Wedding Etiquette Forum

Sort of bizarre invitation question

In grad school, I was very close to a friend. We can call her Jane.

In the last year, Jane moved overseas to pursue a career/education. At the time that Jane left, she had been dating her boyfriend for many years. I had sent her a save-the-date around the time she was moving, because I figured it would be helpful for her to know when the wedding was in case she would be home during that time. I included a hand written note letting her know that of course her boyfriend, "Alex," can save the date, too, and that we hoped to be able to celebrate with them.

Jane and I have really only been able to communicate via FB since she left, and communication has been spotty at best due to equally crazy schedules. No big deal.

It's getting to be the time, however, for me to submit my list of names/addresses for the envelope calligraphy. I have no idea if Jane and Alex are still together. I have sent her some messages saying hello, and I asked if she would like me to send her invitation to her home address and if not, I would need her new international address because I don't have it. I was hoping to also set up a Skype date to catch up, and I could hopefully get the scoop on how things are with Alex, as well.

She has not replied in quite some time. I know she's traveling, too, so I'm sure that's part of it.  Her FB does not list any relationship status whatsoever. 

Should I have the invitation addressed to Jane and Alex? If they did break up, I would feel terrible if she received it and it made her sad. I just can't seem to get ahold of her! 

I suppose even if I did have the invitation addressed to the both of them, I could always hand write a new invitation if I find out later that things did go sour in their relationship, right? If she and Alex broke up, I would not be required to invite him despite my handwritten note, or would I? I have no relationship with Alex other than through Jane. 

Thanks for any help you can offer. I just want to do the right thing here.
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Re: Sort of bizarre invitation question

  • No, you would not have to invite Alex if they broke up.

     If you can't get a hold of her, you obviously still need to send the invitation where she will actually get it.  In that case, I would send her an email with all the details on the wedding and mention she can bring her boyfriend, and that you need her mailing address. 

    In the meantime, don't submit her info to the calligrapher, and just wait, and hand write it yourself when you (hopefully) get the information.
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  • @huskypuppy14 : Thanks! This is what I thought but I just wanted to be sure.
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