Should I have my sister in the wedding? ):

Knottie50742220

Hello! 

I am in need of some advice. I have two sisters. The day I got engaged, one was extremely happy for us, and the other was not. She would not speak to me and cried before I got to my parents house that day. Everyone was scared to celebrate and it wasn't until she locked herself in her room that my mom finally asked how my fella proposed. It made me really sad. She is not a teenager, she is 26. She ended up apologizing to my fiancé and I, but I am still really hurt about her actions. This isn't the first time she has behaved this way and I know she is sad because she doesn't have anyone, but my feelings are still hurt. Should I have her in the wedding? I don't want someone in the wedding who isn't happy that I'm getting married, but she is my sister…I'm so conflicted ):

Thanks!

aliwis000

First off, you are not obligated to have someone in your wedding party for any reason, this includes relatives.

However, it is important to understand the impact that not having her in the wedding will have. Only you can answer that question because only you know your family that well. There are lots of factors at play here, especially if you ask one sister to be in the wedding and do not ask the other. Would excluding her mean a potentially terrible blow to your relationship for a long time to come? Is that worth it to you? Etc etc. Like I said, only you know this, but remember, you are not obligated to include her.

Some time tested advice that many people here give is to wait to pick your bridal party. If you are having a long engagement do not tell anyone till closer to the wedding, you never know how relationships will change (for good or for worse). Remember, once you pick them you are stuck with them, so pick carefully.

MesmrEwe

aliwis000 said:

First off, you are not obligated to have someone in your wedding party for any reason, this includes relatives.

However, it is important to understand the impact that not having her in the wedding will have. Only you can answer that question because only you know your family that well. There are lots of factors at play here, especially if you ask one sister to be in the wedding and do not ask the other. Would excluding her mean a potentially terrible blow to your relationship for a long time to come? Is that worth it to you? Etc etc. Like I said, only you know this, but remember, you are not obligated to include her.

Some time tested advice that many people here give is to wait to pick your bridal party. If you are having a long engagement do not tell anyone till closer to the wedding, you never know how relationships will change (for good or for worse). Remember, once you pick them you are stuck with them, so pick carefully.

Oh my gosh this EXACTLY!!!  You never know she may be your best, most helpful member of the WP...  and the person you're most excited about being involved the biggest PITA...  Waiting is the way to go!!!

Knottie50742220

Thanks guys! Waiting sounds like the way to go! I know her and she is the type who is mad when something happens to me, but will move on after the day of the event (example when I got pregnant, graduated college etc.) She gets really mad, and the day of the event will still express that's she's not particularly happy, but after the event is over, she stops being mad at me (though she'll stay mad in general). I guess I will have to figure out if she'll be able to handle the actual wedding date itself. Thanks again! 

short+sassy

Just curious, do you know what the deal is with that?  I mean, crying and throwing yourself into a funk...when something AWESOME happens to a family member...is so foreign and bizarre. 

Knottie50742220

She doesn't have a fella of her own so she gets pretty down about it. I feel really bad and it does break my heart that she hasn't found someone, but it also breaks my heart that she was mad that we got engaged ):

jacques27

Knottie50742220 said:

She doesn't have a fella of her own so she gets pretty down about it. I feel really bad and it does break my heart that she hasn't found someone, but it also breaks my heart that she was mad that we got engaged ):

But you have to realize with people like that that she wasn't mad that you got engaged - she's dissatisfied with her own life.  And it sounds like that's the way she will always be without some therapeutic breakthrough.  And getting a "fella of her own" isn't going to change that because other people don't make you happy.  That comes from within and overall being loving and accepting of yourself exactly as you are.

So, wait to ask her.  But you shouldn't base it off of whether she can be happy for you.  She probably can't be happy for anybody.  Base it off of whether you have a good relationship with her the other 99.9% of your life that didn't involve the day you got engaged and want to honor her and that relationship by designating her a bridesmaid.  Just keep in mind that she's not going to magically change - so if she's generally negative, she's going to continue to be.  But since her only job is to show up sober in a dress and walk down an aisle if she is a bridesmaid, there should be ways for you to minimize your contact when she becomes negative. 

Knottie50742220

Yes I agree. She needs to find peace in herself first. I'm just worried she will cry that day and make a big deal about herself. But I will definitely see how things go in between now and then (:

zitiqueen

Add 'fella' to the list along with 'my guy'.

*Barbie*

Knottie50742220 said:

Yes I agree. She needs to find peace in herself first. I'm just worried she will cry that day and make a big deal about herself. But I will definitely see how things go in between now and then (:

She could just as easily do that without being in the WP. If she's not in the WP she'll also make it about how mean you were to not include her. 

why are people tiptoeing around this? she's a grown woman - why in the world are people indulging her like a little kid - "oh no, we can't do that, sister will have a tantrum."  It sounds like sister needs to get over herself, or see some sort of psychiatric professional.