Hi all,
While I know every bride is different, I'm curious as the
what the expectation is for all the pre-wedding parties? Obviously it's
up to what your bridesmaids/family choose to throw for you/ what you
want to plan yourself on top of the wedding, but there just seem to be
so many different things to do!
- Engagement Party
- Wedding Shower
- Bachelor/Bachelorette Party
- Jack and Jill
- The actual wedding!
I mean, one can't possibly have all of these and expect wedding guests to contribute gifts/money for each!!
What is the norm? What are the most common/ desirable parties to be thrown prior to the wedding?
Re: Pre-Wedding Festivities
In many circles, engagement parties are a rarity, and more often than not are not expected to be gift giving parties. Because anyone invited to a pre-wedding party must be invited to the wedding, it is often too early to make that determination early on in the engagement. As a result, engagement parties are often bypassed.
Bridesmaids are never under any obligation to host any of these parties.
In our area, guests invited to showers typically include only the nearest and dearest of family and friends. Every woman invited to the wedding could not possibly be invited, unless your wedding guest list is very small/intimate.
We didn't have an engagement party. I was given a shower by the girls in our church group. J went out with a few of his friends on a pre-arranged trip that they turned into a bit of a bachelor party; my bridesmaids and I stayed in the same place the night before the wedding and called that my bachelorette. Engagement parties are not common in my area, but showers and bachelor/bachelorettes are.
You do not throw any of these yourself (except the wedding, obviously) - if someone offers you a party, you can either accept or decline. Anything that is offered to you and you accept, make sure anyone on the guest list is also invited to the wedding. People can choose to attend multiple events for you, or they can choose not to.
And just so you're aware - a Jack and Jill (in my understanding of it = called a social in my area) is the HEIGHT of rudeness.
Formerly martha1818
If you're adult enough to make the decision to get married, you should be able to pay for your own wedding WITHOUT doing a tacky fundraiser (and you can bet your sweet maple leaves that 'Jack and Jills' are tacky.as.fuck).
If you're interested in ways to plan a more affordable wedding, head over to the Budget Weddings board.
----
fka dallasbetch
I live in Manitoba. Jack and Jills (socials) are common and accepted here. Me and my sweet maple leaves think are tacky.as.fuck. We did not have one. Just because everyone jumps off the same bridge, doesn't mean you have to.
Maybe it's just my "sweet maple leaves" being too sensitive, but I take that as rude.
So snark on the internet is rude, but you see no problem with enlisting your nearest and dearest as unpaid labor to beg money off the rest of your nearest and dearest for a big party?
Anyhoo - I was thrown one shower, and everyone who was in town, men and women alike, went out and partied for a bit the night before our wedding, so that was kind of our bachelor/bachelorette. We didn't have an engagement party or a Stag and Doe.
As far as pre-wedding parties, some people have them and some don't. Others may OFFER to throw you an engagement party or a shower, but no one is required to do so. If they offer, the assumption is that they will pay for it. The caveat is that anyone invited to pre-wedding parties should be invited to the wedding. So the bride/groom should provide a guest list (not to exceed what the host can afford/accommodate). So the conversation goes:
Hi
We are having an engagement party....my aunt and uncle are throwing it for us the end of the month. It is mainly family, the wedding party and really close friends.
One of my bridesmaids and my cousin are hosting one shower. Another bridesmaid and a groomsmen want to do a couples "stock the bar" thing....I am not sure about this....,most of FI's friends are the couples and mine are single girls so there will be no over lap of guest. Told them I want to make sure people are not invited to more than one shower type of party
And we to Vegas for a girls weekend...the bridal party and some crazy girl friends that are coming to the wedding.
The key is any party that you are lucky enough to have given in honor is a gift and you should have fun!
Nobody is going to lie to you on the Knot. We will not tell you what you want to hear if you are wrong. We are trying to help you have a lovely wedding and to avoid mistakes, like a Jack and Jill, or planning your own parties..
You are entitled to marry the partner of your choice.
You are not entitled to parties.
You are not entitled to a fancy wedding with a big white dress and lots of bridesmaids.
You need to sit down and figure out what your total budget will be. No fundraisers. No begging relatives for money. Once you have decided your actual budget, then you can start planning your wedding. None of the pre-wedding parties you listed are required.
MobKaz ---my wedding party has everything on the calendar. I work in the tax industry and my FI is a soccer coach so they wanted to make sure we have all the dates picked out so that we have open weekends. And we are not scrambling trying to get everything planned. They all know that I tend to stress this time of year.
It is a good question
and did not take it as snarky
. I actually have 95% of the wedding details done too.