Should Wedding couple pay for the best mans travel expenses?

tcsenne

My husband was asked to be his buddies best man in his wedding in August 2015. However, we live in Michigan, and they live on the other side of the country. I am wondering if it is rude to ask his friend, Matt, to pay for some of the costs for travel. I don't believe they should pay for me, since I am not the one who was asked to stand in the wedding. But I am wondering if, since my husband is the best man, if it is okay to bring it up. We are perfectly willing to save up the money, and stop making shopping trips to save it up, but if we both try to go, that makes travel expenses for the both of us. I am just sort of hoping we can get some of it knocked down.

We have never traveled for a wedding before so I really don't know what to expect. And our wedding was all local. We did pay for a block of hotel rooms for out of town family for ours though. Though they have not mentioned doing that either.

Hoping for advice or personal experiences!

wandajune6

I don't think it's expected for the couple to pay the expenses of their wedding party. They may offer to at some point in time but it is not their responsibility.

If the cost is prohibitive, I'd recommend your husband goes alone or you both decline.

Viczaesar

tcsenne said:

My husband was asked to be his buddies best man in his wedding in August 2015. However, we live in Michigan, and they live on the other side of the country. I am wondering if it is rude to ask his friend, Matt, to pay for some of the costs for travel. I don't believe they should pay for me, since I am not the one who was asked to stand in the wedding. But I am wondering if, since my husband is the best man, if it is okay to bring it up. We are perfectly willing to save up the money, and stop making shopping trips to save it up, but if we both try to go, that makes travel expenses for the both of us. I am just sort of hoping we can get some of it knocked down.

We have never traveled for a wedding before so I really don't know what to expect. And our wedding was all local. We did pay for a block of hotel rooms for out of town family for ours though. Though they have not mentioned doing that either.

Hoping for advice or personal experiences!

No, you shouldn't ask the couple to pay for part of your husband's travel expenses. 

dolewhipper

No. When they asked if he would want to be the BM, it is assumed he will be able to get to the wedding on his own and pay for whatever they ask him to wear. 

This does not mean that your H has to be there any earlier or later than the actual day, though, or participate in anything other than the actual wedding. 

esstee33

No, you definitely shouldn't ask them to front any of your travel expenses. That should have been taken into account when he agreed to be a GM if affording to get to the wedding were potentially going to be a concern. Since that ship has sailed, you'll have to just cut out the shopping trips and whatever else you need. 

levioosa

No, you should not ask them to cover travel expenses.  They don't have to cover the travel expenses of any guest.  Your husband can either go alone, you can save up together to make the trip, or he can step down from the WP if he can't afford to make the trip at all.

However, aside from showing up on time and in the attire, your husband is not required to fly out for any separate bachelor parties/engagement parties, etc.    

hellohkb

No. It's not the bride and grooms responsibility to pay for the bridal party's travel fees. 

[Deleted User]

It's not appropriate.    Put yourself in the couple's shoes; do they have the money to fly you out?  Just because they're hosting a wedding, that doesn't mean they suddenly have an unlimited supply of cash. 

If you can't go, then you need to respectfully decline and soon.  Don't leave the couple thinking your husband is in the wedding when he isn't.   If they end up offering to pay, you are more than welcome to accept the offer.  

lyndausvi

Nope, it your responsibility to get yourself there. 

climbingsingle

No, you should not ask the couple to cover travel expenses. 

mikenberger

tcsenne said:

My husband was asked to be his buddies best man in his wedding in August 2015. However, we live in Michigan, and they live on the other side of the country. I am wondering if it is rude to ask his friend, Matt, to pay for some of the costs for travel. I don't believe they should pay for me, since I am not the one who was asked to stand in the wedding. But I am wondering if, since my husband is the best man, if it is okay to bring it up. We are perfectly willing to save up the money, and stop making shopping trips to save it up, but if we both try to go, that makes travel expenses for the both of us. I am just sort of hoping we can get some of it knocked down.

We have never traveled for a wedding before so I really don't know what to expect. And our wedding was all local. We did pay for a block of hotel rooms for out of town family for ours though. Though they have not mentioned doing that either.

Hoping for advice or personal experiences!

southernbelle0915

No. It's totally inappropriate. If your husband agreed to be in this wedding, he is responsible for his travel, his lodging, his food, his attire, etc. If he can't pay for these things, he should decline. He absolutely should not ask for a hand out.

It's important to note that as Best Man, he doesn't have any "duties" (i.e. planning the bachelor party). He can if he WANTS to. But he's not obligated. If someone else plans it, he can decline citing being unable to afford it. That's a perfectly fine explanation. 

[Deleted User]

Plan to pay for everything yourself and if by chance the bride & groom offer to cover a portion of your husbands expense that it's a bonus. Depending on a bride & grooms budget I've heard of them covering things from tux rental or the hotel room, but as the others said, you should plan for all the expenses yourself. Also it is fair to tell the groom that due to the expense of traveling that your husband won't be able to coordinate & attend a bachelor party.

lovegood90

No, it's not appropriate to ask this. If they offer, it's fine to take them up on it though. If you can't afford to travel to their wedding, even if you're in the wedding party, it's perfectly fine to decline.

princessleia22

Nope.  It is inappropriate to ask for travel money. Your husband should have planned on that expense when he accepted the position. If you can't afford the trip, he needs to decline being best man.

Your husband attending alone is always an option if you want to save money.  At my wedding, the best man initially planned to attend with his wife and kids, but later decided it was too costly to have all of them travel, so he came by himself for the weekend.

[Deleted User]

No, you can't ask for the couple to pay for your husband's travel. Like someone else said, he's responsible for his travel, lodging, food, attire, etc… 

Your options are either to pay for him to attend and you stay at home, you pay for both of you to attend, or he lets his friend know that he can't make it to the wedding because he can't afford it. If you go with the third option, then he should tell him sooner rather than later… His friend may be a bit upset and it would be nice if he had the chance to come to terms with that before the wedding.