Wedding Etiquette Forum

Is it rude to ask guests to refrain from posting photos to social media?

I don't have a problem with guests taking their own photos at the wedding, but I'd really like to be the first to decide which pictures (if any) are blasted all over social media. I feel that as it's my fiance's and my event we should be able to have the "first rights" to posting these pictures, also, there may be acquaintances or friends of friends that weren't invited who then see them, and lastly, my fiance is a somewhat private person and is not comfortable with having his picture/s on Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, etc. Is there a polite way to ask them to refrain until the bride and groom at least have a chance to post some pics?

Re: Is it rude to ask guests to refrain from posting photos to social media?

  • I was actually wondering the same thing, I dont think the 'first rights' thing is okay but at least wait until the Monday after the wedding to post pictures....
  • mikenbergermikenberger In a f'n cornfield member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    edited February 2015
    I don't have a problem with guests taking their own photos at the wedding, but I'd really like to be the first to decide which pictures (if any) are blasted all over social media. I feel that as it's my fiance's and my event we should be able to have the "first rights" to posting these pictures, also, there may be acquaintances or friends of friends that weren't invited who then see them, and lastly, my fiance is a somewhat private person and is not comfortable with having his picture/s on Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, etc. Is there a polite way to ask them to refrain until the bride and groom at least have a chance to post some pics?
    If I were tagged in a photo PRIOR to the ceremony, I would be pissed. My FI would/could see it and that would ruin the entire surprise of the ceremony.

    But that's on your guests to not be total jerks. If he doesn't want his photo on Facebook, unless he's conveyed these feelings prior to the wedding so it's known (And they may be more sensitive to his feelings and be a little more judiscious in their posting), then no. You cannot tell your guests to not post pictures of your wedding. If he's tagged in a few photos, he can untag himself. Or change his Facebook settings to allow him to preview any photos that are tagged with him before it will tag him.

    Did you not sign a shared publishing right with your photographer? My photographer and I own 50-50 shared of the photos taken. So they can post them pretty much anywhere they want to. 

    ETA: for clarity

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  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I was actually wondering the same thing, I dont think the 'first rights' thing is okay but at least wait until the Monday after the wedding to post pictures....

    Why? What difference does that make? Genuine question.

    The only social media posting I'd get upset about is posting pictures of the B or G before the ceremony, in case they didn't do a first look or so there's that "big reveal." Most people have the good sense not to do this. However, it shouldn't be the end of the world in any case, and the people who would do this are also the people to ignore your request for a social media waiting period. You can't control it, so I wouldn't try. Unnecessary stress.

    rcher912
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I personally do not think there is any polite way to do this. You could set it up so that you have to approve all tags to FB first, but people are still going to be able to post whatever they want. 

    I did once see someone post a picture of the bride before she even walked down the aisle. I thought that was strange, and rude. And it looks like the picture disappeared shortly after. 

    But otherwise, I don't see what the big deal is. I don't think I even looked at Facebook until later the next day, and I thought it was awesome to see all the pictures people posted. Some of my friends got really great shots. 

  • MadHops21MadHops21 Buried in blankets member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer
    You can really only change your FB settings to prevent images being shared. If Cousin Liz from London wasn't invited, but she's not friends with any of your friends on FB, then she won't see the pictures. 

    If Cousin Liz is friends with your friends, she may see the pictures if untagged, but she should know not everyone can be invited to the wedding. If she has a problem with not being invited, then she will need to get over it. Not your problem if she has a problem, not everyone can be invited. 

    Other than FB settings, there's no way you can say "Please don't share photos on social media before I inspect them" without sounding like a total Bridezilla. If someone told me that, I'd probably go ahead and post to piss them off if they have the audacity to tell me what I can and cannot do with my personal photos and social media accounts. 
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  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    FWIW, I've never seen acquaintances' guests' day-after photos and thought anything negative. I'm not a stranger passing them around maliciously. I'm not looking for, like, underage drinking to report to the police. I'm not looking for pictures of the groom checking out a bridesmaid's butt.

    I get that some people are private and don't want photos shared, but there's just no way around it. All people see when they see an acquaintance's wedding photos is, "Aw, they look happy." Or, "Looks like a great party, how nice."

    I really don't think social media sharing is as big a deal as people make it out to be. Just lock down your privacy settings as best you can. 
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  • misshart00misshart00 Oklahoma member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer

    FWIW, I've never seen acquaintances' guests' day-after photos and thought anything negative. I'm not a stranger passing them around maliciously. I'm not looking for, like, underage drinking to report to the police. I'm not looking for pictures of the groom checking out a bridesmaid's butt.


    I get that some people are private and don't want photos shared, but there's just no way around it. All people see when they see an acquaintance's wedding photos is, "Aw, they look happy." Or, "Looks like a great party, how nice."

    I really don't think social media sharing is as big a deal as people make it out to be. Just lock down your privacy settings as best you can. 
    This. I don't see it as any different than grandma printing her photos from the wedding and showing them off when people come over. The only real difference is that it's faster and you actually know about it.
    rcher912PrettyGirlLost[Deleted User]
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    There really isn't any polite way either to make such a request or much you can do about it other than to adjust your settings so that no one can post on your page or tag you in the photos. But if they post photos on their own pages or don't tag you, you really can't demand that they take the photos diwn-especially if you're not in them.
  • edited February 2015
    Ditto-ing what PPs have said. Is there a particular reason why you don't want people to post them, or why you want "first rights"? If it is just because you and/or your FI are private people, then simply changing your privacy settings on social media or NOT having and using social media are the only ways to avoid tagging. If it is because you don't want cousin Joe to post a photo of you with a piece of spinach in your tooth, that is just silly. We are all human, people!

    People can and will take and post photos however they please, and there is nothing you can do about it. 

    If someone told me not to post photos on social media, I probably wouldn't, but I would also be extremely annoyed because it feels too controlling--like your wedding might contain some kind of high security government information. (If that IS the case, then disregard. Those are some seriously different circumstances.)

    ETA: spelling
    Amanderson1290rcher912
  • AlexisA01AlexisA01 Dubai, my royal playground. member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Question from a experience with a friend's nuptials. I have a friend who is not on social media and when her and wife got married the pictures were uploaded, names, info, etc all on Facebook for people to see. My friend has a very high security clearance and they check and require to make she doesn't have social media or is on it. Is it wrong to ask guests to not put the pictures online because of your job description? One comment from a mutual Friendd was "then why did they hire a photographer if they don't want it exposed?"

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  • KatieinBklnKatieinBkln (NO SLEEP TIL) Brooklyn! member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary
    AlexisA01 said:
    Question from a experience with a friend's nuptials. I have a friend who is not on social media and when her and wife got married the pictures were uploaded, names, info, etc all on Facebook for people to see. My friend has a very high security clearance and they check and require to make she doesn't have social media or is on it. Is it wrong to ask guests to not put the pictures online because of your job description? One comment from a mutual Friendd was "then why did they hire a photographer if they don't want it exposed?"
    I think this is an instance where the wife needs to personally ask her social media friends to remove the photos (assuming it's a matter of having them up at all, regardless of whether she's tagged--if untagged photos are allowed, then she can solve the problem with her own security settings). 

    I'm assuming reasonable people will react reasonably if their friend says "Hey, I love that photo of us, and I'm so sorry to have to do this, but my job won't allow me to have any photos of me on social media. Could you please take it down?" 

    I don't think there's a nice way to "announce" this fact ahead of time, although some discreet word-of-mouth mentions would probably be okay and do a lot of good.
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  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I think it you are well within your rights to ask people NOT to post pictures of YOU (and your kids) on social media.   

    I don't do that anyway. It's common courtesy.   Not sure how to announce that though.

    Asking people not to post pictures of themselves at your wedding is a different story though.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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  • marie2785marie2785 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited February 2015
    The only time I have ever seen this done politely was a very specific circumstance. My highschool aged sister took a photo of the bride (our SIL) getting her makeup done pre-wedding. My sister has a habit of announcing EVERYTHING on facebook. My SIL saw the pic get taken, and (very sweetly) asked my sister to not post the picture on facebook until after the ceremony because she didn't want my brother to see her before she was walking down the aisle. Little sis had to scramble since she insta-uploaded the pic onto facebook, as was her habit. She got a "talking to" from my mom shortly after, but my sister honestly had no idea that brides and grooms wait until an official "first look", or walking down the aisle to see each other on their wedding day. 

    My recommendation would be to make it so you have to approve all tags with your name in them and wall posts on facebook. You can't control social media, but you can at least make sure it doesn't take over your page until Monday. You can also decline to pose for photos taken with cell phones, but some guests may find that a little rude. 
    rcher912
  • princessleia22princessleia22 Oceanfront Property in Arizona member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer

    There really isn't a polite way to request this. Like others have said, change your settings so you need to approve all tags. 

    The way I see it is that it may be your wedding, but it's an event in your guests lives too.  They may be excited to show themselves all dressed up and partying.  You may be hosting the event, but it's their event too. DH and I rarely get dressed up, so we do enjoy taking photos on those rare occasions that we do. 

    If you are worried about too many photos, invite less people. You may be able to request people not take photos or use their own flash photography (this may be legitimate, especially of ceremony, as flash can interfere with the pro photos you are paying for), but some people may think it's a rude request and some may ignore the request.

    My personal theory is to not use flash photography at an event (it's just annoying to other guests anyway).  And I will not post photos of the wedding on social media until after bride and groom do, whether that takes an hour or a week or never.  I may post photos of myself or DH, but not of bride/groom or other typical wedding photos. I figure they should have the opportunity to "announce" their wedding on social media themselves, instead of me getting on their page and posting "they got married" photos. But, I don't think that is a common idea... I know my sister had people posting her wedding photos to Facebook almost immediately.  

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  • rcher912rcher912 Philadelphia member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    lyndausvi said:
    I think it you are well within your rights to ask people NOT to post pictures of YOU (and your kids) on social media.   

    I don't do that anyway. It's common courtesy.   Not sure how to announce that though.

    Asking people not to post pictures of themselves at your wedding is a different story though.
    I remember another thread where people were talking about this, and this was the general consensus. I feel like this would be more of a word of mouth thing, I guess?

    I DO think there's a difference between posting pics of you vs of the B&G. Of course you can take pictures of yourself all dressed up for a nice party! It's your dress, your image, your camera - of course. 

    But it's also your right to not have tons of pictures of you floating around the internet. Untag, untag, untag. That's your best bet after the fact, without a major explanation (like a work requirement or something)
  • lyndausvi said:
    I think it you are well within your rights to ask people NOT to post pictures of YOU (and your kids) on social media.   

    I don't do that anyway. It's common courtesy.   Not sure how to announce that though.

    Asking people not to post pictures of themselves at your wedding is a different story though.
    I agree with this. I think it's fair that someone doesn't want themself all over social media, but I don't know how you'd go about saying this- word of mouth I guess.

    We had a guest post a ceremony picture later in the evening, didn't bother me, and neither DH or I were on our phones all day anyway, so it wasn't seen until late evening the next day. But I can understand how others like to be selective with photos. 

    Just *please* don't make up a cutesy sign about "being present". Adults will take photos if they want on their own devices- and I would expect adults to act like such (don't stand in the aisle, don't sit on your phone texting, etc)- thus I find it a bit offensive for someone to essentially say, "You're not really HERE with us if you're taking a photo" (uh, that's why I'm taking a photo, because I'm here, experiencing this moment with you and I like the moment). Anyway, end of rant there... ;)

    I say pass it along via word of mouth. 
  • kaitlynmichellekaitlynmichelle British Columbia member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Name Dropper
    Change your privacy settings so that you have to approve anything you are tagged in.  You can't stop anyone from posting photos, but they won't appear on your profile that way.

    My mom posted a picture of me the morning after the wedding.  I was delighted to check my phone the next day and see so many comments from friends and family on it.  Pictures got posted by our guests over the next month.  I was really excited to see people uploading pictures since it took almost 7 weeks to get my professional photos back.

    Don't ask your guests to wait until a specific time or date to post their photos.  Unless they post a picture of you before you walk down the aisle.  You can absolutely untag yourself from any photos if you don't want them on there, but really you can't control other people.  
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