Thoughts on AHR?

trulymarvelous

FI and I are getting married in the states.  Most of his family and friends fly out there from New Zealand, however there are the few older grandparents and some friends who won't be up to the 14 hour flight - understandably so!

So I'm considering doing an AHR back out here in NZ for those who couldn't make the journey.  I do not want this to be anything like a PPD, and want to know what the etiquette guidelines or for having one of these is, and what I should and shouldn't do.

Are they even appropriate in the first place?
His grandparents expressed wanting to see us in our wedding attire, but I'm thinking this screams PPD?
Can we have things like a fancy cake so long as there's no official cake cutting deal?

This concept is new to me, but my basic outline of what I had in mind was getting his friends and family together for a nice, catered meal and have a small party to celebrate our new marriage.

SP29

This is completely fine, as long as you aren't re-creating your wedding.

You can have a party for any reason- any party can have dinner, cake (it is considered proper etiquette for the hosts to cut and serve the cake to their guests first), and dancing (if you want it).

However, there would be no introduction of you and your husband as the bride and groom, no "first dance", no serving each other a piece of cake (as this is a tradition of your first meal together), no bouquet toss, etc.

I do not believe there are any rules on re-wearing of the wedding clothing. People here seem to be half and half on the subject. Personally, it's just a dress (though a very unique dress that I'd never wear anywhere else...), and if family wants to see you in it, I think it's fine to wear it. If I were family, I'd like to see your dress too (because I love wedding stuff). 

novella1186

SP29. As long as you don't do any wedding re-enactments like first dance and whatnot (which it sounds like you aren't planning to do at all) then it's not a big deal to just host a party for family and friends. 

I personally wouldn't side-eye you for wearing your wedding attire if it were for the sake of grandparents seeing it, but maybe you could just wear it for a little bit and then change into something else? That's probably what I would do, just because I would feel bad not letting the grandparents see my dress but I would also feel weird hanging out in it for a party that is not a wedding reception, so I'd probably change into a cocktail dress or something. 

msuprincess04

A party for any reason can have cake.

lovegood90

I personally don't like AHRs because I think they're AWish and unnecessary, but as long as you're not recreating a wedding and just having a party, it's not against etiquette.

charcoalandblush

lovegood90 said:

I personally don't like AHRs because I think they're AWish and unnecessary, but as long as you're not recreating a wedding and just having a party, it's not against etiquette.

I think they can be/seem gift-grabby too. One of DF's friends eloped and then had THREE "AHRs" (one in her hometown, one in his hometown, and one where they live now) and I honestly felt like it was just a giant gift grabbing extravaganza/an excuse to wear her wedding dress 4 times.

lovegood90

charcoalandblush said:

lovegood90 said:

I personally don't like AHRs because I think they're AWish and unnecessary, but as long as you're not recreating a wedding and just having a party, it's not against etiquette.

I think they can be/seem gift-grabby too. One of DF's friends eloped and then had THREE "AHRs" (one in her hometown, one in his hometown, and one where they live now) and I honestly felt like it was just a giant gift grabbing extravaganza/an excuse to wear her wedding dress 4 times.

That's just embarrassing.

novella1186

charcoalandblush said:

lovegood90 said:

I personally don't like AHRs because I think they're AWish and unnecessary, but as long as you're not recreating a wedding and just having a party, it's not against etiquette.

I think they can be/seem gift-grabby too. One of DF's friends eloped and then had THREE "AHRs" (one in her hometown, one in his hometown, and one where they live now) and I honestly felt like it was just a giant gift grabbing extravaganza/an excuse to wear her wedding dress 4 times.

I don't get why people would even attend something like that. 4 celebrations? Really? We see how well that worked out for Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock. 

charcoalandblush

novella1186 said:

charcoalandblush said:

lovegood90 said:

I personally don't like AHRs because I think they're AWish and unnecessary, but as long as you're not recreating a wedding and just having a party, it's not against etiquette.

I think they can be/seem gift-grabby too. One of DF's friends eloped and then had THREE "AHRs" (one in her hometown, one in his hometown, and one where they live now) and I honestly felt like it was just a giant gift grabbing extravaganza/an excuse to wear her wedding dress 4 times.

I don't get why people would even attend something like that. 4 celebrations? Really? We see how well that worked out for Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock. 

We attended because (a) DF doesn't see any problem with PPDs/multiple AHRs/whatever (he is oblivious to etiquette, I just this weekend finally manage to talk him out of a partial cash bar at our wedding), and (b) I thought it was an elopement with 1 AHR, did not find out about the others until we were there. I complimented the "bride" (wife) on her dress and she mentioned how excited she was that she got to wear it so many times.

PrettyGirlLost

trulymarvelous said:

FI and I are getting married in the states.  Most of his family and friends fly out there from New Zealand, however there are the few older grandparents and some friends who won't be up to the 14 hour flight - understandably so!

So I'm considering doing an AHR back out here in NZ for those who couldn't make the journey.  How many people are we talking about?  If it's less than a dozen or so, I'd just make an effort to go and visit them in their homes with your wedding album in hand.  I do not want this to be anything like a PPD, and want to know what the etiquette guidelines or for having one of these is, and what I should and shouldn't do.

Are they even appropriate in the first place?
His grandparents expressed wanting to see us in our wedding attire, but I'm thinking this screams PPD?
Can we have things like a fancy cake so long as there's no official cake cutting deal?

This concept is new to me, but my basic outline of what I had in mind was getting his friends and family together for a nice, catered meal and have a small party to celebrate our new marriage.  That seems nice.

I'm not a fan of AHR.  They just don't make any sense to me.  DH's grandmother was unable to make the trip up to our wedding, and we plan on visiting her ta some point this year and bringing our wedding album down to her.  We aren't planning a party, we are just going to visit her.  DH had other relatives that couldn't make it and we aren't even planning on making a special trip out to visit them and show them the wedding pics.

novella1186

charcoalandblush said:

novella1186 said:

charcoalandblush said:

lovegood90 said:

I personally don't like AHRs because I think they're AWish and unnecessary, but as long as you're not recreating a wedding and just having a party, it's not against etiquette.

I think they can be/seem gift-grabby too. One of DF's friends eloped and then had THREE "AHRs" (one in her hometown, one in his hometown, and one where they live now) and I honestly felt like it was just a giant gift grabbing extravaganza/an excuse to wear her wedding dress 4 times.

I don't get why people would even attend something like that. 4 celebrations? Really? We see how well that worked out for Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock. 

We attended because (a) DF doesn't see any problem with PPDs/multiple AHRs/whatever (he is oblivious to etiquette, I just this weekend finally manage to talk him out of a partial cash bar at our wedding), and (b) I thought it was an elopement with 1 AHR, did not find out about the others until we were there. I complimented the "bride" (wife) on her dress and she mentioned how excited she was that she got to wear it so many times.

lol! What was your reaction when she said that? 

charcoalandblush

novella1186 said:

charcoalandblush said:

novella1186 said:

charcoalandblush said:

lovegood90 said:

I personally don't like AHRs because I think they're AWish and unnecessary, but as long as you're not recreating a wedding and just having a party, it's not against etiquette.

I think they can be/seem gift-grabby too. One of DF's friends eloped and then had THREE "AHRs" (one in her hometown, one in his hometown, and one where they live now) and I honestly felt like it was just a giant gift grabbing extravaganza/an excuse to wear her wedding dress 4 times.

I don't get why people would even attend something like that. 4 celebrations? Really? We see how well that worked out for Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock. 

We attended because (a) DF doesn't see any problem with PPDs/multiple AHRs/whatever (he is oblivious to etiquette, I just this weekend finally manage to talk him out of a partial cash bar at our wedding), and (b) I thought it was an elopement with 1 AHR, did not find out about the others until we were there. I complimented the "bride" (wife) on her dress and she mentioned how excited she was that she got to wear it so many times.

lol! What was your reaction when she said that? 

Honestly, I don't remember (it was 2 years ago), but I think it was something super awkward along the lines of "Oh that's nice... I hope it's comfortable!" I was SUCH an awkward turtle, I had no idea what to say to that.

CMGragain

You can dress up in your wedding attire to show the grandparents privately.  AHRs have never made any sense to me.  If you wear your wedding dress, it becomes a PPD.

Only my sister and my SIL's family showed up at daughter's wedding.  We wouldn't dream of having another "reception" to accommodate relatives who could not (or would not) attend.

trulymarvelous

charcoalandblush said:

lovegood90 said:

I personally don't like AHRs because I think they're AWish and unnecessary, but as long as you're not recreating a wedding and just having a party, it's not against etiquette.

I think they can be/seem gift-grabby too. One of DF's friends eloped and then had THREE "AHRs" (one in her hometown, one in his hometown, and one where they live now) and I honestly felt like it was just a giant gift grabbing extravaganza/an excuse to wear her wedding dress 4 times.

WOW.  3 AHR's is just ridiculous.  I definitely don't want it to be anything like that, and absolutely do not expect any gifts.  It would definitely be something very low key, and laid back.  Probably along the lines of a barbeque and some drinks!  And I'll take any excuse to get a delicious cake, mowahah.

trulymarvelous

CMGragain said:

You can dress up in your wedding attire to show the grandparents privately.  AHRs have never made any sense to me.  If you wear your wedding dress, it becomes a PPD.

Only my sister and my SIL's family showed up at daughter's wedding.  We wouldn't dream of having another "reception" to accommodate relatives who could not (or would not) attend.

Ooo perfect idea.  Both FI and I would feel ridiculous walking around a party in our wedding gear on a day other than our wedding.

The whole 2nd reception thing is a bit much in my opinion as well, which is why I'm pushing for it to be more like a party FI and host for his friends and family once we get back from the states.  Kind of like a "woo, we did it, it's done, it's over, now let's eat some cake."