitions.

I am hoping you will answer me though, in the scenario above, when was the couple married? Friday or Sunday? You have a 50% chance of getting it right.

ShesSoCold

mikenberger said:

What's this "symbolic wedding" shit?? Isn't it symbolic to get married? The first time?

I can't find the right gif but these "symbolic ceremony" bullshits always make me think of that cop guy in Boondock Saints - "what's the symbology in that?"

mikenberger

onefootinthebayou said:

curiouskg said:

And a wedding night is supposed to be the first time a man and a woman consummate their relationship.  Did you tell all of your guests that you did the deed prior to your wedding?  

Wait, what?

Is that the legal definition of marriage?

Picture this scenario:

Bride & groom get married (or sign papers, as y'all like to refer to it) at JOP on a Friday.

Groom gets carried away on their flight to their "DW" (aka, PPD), has a few too many Miller Lights on the plane, and joins the mile high club with a flight attendant on a Saturday.

Sunday, this couple has their "symbolic ceremony" in wherever-the-hell island in front of friends & family they have lied to or lied to by omission about not being married.

Monday, bride (really, "wife" since Friday) discovers lascivious texts on husband's phone from frisky flight attendant relaying how she can't stop thinking about how he made her soar above the clouds (or some other terrible airplane pun) on Saturday. Wife decides to file for divorce (not annulment as by YOUR logic, they have boned on Sunday night, taking annulment off the table in some religions.)

I ask you, I CHALLENGE you to tell me when they will have been considered married by attorneys, judges, juries, court of law, God, etc. Friday or Sunday? And tell me that that date is as immaterial in the court proceedings as it is in this fantasy world where you (general you) brush these details under the rug, do not disclose them to your nearest and dearest to suit YOUR agenda?!

The only agenda MOST people have on here is to advise people on proper etiquette as well as how not to make complete asses of themselves and ruin relationships with friends loved ones in the process. What you will not get here is encouragement for bad behavior. Lying is bad behavior no matter how you try to cloak it in made up rules and bizzare definitions.

I am hoping you will answer me though, in the scenario above, when was the couple married? Friday or Sunday? You have a 50% chance of getting it right.

PrettyGirlLost

mcneills said:

Has anyone gotten married before going to Mexico to make things flow easier... Elope n us but then have symbolic ceremony in Mexico? Which would you celebrate as far as an anniversary... The elopement in the US of the symbolic ceremony

Oh boy

PrettyGirlLost

hsgator said:

This is what is known as a "PPD" aka. Pretty Princess Day. 

There is a thread about it on the Etiquette board that I highly recommend. 

So to answer your question, OP, your anniversary is the day you get married. Which is the day you sign the marriage license and actually get married. You wouldn't celebrate an anniversary of a wedding re-enactment. You shouldn't do a wedding re-enactment at all. Vow renewal, sure. Wedding re-enactment, no. 

Shit, when I was in highschool I was in Roger's and Hammerstein's Cinderella as Cinderella. . . and at the end of the show Charming and I got married.  I had a huge white dress and everything.

I guess that symbolic marriage was legit and now Charming and I are big ole bigamists. . . whoops!

ohannabelle

curiouskg said:

And a wedding night is supposed to be the first time a man and a woman consummate their relationship.  Did you tell all of your guests that you did the deed prior to your wedding?  

Are you serious? 

Uhm. No. Nor did I issue formal invitations to guests asking them to please join us for our first fuck. 

Maggie0829

ohannabelle said:

And a wedding night is supposed to be the first time a man and a woman consummate their relationship.  Did you tell all of your guests that you did the deed prior to your wedding?  

Are you serious? 

Uhm. No. Nor did I issue formal invitations to guests asking them to please join us for our first fuck. 

Wait, you aren't supposed to send invitations for that?  Well, shit!

ShesSoCold

ohannabelle said:

curiouskg said:

And a wedding night is supposed to be the first time a man and a woman consummate their relationship.  Did you tell all of your guests that you did the deed prior to your wedding?  

Are you serious? 

Uhm. No. Nor did I issue formal invitations to guests asking them to please join us for our first fuck. 

Do I get a PPD for our first married sex? 

chibiyui

Oh yeah, another thread with people who want to have a party in an overpriced, tacky resort in Mexico but don't want to do any of the actual getting married there.

Just put on the invitation that the guests are invited to a "celebration" of marriage, people who think resorts in Mexico are cool and exotic will come, those of us who want to spend our money and vacation time on anything else will politely decline.

Jells2dot0

I love that the DW board is now found on the main list of wedding boards.

MobKaz

ohannabelle said:

curiouskg said:

And a wedding night is supposed to be the first time a man and a woman consummate their relationship.  Did you tell all of your guests that you did the deed prior to your wedding?  

Are you serious? 

Uhm. No. Nor did I issue formal invitations to guests asking them to please join us for our first fuck. 

I think you are in the clear there, @ohannabelle. I am guessing that the attire (or lack thereof) as well as your choice of venue indicated a casual "affair". Therefore, oral invitations could suffice.

onefootinthebayou

I've made the decision to have a legal wedding in the US and the symbolic destination wedding.  I think some people on here like to push their agendas as the only way to do things.  I've polled many of my guests regarding the symbolic wedding.  They couldn't be happier for us, regardless of the symbolic nature of the ceremony.  In fact, I believe it is pretty common for US residents to do the symbolic ceremony.  I recently spent a week at the resort I'm getting married at and observed 12 weddings in that time.  Only one was a legal wedding, if that gives you any idea of the acceptance of it (outside of this board, of course).  And I will celebrate our anniversary on our symbolic ceremony day.  What difference does it make?

Could you possibly clarify the bolded?  I am honestly interested to hear what people who don't agree with our etiquette advice consider "our agenda".  

Honestly, we don't have any skin in this game, unlike the entire wedding industry.  If I were a dress maker, or a baker, or a venue, or a gift registry manager, I'd be all, "Yeah! Great idea! Celebrate your wedding as many times as you want, it's your day!", because I would stand to profit from all these post-wedding "weddings".  That is the definition of having an agenda...

  As I said in another comment, the reason people on TK are advising against doing this (having a wedding at a JOP or courthouse, NOT disclosing it, and inviting people to a "traditional wedding ceremony after their actually married) is because it's wrong.  People on here will call that out simply because they are trying to prevent others who don't know any better from doing something that at the very best will offend a few and at the worst (if they are found out) sever relationships.  That's the agenda.  

If you could elaborate on the bolded though, I'd appreciate it.  I'd be interested to hear your opinion on what the agenda of "people on here" is.  

morewineplease

ShesSoCold said:

ohannabelle said:

curiouskg said:

And a wedding night is supposed to be the first time a man and a woman consummate their relationship.  Did you tell all of your guests that you did the deed prior to your wedding?  

Are you serious? 

Uhm. No. Nor did I issue formal invitations to guests asking them to please join us for our first fuck. 

Do I get a PPD for our first married sex? 

I am wondering if the OP and her HUSBAND will not be having sex between the wedding and the symbolic "wedding"?

southernbelle0915

MobKaz said:

ohannabelle said:

curiouskg said:

And a wedding night is supposed to be the first time a man and a woman consummate their relationship.  Did you tell all of your guests that you did the deed prior to your wedding?  

Are you serious? 

Uhm. No. Nor did I issue formal invitations to guests asking them to please join us for our first fuck. 

I think you are in the clear there, @ohannabelle. I am guessing that the attire (or lack thereof) as well as your choice of venue indicated a casual "affair". Therefore, oral invitations could suffice.

I just went somewhere I shouldn't have with this....

ohannabelle

southernbelle0915 said:

MobKaz said:

ohannabelle said:

curiouskg said:

And a wedding night is supposed to be the first time a man and a woman consummate their relationship.  Did you tell all of your guests that you did the deed prior to your wedding?  

Are you serious? 

Uhm. No. Nor did I issue formal invitations to guests asking them to please join us for our first fuck. 

I think you are in the clear there, @ohannabelle. I am guessing that the attire (or lack thereof) as well as your choice of venue indicated a casual "affair". Therefore, oral invitations could suffice.

I just went somewhere I shouldn't have with this....

MobKaz

southernbelle0915 said:

MobKaz said:

ohannabelle said:

curiouskg said:

And a wedding night is supposed to be the first time a man and a woman consummate their relationship.  Did you tell all of your guests that you did the deed prior to your wedding?  

Are you serious? 

Uhm. No. Nor did I issue formal invitations to guests asking them to please join us for our first fuck. 

I think you are in the clear there, @ohannabelle. I am guessing that the attire (or lack thereof) as well as your choice of venue indicated a casual "affair". Therefore, oral invitations could suffice.

I just went somewhere I shouldn't have with this....

I may or may not have been deliberate with my word choices.......even those in the OMH club have their moments.....

Iamnowmrsjms

@curiouskg I am amazed at how clueless you are, but most of all how SELFISH you are.  WOW

Jells2dot0

Having a true DW- one where everyone has to travel for the event- is a very selfish thing. Having a DW and not wanting to follow the country's legal requirements is even more selfish. Having a DW, not following the legal requirements, and then not telling your guests it's not your actual wedding is beyond selfish. It's beyond rude. 

Imagine you have a sibling who announces they are engaged and getting married next year out of town. You are planning your own wedding, so finances are tight and you want every ounce of vacation time you have for your own wedding/honeymoon. But, you think, I only have one sibling and it's SO important to see them get married! So, you cut back on flowers, maybe buy a less expensive dress, and instead of taking a two week honeymoon you take a one week honeymoon. It's not what you wanted, but you would do anything to see their wedding. So you get to their wedding and you see the ceremony and everything is great. At the reception, you find out they legally married a month before because they felt like it. You're crushed because you gave up something important to you to see the wedding, but you didn't really see the wedding! They didn't invite you to the actual marriage! My point is that some of your guests may have to make similar choices- maybe they were saving up for a new car, or a home renovation project, or maybe they wanted to take an anniversary trip to Europe, but decided seeing you get married in Mexico is important because they couldn't imagine not attending your wedding. Then they find out down the road that everything they witnessed was not your wedding!!!! 

As someone who married abroad, I didn't necessarily like some of the boxes I had to check to make my marriage legal. Do you really think I liked waiting in line at the county clerk to get a certified copy of my divorce decree? Or having to pay to get certified copies of our birth certs only to send them off and never see them again? Or pay to have our marriage cert mailed to us after our ceremony? No, it is not ideal, but we did it because we wanted our ceremony to be our legal and spiritual marriage. I didn't even invite anyone to my wedding, so it really wouldn't have mattered how I did it!

ETF: spelling

PrettyGirlLost

ShesSoCold said:

ohannabelle said:

curiouskg said:

And a wedding night is supposed to be the first time a man and a woman consummate their relationship.  Did you tell all of your guests that you did the deed prior to your wedding?  

Are you serious? 

Uhm. No. Nor did I issue formal invitations to guests asking them to please join us for our first fuck. 

Do I get a PPD for our first married sex? 

Do I get one because we stayed up too late having fun with our guests that we were too tired to screw on our wedding night?

[Deleted User]

onefootinthebayou said:

curiouskg said:

And a wedding night is supposed to be the first time a man and a woman consummate their relationship.  Did you tell all of your guests that you did the deed prior to your wedding?  

Wait, what?

Is that the legal definition of marriage?

Picture this scenario:

Bride & groom get married (or sign papers, as y'all like to refer to it) at JOP on a Friday.

Groom gets carried away on their flight to their "DW" (aka, PPD), has a few too many Miller Lights on the plane, and joins the mile high club with a flight attendant on a Saturday.

Sunday, this couple has their "symbolic ceremony" in wherever-the-hell island in front of friends & family they have lied to or lied to by omission about not being married.

Monday, bride (really, "wife" since Friday) discovers lascivious texts on husband's phone from frisky flight attendant relaying how she can't stop thinking about how he made her soar above the clouds (or some other terrible airplane pun) on Saturday. Wife decides to file for divorce (not annulment as by YOUR logic, they have boned on Sunday night, taking annulment off the table in some religions.)

I ask you, I CHALLENGE you to tell me when they will have been considered married by attorneys, judges, juries, court of law, God, etc. Friday or Sunday? And tell me that that date is as immaterial in the court proceedings as it is in this fantasy world where you (general you) brush these details under the rug, do not disclose them to your nearest and dearest to suit YOUR agenda?!

The only agenda MOST people have on here is to advise people on proper etiquette as well as how not to make complete asses of themselves and ruin relationships with friends loved ones in the process. What you will not get here is encouragement for bad behavior. Lying is bad behavior no matter how you try to cloak it in made up rules and bizzare definitions.

I am hoping you will answer me though, in the scenario above, when was the couple married? Friday or Sunday? You have a 50% chance of getting it right.

What about this scenario?  Couple doesn't want to go through the dram of a legal Mexican wedding so they get married on Monday before they leave for their Saturday "wedding" in Mexico.  Groom gets hit by a bus on Tuesday.  Who is Next Of Kin?  His parents or his wife?  Who gets to make the End of Life decisions?  Who gets to keep all his shit if he dies?  Are they married or not?  They never made it to Mexico for their wedding.  Are they married or not?

ashley8918

Liatris2010 said:

curiouskg said:

And a wedding night is supposed to be the first time a man and a woman consummate their relationship.  Did you tell all of your guests that you did the deed prior to your wedding?  

No, but I also didn't invite them to witness round 2 and tell them it was our first time.

thisismynickname2

If someone wants to get married in another country without actually getting legally married there, I wouldn't go. You know what that says to me? "Not only do we want to take a vacation with our closest family and friends, we want to be the center of attention while we're there!"

If you want to take a family/friend vacation, just try to schedule it. Don't go through the dog and pony show of a wedding re-enactment just to get people there. 

If someone invited me to their re-enactment, I wouldn't go. The resort vacation isn't my thing. If someone invited me to their "destination wedding" and I found out later it was a re-enactment, the friendship would be over for wasting my time, my money, and for lying to me. 

madamerwin

Knottie80803789 said:

I would hope the people that are going to be at your destination weding want to be there even if it is a symbol wedding. Destination weddings are ment to be celebrated with your closest family and friends, if they have an issue celebrating a symbolic ceremony maybe they shouldn't be invited at all. It's your wedding enjoy it. I'm planning my destination wedding right now and I've found through the process that the people who really want to be there will be there. If they are complaining about a symbolic ceremony, the are probably just trying to find an excuse not to go. Good luck to all the destination wedding brides, stay focused on what's important

One of my very good friends was getting "married" in Mexico last summer. I was invited. I casually asked her whether they were actually getting legally married there, and she said they were "signing the paperwork" the week before, because it was too difficult to do it in Mexico (but it was not public information, I got the impression that she only told me because I asked, and that she just didn't think it was a big deal).

Up until that point, I was going to do whatever I could to make it to their wedding. I decided not to go when I found out they were not actually getting married there. So no, I was not just looking for an excuse not to go. I wanted to see them get married, but I wouldn't waste my vacation time, and money, to watch a re-enactment.

Does the bride know that I was judging her for her decision to re-enact her wedding in Mexico? No, she doesn't, because I don't want to stir the shit. So don't assume that your friends and family are thrilled to spend time and money watching a fake wedding; just because they don't tell you how they feel doesn't mean they agree with your decisions.

PurplekittenMew

I don't understand people who say it's "easier" to have a legal wedding at home and symbolic wedding in Mexico.

I'm getting married (legally) in Mexico this coming October.  The additional requirements are that we have to take a blood test, and we have to be in the country 3 days before the ceremony.

I have to have someone draw blood - something both FH and I do bi-anually anyway to have our health checked - and I have to stay at a tropical resort for three days.  HOW EVER WILL WE COPE?!

BreMR

This thread just makes me realize that I am making the right decision to get married in Mexico legally.  Even if I thought it was okay to do this I would never risk my family and friends feeling betrayed.  Plusalso, I already feel tremendous amounts of guilt for asking people to spend money to attend my wedding, which oddly didn't hit me until I started seriously planning so I can't imagine lying to them to get them to attend.

To each their own on this one, but when I first considered the idea of getting married in Mexico I thought the signing the papers legally here would be okay, until I came here.  I'm so glad I saw the error of my ways before I went through with that.