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Knottie92656739

ohannabelle

Knottie92656739 said:

Hello everyone,

I have never done this before so it is pretty embarrassing for me . I was wondering what should I do about my wedding in general. I am really sorry for the length, but I am in need of some kind of venting. I was told by my family that I have a $5000 budget, but it turns out that wasn't the case. I am all about saving money the best I can, so once I was given the budget I went looking for places that remained under that price. I fell in love with this one place and a couple weeks later I was told that I was booked with my dream place. I was so freaking happy, so I took my fiance' and his parents to the place, so they could see why I fell in love. When we got there I told the lady that we were booked with them and I wanted to show my fiance' and his parents the place. The lady told me to hold on...when she came back she said "there must be some confusion because you were never booked with us", at that moment my heart dropped. I had never been so humiliated in my life. Long story short...this hasn't been quite the happiest experience for me. Me and my fiance' have been engaged for almost 3 years and we really want to get married this June. Our family is beyond excited, but it is like we have nothing now.My fiance' is the sweetest though, he started working overtime to be able to get my dream place and everything was working until he got in a car accident in December. He is now on workers comp. so there goes that. His grandpa is really sick and that freaks us out because we want everyone to be there and healthy for the wedding.  I have my dress, and my bridesmaids have their dress, but there is no venue anymore. I am so stressed out because nothing is working and I do not understand why. We even set up a GoFundMe page and that isn't working either. Sorry for the length again.What should I do?

JIC

I hope this is a joke.

AddieCake

You were so out of line to set up a GoFundMe for your wedding. I am confused about the $5,000 and the venue. How did you think you had booked something you didn't actually book?

jacques27

" I fell in love with this one place and a couple weeks later I was told that I was booked with my dream place."

You were "told" you were booked?  No.  Because booking a venue is NOT a passive action that happens upon you.  Booking a venue is giving them money in exchange for a guarantee and involves signing a contract.  You either did that or you didn't.  If you did, then go back to them with the signed contract and demand that they adhere to the contract or they refund your deposit.  If you didn't, then you never had anything booked.  This isn't working out because you don't seem to understand how a capitalist society works or basic contracts, so I recommend you bring someone with you who does understand these concepts to find yourself a new venue to make sure this little snafu doesn't happen again.

Knottie92656739

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jacques27

Well, then take a more active role so you can't be lied to.

Exactly what are YOU doing?  Your family is allegedly signing contracts on your behalf without your presence.  Your fiancé is working overtime to pay for things.  What's your role in this besides finding pretty places for other people to pay for and asking for people to give you money like you're a charity?

Take a more active, responsible role and stuff like this won't happen.  It's that simple.

And take down the GoFundMe page.  It's not working because you're not a charity.  You're an adult who had three years to save for a wedding.

Knottie92656739

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ohannabelle

Helpful doesn't mean telling someone what they want to hear. 

If you really want to get married, there's nothing stopping you but the courthouse and license fee. 

If you want a larger wedding and party, you need to postpone your wedding and save for it. 

Those are the facts. Getting married is an adult decision, and adults take responsibility for their own expenses and luxuries. They don't think other people should pay their way. Children think that, not adults. 

Go Fund Me shouldn't even be an option. You mentioned it isn't working? Because people cringe when their friends beg in public. And they don't feel that the money they work hard for and need (for things like bills and mortgages and food) should be donated to pay for your party. They probably are shocked that you'd have the nerve to ask. 

I don't think you know what rude and heartless mean. 

Rude is asking friends, family, and strangers to give you money on a public web page. They're probably feeling awkward and embarrassed when you do. Some of them are probably feeling actual shame to see you begging in public for something you don't even need. 

Heartless? Bullshit. Nothing in your story brought tears to my eyes. You're not sick or dying, you aren't getting thrown out on the street because your rent money was stolen in an armed robbery. You aren't asking for help to cover the cost of your chemotherapy, and your house didn't burn down. Your children aren't sick or dying. You aren't a victim of tragedy. Those are the Gofundmes I donate to. 

You want a fancy wedding. So what? I want to screw Liam Neeson. 

Both of us need to get real. (In my case, no problem. Not happening, move on.)

Finish school, save your money, get married when you can afford to. That's my idea. 

That's not heartless. That's truth. It's an idea that works.  At twenty-two you should be old enough to figure that out. 

ohannabelle

P.S. Welcome to The Knot.

southernbelle0915

Came for the DD.

GoFundMe? Your wedding is not a tragic accident or a charity. Of course it's not working. You should be ashamed asking people to pay for your party.

climbingsingle

So instead of saving up for a wedding during the 3 years you've been engaged, you decided to set up a Go Fund Me to beg people for money?

lovegood90

I'm so embarrassed for you.

flantastic

But guys, OP is the BRIDE. Isn't the job of the bride just to pick out pretty things and let her daddy and fiance and bridal party (and now friends) work to pay for it all?

manateehugger

So, wait, being confused about whether you've booked a venue was humiliating, but you didn't find anything embarrassing about competeting with kids with cancer to get strangers' money?

jacques27

Awww...I missed the second response before it got the ol' DD treatment.  Now I'll never get to know how being a student means that you can't take responsibility for your own wedding plans and follow-up on whether contracts get signed...she says while snarfing down lunch after meeting with her training partner for a run to prep for a 10K in April, waiting for her writing lab partner to show up so they can write their collaborative paper for one of the four classes she's taking this semester, and wondering what drive thru to run through afterwards to pick up dinner on her way to put in four hours of overtime on a project at her job where she already spent 45 hours this week.  Please, enlighten me!

Knottie92656739

you all are awesome keep them coming ladies! Also, maybe you all should do some homework and research GoFundMe...They do it for weddings/honeymoons too....ijs

lyndausvi

I don't understand how you thought you were booked when you were not?

I don't understand how with a 3 year engagement you just figured out you have no venue 5 months out.?

I don't understand how after 3 years you have no savings?

i don't understand how the $5K connects to the story?

Basically I do not understand this thread at all.

climbingsingle

Knottie92656739 said:

you all are awesome keep them coming ladies! Also, maybe you all should do some homework and research GoFundMe...They do it for weddings/honeymoons too....ijs

Just because there happen to be other tacky people that do this doesn't make it OK. Do you think you're the first couple we've heard of begging strangers for money for their wedding?

This is seriously one of the grossest things I've encountered. Do you really have such poor manners? If you want a wedding, pay for it yourself.

Knottie92656739

It is not meant for you to understand...sorry. I am done with this discussion. You all are really rude and disrespectful, but I promise my day isn't ruined Everyone enjoy your lovely day!!!!

climbingsingle

Also, why the delete? If you truly believe there's nothing wrong with this, wouldn't you have left your post up?

Knottie92656739

No I deleted it because you all are just being rude....y'all are not giving me suggestions so obviously the purpose is being defeated...I would delete this whole discussion, but obviously I can't...I am not sure why y'all are still responding...Maybe this is fun for you all? Awesome...probably have nothing else better to do anyways. I do not know any of you, therefore I don't value anything you are saying negative to me. I am human and y'all obviously treat people like they are nothing. Check the rules on here...

lyndausvi

Find another venue?

A cake a punch reception is very good on the budget.

Not sure the amount of guests you have, but maybe looking at a restaurant?

A brunch wedding can be inexpensive.

[Deleted User]

lyndausvi

pinkrevenge said:

I'm confused. If you have a $5,000 budget and nothing was booked, why is your FI working overtime and why are you trying to beg people to fund your wedding for you? Sounds like you have $5K and that's the wedding you get to have. The end.

No she thought she had $5k.  But doesn't now.   Although why it's no longer there was not revealed.  It could be like we always tell people.  Don't count on money until it's in your hands.

The venue booking is still confusing to me.  I don't get that at all.  Contracts?  Deposits?   Those are pretty standard  thing you get/make when booking.   Color me confused.

flantastic

Knottie92656739 said:

No I deleted it because you all are just being rude....y'all are not giving me suggestions so obviously the purpose is being defeated...I would delete this whole discussion, but obviously I can't...I am not sure why y'all are still responding...Maybe this is fun for you all? Awesome...probably have nothing else better to do anyways. I do not know any of you, therefore I don't value anything you are saying negative to me. I am human and y'all obviously treat people like they are nothing. Check the rules on here...

It's not us doing that.

[Deleted User]

MGP

Knottie92656739 said:

you all are awesome keep them coming ladies! Also, maybe you all should do some homework and research GoFundMe...They do it for weddings/honeymoons too....ijs

The issue with Go Fund Me is that you can set it up for anything. Just because you can doesn't mean it isn't horribly tacky and rude. Why do people think it is appropriate to ask others to pay for their wedding or other milestones?  No one is obligated to pay for your own decisions but YOU. 

My birthday was last week and my car payment is due tomorrow. How about I set up a Go Fund Me for $800 so people can pay for that instead of giving me gifts? It's what I reallly want instead of scented candles and earrings like most people would likely give. And since its MY DAY I can do whatever I want. 

Seriously, I would never do that because I have tons of class and like my friends. But if I didn't care it would be an interesting social experiment.

jacques27

Knottie92656739 said:

you all are awesome keep them coming ladies! Also, maybe you all should do some homework and research GoFundMe...They do it for weddings/honeymoons too....ijs

Well, you showed me!  Them having a separate section for weddings and honeymoons totally makes equating your wedding to a charity and begging the internet to fund your big party because you couldn't plan or budget a totally acceptable and not at all tacky thing to do.  I want to throw a Superbowl party tomorrow.  I'm going to start a GoFundMe site so people can pay for me to throw my party because I didn't know a year ago that there would be another Superbowl this year and didn't set aside any money for it.

My original advice was pretty clear.  What you need to do is stop being a passive observer to your life/wedding planning.  You wouldn't have had the venue snafu you had if had been more proactive and involved instead of expecting people to take care of your "dream" for you.  You wouldn't have been embarrassed just showing up to the venue making assumptions if you had been responsible in following up with the venue to make sure the contract was squared away.  It's your dream, you're the only one in charge of making it happen (normally, I would add your FI in there, too, but it seems pretty clear he's just going along for the ride).

So, as it stands right now, you have two options:

*Postpone your wedding to save up money until you can afford to have the wedding/reception with all the bells and whistles you want, or

*Cut your expenses and guest list to get married on your original date within your budget.

Either way, make sure you are present for all appointments, are aware of what the contracts say, and get copies of everything in writing instead of expecting everyone to take care of everything for you.

If you opt for the latter of the two options, then it should be pretty easy to cut things out since there wasn't a whole lot you could have squared away without having a venue booked (in writing, deposit paid).  So have your wedding and reception in the morning or afternoon.  Have it at a non-meal time and just serve cake and punch.  Get flowers at the farmers market or go without flowers at all.  Look at community centers, city parks, VFW halls, or other non-traditional wedding venues that will likely be cheaper.

Knottie92656739

I am not begging anyone for anything! That is what you all fell to realize. The account wasn't even activated right. I just tried it. I never pressured anyone to do anything for me or my fiance'! Again there is more to the story, but it is something I will not explain to strangers. That is not hard to understand. I have done my research and some people on here are known for being rude! It is not a good look for this website.It is such a great company, but with rude people being on here...y'all will run people away. SUGGESTIONS is all I asked for in this discussion...What part do y'all not understand? If you have nothing nice to say then don't say it at all. I refuse to stoop to y'all level and be rude back. That is not my character. I am so shocked at how rude people really are in this world. 

Knottie92656739

Obviously it is no point in talking about this anymore because you all do not know the whole story and I will not explain it to a stranger. Thank you for the suggestions. Bye everyone

[Deleted User]