2nd Reception Invites

KatieinBkln

Hey OP, the other posters have the right idea re: wording for invitations. I just wanted to pop in and mention that when I first got engaged, I thought about doing a post-wedding party where I live (the wedding is going to be where I'm originally from, making it a destination wedding for lots of my current friends). 

It seemed like such a good idea! Plenty of people had mentioned in passing how excited they were for my engagement, etc. etc., and I figured that meant they'd want to come to the wedding, too. And probably they do! They are my friends. But I also realized that many people might not be able to fly out, and would miss it. Logically, I thought: Well, if they miss it, why don't I just have an after-party back here?

But the thing is...why? People who can make it to the wedding will make it. Those who can't, can't. Those who are truly disappointed may ask to see my photos, in which case I can just bring over an album or share a Shutterfly password. I thought I was being super thoughtful by planning an after-party, but really there is a distinct possibility I was just over-inflating my own importance.

Your mileage may vary, of course--if you have tons of family in PA who have already told you they can't make it out West and you know they will be disappointed to miss it, then I don't see a problem in hosting them. But I guess my advice comes down to this: wait and see who RSVPs to the wedding. Then you can make the most informed decision (and work with the most realistic budget for both events!) about whether to have the second party.

tcnoble

PrettyGirlLost said:

So in the past week we have had at least 5 posts related to AHR or 2nd receptions. . . why is this a thing?

Why do couples feel the need to have OOT or destination weddings, realizing that the majority or a good chunk of their desired guestlist can't attend, then feel the need to have a local reception for everyone who missed out on the wedding?

I think people are overestimating how much other people care about their wedding.

Our wedding was OOT for the majority of DH's extended family, with many of them located in the south.  98% of them came.  We have no intention of traveling south and throwing a 2nd reception for his relatives who couldn't make it to our wedding.  It's just a part of life that not everyone can attend everything.

Rather than throwing these AHRs it makes more sense to me to personally visit those that you are really bummed missed your wedding and take your album with you to show them in person.

So much this. We are experiencing a lot of declines from OOT guests (which I expected) and now FILs are asking "Why won't we throw a reception for all those guests when are local to them this summer?" Ummm... no? If they wanted to attend badly enough, they'd be coming. If they want to attend but for whatever reason can't, then that's okay too. 

ETF spelling

PrettyGirlLost

BDCsarahbth said:

So in the past week we have had at least 5 posts related to AHR or 2nd receptions. . . why is this a thing?

Why do couples feel the need to have OOT or destination weddings, realizing that the majority or a good chunk of their desired guestlist can't attend, then feel the need to have a local reception for everyone who missed out on the wedding?

I think people are overestimating how much other people care about their wedding.

Our wedding was OOT for the majority of DH's extended family, with many of them located in the south.  98% of them came.  We have no intention of traveling south and throwing a 2nd reception for his relatives who couldn't make it to our wedding.  It's just a part of life that not everyone can attend everything.

Rather than throwing these AHRs it makes more sense to me to personally visit those that you are really bummed missed your wedding and take your album with you to show them in person.

This is a very old, well established custom from the days before frequent air travel, and is still very common in rural areas, and areas where currently or formerly people could not leave farms unattended to travel anywhere not local. Especially when weddings were most often near the brides' families, on one whole family and hometown friends would be consistently left out. Why dump on such a custom because it is not yours?

Oh, so expressing an opinion, even that opinion is that AHR are gratuitous and dumb, is "dumping" on a custom now?

I don't think so.

Why "dump" on my opinion because it isn't the same as your own?

lovegood90

scribe95 said:

I hate these unnecessary home events. I don't understand the need for them AT ALL. Having said that I think the argument over the word reception is a bit ridiculous. I choose to focus on the actual application of the event - not semantics over what to call it.

I won't speak for others, but I know I get picky with the semantics of it because I'm trying to drive home to them that this isn't a wedding event (ie no vows, bouquet toss, etc), as "reception" implies, if that makes sense?

mikenberger

lovegood90 said:

scribe95 said:

I hate these unnecessary home events. I don't understand the need for them AT ALL. Having said that I think the argument over the word reception is a bit ridiculous. I choose to focus on the actual application of the event - not semantics over what to call it.

I won't speak for others, but I know I get picky with the semantics of it because I'm trying to drive home to them that this isn't a wedding event (ie no vows, bouquet toss, etc), as "reception" implies, if that makes sense?

Yes. When I hear "Reception" I'm thinking food, cake, flowers, wedding dress, people dressed up. 

Not a party, which is what the OP is talking about having.

PrettyGirlLost

lovegood90 said:

scribe95 said:

I hate these unnecessary home events. I don't understand the need for them AT ALL. Having said that I think the argument over the word reception is a bit ridiculous. I choose to focus on the actual application of the event - not semantics over what to call it.

I won't speak for others, but I know I get picky with the semantics of it because I'm trying to drive home to them that this isn't a wedding event (ie no vows, bouquet toss, etc), as "reception" implies, if that makes sense?

This^

AddieCake

Ahhhh, the reception "tour." One of my least favorite things.

SP29

Meh, as long as I know what the party is for (that it is a celebration of your marriage, not a do-over), and I'm being properly hosted with food involved, I'll show up.

As for invites, since your wedding is happening first, invite everyone whom you'd like at your WEDDING to that event. People can choose to attend or not. The second event (the celebration of your marriage) should have separate invites for whomever you choose (whether you decide to invite only those who couldn't make it, or all that are local), as this is an entirely separate event. 

You *could* tell your guests who you don't think can attend your wedding that you will be having a celebration at home, but you should still invite these people to your wedding. Though I'd still come to your AHR, I would be kind of pissed about not being invited to your actual wedding because you made the decision for me that I was too far away to come. Or I would feel that I wasn't important enough to be invited your wedding, only good enough to ooh and ahhh later. 

huskypuppy14

I've been to two AHR, and they were more well hosted than some wedding receptions I've been to. I love a good party. If you host it properly, I don't care if you were married a few months before; as long as it's clear this is just a party, not a reenactment of your wedding.