Can I give my girls their bridesmaids gifts when I ask them to be BMs?

Knottie53295474

I'm having a small wedding party- Just three or four girls total. I want to mail out their gifts (which will be candy, personalized Tumblers, yoga pants, and Starbucks coffee) when I ask them to be bridesmaids. Two live out of state and one is young, 16 and special needs, and she LOVES mail. Anyways, can I do that? I know traditionally gifts are given at the rehearsal dinner. Also, I've been reading about how much you should spend on gifts. I'm up to about 50 dollars a girl, which I know is a little low, but their dresses are 50 dollars, so is that a good amount?

Thank you so much for your help!!

Ashley

southernbelle0915

Knottie53295474 said:

I'm having a small wedding party- Just three or four girls total. I want to mail out their gifts (which will be candy, personalized Tumblers, yoga pants, and Starbucks coffee) when I ask them to be bridesmaids. Two live out of state and one is young, 16 and special needs, and she LOVES mail. Anyways, can I do that? I know traditionally gifts are given at the rehearsal dinner. Also, I've been reading about how much you should spend on gifts. I'm up to about 50 dollars a girl, which I know is a little low, but their dresses are 50 dollars, so is that a good amount?

Thank you so much for your help!!

Ashley

If you want to send them gifts, go ahead. But usually the "BM gift" is something personal (read: not everyone gets the same thing) to thank them for standing up for you.

What if you just sent the special needs BM a letter or something small since she loves to get mail? Then as you get closer to the date, you can shop for each BM like it's her birthday. I think $50 is a fine budget. Whatever budget you can afford is what you should spend.

thisismynickname2

I think you have very good intentions. Something to be careful of--- gifts at the time of asking can be a little too high pressure. 

I think a letter or card in the mail to ask someone to be a bridesmaid is lovely. (Follow it up a couple weeks later with a phone call if you don't hear anything--- things get lost in the mail! And at home in mail piles!)  After everyone has accepted, you could certainly send a gift whenever, I would think. 

EDIT: One more thing in regards to budget. Whatever you can afford is perfect. Word of advice: quality over quantity. 

bananasplit472001

You can give them gifts when they are asked.  I however, would not as 2 of my bridesmaids were unable to be apart of my wedding (one was going to med school the other had financial and time constraints).  I would allow the possibility of one of the girls you ask may not want or be able to fulfill that guest of honor role, and just ask with a card or bottle of wine.  They may feel obligated if you shower them with gifts when they really cannot be apart of your bridal party

WhatawagSBNy

At least, save any gift giving until after they have checked for schedule conflicts, and definitely have said. (in private ) that they WILL do it.

Lots of possible bridesmaids decline, and the gifts become an embarrassing memory, making you both feel terrible.

Knottie53295474

All my girls have already agreed to be in the wedding, I just want to formally ask them. A text message asking if they will doesn't seem appropriate considering they're standing next to me at my wedding, I wanted to do something more especially since they've already agreed.

Jen4948

Knottie53295474 said:

All my girls have already agreed to be in the wedding, I just want to formally ask them. A text message asking if they will doesn't seem appropriate considering they're standing next to me at my wedding, I wanted to do something more especially since they've already agreed.

If they've already agreed, then "formally asking" them yet again is redundant and unnecessary. All that is necessary is asking each one in private when asking them the first, and what should be the only, time without making a big to-do out of it.

MairePoppy

Knottie53295474 said:

All my girls have already agreed to be in the wedding, I just want to formally ask them. A text message asking if they will doesn't seem appropriate considering they're standing next to me at my wedding, I wanted to do something more especially since they've already agreed.

It would have been nicer if you had called them to ask. But you texted and they responded. There's no need to ask again. I'm assuming you're pretty early in your planning, so I'll caution you not to try to make a production of every little step in planning. It'll get tiresome.

I would give the attendants gifts at the traditional time - the RD or while getting ready for the wedding. You should spend whatever you can afford to spend on the gifts and shop for them individually and thoughtfully - no wedding day accessories. There's no required amount of $$ you must spend - $50 is fine.

[Deleted User]

I would hold off on sending them. Reason being is that depending on how far off the wedding is, they may not realize that this is their BM gift and still look for a gift closer to your wedding since that is when bridal party gifts are traditional given. Also there is no set amount you need to spend on bridal party gifts, you should spend what is comfortable for your budget.

On a side note, I agree, it's fun to get stuff in the mail. What about just sending cards thanking them for saying yes and you are looking forward to them being a special part of your big day.

thisismynickname2

Erikan73 said:

I would hold off on sending them. Reason being is that depending on how far off the wedding is, they may not realize that this is their BM gift and still look for a gift closer to your wedding since that is when bridal party gifts are traditional given. Also there is no set amount you need to spend on bridal party gifts, you should spend what is comfortable for your budget.

On a side note, I agree, it's fun to get stuff in the mail. What about just sending cards thanking them for saying yes and you are looking forward to them being a special part of your big day.

------------------Boxes!

To the bolded:  Oooof.  That would be incredibly presumptuous of bridesmaids to be looking for more gifts. Heck, I don't even expect BM gifts at all when I am one. It's a pleasant surprise but I've never, ever thought they were required. (And yes, I gave mine nice gifts, but it goes along with the "no one should ever expect a gift for anything ever" mentality.)