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That's not how this works. That's not how any of this works.

edited February 2015 in Chit Chat
Holy shit this was longer that I meant it to be. TL;DR: GMs may or may not have their tuxes for the wedding due to them being all over the place and not arriving in time.

This whole wedding planning process, I feel like I've had to 'school' FI on how things go. I mean as far as logistics and etiquette. He was all about some cash bars and registering for a honey moon and getting guests to move their chairs from the ceremony location to the reception until I gave him a big fat negative, and explained why none of that would be happening.

And I'm still having to fight these battles. I've come a LONNNG way from the me-10-months-ago when I had this picture perfect wedding in my head and wasn't really interested in FI's ideas, but some things I can't give in on, like the things I mentioned above. 

However, I have one giant hill that I am now refusing to die on, and he can handle it when/if it does not work out. 

We ordered tuxes through Men's Wearhouse because they're everywhere and we have groomsmen everywhere. 2 of the groomsmen have a MW in their city, the other 4 plus the ring bearer (one of the GM's son) have to travel about an hour to another city where the closest MW is located. We had 2 options, have all the tuxes sent to our location so they would be ready and waiting for the GMs when they arrive, or have the tuxes sent to the GM's preferred location and they bring them with them to the wedding. I was totally cool with either. We(FI and 2 of his GMs) decided to have the tuxes sent to our location so we could easily return them all on Sunday. Now here's the issue.

MW makes you pick up your tux 2 days in advance in case there are any issues. Makes total sense to me. But unfortunately most of the GMs will be arriving Friday afternoon/evening before the rehearsal. I'm being optimistic in hoping they can pick up their tuxes before the rehearsal starts. This means even if MW lets us pick them up that late, there is NO time to fix anything. 

I said to FI last night that I felt like it would be best for all the GMs to pick up their tuxes in their preferred location that way if there is a problem, it can be fixed and the correct item can be sent to our store. FI said no because that would require the 4 groomsmen who have to travel the hour to take off early Thursday night to pick up their tux. I said umm no... because it's only an hour away and MW stays open until like 8pm. GM gave me a giant annoyed look and went back to cooking and I dropped it.

So guess what! The tuxes are being sent to our store, the groomsmen will pick them up whenever they arrive and hope for the best. If something is wrong, FI can handle it. I'm done worrying about it. I never HAD to have everyone match to begin with. I was cool with everyone picking out their own thing, but nope. FI wanted tuxes from MW. So he can handle it. I will just keep on sipping my wine that Friday while they run around trying to sort things out.


But for reals, am I being a bridezilla? 

ETA: TL;DR
Anniversary



Re: That's not how this works. That's not how any of this works.

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    Our MW said as long as the tuxes were picked up well before they closed Friday, that they could overnight things for pick up Saturday morning if there was an issue. So unless your wedding is first thing Saturday, you don't have much to worry about.

    Honestly, I would let this go. It is not worth worrying over. Assume MW will do their job correctly the first time and that there won't be any problems.
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    edited February 2015
    Our MW said as long as the tuxes were picked up well before they closed Friday, that they could overnight things for pick up Saturday morning if there was an issue. So unless your wedding is first thing Saturday, you don't have much to worry about. Honestly, I would let this go. It is not worth worrying over. Assume MW will do their job correctly the first time and that there won't be any problems.
    This is what I'm going for. The wedding is Saturday evening and FI doesn't have to do all the stuff all the girls are gonna be doing like hair and makeup and stuff. I'm hoping that everything is fine the first time, and if not they have time to sort it out.
    Anniversary



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    Meh.    I was BM who was living in the islands at the time. I was the only OOT BM. The dresses were ordered from a Macy's in Cherry Hill, NJ.  They do not ship to the islands.  Even if they did, shipping to the islands can be a nightmare.  As in sometimes months to get something.  Then I would have to find someone who alters (not an easy task). Then I would have had to get the dress back up to the wedding in Philly.

    So I just arranged with Macy's to leave the dress there.  I showed up late Tuesday for the Friday wedding.  Fitting was done on Wednesday.  Picked up the dress on Thursday.    

    Was it ideal?  No.  Did it work out?  Yes.

    Unless the sizing was really off it's not going to be a big deal.  The waist of a tux pants are normally are adjustable.  The jacket might be a little long in the sleeves or the pant legs a little long.   But in the grand scheme it will not be a big deal.

    If I was OOT I would want to picked them up local to the wedding also.   Traveling with a Tux sucks.   On the way out you have to make sure it doesn't wrinkle.  If you are flying that could be difference between carry-on or paying for check luggage.    Normally you have to have them back by Monday.    That means your travel plans must allow you get back on time on Monday to drop off the tux.   One late plane or an accident on the road and you are screwed.  

    Honestly, I wouldn't lose sleep over this.









    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    I'm sure everything will be fine. Even if the tuxes aren't perfect, they are groomsmen, not the groom. No one will really care about the fit of rental tuxes. 
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    Our MW said as long as the tuxes were picked up well before they closed Friday, that they could overnight things for pick up Saturday morning if there was an issue. So unless your wedding is first thing Saturday, you don't have much to worry about. Honestly, I would let this go. It is not worth worrying over. Assume MW will do their job correctly the first time and that there won't be any problems.
    This is what I'm going for. The wedding is Saturday evening and FI doesn't have to do all the stuff all the girls are gonna be doing like hair and makeup and stuff. I'm hoping that everything is fine the first time, and if not they have time to sort it out.
    And what is worrying about it now going to help? A whole lotta nothing. They're FI's dudes to dress. He's not worrying about your girls :) Let it go!

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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited February 2015
    I think the majority of H's GM picked up their tuxes from MW the Friday before the wedding and we didn't have any issues.  I actually never even gave any thought that there would be any issues because I feel like a company who rents tuxes all.the.time has their shit together.  I mean the most they may mess up is not having a pair of socks in the bag (happened to my H once) so I guess just make sure that all the guys have an extra pair of black socks on them just in case.

    ETA:  I guess this makes me sound naive, but my feeling is if all the tuxes were completely fucked then the guys have all Saturday morning to run to a department store to get what they need if the worst were to happen.

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    Yeah, I'm voting bridezilla. I honestly don't see a problem. You got what you wanted, there's time for them to pick them up before the wedding, and nod you want to change everything and make it more inconvenient and complicated on the off chance that Men's Warehouse can't handle a simple tux order?

    Nope. Deep breaths, wine, and move on.
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    Former MW employee here. Granted, this was years ago and I'm not claiming to represent the company now, but I did tux pickups ALL the time. The pickups take 15-30 minutes - someone grabs it for him, puts the guy in a fitting room to try on, they'll give him a once-over, scan it out and send him on his way. 

    We were always able to get things overnight if something was wrong. We had grooms and groomsmen coming in the morning of the wedding to pick things up. Don't stress about it - it's a rented tux so it's not going to be perfect anyway, but the number of times we needed to get things overnight was pretty low and I worked in one of the highest retail volume stores in the company. They will be fine!
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    I agree with your plan to let it go and let them handle it.

    Formerly martha1818

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    H couldn't pick up his tux before a wedding once so someone grabbed it the night before for him and he tried it on hours before the wedding. Thank goodness it fit but H wasn't going to take a half day to travel to the store location to get it 2 days in advanced. 
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    Anniversary
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    Our MW said as long as the tuxes were picked up well before they closed Friday, that they could overnight things for pick up Saturday morning if there was an issue. So unless your wedding is first thing Saturday, you don't have much to worry about. Honestly, I would let this go. It is not worth worrying over. Assume MW will do their job correctly the first time and that there won't be any problems.
    This is what I'm going for. The wedding is Saturday evening and FI doesn't have to do all the stuff all the girls are gonna be doing like hair and makeup and stuff. I'm hoping that everything is fine the first time, and if not they have time to sort it out.
    And what is worrying about it now going to help? A whole lotta nothing. They're FI's dudes to dress. He's not worrying about your girls :) Let it go!

    This.  X1000.  I was starting to get anxious about FI finding a suit for our wedding.  He is the world's biggest procrastinator, and after mentioning it to him 3x and him brushing it off,  I just don't care anymore.  This is his worry, not mine, and I just let it go.  I'm sure he will work it out, it will probably be just very last minute.  And I really don't care as long as it gets done.  Let it go girl!  It will be fine!
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    Can't you/your FI pick it up for them if there's an issue with them getting there on time? 

    I agree asking them to take 2.5 hours out of their Thursday (that's an hour EACH WAY, plus the time at the store) is asking too much. We ordered my girls' BM dresses from a shop 45 minutes from my house and 45-90 minutes from most of the bridesmaids (and 3 states away for another) and I picked up 3 of the 5 of them. 

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    You guys are right, and I'm not stressing about it. I think I got a little excited when talking with a coworker who's engaged and she's really micromanaging everything in her wedding. Not that I have any interested in that AT ALL, I think just some of her anxiety rubbed off on me. Is it too much to ask that the guys head here around lunchtime on that Friday so they have time to get here (the drive is about 3.5 hours here from them) and pick up the tuxes before the rehearsal? Either that or FI could pick them up and let them try them on. Do they label which tux is for which guy so we could make sure the right guy gets it if we pick them up?

    Sorry for all the questions. This is my first rodeo.
    Anniversary



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    You guys are right, and I'm not stressing about it. I think I got a little excited when talking with a coworker who's engaged and she's really micromanaging everything in her wedding. Not that I have any interested in that AT ALL, I think just some of her anxiety rubbed off on me. Is it too much to ask that the guys head here around lunchtime on that Friday so they have time to get here (the drive is about 3.5 hours here from them) and pick up the tuxes before the rehearsal? Either that or FI could pick them up and let them try them on. Do they label which tux is for which guy so we could make sure the right guy gets it if we pick them up?

    Sorry for all the questions. This is my first rodeo.
    I would let them pick it up themselves, so if there's an issue, it can be resolved right then and there. Not hours after the fact. And if they don't get their tuxes or their tuxes can't be fixed and they can't be worn/they don't want to wear it, oh well! In the grand scheme of things, not something to fill your head with. 

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    Take a deep breath and a big drink of wine and let it go. You don't need to worry about this. 
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    eyeroll
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    melbensomelbenso member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited February 2015
    We ordered tuxes from MW.  Some of our wedding party picked them up in their city and some had them sent to the store by us.  We had no problems with any of them.  As long as the wedding party gets remeasured if there are any big weight changes, etc (I think has to be done 1 month before the wedding), there shouldn't be any problems.  DH got remeasured a few weeks before the wedding just in case.

    I'm sure everything will be fine.

    ETA - we returned all of the tuxes to the store by us the next day, including the ones that were picked up out of town.  The MW is 2 blocks from our house and we had to take DH's back anyway, so we just took them all and stopped on our way home from the hotel.
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    Yeah, it's too much to ask to tell them when to leave home. They are grown men. Tell them they need to get their tuxes before the wedding, what times the store is open, and be done with it.
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    Yeah, it's too much to ask to tell them when to leave home. They are grown men. Tell them they need to get their tuxes before the wedding, what times the store is open, and be done with it.
    Thank you :) 
    This stress is stemming from me wanting to handle everything myself when I need to stop and let FI handle it, as in telling them the information they need to have. I will make myself take a breather and let this stuff go.
    Anniversary



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    edited February 2015
    I get where you're coming from. I'm the type who would always do all the work for group projects in school because I wanted it done "right." But this is not a group project. Bubble things down to their most base component - this would be micromanaging a grown adult picking up an outfit he has paid for. This isn't making sure the flowers get there on time, or paying the DJ, or any of the other tasks that are your responsibility. They are capable of getting their attire on time. If they're not, they can take a seat in a pew. It will not affect your marriage or your guests. 

    These guys have managed to function this far in life without your help. They'll be just fine.

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    Yep, you're making a big deal out of nothing. Your fi figured out the solution that will make sense for his gm. They can be measured by their local MW or any tailor and send those to your MW. Rental tuxedo vests are adjustable, I think the pant waists are, too. Worst case scenario- someone's pants or sleeves are too long because they measured themselves. Never heard of a gm needing last minute adjustments, though.

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    I get where you're coming from. I'm the type who would always do all the work for group projects in school because I wanted it done "right." But this is not a group project. Bubble things down to their most base component - this would be micromanaging a grown adult picking up an outfit he has paid for. This isn't making sure the flowers get there on time, or paying the DJ, or any of the other tasks that are your responsibility. They are capable of getting their attire on time. If they're not, they can take a seat in a pew. It will not affect your marriage or your guests. 

    These guys have managed to function this far in life without your help. They'll be just fine.
    I think I really needed to hear this. I think I need to hear this daily about numerous things lol
    Anniversary



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    Holy shit this was longer that I meant it to be. TL;DR: GMs may or may not have their tuxes for the wedding due to them being all over the place and not arriving in time.

    This whole wedding planning process, I feel like I've had to 'school' FI on how things go. I mean as far as logistics and etiquette. He was all about some cash bars and registering for a honey moon and getting guests to move their chairs from the ceremony location to the reception until I gave him a big fat negative, and explained why none of that would be happening.

    And I'm still having to fight these battles. I've come a LONNNG way from the me-10-months-ago when I had this picture perfect wedding in my head and wasn't really interested in FI's ideas, but some things I can't give in on, like the things I mentioned above. 

    However, I have one giant hill that I am now refusing to die on, and he can handle it when/if it does not work out. 

    We ordered tuxes through Men's Wearhouse because they're everywhere and we have groomsmen everywhere. 2 of the groomsmen have a MW in their city, the other 4 plus the ring bearer (one of the GM's son) have to travel about an hour to another city where the closest MW is located. We had 2 options, have all the tuxes sent to our location so they would be ready and waiting for the GMs when they arrive, or have the tuxes sent to the GM's preferred location and they bring them with them to the wedding. I was totally cool with either. We(FI and 2 of his GMs) decided to have the tuxes sent to our location so we could easily return them all on Sunday. Now here's the issue.

    MW makes you pick up your tux 2 days in advance in case there are any issues. Makes total sense to me. But unfortunately most of the GMs will be arriving Friday afternoon/evening before the rehearsal. I'm being optimistic in hoping they can pick up their tuxes before the rehearsal starts. This means even if MW lets us pick them up that late, there is NO time to fix anything. 

    I said to FI last night that I felt like it would be best for all the GMs to pick up their tuxes in their preferred location that way if there is a problem, it can be fixed and the correct item can be sent to our store. FI said no because that would require the 4 groomsmen who have to travel the hour to take off early Thursday night to pick up their tux. I said umm no... because it's only an hour away and MW stays open until like 8pm. GM gave me a giant annoyed look and went back to cooking and I dropped it.

    So guess what! The tuxes are being sent to our store, the groomsmen will pick them up whenever they arrive and hope for the best. If something is wrong, FI can handle it. I'm done worrying about it. I never HAD to have everyone match to begin with. I was cool with everyone picking out their own thing, but nope. FI wanted tuxes from MW. So he can handle it. I will just keep on sipping my wine that Friday while they run around trying to sort things out.


    But for reals, am I being a bridezilla? 

    ETA: TL;DR
    We ordered tuxes from MW as well. Most of the groomsman had the tuxes sent to the one closest to us, except my Dad and one of the groomsman. One groomsman didn't even get his tux from MW, he just wore his own black tux. You know how much I had to do with this, none.

    It's not your place to micromanage the groomsman. I didn't even micromanage my bridesmaids. The only thing I did was give my dad the tux info, and he was the first one to order it. I gave no fucks what store the groomsman picked it up from, just like I didn't care what store my bridesmaids got their dress from

    . We had a couple tuxes picked up by other people, and it was no problem at all. The only person that needed alterations was my FIL, and they hemmed his pants right there on the spot. 

    You can also return them all to the same store, no matter where they were picked up. My BIL brought all the tuxes back to MW the next day. 

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