Guest bringing someone other than the person we invited?

SpringBride216

We just started getting our response cards back. On each response card, we indicated the # of people the invitation was for (for example, ___ of 2 attending). We invited my FI's cousin and her husband explicitly on the envelopes (invite was addressed to Mr. & Mrs. FI's Cousin), yet when we got their response card back, they'd written in that FI's cousin was coming and bringing her teenage daughter, instead of her husband. 

We're fine with her bringing their daughter (our wedding is at a winery, so it's not really a kid-friendly venue, but I suppose a teenager will be fine!). However, should we call and offer an additional seat for her husband, in case they felt constrained by the two seats they were given on the response card? Though we're trying to keep the wedding relatively intimate, we have the space for her husband, if he'd like to come. 

Anyone been in this situation before? What do you think we should do? 

JCbride2015

SpringBride216 said:

We just started getting our response cards back. On each response card, we indicated the # of people the invitation was for (for example, ___ of 2 attending). We invited my FI's cousin and her husband explicitly on the envelopes (invite was addressed to Mr. & Mrs. FI's Cousin), yet when we got their response card back, they'd written in that FI's cousin was coming and bringing her teenage daughter, instead of her husband. 

We're fine with her bringing their daughter (our wedding is at a winery, so it's not really a kid-friendly venue, but I suppose a teenager will be fine!). However, should we call and offer an additional seat for her husband, in case they felt constrained by the two seats they were given on the response card? Though we're trying to keep the wedding relatively intimate, we have the space for her husband, if he'd like to come. 

Anyone been in this situation before? What do you think we should do? 

It would be very kind to call and offer them a third seat.  But why wasn't the teenager invited before? Do you have a no-kids policy and would this create awkwardness with other guests or cousins' kids who weren't invited?

You'd also be totally fine to just call and say, "I'm sorry for any misunderstanding.  The invitation was for you and Mr. Cousin.  Would Mr. Cousin like to attend?"

You could also just let this go.  But you're sweet to consider offering them another seat.

lyndausvi

I would let it go.   Dad/Husband might not want to come or has other commitments. 

manateehugger

I'd let it go. It's not like they are adding on to your budget. Besides, it's still a family member, and I'm guessing he wants company.

And I've been going to wineries since I was a toddler.

SpringBride216

Thanks for the feedback, everyone! We'll probably just let this go. His cousin's daughter is in her mid-to-late teens, which is old enough that she won't necessary seem like a kid, so I don't think we'll run into any problems there. 

We don't have a strict no kids policy (my FI has two younger siblings of elementary school age that will be at the wedding - long story). However, it's a destination wedding and wine country isn't a super kid-friendly destination, so most of our invitees with kids said they'd be leaving them at home anyway due to costs and wanting to get away without with them for a weekend. We are also trying to keep the wedding relatively intimate, and inviting all of our cousin's children would add roughly 20-30 people to the guest list. 

jacques27

Mid-to-late teens (assuming the kid is trustworthy) is certainly old enough for a weekend home alone.  I know my mother went to visit family out of town for the weekend and would leave me home (I had a car and weekend job).  So, it seems unlikely that they felt constrained by only the two seats and had to pick and choose.  It's far more likely that the husband had to work or had another commitment for that weekend (or just plain wanted to beg out of it).

novella1186

I agree to just let this go. Maybe the husband can't make it, so the mom thought this would be a fun mother-daughter mini vacation? (That would be my mom's thought process if she brought my sister or me instead of my dad). Or maybe she just didn't want to go alone so she thought her daughter would be good company. Who knows. But don't worry about it  

thisismynickname2

I agree to let it go.

However, I think technically the cousin was rude for not clearing the swap with you first. A simple, "Hey, my husband can't come, but can I bring my daughter?" would have sufficed. Considering bringing "kids" can get people pretty worked up, it would have been polite of her to check and not just assume.

But that's a guest issue, not a hosting issue, and it sounds like there's no problem in this case with the swap.  

beachyone15

Agree with PPs, just let it go.

My dad is not really big on weddings so he never wants to go. I attended one with my mom once (after we cleared it with the hosts) because she didn't want to go alone.

southernbelle0915

I wouldn't for two reasons:

1) They obviously figured this out on their end; and

2) I get pissed at people who thing invitations are transferable (THEY'RE NOT) and I would not try to further accommodate their rudeness.