Bridesmaid/MOH Decision help??

squiggle104

Okay, so my situation is a little complicated (well I think it is at least).
I have 2 nieces (will be ages 14 & 18 at the time of my wedding) who I MUST have as my bridesmaids, they are my world, both of them. The older one has been living with my Fi and I for the past 6 months or so.
I also have a very close friend, who's a boy, who I want in the wedding, so he's going to stand with the boys and his girlfriend, also my friend/co-worker (I hooked them up) will be on the girl's side.
So, my question is, who do I have as my MOH? I'd feel bad picking one of my nieces because I don't want one of them thinking they are less important, but I feel like it would be a little weird for me to ask my friend's girlfriend as she isn't as "important" as my nieces...
Opinions?

novella1186

Have no MOH, or have both nieces be co-MOHs. 

squiggle104

I actually never thought about having no MOH...is that common at all?
I was planning on my mom holding the MOH responsibilities anyway (as she is my BEST friend in the world and I know I can trust her to do everything for me!)

blushingbride8888

novella1186 said:

Have no MOH, or have both nieces be co-MOHs. 

Agree with this.

Maggie0829

Have no MOH.

And why is your friend, who is a male, standing on your FI side?  If this person is your friend he should be on your side.

mikenberger

squiggle104 said:

I actually never thought about having no MOH...is that common at all?
I was planning on my mom holding the MOH responsibilities anyway (as she is my BEST friend in the world and I know I can trust her to do everything for me!)

Nobody. Not even your mother or MOH should have this expectation laid upon them. MOHs have zero responsibilities or duties beyond getting a dress and showing up on time. 

southernbelle0915

I would just have them all be BMs - no MOH at all.

lovegood90

squiggle104 said:

I actually never thought about having no MOH...is that common at all?
I was planning on my mom holding the MOH responsibilities anyway (as she is my BEST friend in the world and I know I can trust her to do everything for me!)

There are no MOH responsibilities.

squiggle104

When did this come about that the MOH has no responsibilities? I thought it was the MOH to help with things last minute, help plan bridal shower, etc?

And @Maggie0829, he is standing on my Fi's side because he is both of our friends, and his gf is in our wedding too so she wouldn't be standing on my Fi's side.

Maggie0829

squiggle104 said:

When did this come about that the MOH has no responsibilities? I thought it was the MOH to help with things last minute, help plan bridal shower, etc?

And @Maggie0829, he is standing on my Fi's side because he is both of our friends, and his gf is in our wedding too so she wouldn't be standing on my Fi's side.

No.  They have zero responsiblities aside from getting the designated attire.  If they want to help with things they can volunteer to do that, but no one should be assigning them anything.  Real life is not like the movies.

And really this has confused me even more.  So this man is both yours and your FI friend but who asked him to be in the wedding you or your FI?  If you asked "will you be in our wedding?" then he is your attendant not your FI.  And so what if his GF is in the wedding?  What bearing does that have on which side he stands?  Just because he has a penis doesn't mean that he automatically has to be on your FI side.

squiggle104

Maggie0829 said:

squiggle104 said:

When did this come about that the MOH has no responsibilities? I thought it was the MOH to help with things last minute, help plan bridal shower, etc?

And @Maggie0829, he is standing on my Fi's side because he is both of our friends, and his gf is in our wedding too so she wouldn't be standing on my Fi's side.

No.  They have zero responsiblities aside from getting the designated attire.  If they want to help with things they can volunteer to do that, but no one should be assigning them anything.  Real life is not like the movies.

And really this has confused me even more.  So this man is both yours and your FI friend but who asked him to be in the wedding you or your FI?  If you asked "will you be in our wedding?" then he is your attendant not your FI.  And so what if his GF is in the wedding?  What bearing does that have on which side he stands?  Just because he has a penis doesn't mean that he automatically has to be on your FI side.

Okay, no matter how confused you are and how much you are going to argue with me on this, he is standing on my Fi's side...I want to keep it even with my girls on my side and the boys on the other side, both me and my Fi feel the same about his. He has been my friend for a long time, and he and my Fi have become good friends now too, and seems how I love his girlfriend and have been friends with her for longer than they have been together, I would like them to walk together and both be in my wedding, him being on the boy side, and her be on my side, with all the girls, and that's what we both want. This has nothing to do with the question I asked so I don't need any opinion on that part of it, I have that all figured out for myself, thank you.

Maggie0829

squiggle104 said:

Maggie0829 said:

squiggle104 said:

When did this come about that the MOH has no responsibilities? I thought it was the MOH to help with things last minute, help plan bridal shower, etc?

And @Maggie0829, he is standing on my Fi's side because he is both of our friends, and his gf is in our wedding too so she wouldn't be standing on my Fi's side.

No.  They have zero responsiblities aside from getting the designated attire.  If they want to help with things they can volunteer to do that, but no one should be assigning them anything.  Real life is not like the movies.

And really this has confused me even more.  So this man is both yours and your FI friend but who asked him to be in the wedding you or your FI?  If you asked "will you be in our wedding?" then he is your attendant not your FI.  And so what if his GF is in the wedding?  What bearing does that have on which side he stands?  Just because he has a penis doesn't mean that he automatically has to be on your FI side.

Okay, no matter how confused you are and how much you are going to argue with me on this, he is standing on my Fi's side...I want to keep it even with my girls on my side and the boys on the other side, both me and my Fi feel the same about his. He has been my friend for a long time, and he and my Fi have become good friends now too, and seems how I love his girlfriend and have been friends with her for longer than they have been together, I would like them to walk together and both be in my wedding, him being on the boy side, and her be on my side, with all the girls, and that's what we both want. This has nothing to do with the question I asked so I don't need any opinion on that part of it, I have that all figured out for myself, thank you.

I think what you are doing is crap, honestly.  And if you put something up on a forum expect to get opinions on everything you post.  So you don't want opinions on something then don't include that information.

ETA:  Correction, the reasoning why you are doing what you are doing is what I think is crap.

flantastic

squiggle104 said:

Maggie0829 said:

squiggle104 said:

When did this come about that the MOH has no responsibilities? I thought it was the MOH to help with things last minute, help plan bridal shower, etc?

And @Maggie0829, he is standing on my Fi's side because he is both of our friends, and his gf is in our wedding too so she wouldn't be standing on my Fi's side.

No.  They have zero responsiblities aside from getting the designated attire.  If they want to help with things they can volunteer to do that, but no one should be assigning them anything.  Real life is not like the movies.

And really this has confused me even more.  So this man is both yours and your FI friend but who asked him to be in the wedding you or your FI?  If you asked "will you be in our wedding?" then he is your attendant not your FI.  And so what if his GF is in the wedding?  What bearing does that have on which side he stands?  Just because he has a penis doesn't mean that he automatically has to be on your FI side.

Okay, no matter how confused you are and how much you are going to argue with me on this, he is standing on my Fi's side...I want to keep it even with my girls on my side and the boys on the other side, both me and my Fi feel the same about his. He has been my friend for a long time, and he and my Fi have become good friends now too, and seems how I love his girlfriend and have been friends with her for longer than they have been together, I would like them to walk together and both be in my wedding, him being on the boy side, and her be on my side, with all the girls, and that's what we both want. This has nothing to do with the question I asked so I don't need any opinion on that part of it, I have that all figured out for myself, thank you.

Even sides and homogeneous boys and girls are very silly concerns, but sure, this is your prerogative to do.

squiggle104

Maggie0829 said:

squiggle104 said:

Maggie0829 said:

squiggle104 said:

When did this come about that the MOH has no responsibilities? I thought it was the MOH to help with things last minute, help plan bridal shower, etc?

And @Maggie0829, he is standing on my Fi's side because he is both of our friends, and his gf is in our wedding too so she wouldn't be standing on my Fi's side.

No.  They have zero responsiblities aside from getting the designated attire.  If they want to help with things they can volunteer to do that, but no one should be assigning them anything.  Real life is not like the movies.

And really this has confused me even more.  So this man is both yours and your FI friend but who asked him to be in the wedding you or your FI?  If you asked "will you be in our wedding?" then he is your attendant not your FI.  And so what if his GF is in the wedding?  What bearing does that have on which side he stands?  Just because he has a penis doesn't mean that he automatically has to be on your FI side.

Okay, no matter how confused you are and how much you are going to argue with me on this, he is standing on my Fi's side...I want to keep it even with my girls on my side and the boys on the other side, both me and my Fi feel the same about his. He has been my friend for a long time, and he and my Fi have become good friends now too, and seems how I love his girlfriend and have been friends with her for longer than they have been together, I would like them to walk together and both be in my wedding, him being on the boy side, and her be on my side, with all the girls, and that's what we both want. This has nothing to do with the question I asked so I don't need any opinion on that part of it, I have that all figured out for myself, thank you.

I think what you are doing is crap, honestly.  And if you put something up on a forum expect to get opinions on everything you post.  So you don't want opinions on something then don't include that information.

ETA:  Correction, the reasoning why you are doing what you are doing is what I think is crap.

I really don't care if you think it is crap or not, it's not your wedding so you don't worry about it!!


Thank you to everyone else who has given me their advice on the actual question I needed help on! It is much appreciated and I think I am going to go with no MOH...I had never even thought of that before for some reason! lol And thanks for the correction on the MOH "responsibilities", I am new to this thing and I guess that's just the impression I was under, so I won't be giving anyone any responsibilities (even though, knowing my mom, I'm sure she'll take on some sort of responsibility on her own lol)

Dreamergirl8812

squiggle104 said:

Maggie0829 said:

squiggle104 said:

Maggie0829 said:

squiggle104 said:

When did this come about that the MOH has no responsibilities? I thought it was the MOH to help with things last minute, help plan bridal shower, etc?

And @Maggie0829, he is standing on my Fi's side because he is both of our friends, and his gf is in our wedding too so she wouldn't be standing on my Fi's side.

No.  They have zero responsiblities aside from getting the designated attire.  If they want to help with things they can volunteer to do that, but no one should be assigning them anything.  Real life is not like the movies.

And really this has confused me even more.  So this man is both yours and your FI friend but who asked him to be in the wedding you or your FI?  If you asked "will you be in our wedding?" then he is your attendant not your FI.  And so what if his GF is in the wedding?  What bearing does that have on which side he stands?  Just because he has a penis doesn't mean that he automatically has to be on your FI side.

Okay, no matter how confused you are and how much you are going to argue with me on this, he is standing on my Fi's side...I want to keep it even with my girls on my side and the boys on the other side, both me and my Fi feel the same about his. He has been my friend for a long time, and he and my Fi have become good friends now too, and seems how I love his girlfriend and have been friends with her for longer than they have been together, I would like them to walk together and both be in my wedding, him being on the boy side, and her be on my side, with all the girls, and that's what we both want. This has nothing to do with the question I asked so I don't need any opinion on that part of it, I have that all figured out for myself, thank you.

I think what you are doing is crap, honestly.  And if you put something up on a forum expect to get opinions on everything you post.  So you don't want opinions on something then don't include that information.

ETA:  Correction, the reasoning why you are doing what you are doing is what I think is crap.

I really don't care if you think it is crap or not, it's not your wedding so you don't worry about it!!


Thank you to everyone else who has given me their advice on the actual question I needed help on! It is much appreciated and I think I am going to go with no MOH...I had never even thought of that before for some reason! lol And thanks for the correction on the MOH "responsibilities", I am new to this thing and I guess that's just the impression I was under, so I won't be giving anyone any responsibilities (even though, knowing my mom, I'm sure she'll take on some sort of responsibility on her own lol)

Unless you're in a kindergarten experiencing a particularly widespread outbreak of couties, you don't need to separate sides based on gender.

You come across as very young in your posts. How old are you?

As for the MOH "responsibilities" I'm glad you came around. That is a common misconception. Sometimes I wish we stopped abbreviating MOH on this site, because so many brides forget that it stands for Maid/Matron of HONOR.

squiggle104

Dreamergirl8812 said:

squiggle104 said:

Maggie0829 said:

squiggle104 said:

Maggie0829 said:

squiggle104 said:

When did this come about that the MOH has no responsibilities? I thought it was the MOH to help with things last minute, help plan bridal shower, etc?

And @Maggie0829, he is standing on my Fi's side because he is both of our friends, and his gf is in our wedding too so she wouldn't be standing on my Fi's side.

No.  They have zero responsiblities aside from getting the designated attire.  If they want to help with things they can volunteer to do that, but no one should be assigning them anything.  Real life is not like the movies.

And really this has confused me even more.  So this man is both yours and your FI friend but who asked him to be in the wedding you or your FI?  If you asked "will you be in our wedding?" then he is your attendant not your FI.  And so what if his GF is in the wedding?  What bearing does that have on which side he stands?  Just because he has a penis doesn't mean that he automatically has to be on your FI side.

Okay, no matter how confused you are and how much you are going to argue with me on this, he is standing on my Fi's side...I want to keep it even with my girls on my side and the boys on the other side, both me and my Fi feel the same about his. He has been my friend for a long time, and he and my Fi have become good friends now too, and seems how I love his girlfriend and have been friends with her for longer than they have been together, I would like them to walk together and both be in my wedding, him being on the boy side, and her be on my side, with all the girls, and that's what we both want. This has nothing to do with the question I asked so I don't need any opinion on that part of it, I have that all figured out for myself, thank you.

I think what you are doing is crap, honestly.  And if you put something up on a forum expect to get opinions on everything you post.  So you don't want opinions on something then don't include that information.

ETA:  Correction, the reasoning why you are doing what you are doing is what I think is crap.

I really don't care if you think it is crap or not, it's not your wedding so you don't worry about it!!


Thank you to everyone else who has given me their advice on the actual question I needed help on! It is much appreciated and I think I am going to go with no MOH...I had never even thought of that before for some reason! lol And thanks for the correction on the MOH "responsibilities", I am new to this thing and I guess that's just the impression I was under, so I won't be giving anyone any responsibilities (even though, knowing my mom, I'm sure she'll take on some sort of responsibility on her own lol)

Unless you're in a kindergarten experiencing a particularly widespread outbreak of couties, you don't need to separate sides based on gender.

You come across as very young in your posts. How old are you?

As for the MOH "responsibilities" I'm glad you came around. That is a common misconception. Sometimes I wish we stopped abbreviating MOH on this site, because so many brides forget that it stands for Maid/Matron of HONOR.

Well I like the way it looks to have all the girls on one side, all the boys on the other, and then the two of us, looking different from everyone else in the middle. It probably has something to do with my OCD.
I am 27, but very new to the whole "planning a wedding" business...hence why we decided to have a long-ish engagement, I have until May of 2016 to plan my wedding.
I don't even really know where that misconception came from about the MOH, movies maybe?

mikenberger

If your wedding is in 2016, you shouldn't even be selecting your bridal party unless your wedding is January 2016. Bridal parties don't need to be notified for dress purchases etc until 9-12 months before the wedding. 

And yes. Movies, Hallmark, WE channel, The Knot, Lauren Conrad we can all thank for the misconceptions of MOH duties.

squiggle104

I'm not asking anyone right now to be in my bridal party, I'm just trying to start the process, I read you shouldn't actually ask anyone until a little less than a year before the wedding, and that is my plan. I want to have things set and prepared now for when I do ask everyone.

southernbelle0915

squiggle104 said:

I'm not asking anyone right now to be in my bridal party, I'm just trying to start the process, I read you shouldn't actually ask anyone until a little less than a year before the wedding, and that is my plan. I want to have things set and prepared now for when I do ask everyone.

Correct - around 10 months before the wedding date is about right. Who knows, by then maybe you will change your mind on people's roles. 

Since you're new to wedding planning, I think this is good link to help you get started. Kind of an FAQ that's not generated by Hollywood or the wedding industry:

http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/1042457/bridal-party-101-check-here-first#latest

Good luck!

squiggle104

Oh that's great, thank you very much!

And yeah, that's true, I may change my mind completely by then, who knows...Just trying to be a little ahead, that's all  : )

[Deleted User]

If your mom is your best friend in the world, why don't you ask her to be your MOH?  I mean, she may prefer to just be the Mother of the Bride and sit in the front row and cry, but she may want to stand next to you.  You can ask anyway.